From-winded-to-wellness - A Winning Loser

@ twinkling.toad

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ. October will bring blessings.

ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

you better walk into that room like God sent you in there.

27 September 2021

Hey ya’ll.

It’s been a while (over a month to be exact). Sorry for the really inconsistent posting. Everytime I feel like I finally have it together again, something else happens or gets in the way. That’s life, I guess...

Anyway...I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting this past week. This post is going to be another one of me ranting/rambling, so feel free to scroll on (or read on).

I really want to get back into my fitness routine again. I’ve been feeling so sluggish, lately. I know that’s partly because I have not done a lot of physical activity since the last time I posted. The most I move around is when I’m on campus for class, which still counts for something, given how awful I have been feeling, but still...I know can do better. Though, I also know it’s important to not put so much pressure on yourself, but sometimes that’s easier said than done. 

I’m just really tired of always feeling this way...always feeling like I’m not good enough and that all my problems would be solved if I finally just lost the stupid weight already...but I have to remind myself that, even when I was thinner, life was not necessarily made any easier. My self-worth should not be so closely tied to my clothing size...

Last week, I made the decision to start focusing on myself. I deleted some contacts (and blocked some others). I decorated my room, which I’ve been wanting to do for the past year now. I caught up on my school work. I hung out with one of my best friends (we got Thai food and talked for hours). 

I even made a whole “glow up” plan for myself. However, when I say glow up, I don’t mean just my appearance. 

I want to glow up as a person in general. I want to be content with myself and be content with being alone. I want to connect more with myself more. I want to take myself on dates. I want to be more consistent with my spirituality. I want to meditate more and pray more. I want to start and end every day with reciting affirmations. I want to start writing in my journal again. I want to stop comparing myself to other people. I want to learn how to love myself. I want to validate myself without needing other people to do so for me. I want to do things I’ve always been afraid of doing because of posssible judgement (e.g. pierce my nose, get a tattoo (or several), change my hair, etc). I want to feel good about myself. I want to stop feeling like there is something wrong with me everytime a guy I fall for treats me horribly, leads me on, leaves me for someone else, or, simply, changes their mind about me. I want to stop always feeling like everything is my fault and that I don’t deserve to be happy. I want to do all of these things and more. 

I’m going to do all of these things and more.

I have, honestly, lost myself. I can’t really pinpoint the exact moment this started, but, over the past few years, I have really lost myself...

Here’s to finding her again.

Accountability Post #1 (Starting Over)

Hey ya’ll....it’s been a WHILE.

Just a few life updates before I get to the health/fitness stuff:

-I have, officially, finished moving out of my apartment 

-I have, officially, finished moving back home (This is going to take some getting used to but I’ll be fine...plus I still have a bunch of stuff in boxes that I have yet to unpack...baby steps)

-I have been getting settled at my new, post-grad job

Overall, I finally feel a bit more grounded now (at least in comparison to the past two months lol). So, I’m ready to get back on track again and start taking better care of myself.

I’ve been putting so much time and energy into other people lately and neglecting myself. I’m disappointed that I let it get to this point, but I’m ready to redirect my focus and start investing some of that time and energy into myself and my goals...not just the health and fitness goals. I have a bunch of personal and professional goals that need attention...

I have not been to the gym in WEEKS. But, that’s okay. The past two months have been extremely hectic and I needed to take some time to deal with a lot of stuff...some of which I’m still dealing with but, everything will be okay in the end.

I didn’t go to the gym today, but I did manage to get over 10,000 steps. This is amazing for me because, usually, I average around 4,000 to 5,000 steps a day (less on the days I’m not working). 

I’m aiming to start going to the gym again tomorrow. With how my schedule is right now, the gym is going to have to be an after work thing. I know this will be difficult for me for a while because I have always preferred getting my workouts done in the morning....I mean I could try to go before work but, with how early I start, I would have to be going to the gym at 4 in the morning...which would mean having to wake up at 3 in the morning (No thank you lol).

Anyway, I’m going to read then go to bed.

Good night, everyone! Sending you all good vibes and energy for the rest of this week. :)

I am excited about the person I am becoming.

Accountability Post #5 (23 June 2022)

Arm day!

My workout consisted of:

1. 5-minute warm up on the elliptical

2. 23 minutes of weight lifting

3. 20-minute hill workout on the treadmill + 5-minute cool down after

Honestly, I almost didn’t go to the gym today. I had to remind myself of my fitness goals (and the fact that I pay for a monthly membership lol...). I ended up going later than I would have liked to, though. So, there were more people in comparison to these past few days. Thankfully, I was able to use all of the machines in today’s routine. 

I, most likely, won’t be able to go to the gym tomorrow. So, I’m going to go on Saturday instead. Tomorrow, I think I’ll try to go on a walk around the neighborhood or I might even see if my family’s old Wii still works and play Wii Fit (lol). Anything to get some movement.