Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 18: Misunderstanding

AKUSAIMONTH 2015: BERSERK Day 19: SET C - “Crush My Heart”

The first thing I felt was a stinging pain carved in my face.

I touched my cheek with a shaking hand and so the second thing I felt was wet and sticky and warm and it suddenly made me taste iron on my lips.

The third thing I felt was breathing. My own, deep but burning in my chest, and that of another, calm, below me. Another. Another person.

I tried to wipe away the blood from my eyes and moved to lift myself up. It was hard, my whole body felt heavy, but I managed to prop myself up on one arm. And there you were.

Breathing, motionless. I stared at your face. Alive, but unmoving. I tried to say your name, but nothing came out, my lips wet with blood but dry anyway and my throat numb. I didn’t know how long I hovered over you, but it was the realization that I was dripping blood onto your face that finally made me sit back.

I didn’t know why I was bleeding again. I didn’t know why I was lying on the floor or why you were there (asleep? unconscious?). But I realized I did know where I was. My breath started to hitch and I felt my stomach clench as I recognized the room where we had lost our hearts. Where you tried to save me, where I gave in anyway, my heart taken from me and my face carved.

Why were we here?

Did this mean… that it was … over?

Was I... back…? Was I …

Was I me again?

Sometimes as a Nobody I had tried to imagine how it would feel when my heart would be returned. I thought I’d feel relief or maybe even happiness. But in reality all I felt was pain and grief and a horror I couldn’t even place but that gripped me so tightly it blocked out everything else. When tears finally came I didn’t stop them. They burned in the cuts on my cheeks, but I barely felt it. I sat next to your unmoving body and I wept for the first time in years, until finally someone came rushing into the room, screaming your name and taking both of us away.

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AKUSAIMONTH 2015: BERSERK Day 13: SET C - “Blissful Ignorance”

I searched for the warmth I once found in you, but it was so hard to remember. Everytime you rejected me, it left me a little more indifferent and soon, there was nothing else left.

It didn't hurt. How should it, when I couldn't feel at all? Unlike you, I accepted it from the start. I didn't try to fight a fact I wouldn't be able to change.

I accepted it. Just as I soon learned to accept that you would no longer be a part of my existence.

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Guess who was at gamescom '14

and played Kingdom Hearts 2.5? :D

(under the cut, because this will be a long post with pictures)

Yep, I went there. Only on thursday though, I had to work on friday evening. So basically kittendough and I drove 6 hours to Köln (starting at thursday, 4 am), went to gamescom and drove 6 hours back home (with a break overnight; we slept in the car, it was like a roadtrip or something, really cool x'D).

If you ever wondered what sort of a person I am, I am the one who thinks 'Ah, I can't go there, it doesn't pay off for one day', then realizes two weeks before the event, when all the tickets are already sold out, that their favourite game will be featured there, who then gets tickets out of nowhere and goes anyway. If I want something bad enough, I won't stop before I found a way to do it. And I usually find one. xD

So well, kittendough and me somehow arrived at gamescom (as Isa and Isabelle (lol), already in our costumes)

And I was a really happy bunny when I found the Square Enix Shop

And even more so when I finally, FINALLY realized that we just have never been to one hall (everything was just so big, I've never been to any event of that size, so well, shit happens?) and that I didn't misunderstand KH13.com and that there really was KH 2.5 set out to play and ... uhm, i think I spent hours there, without realizing it. x'D

(sorry you random people on my photos)

and OMG it was just sooo cool *A* BBS is just really really great, and it was so cool to play it with a real controller and on a bigger screen and omg omg. I'm soooo looking forward to this game being released!! (still, I have no idea why they colored all the unversed new?) I realised once again though that I really don't like KH2 (and KH1) as much as the other KH games ö_ö The controls are just really annoying. But whatever :D There's a lot of Axel and Saix in this game so I'm looking forward to it anyway.

AND I met those really cool Axel and Roxas cosplayers there!!

