Paní Prodavačka V Lidlu Mi Dneska Načetla K Nákupu Svojí Kartičku (já Lidl Aplikaci Nemám) A

Season 3 Elias is so goddamn fucking funny to me I forgot what a rollercoaster he was during my first listen.

Like the s2 finale has Jurgen Leitner giving Jon the whole "monsters are real speech" and Jon's like "I need a cigarette. NO ONE get brutal pipe murdered while I'm gone" and Jurgen fails step 1 because Elias walks in and grabs Jon's point-and-click-adventure pipe he'd been carrying around and Brutal Pipe Murders. Which, of course, Jon walks back in on and is prime suspect #1 due to literally every single feature trait and word he's said in the entirety of s2.

So naturally s3 starts with Jon on the lam and Officer Tonner like "I'm gonna arrest him for brutal pipe murder" and I'M like "Shit. I hate this. Elias is going to SO easily pin it on Jon and get away with it."

EXCEPT Elias walks in and is like "hello Ms. Officer no Jon Archivist did not kill that man, also I won't tell you anything else, also this is what you sound like" while reciting all her childhood trauma and all her illegal activity that will get HER sent to jail for brutal murder of the non-pipe variety and now I'm like "....huh." He's also like "Jon didn't do it but you can kill him if you want maybe :)" Elias your alibi????

And then we come BACK with Jon storming Elias's office with his two lesbian bodyguards as back up and he's like "I'm gonna use my powers to make you confess to pipe murder!" At which point Elias is like "It doesn't work on me. But I'm having fun so Martin go get everyone I need to tell you all how I committed pipe murder." and Martin does and Elias is like "Yes I pipe murdered. I also killed Gertrude. I love murder. You will not be compensated extra for this time. Get back to work." And they... DO... just go back to work. Because work is haunted. One of the lesbian police officers works here now, too. This just happened. "Also living dolls from Russia are about to Apocalypse the world, Jon go stop it," Elias says, while also saying "no I'm not gonna tell you how to stop it."

Okay???? Mr. Elias man??? And you're like "maybe he's a ruthless tactician? Maybe he's brutal but it's all in the interest of stopping the doll apocalypse??? He wants to save the earth???" Except THAT'S not even true it's actually more like he's trying to get the Russian dolls kicked out of line at Disney World so HE gets to meet Mickey Mouse first by which I mean, start his OWN Apocalypse, because if the dolls do it first well then what's the point of apocalypsing a planet that's become someone else's sloppy seconds.

Anyway Elias's master strategy here is to bring the human equivalent of a drowned cat to the gun fight and just sit back and watch Jon fall down every set of stairs he finds while Elias goes "This is good. This will work." His name isn't even fucking Elias.

Writing stories is my therapy, it's how I cope with the world. When I come up with a theme I always do a little reflection, how it ties to me and my issues.

And it slaps.

storyteller

sometimes I forget that I'm just a teenager writing a webcomic in my spare time, so I shouldn't hold myself to the same standards as, say, a feature film with an entire team of professional writers, or Hiromu Arakawa. Writing flawed stories is okay, and even necessary in order to write better ones :)

(if you want to read aforementioned amateur webcomic...)

rating bathtubs

day 5

-10/10

that mother fucker-

wish we had this when i drowned

trying is never enough.

This isn't a shitty idea, but I thought you would appreciate that I had the irl version of A Guest for Mr. Spider.

It was about a spider and he invites a fly into his house and the fly tries to stay safe and just do what she came to do but the spider ends up eating her at the end.

10/10 very creepy.

I think it was called The Spider and The Fly?

You can imagine how scary the Mr. Spider episode was for me.

found it

Dildo Generator

Online 3D experiment by Ikaros Kappler which is described as a “Extrusion/Revolution Generator” ….

Created with three.js, you can alter the bezier curves and angle of the form, and is designed with 3D printing in mind (models can be exported and saved, as well as calculated weight in silicone).

Try it out for yourself (if you wish) here

Wade | Martyrdom

An old piece, almost almost a year old, one of the very few rendered. I am a traditional artist, I don't know anything about digital stuff. References helped a lot with this piece.

I still dig the concept. Might redo it someday.

I don't know if Tumblr's terms and conditions say anything about badly drawn penises, but eh, I'm not going to try my luck today.