I’m Done Ranting About Steph And Damian This Is Nightwing First Account I’m Here To Thirst Over Him,

How I picture Brucie Wayne’s birth in the battinson universe.

8yr old Dick Grayson: so B I gotta ask

Battinson: hn

8yr old newly Robin Dick Grayson: do you really think that people don’t suspect the crazy Rich secluded billionaire who disappeared for years to be Batman and then takes in a child only for ‘I’m vengeance’ to appear with a child at the same time.

Battinson: hnnn

DG: nonono like no offense but like don’t you think it’s a little …obvious… like marvel movies exist..

Battinson: hnnn what do you propose I do then?

DG: duh you gotta make sure it’s impossible for you to be Batman

Battinson: hmm so I should plan an event where we are both spot-

DG: get drunk and swim in a fountain

Battinson: ???

DG: if Bruce Wayne is dumb he can’t be Batman

Battinson: Bruce Wayne is the head of one the most successful companies in the worl-

DG nodding along: yep all thanks to the amazing help he hired to do the work for him while he search for the cure to polio in the Sahara desert

Battinson: the polio vaccine already exists Dick

DG hand placed on forehead like a fainting damsel: oh it’s so sad about poor Brucie you know, dumb as a rock that one. Didn’t get an ounce of his parents intelligence thank god he got lucky enough that the people he surrounds himself with are loyal to his parents and aren’t stealing money from him.

Battinson: Robin I’m really not followi-

DG rolling his eyes and grabbing B’s face: I’m telling you to play himbo with heart of gold. If people think you’re sweet and pathetic, they’ll (A) underestimate you (B) not question why you disappear for months (C) pathetic good looking idiots get sympathy points.

Battinson: and how would you know this

DG who got adopted by a billionaire who won’t say no to anything he says bc puppy dog eyes: …….

Battinson: …fair point

DG: worlds greatest Detective he says

My favorite thing I’ve seen is AUs where characters are trans and nothing changes and nobody knows until they accidentally have to lore dump and they’re fine with it bc they lowkey assume these people close to them know they’re trans and everyone’s like??????? HUH? Since when

Anyway support my trans!Dick Grayson headcanons bc fuck you i can

- Dick told his parents he was a boy at like age 3 and they were like… fuck it sure.. we’ll pick you a new name

-John Grayson then despairs bc his brother then gleefully informs him that John promised to name their first boy after him bc he lost a bet. Mary thinks it’s too funny to not go along with

-3 Yro Dick has a lisp and can’t pronounce his own name and finds out Dick is a nickname and proceeds to immediately go by it and yell at anyone who doesn’t use his new name

- Kid has no documents and grew up in a circus so when he ends up in Gotham. There are literally no issues at all.

- Bruce adopts him as Richard John Grayson and is none the wiser about anything

-Alfred is the first one to find out when at 11 Dick freaks out and thinks he’s hemorrhaging in the bathroom bc he’s bleeding. Cue realization moment! Followed by many many many awkward questions and Alfred being awesome assumes his grandson is stealth and maybe doesn’t want anyone including Bruce to know so he takes over every and Dick gets the medications he needs with no issue

- second person to realize is Roy bc they’re messing around btw (Dick did not inform him of this before, Roy is 100% Cool with it and goes… damn okay…anyway bc he’s chill like that)

-now about 700 new bats have happened and Dick is nightwing and literally the only people who know anything at all are his current/previous partners and Alfred

And shenanigans ensue with Jason catches Dick injecting something…while he has no injuries… no nothing

Now Jason freaks ofc bc??? DICK WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Listen he might hate all of them but he is VERY MUCH not okay losing another relative to addiction wtf he’s not having a panic attack fuck you

Anyway

Dick just goes “Jason calm down it’s just my t-shot” and Jason who definitely didn’t jump to conclusions bc he’s sleep deprived and has a 16 hour run in with fear toxin is like

“What the fuck is that?? Is that something new on the street what’s happening dick? Are you doing untested Shit?

