This Gorgeous Ruby-eyed Bastard

HYAKUYA MIKAELA

Obey Me As Tumblr #9

Leviathan: I wish puberty took you to a customize character screen

Satan: Do you realize how many people would be dragons

Solomon: You say this like it’s a bad thing

•

Mammon: Uptown funk would’ve made it onto the shrek soundtrack

Solomon: That’s the truest statement I’ve ever read

•

Asmodeus: Once in the fifth grade this kid called me a homo and I thought it meant homeless and I was so confused I said ‘Raphael you’ve been to my house’

•

Mammon: My brother just accidentally prematurely sent an email to his boss…. It was supposed to say ‘I am afraid that we will have to postpone our meeting’ but he hit send when all it said was

Hi, Diavolo

I am afraid

•

Mammon: Fun Disney fact! Fiona was the first red-headed Disney Princess when she made her debut in 1988, one year before Ariel did in The Little Mermaid (1989)

Mephistopheles: Shrek came out in 2001

Mammon: Good for him

•

Satan: One time in math class my math teacher was really pissed at us and he was yelling “DO YOU EVEN KNOW BASIC MATH? DO YOU KNOW ADDITION? WHAT’S TWO PLUS TWO? MAMMON WHAT’S TWO PLUS TWO?” and poor Mammon wasn’t paying attention so I leaned over to him and whispered “seven” and he blurted out “SEVEN” and I have never laughed harder and I doubt I ever will.

•

Asmodeus: Today at work I let someone into a dressing room and they said “thank you” and half of me tried to say “you’re welcome” and the other half tried to say “no problem” and I ended up saying “your problem.”

Mammon: One time I was playing soccer in gym. Ball is up in the air. Think I’m gonna be awesome and air kick it into the goal. Try. Miss ball. Kick goalie in the face. Try to ask “are you okay” and

“I’m fucking sorry” at the same time. Instead end up yelling “ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY!?” Goalie is cooking back tears.

Leviathan: This post had me in tears.

•

Raphael: That’s a cute foot fetish you got there, would you mind keeping it 25796323689432 feet away from me?

Asmodeus: 25796323689432 feet you say?

•

Simeon: If you had six minutes left to live what’s the last song you’d listen to

Leviathan: I’d spend the entire six minutes trying to pick a song

•

Mammon: You call it “really bad at darts”, I call it freestyle acupuncture

Barbatos: Sir I’m going to have to ask you to leave the bar

•

Mammon: Can you OD on vitamin D?

Mephistopheles: That’s how Icarus died

•

Leviathan: I’m really into internet discourse but only pointless and stupid internet discourse like how many holes there are in a straw (it’s 2)

Mephistopheles: No it’s an infinite amount of holes stacked on top of eachother

Leviathan: This is exactly what I’m talking about

•

Luke: I have small hands

Leviathan: Bring them closer to you they’re just far away

Luke: Wow you were right…

•

Diavolo: You ever dip your entire Oreo in milk except the part where you’re holding it and feel like thetis dipping newborn Achilles into the River of Styx making him invulnerable everywhere except for his heel

•

Solomon:

Two things I need today’s youth to know:

1. Anything the government says is propaganda

2. 99% of vegetables taste better roasted

Barbatos: you spelled boiled wrong

Solomon:

My apologies:

Anything the government says is boiled

•

Diavolo: The weirdest instance of “getting my wires crossed” I’ve ever experienced: I had a piece of candy at my desk. My intention was to simultaneously eat the candy and start a brief work task. I put the candy in my mouth and felt a surge of alarm as I was convinced, for a fraction of a second, that I had somehow eaten the task I was about to start.

•

Asmodeus: Hope everyone is well today!

Asmodeus: And tomorrow !!!!

Asmodeus: After that you’re on your own

•

Luke: Omg my guardian just came into my room and told me that I’m spending too much time on the internet so he told me “I’m sorry I have to do this but it’s for your own good.” and then he proceeded to delete the internet explorer icon from my desk top

And the way he said “I just deleted the internet” just takes the cake

Kabedon Compilation ; 7 Brothers

Diavolo + others

a series of commission for @KimetsuYou on twitter over the past few months, thanks so much! so satisfying to see it all finally lined up yay~ 

Belphie: I’ll kill you.

MC: Do it. No balls.

Narrator: He did in fact, have the balls.

Mammon snapping

Set in the og timeline where MC never returned from their time travel

draft timeeeeees

SIMEON : wallpapers [ obey me ]

don’t repost or remove watermark !!

Lucifer in the pirates costume is awesome🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

The Devildom Deck: Table of Contents

The Devildom Deck is a collection of Obey Me! drabbles inspired by each of the 78 standard tarot cards. The series is still in progress; I will be adding the chapter links here as I go for easy reference.

Can also be read on AO3 here

The Major Arcana

0 - The Fool

1 - The Magician

2 - The High Priestess

3 - The Empress

4 - The Emperor

5 - The Hierophant

6 - The Lovers

7 - The Chariot

8 - Strength

9 - The Hermit

10 - Wheel of Fortune

11 - Justice

12 - The Hanged Man

13 - Death

14 - Temperance

15 - The Devil

16 - The Tower

17 - The Star

18 - The Moon

19 - The Sun

20 - Judgement

21 - The World