Salim: I Raised A Man With A Softer Heart Than The World Deserves.

Salim: So, what was your childhood like?

Jason: Oh, you mean my tragic backstory that you must be at least level 3 friendship to unlock?

Salim: ...What level am I at?

Jason: 10. So it all started-

Rachel: I keep telling my boyfriend that he can't love Chappell Roan and be straight, but he does, and he is :/

Eric: I don't know about that,

Rachel: Is Nick gay???

Eric: He was last night...

Jason: why do the vampires keep trying to kill us?

Salim: maybe they’re homophobic 

Jason: we’re not gay, Salim

Salim: we're not???

I’m going with: it’s a reference to the Pink Panthers episode of Buzzfeed Unsolved for the points

i think it’s reasonable to assume that any spacefaring version of humanity would probably end up wearing funny hats as a cultural thing

Jason, who has only seen Mary Poppins once and can't quite remember the plot: ??? So which is it????

Jason: You have that glint in your eye that either says 'I'm Mary Poppins' or 'I'm going to dump your body in that chasm river.'

Salim: We'll never know which it is!

Jason: You can’t make everyone like you. You’re not Salim.

Nick: Not everybody likes Salim.

Jason: Who doesn’t?

Nick: What?

Jason: Names, now. Give me their names.

Jason: Why are you so mad at me? Is it because I slept with your dad?

Zain: YOU WHAT?

Jason: fuck, so it wasn’t that

Hey y’all, fun fact if you didn’t know, I wrote a fic like ages ago where Salim moves to London, so... if you wanna check that out it’s linked below<3

https://archiveofourown.org/works/35081476/chapters/87385063

kettles

which one of u was going to tell me that tea tastes different if u put it in hot water?

Eric: This is my wife, Rachel, and her boyfriend, Nick. Who is also my boyfriend.