And Dick who has had to DEAL with Jason during 16 hours of fear toxin induced terror, as well as the rest of the family and would really like to go chill days in front of many of his family members: testosterone Jason. Bc I’m trans

To which everyone is confused

Dick is too tired to realize this and goes the fuck to bed

Bruce then panics bc “wait what if he wasn’t that accepting when Dick was younger and that’s why Dick didn’t ever come out? What did he do that made his son feel like he couldn’t talk to Bruce about it”

Tim is annoyed bc he is supposed to know things and now he owes Bernard money bc they had an argument over which letter each batfam member corresponds to

This is based off that one supernatural fic where somehow Sam was oblivious to his brother being trans anyway

The eternal dichotomy of hating how Alfred pennyworth spoke about and to a young Dick Grayson

Vs

Loving how he talks about adult Dick Grayson and all forms of Damian Wayne

my bravest knighttt... come hither ..... mmmwah !! ok you are dismissed

In honor of thanksgiving (which is where you give people thank you notes? Idk I’m not American)

What each Batkid is thankful for this year

Dick: Donna Troy being alive and the fact that Bruce was mind controlled and Dick got to punch him

Jason: saw Dick punch Batman

Tim: his very heathy, very cute relationship

Damian: he finally got to replace all the colors on the Robin suit, black, gray and orange it is!

Steph: saw Dick punch Batman

Cass: fought wonder woman

Duke: his mom isn’t insane anymore

Or

Dick: punched Bruce

Jay: saw Dick punch Bruce

Tim: Recorded it

Damian: pretended he didn’t see it

Steph: posted video on clock app and made t-shirts

Cass: did not like Dick punching Bruce

Duke: reposted Steph’s TikTok

Now I’m just picturing Dick shoveling cereal into his mouth while he’s writing 5 separate papers on different laptops (all of them are due at midnight, it is 11:45)

(he was supposed to get them done a week ago but darkseid tried to end the world)

(He gets them done and gets 4 As and 1 A-)

(The A- is in forensics bc he accidentally used batspeak)

Broke: Dick has no degrees and dropped out young

Woke: Dick has like 7 fully completed bachelors bc he keeps taking college courses to keep busy/ learn new skills as nightwing and ends up just having a fuck ton of credits. He simply doesn’t tell Bruce to make Bruce sad that none of his kids have graduated college.

Because I’m already on a soapbox can I talk about how annoying I find the ‘Dick is ace’ headcanon but ONLy when it’s used as a validator for his SA (if you headcanon this for vibes I respect you and think you’re neat)

However

I feel like we need to talk about the fact that the reason Dick Grayson is such a sexual character is because he was the first unmarried character to be depicted in a sexual relationship (I think don’t fact check me or do idrm)

And that’s?? Fine??

Like my biggest energy is flanderization so if you don’t degrade him down to pretty himbo with nice ass then yeah? I think having a flirty, attractive male character is fun

And I fear that a lot of people cannot conceptually grasp the fact that yeah Liu, tarantula, mirage happened. Yeah people have slapped his ass and he’s explicitly stated he hates it bc who doesn’t. And yeah he doesn’t like the way people talk about him. And yet he doesn’t need to be Ace to make his dislike or victimhood appear valid.

He can enjoy the sexual aspect of his romantic relationships without it invalidating the fact that he’s been treated like shit in the comics and has his autonomy taken like 8 billion times.

The dude canonically likes sex right? Doesn’t mean he should have his autonomy stripped away from him? Ya feel?

Idk it always gives me a very ick vibe

If you headcanon him as ace bc your ace and therefore all ur faves are ace you are excluded from this post bc u are me fr

The best part about DC canon being a sandbox is that you can combine different parts of different timelines into your Frankenstein ideal just to give Bruce Wayne more gray hairs

Observe

Bruce: Dick you know you’re 26 you can’t keep working as a gymnastics instructor on a volunteer basis you need a career.

Dick who has been working as a lawyer in nyc for 3 years now: hmmm yeah you’re totally right B maybe I’ll take some classes

Bruce: Tim you need to get your GED, I cannot allow you to give up on education at highschool.

