I Love This. Something Different.

Kids, have you ever been simultaneously in love and annoyed with your Tamagatchi pet? Like, Jesus Christ what the fuck do you want now? I just fed you and played with you! That's what parenthood feels like. Have fun with that!

I would like to commission an acrylic ant farm toilet.

Who is surrounded by family yet still feels alone?

When following old friends you don't see or speak to IRL anymore, Facebook seems to accelerate time when it comes to the "cycle of grief". The newsfeed is literally "lost a spouse, grieving publicly, back in love, remarried", all in the same day.

The only true division in humanity is that between the "pro hump-dance" cultures and the "anti hump-dance" cultures.

Harmony Montgomery: Who Are the Missing Child’s Parents?

Harmony Montgomery is a missing 7-year-old girl from Manchester, New Hampshire, who has not been seen since 2019. Her parents are Adam Montgomery and Crys Renee Sorey.

Let’s play true crime Jeopardy:

White child, a custody dispute, an illiterate mother, father with a neck tattoo who cut off contact with his family in 2019. 

I’ll take “Meth-head parents” for $300.

Ever notice how it's almost always the "mother's boyfriend" when a child is killed? Not a coincidence.

Remember when nobody took a fucking picture at the gym?

Spiderman: No Way Home

This is perhaps the most convoluted attempt at a pure fan service curtain call I have ever witnessed. We could’ve skipped this entire thing and gone straight into Symbiote Spidey and his Venom saga were in not for old men in suits. 

There are two reasons to condemn Turning Red.

1. You don't believe girls have the right to knowledge, even through allegory, about the transition to womanhood.

2. You are the Devouring Mother archetype, hence see number 1.