Captains James Clark Ross and Francis R. M. Crozier, just back from Antarctica, posing for a portrait.
(I am still falling down the firehole, can't seem to reach the sea. It's embarassing.
The two captains are now living rent free in my brain. Just what I needed. But they are quite fun to paintđ. )
This is just a rough sketch but I am quite happy about how it's turning out. I may have spent way too much time blending portraits, photographs and statues into cohesive faces, but it was worth it.
This patient isnât usually mine, but today Iâm covering for my partner in our family-practice office, so he has been slipped into my schedule.
Reading his chart, I have an ominous feeling that this visit wonât be simple.
A tall, lanky man with an air of quiet dignity, he is 88. His legs are swollen, and merely talking makes him short of breath.
He suffers from both congestive heart failure and renal failure. Itâs a medical Catch-22: When one condition is treated and gets better, the other condition gets worse. His past year has been an endless cycle of medication adjustments carried out by dueling specialists and punctuated by emergency-room visits and hospitalizations.
Hemodialysis would break the medical stalemate, but my patient flatly refuses it. Given his frail health, and the discomfort and inconvenience involved, I canât blame him.
Now his cardiologist has referred him back to us, his primary-care providers. Why send him here and not to the ER? I wonder fleetingly.
With us is his daughter, who has driven from Philadelphia, an hour away. She seems dutiful but wary, awaiting the clinical wisdom of yet another doctor.
After 30 years of practice, I know that I canât possibly solve this manâs medical conundrum.
A cardiologist and a nephrologist havenât been able to help him, I reflect,so how can I? Iâm a family doctor, not a magician. I can send him back to the ER, and theyâll admit him to the hospital. But that will just continue the cycle⌠.
Still, my first instinct is to do something to improve the functioning of his heart and kidneys. I start mulling over the possibilities, knowing all the while that itâs useless to try.
Then I remember a visiting palliative-care physicianâs words about caring for the fragile elderly: âWe forget to ask patients what they want from their care. What are their goals?â
I pause, then look this frail, dignified man in the eye.
âWhat are your goals for your care?â I ask. âHow can I help you?â
The patientâs desire
My intuition tells me that he, like many patients in their 80s, harbors a fund of hard-won wisdom.
He wonât ask me to fix his kidneys or his heart, I think. Heâll say something noble and poignant: âIâd like to see my great-granddaughter get married next spring,â or âHelp me to live long enough so that my wife and I can celebrate our 60th wedding anniversary.â
His daughter, looking tense, also faces her father and waits.
âI would like to be able to walk without falling,â he says. âFalling is horrible.â
This catches me off guard.
Thatâs all?
But it makes perfect sense. With challenging medical conditions commanding his caregiversâ attention, something as simple as walking is easily overlooked.
A wonderful geriatric nurse practitionerâs words come to mind: âOur goal for younger people is to help them live long and healthy lives; our goal for older patients should be to maximize their function.â
Suddenly I feel that I may be able to help, after all.
âWe can order physical therapy â and thereâs no need to admit you to the hospital for that,â I suggest, unsure of how this will go over.
He smiles. His daughter sighs with relief.
âHe really wants to stay at home,â she says matter-of-factly.
As new as our doctor-patient relationship is, I feel emboldened to tackle the big, unspoken question looming over us.
âI know that youâve decided against dialysis, and I can understand your decision,â I say. âAnd with your heart failure getting worse, your health is unlikely to improve.â
He nods.
âWe have services designed to help keep you comfortable for whatever time you have left,â I venture. âAnd you could stay at home.â
Again, his daughter looks relieved. And he seems ⌠well ⌠surprisingly fine with the plan.
I call our hospice service, arranging for a nurse to visit him later today to set up physical therapy and to begin plans to help him to stay comfortable â at home.
Back home
Although I never see him again, over the next few months I sign the order forms faxed by his hospice nurses. I speak once with his granddaughter. Itâs somewhat hard on his wife to have him die at home, she says, but heâs adamant that he wants to stay there.
A faxed request for sublingual morphine (used in the terminal stages of dying) prompts me to call to check up on him.
The nurse confirms that he is near death.
I feel a twinge of misgiving: Is his family happy with the process that I set in place? Does our one brief encounter qualify me to be his primary-care provider? Should I visit them all at home?
Two days later, and two months after we first met, I fill out his death certificate.
Looking back, I reflect: He didnât go back to the hospital, he had no more falls, and he died at home, which is what he wanted. But I wonder if his wife felt the same.
Several months later, a new name appears on my patient schedule: Itâs his wife.
âMy family all thought I should see you,â she explains.
She, too, is in her late 80s and frail, but independent and mentally sharp. Yes, she is grieving the loss of her husband, and sheâs lost some weight. No, she isnât depressed. Her husband died peacefully at home, and it felt like the right thing for everyone.
âHe liked you,â she says.
Sheâs suffering from fatigue and anemia. About a year ago, a hematologist diagnosed her with myelodysplasia (a bone marrow failure, often terminal). But six months back, she stopped going for medical care.
I ask why.
âThey were just doing more and more tests,â she says. âAnd I wasnât getting any better.â
Now I know what to do. I look her in the eye and ask:
âWhat are your goals for your care, and how can I help you?â
-Mitch Kaminski
Source
Fly or die (the Last Greenseer)
I was reading A Song of Ice and Fire (again) and I felt like painting Bran's "fly or die" dream. The problem is that my brain is broken and I ended up thinking about the Three Eyed Crow and how he probably may have learned greensight the same way from his predecessor... so here is Brynden Rivers being taught the fine art the greenseer by almost being impaled on oniric spikes.
(In my headcanon this happened while he was recovering from the Redgrass Field)
The Dreamer in Alagadda.
This sketch is still far from finished but i love it and I can't wait to paint it.
I hate having to sketch with so much detail but 3 point perspective is a b***h.
I remembered reading the webtoon during quarantine and I stumbled on this on Netflix. And lo and behold my faves are amazing even in live action.
Also can we agree that my guy is a mood?
SWEET HOME ě¤ěí¸í (2020)
Luthien Tinuviel in the halls of Menegroth
"As Beren looked into her eyes
Within the shadows of her hair
The trembling starlight of the skies
He saw there mirrored shimmering.
Tinuviel the elven-fair,
Immortal maiden elven-wise,
About him cast her shadowy hair
And arms like silver glimmering"
Binge watching Get Back in one sleepless night (thank you insomnia) shifted my perception of the Beatles from "music I love from my childhood" to "new obsession unlocked". 1000% would recommend.
happy its like you and me are lovers 24th of january
The Dreamer returns to Alagadda looking for a way to escape her fate.
Just some pretty lineart for a bigger painting, always for "Tales of the Dreamer".
Right now med school is killing me (I have two exams in as many days, just let me die), but, as always when I am stressed and sleep deprived, I am also quite inspired ( meaning: I have a LOT of weird ideas), so... silver linings am I right?
Inverted ballpoint pen drawing!! The first picture is what I drew and the second picture is the inverted final piece
Italian med student with an obsession for painting. Also a mythology and history nerd. Give me a book and I'll give you my heart.
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