Sex Is Dumb. Go On The Roller Coaster

If I must

Mind drawing I did today

writing and transness my two favorite worldly desires.

I don’t know why I always gravitate back to writing about being trans. On one hand it is quite the unique and different experience and I would add it’s fair to say it’s pretty all encompassing in my life whether I like it or not but it’s not like I don’t have anything else in my life to write about. I could write about my weird need to be independent or how differently I act by myself versus with even my closest companions. I do try to write about those things but then I get distracted and before I know it a week has passed but something weird happens when I write about being part of this strange little group. I’m able to let the words just flow out and almost nothing could distract me from finishing. If I had to guess why this happens I would presume it’s because of how inescapable it has felt in this point of life. I’ve barely just completely grasped my transness about a year ago (though I've been questioning since 10) and I’ve only really toyed with my name which didn’t take long considering I’ve always been weirdly drawn to the name Katherine. Recently for the first time I've had good enough friends I can tell and they’ve been wildly helpful yet still I feel as if I haven’t had enough initiative in a year of fully accepting myself. For make-up I’ve tried lip-stick once when my family were somewhere for a few days and I’ve been doing my nails more frequently but that's about it. I shave my face almost everyday to keep it at bay, but I don’t really have the tools for shaving anywhere else. And for clothes I have done zilch. It’s not like I haven’t done these things out of lack of effort, it's just hard to do them when in a packed house, when in constant fear, and having a lack of expendable income in a slew of more important expenses. With all this writing is my way to express these feelings I can’t in daily life. I’ve never been adequate at drawing and while I have been doodling more, I don’t think I care to really put a ton of work into it. So with the physical medium out of the way that leaves words. I’ve always been very creative with a lot of thoughts yet I’ve never had a great way to express it. I always thought I hated writing. Always forced to write a long drawl of something I truly feel passionless for. The odd free writes were always fun but the piles of essays and grammar mistakes were always there to make sure I always hated writing. Thank the stars, that recently for the first time I had a teacher who made me realize the joy that can come from writing when you care. Sadly that was last year's teacher but the essays don’t feel as grueling to get through and when we’re doing a paragraph on occasion they feel fun. Now with both these discoveries of late, both from last year interesting enough, I have been going through a bit of a change in how i am. For the first time in my life there is a very clear goal to why I should keep going to get out of this house. 1) so I can be who I want to be 2) so I can write. I've promised myself at the very least I’ll try to get myself there. No matter the obstacle no matter the strife I have to try because in the end memento mori.

I used to be a powerlifter

(please reblog this version, as it is finished!)

I did not know I needed Chonny and Heathers

*throws this* HEATHERS AU LMAO Really just for an excuse to draw to draw them in outfits that realistically none of them aside from Stratos would WEAR LOL

Also a ghost Stratos in Chandlers bathrobe lmao. @socialc1imb is the main proprietor to this by HER THREATENING TO GHOSTIFY SOUL ANYWAY LMAO

I've been re-listening to "not perfect," and it's literally so good. I don't know how to properly express it. Like this song feels so deeply personal yet relatable. I might have a new favorite Chonny song after remembering this absolute gem

Update, he made a blog. He's fallen in too deep now. No going back @darrelnumber1fanboy

I got one of my friends to match with me in Discord. Him as mind and me as heart, and I've never been happier

Some of my favorite worldly desires, Chonny Jash and blåhaj

Uhh Mind with blåhaj,,,

blåhaj ,, <3

aand a little random doodle bonus :

they’re having a very fancy dinner tea party

Jashtober Day 1 (ignore the day I actually posted this 😭)

What does it mean to be one? I have asked myself this question more times than I should have, in this not particularly long life. Does being singular require to have no internal inconsistencies or personality changes? Alternatively, is the definition less strict than that? Perhaps, all it takes to be a single individual is a foundational glue holding the zealots and heretics within one’s head from collapse. They continue to pull the strings at my edges as a struggle to hold on. Is this it? Will I be split once more? To be forced through another tour of my mind. To be forced to amuse these deviants. I am me! I am me. I am me….. Am I me?

@piereoglyphics hmm OK! Just this once, I'll give advantage for being Mind coded

Oooh close one! With advantage that's a 19 - that almost went a lot worse....

This is a fucking nightmare

They're right there