Semper Fi? More Like Simper Fi, Amirite? 

Alternatively

Jason: ow! son of a bi-

Salim pointing to Zain: Jason! children!

Jason: … isexual. son of a bisexual.

Jason: Fuck you Eric.

Eric:

Merwin: Yeah, Eric, fuck you!

Eric:

Joey: Eric, you suck.

Eric:

Clarisse, looking Eric up and down: You look like you shop at vineyard vines.

Eric, tearing up: That is the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me.

Jason: You're wearing makeup.

Salim: Oh, it's just eyeliner. Do you like it?

Jason: Looks... okay, I guess.

*later*

Jason, sobbing into Nick's shoulder: IT LOOKED SO GOOD!

Nick: I know, Jason.

Jason: I'M SO GAY!

Nick: I know, Jason.

Salim, thinking about Jason: I could fix him

Jason, thinking about Salim: I could make him worse

Jason: Fuck AND marry Salim, and I’ll kill everyone else.

Nick: Damn it, Jason. That’s not how the game works.

how dare y'all kill ashley tisdale (also rachel is like the best character fight me she deserves the WORLD and a kiss on the forehead)

Salim: So, what was your childhood like?

Jason: Oh, you mean my tragic backstory that you must be at least level 3 friendship to unlock?

Salim: ...What level am I at?

Jason: 10. So it all started-

Jason: StOp crossing the road like that, do you have no anxiety??

Salim: Oh, I have anxiety, but my anxiety is more like I'm confident the cars won't hit me but I'm worried the drivers don't like me.

Eric, teaching Jason to drive: Okay, you're driving and Salim and I walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit? 

Jason: Oh, definitely you. I could never hurt Salim. 

Eric, massaging his temples: The brakes, Kolchek. You hit the brakes.

Eric: This is my wife, Rachel, and her boyfriend, Nick. Who is also my boyfriend.