Draft Timeeeeees

touch starved.

lucifer flicking your forehead when you start blowing bubbles into your drink at mealtimes because “it’s improper” and “you’ll set a bad example for my brothers.”

mammon looking horrified when you burp a little at the table. it’s not because he thinks it’s gross, but because lucifer ties him to the ceiling whenever he does.

leviathan glaring at you when you put your feet on his chair and keep him from getting up. you don’t notice, and he is getting a little more irritated by the second because he wants seconds before beel gets to his fifths.

satan kicking your shins and trying so hard not to laugh when you bring up an inappropriate topic at dinner. you just keep going and he just keeps chortling when everyone else looks so done with you. lucifer is rubbing his temples. you‘re in for it later, mc.

asmo playfully smacking your arm when you start complaining about school. it’s funny, because he‘s acting all cute while the rest of the table looks very worried as lucifer stares you down.

beel vigorously shaking his head when you eat too fast. he can’t blame you, but mc please youre going to get in trouble!

belphie trying to shake you awake when youre nodding off at lunch. if lucifer catches you, who knows what he‘ll do.

Belphie: I’ll kill you.

MC: Do it. No balls.

Narrator: He did in fact, have the balls.

Lucifer in the pirates costume is awesome🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIMEON!!!✨🎆🎊🎉✨💓 I love this angel sm I'm crying

Background clouds by dearest sibling @webtail!!!! I told you I'd use it!!!

The Devildom Deck: Table of Contents

The Devildom Deck is a collection of Obey Me! drabbles inspired by each of the 78 standard tarot cards. The series is still in progress; I will be adding the chapter links here as I go for easy reference.

Can also be read on AO3 here

The Major Arcana

0 - The Fool

1 - The Magician

2 - The High Priestess

3 - The Empress

4 - The Emperor

5 - The Hierophant

6 - The Lovers

7 - The Chariot

8 - Strength

9 - The Hermit

10 - Wheel of Fortune

11 - Justice

12 - The Hanged Man

13 - Death

14 - Temperance

15 - The Devil

16 - The Tower

17 - The Star

18 - The Moon

19 - The Sun

20 - Judgement

21 - The World

Unmasked (2/2)

Obey Me As Tumblr #9

Leviathan: I wish puberty took you to a customize character screen

Satan: Do you realize how many people would be dragons

Solomon: You say this like it’s a bad thing

•

Mammon: Uptown funk would’ve made it onto the shrek soundtrack

Solomon: That’s the truest statement I’ve ever read

•

Asmodeus: Once in the fifth grade this kid called me a homo and I thought it meant homeless and I was so confused I said ‘Raphael you’ve been to my house’

•

Mammon: My brother just accidentally prematurely sent an email to his boss…. It was supposed to say ‘I am afraid that we will have to postpone our meeting’ but he hit send when all it said was

Hi, Diavolo

I am afraid

•

Mammon: Fun Disney fact! Fiona was the first red-headed Disney Princess when she made her debut in 1988, one year before Ariel did in The Little Mermaid (1989)

Mephistopheles: Shrek came out in 2001

Mammon: Good for him

•

Satan: One time in math class my math teacher was really pissed at us and he was yelling “DO YOU EVEN KNOW BASIC MATH? DO YOU KNOW ADDITION? WHAT’S TWO PLUS TWO? MAMMON WHAT’S TWO PLUS TWO?” and poor Mammon wasn’t paying attention so I leaned over to him and whispered “seven” and he blurted out “SEVEN” and I have never laughed harder and I doubt I ever will.

•

Asmodeus: Today at work I let someone into a dressing room and they said “thank you” and half of me tried to say “you’re welcome” and the other half tried to say “no problem” and I ended up saying “your problem.”

Mammon: One time I was playing soccer in gym. Ball is up in the air. Think I’m gonna be awesome and air kick it into the goal. Try. Miss ball. Kick goalie in the face. Try to ask “are you okay” and

“I’m fucking sorry” at the same time. Instead end up yelling “ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY!?” Goalie is cooking back tears.

Leviathan: This post had me in tears.

•

Raphael: That’s a cute foot fetish you got there, would you mind keeping it 25796323689432 feet away from me?

Asmodeus: 25796323689432 feet you say?

•

Simeon: If you had six minutes left to live what’s the last song you’d listen to

Leviathan: I’d spend the entire six minutes trying to pick a song

•

Mammon: You call it “really bad at darts”, I call it freestyle acupuncture

Barbatos: Sir I’m going to have to ask you to leave the bar

•

Mammon: Can you OD on vitamin D?

Mephistopheles: That’s how Icarus died

•

Leviathan: I’m really into internet discourse but only pointless and stupid internet discourse like how many holes there are in a straw (it’s 2)

Mephistopheles: No it’s an infinite amount of holes stacked on top of eachother

Leviathan: This is exactly what I’m talking about

•

Luke: I have small hands

Leviathan: Bring them closer to you they’re just far away

Luke: Wow you were right…

•

Diavolo: You ever dip your entire Oreo in milk except the part where you’re holding it and feel like thetis dipping newborn Achilles into the River of Styx making him invulnerable everywhere except for his heel

•

Solomon:

Two things I need today’s youth to know:

1. Anything the government says is propaganda

2. 99% of vegetables taste better roasted

Barbatos: you spelled boiled wrong

Solomon:

My apologies:

Anything the government says is boiled

•

Diavolo: The weirdest instance of “getting my wires crossed” I’ve ever experienced: I had a piece of candy at my desk. My intention was to simultaneously eat the candy and start a brief work task. I put the candy in my mouth and felt a surge of alarm as I was convinced, for a fraction of a second, that I had somehow eaten the task I was about to start.

•

Asmodeus: Hope everyone is well today!

Asmodeus: And tomorrow !!!!

Asmodeus: After that you’re on your own

•

Luke: Omg my guardian just came into my room and told me that I’m spending too much time on the internet so he told me “I’m sorry I have to do this but it’s for your own good.” and then he proceeded to delete the internet explorer icon from my desk top

And the way he said “I just deleted the internet” just takes the cake