The wig of the Axel was just so incredibly cool!!! (even more from the side than from the front) Well, as always when I meet good cosplayer of my favourite characters I was completely awkward and shy xDD That's really annyoing. >.<" Dammit. I completely forgot to compliment the Roxas for the wigs, because she styled both of them. Hopefully the Axel told her… :<

Of course I asked Axel to take a photo together with me, I was waaaay to shy though to ask for a hug or something like that, which would have been totally cool because AKUSAI!!!11!1! but whatever. xD I'm happy with this one as well.

haha, I'm small x'D Well, okay, I'm probably not thaaaat small compared to her, but her wig (and my way of awkwardly standing around) really makes it look like that. xDD

Oh, and look at what I bought! <3

An overexpensive phone strap of wonda-nyan (it was really expensive, but seeing this little dreameater always just makes me happy, so well, now I am always happy when I look at my phone x'D It was really worth it.) and the KH Piano Collection Field & Battle CD <3 You should hear the Lazy Afternoon OST, this version of it is really great!!

So, yeah, it was a really really great day, I'm so glad I did that :) Hopefully I have more time next year (or at least the year when KH3 will be shown there :DD), I'm looking forward to go to gamescom again.

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 22: Hair 1/2

(No, you're looking adorable.)

This is a pretty old picture (must be 2012). I actually wanted to redraw this for this prompt, but someone else already did something very similar, so I decided to do something else. Still I do like this pic, so I thought I'd upload it anyway. :D The second fill for this day will probably take a while anyway.

This was actually a scene I really wished for in an Organization 13 RP I had with friends a (long) while ago. I just wanted Axel and Saix to take a shower together OR ACTUALLY SOMETHING, but nothing like that ever happend. xDD Our Axel was waaaay to indecisive for it. I mean, when we stopped this RP it had over 76 000 posts – and Axel and Saix were no pairing yet. xDD And they were the reason we (or at least I) started this thing in the first place. Seriously, whatever. xDD

@AkuSaiMonth 2023 Prompt: Stars ID in alt. Bingo card under the cut! (1/5)

The birth of stars …

This is based on that one first anniversary James Webb picture and inspired by this artwork by @prinnay! And I just realized she also made an (absolutely amazing) drawing based on that same James Webb picture...! Check it out!

My bingo card for this year:

I have 4 out of 5 drawings planned out ... let's see how many i can get out in the two weeks left

I’m feeling so anxious for KH3…

Also, I’m currently working on the colours for this and I’m honestly not sure whether that makes it better or worse. omg, what if one of them actually dies

And another Di[e]ce event! This one will be longer, with one topic every week of December!

Dec, 01 - 06:  Snow Dec, 07 - 12:  Present Dec, 13 - 18:  Festival Dec, 19 - 24:  Warmth Dec, 25 - 31:  Awakening

Everything is perfectly welcome, art, fics, edits, just everything you can think of! Feel free to join in at everytime.

Di[e]ce is great, it really needs more love.

You have changed.

Reeeeeaaaaally late entry into AkuSaiMonth. I didn’t realize there was such a thing until, well yesterday. Yep. And then my internet gave up. I guess it was just as shocked as I was.

How on earth am I supposed to catch up?!

So, Entry Day: OTP Quote.


I wanted to take something else, anything else, but you know, actually that’s it. This one sentence describes it just so perfectly. That's basically why I ship those two.

So I actually would have made a .gif out of a HD scene yesterday but for some reason I can't upload it. Well, so I did a sketch instead. With the only pens I had at that moment, a biro and a neon pink text marker. I actually like the effect though. x'D

I am planning on doing this whole thing. Every day I missed on Berserk Mode, wish me good luck.

So, I just had to draw that one scene in the Streets of New Capenna story. And then I figured I can put it in my deck as well, bc why tf not.

I love drawing things for my core target audience (me).

Anyone who thinks I'm exaggerating – think again.