Reblong To Give Someone An Ice Cream Sanditch.

For Years my brother has been fucking with me by periodically texting me to say Jimmy Carter had finally died. Today the bit has paid off.

The response to my reaction at work was “what do you MEAN ‘for real this time’?????”

I fucking hate it here I’m crying

Hey what if the cycle of life, death and rebirth is like going in and out of the shower. Like at first you're hanging in the immaterial, knowing that you should go live a life eventually, better sooner than later, and you're just procrastinating like euuuugh I don't wanna goooo, but once you're in there, once you're alive, you're like no wait a minute now I remember, it's awesome in here, I want to be here forever, and once you've done everything you meant to do you still keep procrastinating for as long as possible because it's so nice in there and you don't want it to be over. But once you're out you're fine, it's the transition that sucks both ways every time.

The Pope, desperate to avoid ever interacting with JD Vance again, went to the one place the Vice President couldn't follow: heaven.

not to be a slut but i would love to sleep next to someone

Petitions - UK Government and Parliament

Petition: Do not stop transgender people from receiving care in mainstream hospital wards

The previous government proposed changes to the NHS constitution which would mean transgender hospital patients in England may not be treate

Well fucks? Get to it!

I get laid tomorrowwwwww

*holiday ghost sound*

oh shit. two more of those and im gonna have to start Changing My Ways

I can't believe the horse is back in the fucking hospital

The first time I heard an adult say the f word was when I was in fourth grade and we were doing some project that involved us baking cookies together as a class. My teacher Ms. Lindsey, who was real sweet, was demonstrating for everybody and she asked if anyone knew how to crack an egg, and I really didn’t know how to crack an egg, but I’m a go-getter, so I raised my hand and she called on me. I instantly knew I was in trouble at that point but I’d seen my dad crack eggs hundreds of times so I figured, ya know, it can’t be thaaaat hard. So I grab the egg but I have no sense of how softly you’re supposed to tap an egg to crack it, so I just slam it against the desk and splatter raw egg ten feet in every direction and my teacher said “what the fuck, Dion?”