If I Can Recommend You Do 1 Low-effort Thing For The Love Of God It Is This:

If I can recommend you do 1 low-effort thing for the love of God it is this:

Keep 5 cards in your pocket. One will say "yes", the second will say "no."

If you lose your voice, or lose speech, or want to make a dramatic embellishment at the right time, it is an elegant and efficient solution that is right there at hand.

But what if people question you from there? "Why do you have that card? Why would you do this? How long have you had that in your pocket?" For this, or whatever else they say, the third card: "I don't have a card for that."

"What the fuck," they ask. They laugh. They are bemused. You bring the energy back down with the fourth card: "I have laryngitis. I've lost speech. My throat hurts". Whatever you expect to occur.

The joke is over. Rule of threes. Now they are curious. They wonder about logistics. "How did you know I would say that? Is everyone so predictable?"

As a three-part bit, nobody ever sees the fifth card coming.

"I have powerful wizard magics."

Gets them every time

More Posts from Herhighnessthegoblinqueen and Others

oh beautiful planet...oh planet of Creatures...oh planet of Life...

When I was in ninth grade I wanted to challenge what I saw as a very stupid dress code policy (not being allowed to wear spikes regardless of the size or sharpness of the spikes). My dad said to me, “What is your objective?”

He said it over and over. I contemplated that. I wanted to change an unfair dress code. What did I stand to gain? What did I stand to lose? If what I really wanted was to change the dress code, what would be my most effective potential approach? (He also gave me Discourses on the Fall of Rome by Titus Livius, Machiavelli’s magnum opus. Of course he’d already given me The Prince, Five Rings, and The Art of War.)

I ultimately printed out that phrase, coated it in Mod Podge, and clipped it to my bathroom mirror so I would look at it and think about it every day.

What is your objective?

Forget about how you feel. Ask yourself, what do you want to see happen? And then ask, how can you make it happen? Who needs to agree with you? Who has the power to implement this change? What are the points where you have leverage over them? If you use that leverage now, will you impair your ability to use it in the future? Getting what you want is about effectiveness. It is not about being an alpha or a sigma or whatever other bullshit the men’s right whiners are on about now. You won’t find any MRA talking points in Musashi, because they are not relevant.

I had no clear leverage on the dress code issue. My parents were not on the PTA; neither were any of my friend’s parents who liked me. The teachers did not care about this. Ultimately I just wore what I wanted, my patent leather collar from Hot Topic with large but flattened spikes, and I had guessed correctly—the teachers also did not care enough to discipline me.

I often see people on tumblr, mostly the very young, flail around in discourse. They don’t have an objective. They don’t know what they want to achieve, and they have never thought about strategizing and interpersonal effectiveness. No one can get everything they want by being an asshole. You must be able to work with other people, and that includes smiling when you hate them.

Read Machiavelli. Start with The Prince, but then move on to Discourses. Read Musashi’s Five Rings. Read The Art of War. They’re classics for a reason. They can’t cover all situations, but they can do more for how you think about strategizing than anything you’re getting in middle school and high school curricula.

Don’t vote third party unless you can tell me not only what your objective is but also why this action stands a meaningful chance of accomplishing it. Otherwise, back up and approach your strategy from a new angle. I don’t care how angry you are with Biden right now. He knows about it, and he is both trying to do something and not doing enough. I care about what will happen to millions of people if we have another Trump presidency. Look up Ross Perot, and learn from our past. Find your objective. If it is to stop the genocide in Palestine now, call your elected representatives now. They don’t care about emails; they care about phone calls, because they live in the past. I know this because I shadowed a lobbyist, because knowing how power works is critical to using it.

How do you think I have gotten two clinics to start including gender care in their planning?

Start small. Chip away. Keep working. Find your leverage; figure out how and when to effectively use it. Choose your battles, so that you can concentrate on the battle at hand instead of wasting your resources in many directions. Learn from the accumulated wisdom of people who spent their lives learning by doing, by making mistakes, by watching the mistakes of their enemies.

Don’t be a dickhead. Be smarter than I was at 14. Ask yourself: what is your objective?

i cant help but notice that the chocolate chips cookies you brought to the potluck yesterday had bad vibes. so i went through your cabinets while you were sleeping and checked out the chocolate chips you used. i mean they looked innocent on the surface, they were even fair trade certified. but i just couldn't shake that itching sense that sometning was off. i infiltrated the chocolate company's headquarters by posing as IT support. and you know what I found? the guy who designed the labels got a dui in 2007. so it turns out my instincts were right and you're a terrible person.

✨Halt✨

i bet crossing spears with someone to block entry into a location feels so fucking good

I like not taking credit for stuff and just telling everyone someone really hot did it. If they’re like “was it you” I’m like “well you said it not me”


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A Very Powerful American Toad Creates Ripples In Water With His Call. [Anaxyrus Americanus] [x]

A very powerful American toad creates ripples in water with his call. [Anaxyrus americanus] [x]

The Milt Kahl Head Swaggle (Source: Cartoon Brew)
The Milt Kahl Head Swaggle (Source: Cartoon Brew)
The Milt Kahl Head Swaggle (Source: Cartoon Brew)
The Milt Kahl Head Swaggle (Source: Cartoon Brew)
The Milt Kahl Head Swaggle (Source: Cartoon Brew)
The Milt Kahl Head Swaggle (Source: Cartoon Brew)

The Milt Kahl Head Swaggle (Source: Cartoon Brew)


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Once again its 3am and this washing machine wizard haunts me


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I think we should have more of these discussions. This is very useful information.

Astronomy I-

Astronomy I-

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