Hyper-fixation-gay-edition - Sentience Was A Mistake.

when you grow up being excluded, ostracised and alienated by your peers and/or society at large for reasons that are maybe not entirely apparent to you (or the people doing it to you for that matter), you internalise this vague sense of Being Other to such a degree that it becomes an integral part of you, one that you cannot separate yourself from anymore, and that inevitably leads to you being stuck in always either devaluing yourself or others. because if you are so irrevocably different from Them (and all they ever did was make you feel lesser than) it must be that either they are right and you are exceptional in your worthlessness OR they are wrong and you are exceptional in your superiority – and if you can't prove the latter, it must the former. that is why self-loathing and arrogance are actually often siblings, they constitute a dichotomy of distinctness, born from necessity, but nonetheless harmful and limiting. if you want to heal you will have to set yourself free from the idea of some inherent difference in value between you and everyone else in the world. you should have never been made to feel that there was one in the first place

tonight i went to the bathroom at 3 am and looked up and saw two bugs on my wall having sex and i thought of you

thank you for thinking of me. here’s a poetic adaptation of how that might‘ve gone down:

i look and see a shock above,

but really there’s,

no danger.

i pee and watch the bugs make love,

and think of him:

a stranger.

I had to mentally send myself a reaction image the other day. I ran up the stairs on all fours, said to myself “i’m such a locationpilled scampercel” and then perfectly envisioned this image

i don’t make the rules AT ALL, but if you mostly spend time in Gay People Spaces then you know about 28 ppl who look like this 

sorry i covered your neck in dark hickeys and clamped down hard on your throat like limp prey while i was giving you a handjob. you whimpered a little too soft and i blacked out and believed myself to be a feral dog in possession of an entire rotisserie chicken

They really should teach people how to cook in school.

something genuinely insane about going somewhere and getting to feel “i had some of the worst years of my life here” and “i was loved here, once” simultaneously.