For Once In My Damned Life I Wish I Could Be 100% Honest. Even If I'm "being For Real" With My Friends,

The idea of "socialization" as a trans person is so interesting, because a lot of trans women talk about how they generally don't experience male socialization (I say generally because all trans experiences are different, but the general idea of true). They experience closeted trans women socialization, which I can't even begin to speak on what entails.

So in contrast, you would expect something similar to be true for trans men, and in a way, yes and no. There is some truth to seeing how men are expected to act (stoic, unemotional, etc) and internalizing that. But there is also the experience of growing up as a little girl where so much focus is put on the idea that you should grow up in service of others. That is internalized so readily in just watching your mother and sisters cooking and cleaning up thanksgiving dinner while your dad and brother sit in the family room watching football. Its in how your body is told to be covered until it can benefit the men around you (i.e. school dress codes). Its in how you, as the smart girl in class, need to pick up the slack in group projects with class clown boys, but you are still less intelligent and deserve to be talked down to. Its in how you are told to be quiet and diminish yourself and act for others and never yourself. And because you are expected to grow up as a girl, this is how you are expected to act.

But then you aren't a girl, you are now a man that lives in service to others, has internalized this idea of diminishing himself, is stoic about his emotions, and lives in a world where the crimes of cis male patriarchy are thrust on his shoulders as his responsibility. Any of his anger is seen as either violently male, or hysterically female, and so you get none of the support you need and are only ever really critiqued.

Idk, just thinking about trans men again.

It's barely the beginning of the year and I'm already failing

MANIFEST

MANIFEST

all my friends are going out and posting on their stories while I’m sleeping through days wishing on every one I won’t be here on the next

Random thought I've been having for a while now but I'd love to experience the covid lockdowns all over again but as cis.

Like instead of crying over how this means my hrt will get post poned for two more years, I could spend all my days playing videogames and jacking off and generally chilling around, all while you're actually obligated to do so.

Yes I know that all the stuff covid has done is terrible both regarding the disease itself, and the cultural, political, and economic impact it had, but, 16 year old me could've hardly known about that, much less care

No you don’t understand me calling you afab isn’t me calling you female it’s me just referring to an event that happened in your life - where you were assigned female. Don’t question why I never call you a man only a “afab trans person”. I’m not misgendering you and if you think I am then you have internalized transphobia you need to work out.

Looked up my new (kinda shitty) job's company and I get shit like this.... Not too surprised. Company ideology like that seeps into all branches, no matter how big or small, how high-up or "lower level employee"...

It's like nowhere in the world is it truly "safe" or good anymore.. At this point I assume that every single big company has donated to war criminals, racists, or homophobes unless very explicitely stated otherwise, which I haven't encountered yet.

I'll forever be a transandrophobia/transmisandry/whatever current term is truther

the fact that transmascs get relentlessly attacked and harassed every single time we try to make something/spaces for ourselves (the mlm flag, transandrophobia as a term, fucking forcemasc) is in and of itself telling of how people view us.

I don't know how to take amabs seriously when they describe how oppressed they think they were for their sex as children and it's literally just that they weren't allowed to wear frilly clothes. Like I'm sorry but no, I don't care about the time you cried because your parents made you get a haircut you didn't like. I was taught by the world's most common religion as a child that afab people are the root of all human evil, we exist to be slaves for amab people, and our only redemption is suffering.

reminder that trans men also fought for your rights and refusal to acknowledge this is tantamount to denying historical fact