Thanks For The Spam, @jaystellarbirb

I wanna know who the fuck told the GCPD my name was Bird Bitch

MY NAME IS CORVID

Kookaburra enjoying itself

What do boundaries feel like?

It is not my job to fix others.

It is okay if others get angry.

It is okay to say no.

It is not my job to take responsibility for others.

I do not have to anticipate the needs of others.

It is my job to make me happy.

No one has to agree with me.

I have a right to my own feelings.

I am enough.

Good news: I had my big debut!

Bad news: I used a stupid one liner

So I was in a supermarket buying bread for the pigeons, and was at the front when a guy pulled a gun and was robbing the register. Typical Gotham. He gets the money, and something hit his hand and the gun fell near me. Now everyone in Gotham knows how to use a pistol. So I pick it up, point it at him, and asked that he give me the money. He does, and I go “welp, gotta fly!”

GOTTA FLY. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME HOLY FUCK

but good news I’ve got an outfit in the works!

Update: THAT SOMETHING WAS A BASEBALL FUCKING LUCKY THREW HE WAS TRYING TO HELP ME

Getting caught pickpocketing is embarrassing enough. Getting caught because you tripped over your own feet, and seeing the target leave you five bucks out of pity is unexplainably worse.

Dadwald Headcanons

Especially with all the scenes with little Martin recently, I cannot stop thinking about what an amazing Dad™ Oswald Cobblepot would be (a Murder Dad, I admit, but still). 

Like he hates all children generally but he would love his own Child so much. His mother was loopy but always made sure he was loved and cared for and always stood by him and if you think for a second that Oswald Cobblepot would not do that in turn for his own Child you are fucking wrong.

Oswald Cobblepot is 100% the scary villain who turns to fluff at his Baby’s crayon stick figures. (Basically this ProZD Vine) He would never miss a parent-teacher conference (even though the teacher is dumb and he threatens to murder them once his child isn’t listening).

On “Bring your child to work day” Oswald Cobblepot sits at the head of the table with his baby on his lap and he glares down at all the Crime Lords as a reminder of the long ass “don’t you dare swear in front of my baby” speech he gave them beforehand. Everyone thinks he’s ridiculous because everyone knows these meetings usually talk about murder or something equally gruesome but they obey because if you so much as utter “fuck” in front of Oswald Cobblepot’s Child you will be the murder victim instead.

Oswald Cobblepot would 100% think his child is the most innocent thing to ever lived and try to protect them from the darkness in the world which confuses everyone because he also casually teaches his Baby how to defend themselves with unconventional (read: not necessarily morally, or legally, correct) means. 

Oswald Cobblepot telling his Baby stories about Grandma Gertrude and dressing up in full apron + chef hat to teach them the Family Recipes.

Oswald Cobblepot telling his Baby that they are the most beautiful/handsome, the most clever, and that he knows they will grow up to be a great man/woman.

Oswald Cobblepot singing his child to sleep after a nightmare.

Oswald Cobblepot dressing up his Son in tiny suits and getting up early to do his Daughter’s hair before school.

Oswald Cobblepot making all of his lackeys buy the cookies from his Child’s bake sale for school because it’s a competition between the kids and goddamn it his Baby is going to WIN that 500+ sales lava lamp. 

Oswald Cobblepot standing in Toys R Us trying to find the best toy for his three year old. He can’t decide between the three he’s narrowed it down to so he buys them all. His child buys him a “World’s #1 Dad” mug and Oswald Cobblepot tears up (even though it’s not really the most original gift).

Oswald Cobblepot being a Shotgun Dad™. He tries to spy on his Teenager’s first date by himself but got caught and his baby got mad so now he has an entire loyal Spy Squad employed to secretly protect them.

Oswald Cobblepot would be The Best Dad and I will fight you if you say otherwise.

Might I introduce you to mg dnd wizard

Allenvir

He’s a grumpy boi, he runs a shady ass hell library. I’m talking summoning circles on the floor, cries of the dammed from the basement, and what you hope aren’t blood stains everywhere. He dose a FUCK TON of occult shit. He sells ancient forbidden rituals on the black market. After all, why should knowledge be forbidden, just because of the gruesome price?

Me and the baseball team are going to metropolis this weekend to spray paint pride flags on lux Luthers tower, who wants to come?

Edit: he doesn’t deserve to have his name spelled correctly. I’ll change it when he starts funding charities.

Pumpkin pie is acceptable. But on god me and that man are gonna have words. Why can’t he use his power to overthrow corrupt politicians or somethin?

Hey, @gothamradiokid could you tell you grandpa to CHILL THE FUCK OUT. I got woken up, at three in the GOD DAMN MORNING because MY NEIGHBOR FUCKED UP, AND HE SENT SOMEONE TO DEAL WITH IT. Tell him to do that at midday or some shit, some of us are sheltering highly reactive new mama dogs, and need at least 30 minutes of sleep.

Enter a suave prince:

Enter a stoic, aloof, handsome pirate:

Prince, falling in love at first sight: Marry me

Pirate: ?

Prince: M-Merry to meet you, sir

Pirate, shrugs, turns away:

Prince, to himself: Oh my god did I just propose to a stranger I am such an idiot-

Prince, glancing back at his handsome pirate:... Worth it, though