10.28.18
10.28.18
Last week of school. Im embarrassed of my own mistakes. i never want to hurt you or anyone ever. yet im still not perfect. a lot of ego been coming into play and i realize its one thing that separates me from all these other guys. i also peeped im just getting older. these niggas gotta grow up and get they shit together. but so do i. everyone just so selfish i know im not the problem anymore. but god puts us insinuations for a reason maybe we are all just lessons for each other.pieces of a man just came out shit straight fire. tired of people putting me in a box musically. i gotta try harder. im walking away from hip hop for a while one day. im tired of my music having one label on it. if i go somewhere else wit it then maybe ill get my respect. i cant wait to leave AZ. ive been craving an areo blizzard from DQ, i hope Alexus takes us soon. i love you Melissa. Why is bianca back? its weird how i always get what i pray for, never within my timing tho. God moves funny. But i love him he’s my life. All he’s been showing me is how much ive grown and i cant stop thinking about how intone i am with him. he shows me so much, im so grateful. i want my hair to grow. i hope i dont have cancer. i hope this last week of school is nice and pleasant. idk why people assume everything. its so tiring. im on twitter too much, i hate reading peoples opinions so often. but i feel like i need to be in tune with the world. today X motivated me again to make music outside of my “genre” that arms around you is crazy, he’s so diverse. his goal is slowly becoming the same as mine. its like he knew what i was after this whole time. spoke to my mom today and she’s content with not knowing her children she feels God will solve it all and she claims she doesn’t know if it’ll be in her lifetime that shit gets to know her children, why is she so ass backwards? its never to late. She’s just a quitter like everyone else. i cant teach them. they dont listen i just live and hope i can be a walking example one day. if only people could see whats inside my heart. still learning to work in environments that aren't fit for working in. I gave so much of myself this year.
More Posts from Jailposes and Others
im trying so hard to get this tape together in time for this month 😪
Weekly Introspective Perspective #1 (3/3/23):
This week has been a small and uneventful week. Due to lack of communication I failed to take advantage of an opportunity given to me. This affected me so deeply because I had future plans set around this opportunity simply for it to slip right underneath my feet.
Im learning to be more realistic with myself. I feel like some things are simply not flowing and circulating in my life. The question I ask myself is how do I break out of this? How do I change the things that are having adverse effects on me?
Well I don’t have the answer yet. The only thing I’ve considered is further education. I need to educate myself further what I know now is nowhere near enough to live the life I truly feel led to leave.
Im considering cutting off all attachments in a healthy manner. Not to disappear and never have people hear from again, moreso to figure out what is and isn’t working in my circle.
I find myself doing the best that I can, not only for myself but for others. The people I care about. The problem is, I simply don’t feel like people care about me enough the way I do for them. Ive ignored it for years it’s something I’ve always struggled but I had chosen to ignore it because of the negativity that came with me questioning if people really care about me the way I do for them.
Well despite my ignorance the answer still remains the same. They don’t. I come up short just as anybody else does from time to time BUT ive have never not given the best I am to those I love and support.
My problem is people come up short when I need them just to feel supported, just to feel like I’m not alone out here. I go thru life I need things I ask for help, I don’t really get it that often hence why I don’t really ask for much from individuals when shit actually gets crazy.
But things weren’t crazy this time around I just wanted people there for me.
So here I am trying to start from zero all over again.
I simply feel blinded in my path right now.
On a positive note, ive gone back to my morning meditations and breathing exercises. I find it very hard to breathe when I am in a state of stress. I caught myself just holding my breathe like I was being choked by invisible forces. My chest was hot and the burden of it felt unbearable.
Ive gone back to praying because for so long I kind of stopped/ kept it to a minimum. Im not a fan of asking the creator or universe for things to change in my life. It often feels like game of take, take, take instead of being give and take. But for now I’m just trying to communicate with the higher energies, simple conversations.
So here I am. All alone, covered in angels. Trying to get myself back.
And now I start to feel it. Joshua coming back to his self. All it took was surrendering my heart, softening up and acknowledging the love I have to give because it’s who I am. Not because of what I want.
I am so kind when I’m hurt, it’s the only thing that makes me feel like anything. The one thing I can always resort back to when I’m in shambles: I am actually a good human being with pure intentions and love in my heart that wants to expend that love to everyone I touch. No one can ever take that away from me and you can never discredit me on this statement. Its who I am.
i’m tired of being constantly advertised to, i hate to do the same to y’all. just here to say i hope everyone is doing a little better and keep your head up and heart full it can only get better from here 🤞🏾
ALRIGHT SO I CHANGED MY PRODUCER NAME JUST HAVENT OFFICIALLY ANNOUNCED IT YET
The reason why i did this for anyone wondering is because i’m starting a clothing line and i’ve decided to make everything all under one name just so it’s much easier to follow everything. This isn’t the first time i changed my name but i promise this is the last 🙏🏾 Thank you again to anyone riding for/with me for the long haul 🤎
For all those who are in tune with the planets,
Are you also having dreams in class?
i’ve been having dreams in school/class for about a month now. i’m literally a student in my sleep and in my waking hours. the universe has been constantly teaching me my lessons, making sure i’m getting jt. i won’t expand more but just know it’s almost time for graduation 🤎
(haha my right eye starting releasing tears as i wrote this)
Man i just have to say yesterday was a good ass day. Shoutout to Shel for blessings me and giving me a makeup day for my birthday! told bro my birthday was kinda ass the other day and he really came thru yesterday. i got a fire ass buildable eevee figure i can’t wait to put together and they ain’t have shit in the mall so i got a shirt from Indigöu there’s literally nothing else i could’ve asked for lol. i’m just grateful, my mindset wasn’t jeopardized even once while i was out. i feel really at peace lately. everything is in my favor.
