How I Dealt With A Limiting Belief I've Been Struggling With- Part 1:

As humans we are born with so much potential and then somewhere along the way society clips off our wings and still has the audacity to ask why we can't fly? 🧚‍♀️

Just read a story of how this one guy stopped writing because his high school teacher had told him that he'd never make it as a writer. Now he's become the best selling author of two books. 📖📕

We owe it to ourselves to go after the dreams other people think we couldn't achieve. Because how will you know if you don't try?🧩

Like Paulo Coelho said: "it's the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting" 🎗️🏵️

Something I heard this week:

It is not the thing we want that's going to bring us happiness. After we get the thing and we are no longer wanting- that's what brings us happiness. "The No Longer Wanting of it."

So once you no longer want something you are content and in that contentness there is happiness. 🌻

It's been a minute. So last week was my 24th birthday and I was doing some reflecting and I thought to share three lessons I've come to learn during the past year:

Lesson 1: Having a someone to talk to.

I have come to realise how it is so important to have someone to communicate with especially when you are going through a difficult time. This could be a friend, relative, mentor. Like just someone you can trust. Yes they may be able to offer you a listening ear which may lighten your burden but they can also help you shift your perspective on how you might be viewing a particular situation. Together you might be able to come up with different solutions to dealing with the situation in a way that doesn't feel overwhelming.

Doing this not only helps you through the tough times but it also helps deepen the relationship you have with that person.

Sometimes people do want to help and you might not know how they feel but you deciding to tell them also means you trust them. And there is no better feeling that being trusted by someone.

Lesson 2: Letting people go with honesty

There are times in your friendships where things are just stagnant and you're only keeping in touch because you once attended the same school or university together. Or maybe one of you moved to a different area and you no longer meet as frequently and as time goes on the communication and connection fizzles out. You know you were really great friends but things just aren't the same and in some way you are outgrowing each other.

I've come to realise that in such situations it is better to let that person go. Of course, this is not about ghosting them and hoping they get the message but by also being truthful with them and telling them how you really feel. For me the honest truth was letting them know that friendship has reached it's end, the journey was beautiful and I'll forever cherish the beautiful memories we shared together but stagnancy isn't helping anyone.

This might feel very uncomfortable but it's necessary not only for you but for the other person too. By letting each other go, you are making space for more aligned friendships to come through.

Someone said that being depressed is your avatar telling you that it is tired of the character that you want it to play. And in my experience this was true. ☘️🏵️

Deep down I knew that the path I was heading on was no longer for me yet I kept on pushing. Why?

Because that was the path that society deemed acceptable, that was the path that felt safe & comfortable (until it was no longer comfortable), because that was the path that made the most logical sense and because that was the path where no one would judge me for doing the "wrong" thing. ❌

But the more I kept on pushing, the more I felt into this hole of emptiness. Until I came to the realisation that something was wrong and something had to change. 🙍‍♀️

As I was going through that phase of depression, I wasn't exactly sure as to what I was doing wrong but I just knew I had to stop and take a break from everything. 🔔🔔

Looking back in retrospect, I can see how I was trying so hard to hide parts of myself to fit in with others and that came at a painful cost. The sooner you remove the mask, the more relieved you'll feel. You may end up fighting with your family or losing people you knew as your closest friends but in the long run, you get to show up as who you are rather than who you think you should be. 🥳🤗🌸

Yesterday was a public holiday - Worker's day to be exact. So this holiday happened to fall on a Thursday and my sister was complaining about how it was such a bummer that the public holiday fell in the middle of the week instead of it being on a Monday or Friday.

So this just had me thinking on how we as people are always quick to complain even if we receive blessings in our lives.

Sometimes we don't even notice those blessings because they weren't to our expectations or that they weren't good enough for us. So just something I was pondering that just by changing your perspective on something, you can change how you experience life.

Life is sweeter when it is filled with moments of gratitude.

So at the beginning of this month I had set a one word intention for the month which was growth.📈🌷

And so during the first week of this month, I took easy but at the same time I was consistent with my morning exercises and watching the required lecture videos (for each day) for the course I'm currently taking and also reading the books for this month - which I mentioned in my previous post.📚📖

Then come the second week, my dad sent me an email on this opportunity to help recent graduates learn about entrepreneurship and how later on you can present your idea and they could help you with funding if it's feasible, realistic etc.

And my first thought was "Nah, this is not for me. I'm so done with anything that has to do with university ( since that had to do with my burnout and all)."

"And also I've never really been good at stuff like this, so why even bother try." So I ignored it.

That week I also managed to finish the level 1 part of the course which is just content.📖 And for some reason I couldn't move on to level 2 - which requires interviewing people and having a practice session with them.👥

And so for the rest of that week I relaxed a bit telling myself I've done enough and this looked like bingeing on kdramas and just binge-reading a series of books (fiction) to pass time. Anything to avoid the work I was actually supposed to be doing.