Tim who got into ivy university and has been zeta-ing back and forth: …hmmm maybe I’m kinda busy

Bruce: I have no idea what Jason does in the day

Jason catholic priest Todd: … yeah I got nothing

-this shitpost was brought to you solely to remind everyone that JASON TODD WAS A CATHOLIC PRIEST IN ANOTHER DIMENSION THANK YOU

I'm still waiting for them to get back together....

saw someone said dick should apologize to jason in the comics for having putting him in arkham

i am sorry i think the f*ck not 😭 like i love jason as much as the next guy dmw but come on guys

“Jason was in Arkham”

“Dick wanted to put Tim in Arkham”

I sincerely apologize to my whump friends but I fear yall don’t know Jason Todd’s game

First let’s not talk about the fact the only person Dick put in Arkham who was miserable was himself. We aren’t gonna talk about it. Or the Arkham reform thing he was doing a the time or the other 600 things that were going on

Hell I won’t even talk about what Jason did in blackgate (WHWRE HE WAS INITIALLY) b4 he killed a hundred people to end up in Arkham we don’t need to talk about it

I won’t talk about the menace that is the hottest version of red head Jason Todd okay we have, as a society moved past that.

But genuinely for a second can you imagine that conversation

Dick guilt ridden: Jason, I- I owe and apology

Jason cleaning his crowbar: ….

Dick: I never should’ve put you in Arkham I’m so sorry being near the joker-

Jason: was literally part of the whole plan? Why the hell do you think I TRIED to get into it

Dick: exactly! I shouldn’t have indulged your worst impulses, fuck I should’ve brought you home or kept you with a league member

Jason: I would’ve killed Tim and kidnapped Damian to use as a barter tool with Ra’s Al Ghul. You know this. I need you to tell me that you know this

Dick: fuck Jay you were nineteen! That’s basically a fucking child

Jason: I’m so sorry weren’t you ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED AT 19? Didn’t you run the league for a couple months at 18? Do you think you could do more than I could at 19 dickface.

Dick: No Jason you don’t understand-

Jason: oh perfect Grayson just because I chose to become a crime lord and YOU decided to do the cringe fail hero gig. Which was really. Cringe and fail since it’s so obvious you either wanted to be dead or a supervillain

Dick: wha-that’s not true!

Jason: sure sure go say hi to Donna Troy’s grave for me

Dick:…..

Jason: ANYWAY just because I spent my teenage years outside of spandex building a criminal empire DOESNT MAKE IT LESS IMPRESSIVE THAN YOUR STUPID TITANS GROUP R I C H A R D

Dick quietly: I’mstillsorry

Jason: well im not sorry for the fact i strung you and damain up nude to reveal your identities, im also not sorry for stealing your suit and killing people in it, while we’re on that topic im also not sorry for STEALING BRUCES SUIT, im not sorry for beating tim up that shit was funny as fuck and I’m also not sorry for laughing when bludhaven blew up.

Dick: ….

Jason: so shut your fucking ass up talking about ‘oh I’m so sorry Jason’ like we didn’t spend the past decade trying to ruin each others lives

Dick: I NEVER TRIED TO RUIN YOUR LIFE

Jason: MY LIFES DREAM WAS MURDER ERGO YOU NOT LETTING ME DO THAT RUINED IT.

Jason: we WERE assholes to each other past tense and I will 100% be taking advantage of your raging guilt complex to pretend those things are equivalent to each other and now that we are all happy family bygones will be bygones whatever I can fully abuse you to get out of league level shit.

Jason: anyway what are you gonna do next? apologize to Tim for Red Robin

Dick guiltily: he’s the next stop

Jason: omg your actually doing an apology tour

Dick: I FEEL BAD OKAY

Jason: dude you know what I’ll indulge you, go try and apologize to Tim but when he LAUGHS you out of the room for being a fucking dumbass I’ll be there with popcorn

Dick grumbling: Steph accepted my apology to HER

Jason: yeah because everyone in this family was a dick to Steph and she deserved better.

Dick: yeah she was a phenomenal batgirl i wish we worked together more now that she’s spoiler

Jason: did she really hit Tim in the face with a brick

Dick: yep