Dadwald Headcanons

Dadwald Headcanons

Especially with all the scenes with little Martin recently, I cannot stop thinking about what an amazing Dad™ Oswald Cobblepot would be (a Murder Dad, I admit, but still). 

Like he hates all children generally but he would love his own Child so much. His mother was loopy but always made sure he was loved and cared for and always stood by him and if you think for a second that Oswald Cobblepot would not do that in turn for his own Child you are fucking wrong.

Oswald Cobblepot is 100% the scary villain who turns to fluff at his Baby’s crayon stick figures. (Basically this ProZD Vine) He would never miss a parent-teacher conference (even though the teacher is dumb and he threatens to murder them once his child isn’t listening).

On “Bring your child to work day” Oswald Cobblepot sits at the head of the table with his baby on his lap and he glares down at all the Crime Lords as a reminder of the long ass “don’t you dare swear in front of my baby” speech he gave them beforehand. Everyone thinks he’s ridiculous because everyone knows these meetings usually talk about murder or something equally gruesome but they obey because if you so much as utter “fuck” in front of Oswald Cobblepot’s Child you will be the murder victim instead.

Oswald Cobblepot would 100% think his child is the most innocent thing to ever lived and try to protect them from the darkness in the world which confuses everyone because he also casually teaches his Baby how to defend themselves with unconventional (read: not necessarily morally, or legally, correct) means. 

Oswald Cobblepot telling his Baby stories about Grandma Gertrude and dressing up in full apron + chef hat to teach them the Family Recipes.

Oswald Cobblepot telling his Baby that they are the most beautiful/handsome, the most clever, and that he knows they will grow up to be a great man/woman.

Oswald Cobblepot singing his child to sleep after a nightmare.

Oswald Cobblepot dressing up his Son in tiny suits and getting up early to do his Daughter’s hair before school.

Oswald Cobblepot making all of his lackeys buy the cookies from his Child’s bake sale for school because it’s a competition between the kids and goddamn it his Baby is going to WIN that 500+ sales lava lamp. 

Oswald Cobblepot standing in Toys R Us trying to find the best toy for his three year old. He can’t decide between the three he’s narrowed it down to so he buys them all. His child buys him a “World’s #1 Dad” mug and Oswald Cobblepot tears up (even though it’s not really the most original gift).

Oswald Cobblepot being a Shotgun Dad™. He tries to spy on his Teenager’s first date by himself but got caught and his baby got mad so now he has an entire loyal Spy Squad employed to secretly protect them.

Oswald Cobblepot would be The Best Dad and I will fight you if you say otherwise.