And so come the third week, stuff just started happening. Like yes I had been focusing my attention and energy on stuff that had absolutely nothing to do with my intention or my goals but the amount of anxiety and overthinking that I started experiencing was insane. Like all these negative, fearful thoughts and self doubt was showing up. Like I haven't experienced that level of anxiety in a very long time. So let's just say that experience was awful. 😫😖😣

And so my plan was to get rid of it as soon as possible. So I did a bit of exercise just to ground myself and it wasn't very helpful. 🧘🏽‍♀️🏃🏽‍♀

So I pulled my big girl pants on and sat with myself and those "ugly" feelings that were showing up and in that moment I was just asking for clarity. And so I slept hoping I could sleep it off.

Come next morning, those weren't that intense but they were still there. And sometime during the day I came across a post about limiting beliefs. And so I decided to do some journaling on the underlying and hidden beliefs underneath the behaviours I was portraying. And it's safe to say all that anxiety was my body's way of protecting me from pain. What pain you might ask? The discomfort of having to take actions that I normally just don't take - that could enable my growth. So these actions included starting level 2 of my course i.e. starting these practice sessions as I've never really been confident in my presentation skills. And also taking a chance on that entrepreneurial opportunity to enable my growth.

And so I came to find out the limiting beliefs around that were I did not believe that I was good enough to be wellness coach. I did not believe that I was capable of actually making a difference in the world. I was also very scared of failing.🙈😣

So that was the pain I was avoiding. The pain of having to face my fear of failure, fear of being judged or criticized.😬

So that's what I'm currently working on. And in order for me to prove that belief wrong I am going to have to take action as evidence that maybe I am good enough. That I can actually make a difference in the world. That I am capable of doing "hard" things.

And in order to do that I'm gonna need people I can practice sessions on. So if you've read till this point and you're wanting to make some changes in your life and you're willing and able to spare me an hour of your time per week. Please dm me to let me know.😊

I was watching this video of this beautiful woman who was explaining how our desires aren't what we actually want but it's the feelings of having that desire that we want.

And I brought this to my current situation. I have been obsessing over getting a high paying job lately, like I can't afford to wait. I want that job right now.

And after listening to this video, I started asking myself why I want this job so badly. The first answer being to have a sense of security and stability. But it is not only that.

I want that job quickly so that I can get some validation from my family members - so that I can get approved of, in a way. So that I can be that cousin that helps others out. So that I don't have to constantly ask my parents or siblings for money. So that my brother does not constantly tell me how I wasted my years to a degree and have nothing to show for it.

So I realised that deep down, I want validation, acceptance and approval. And now the question is how can I give that to myself rather than wait for others to give it to me.

Isn't it weird how at times we always wishing things were different. Like having a different job, being in a relationship with someone or living somewhere different. Ye when we look back there was once a time when we prayed to have what we have today. 🤲

At times we always wishing how nice it would be to have what that other person has. Not that it's a bad thing. But we never take the time to think what took them to get there or have that. We never take the time to think about about the pain or struggle that the other person had to endure to reach that outcome. What hard times they faced to finally get to the top of that mountain.🗻⛰️

So if you're going through a rough terrain right now, embrace that struggle because there's a lesson there. And eventually we'll reach the outcome we want.💯🤍

It's frustrating isn't it?

To have worked so hard and to only produce nothing.

To have to work so hard each day and only realise that what you've been working on hasn't been producing fruit

To see others achieving so much and you have nothing to show for it.

But you have to realise it was never about you and them.

It's always been you and you.

Maybe this phase is not about producing a certain outcome, maybe it's about just experimenting in order to get feedback.

Maybe this phase is only meant to last a year or two. So that you can see if what you've been pursuing was what you wanted or not.

Sometimes it's not about the outcome. It's about proving to yourself that you can do hard things. That you can be persistent and that you can be disciplined.

So how about just focusing on the joy of it. The parts of it you enjoy so much.

Like when you're eating your favourite meal. You don't only eat to satiate yourself but you also eat to enjoy it. To get that peak experience of savouring all the flavours and textures.

What does the process to an outcome normally look like? If I look back on my past experienc

es, on things that I managed to achieve, there was an element of curiosity and fun to it.

Until the novelty wore off and things go hard. And during those moments that's when you ask yourself why you started to begin with? What would happen if you don't give up? And what kind of character are you choosing to portray in this part of your story?📖📖

Like if you look at your favourite show, the ending wouldn't be that satisfying without the ups and downs that the characters face. And sometimes the show is so good you don't want it to end.

Of course, there are times when you decide to take a break to rest and re-centre yourself. And there are times when you choose to give it all up because it's no longer aligned with the goal you had in mind. But it's all about taking note of your patterns when you are in that "hard/difficult" phase.

Do you start procrastinating. Do you move on to a new project or do you choose to forget about the task all together?

Normally this is where your character is being tested.

So if you need to go on your knees and ask God for strength, do so. If you need to cry it out and call friend do so. If you need to watch a motivational video - do what you need to in order to move forward and keep the momentum.

Because it's in that phase that growth happens because now you are surpassing your limits. You are getting that character development which takes you to the next level.❇️💯

So fall in love with that process because that's the most beautiful and impactful part of the journey. Make sure you're having fun even in the midst of difficulties cause at some point,it's gonna have to end and the ending has to be just as beautiful. It's the messy middle that we need to learn how to master so that we reach the beautiful ending. 🪷🪷