WHY AM I CRYING??

TCIK Original Book Update #1

Finally, I have the structure of the story complete! Like, the main ideas in each arc.

I'm still drowning in my notes. I have at least 200 pages of it, and the worst laziness to sort them out. Some of the ideas are already outdated, but some are gold. I'm organizing them all in this new document, and it's going well, even though it's a very slow process.

I'm still not satisfied with the ending. It has already morphed into something brand new in the time I've been thinking about this fic (like, one month?), but I find something is still missing… I'll keep thinking about it and trying to figure it out.

Another challenge is making the romance feel earned. I wrote a bit of it already, and I'm not satisfied. The protagonist feels like a dunderhead, and the main love interest a creep. I feel this is something I'll end up figuring out at the last moment…

Anyway, despite hating crosswords and puzzles, I find book-puzzles like those fascinating. Hurray!! Another day of slaving over my book <3

My fav mangas

Gravitation (way better than the anime)

Like the Beast (love the author)

Saint Seiya (I hoard my full collection!!)

Hetalia (I can't believe there's a mafia!Hetalia coming up!)

Ao no Exorcist (most enjoyable angst for a queer teen)

Deadman Wonderland (I enjoyed it so much!)

Cherry Magic (cute cute cute)

07 Ghost (I loved it very much when I was a teen, but I remember nothing now)

Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles (I was in only for the gays, Fye and Kurochan)

When I was younger I also loved Bukiyou na Silent and Skip Beat, but I got no idea if it's any good anymore, really...

I used to think I had nothing to offer to the world. That my writings were shit. Lacking in pretty much everything. That no one would want to read them in their right mind. That I'd be better off dead.

Fuck that.

I'll carve my path in blood if need be, if even one person feels heard by a word I wrote.

(I'm just being poetic, policeman)

Fav bands/singers

6arelyhuman

Three Days Grace

My Darkest Days

Matt Walst

Lady Gaga

Sid Dorey

Marina

Halsey

Inuday

a world without trans people has never existed and never will

prints

I'm old af

I was just remembering 'the old days'. 'My days'.

I'm so oooooooooooooooold.

Me, my parents and a cheap car.

No air conditioning, the warmest summer ever known.

Beatles rocking through the radio nonstop.

Beetles rocking through the windshield with a ton of their insect friends as well. (For some reason, those insects just disappeared nowadays...)

Coming back home to... sit down and read a book? Cuz no internet, babe. Not even a mp3 player at the time.

(I confess, I'd just stare at the ceiling, wishing it'd swallow me whole.)

Tumblr is god-given, I'm telling ya.

Omg I'm here wanting to cry. Why? Because I'm hearing lo-fi & eating nutella. Somehow that's cry-inducing to me now.

And you can't even say that it must be 'that time of the month' cuz I'm not a woman, technically. What's wrong with me. WHY does lo-fi makes me want to cry. What do I even hear if not lo-fi to relax?? I tried 3daysgrace, for hours, then Bullet for my Valentine, then back to 3daysgrace, now I got no idea what to listen to. Also, I have to work, so I can't just go home and bury myself in a tower of blankets like I'm rebuilding Babel.

Never gonna hear lo-fi again.

(Make a bet on how long it takes for me to listen to it again.)

When people think I'm a man they treat me better than when people think I'm a woman.

It brings me back to that one time I was on this school show, acting as an old, male historical figure. I welcomed the incoming kids from other schools and taught them this one little song. We all had a good time. But some of them (mainly the adults) kept asking me: are you a boy? Or are you a girl??

Like, the hell should they care?

I had short hair, kinda deep voice, just a teen, but my voice was high enough and my face feminine enough that it made them doubt.

And does that even matter?

Yes, it does. Because when I tell people I'm technically male, they bite their tongues and don't say nasty shit.

And while being nonbinary myself (and I can't care less about what other people think of my gender), I can't help thinking:

What horrible world for my sister to grow up.

I wish we can all make it a better place for women, one day.

Today I got 200 words written down.

And they were ~the best words~ I've written so far.

(The scene isn't even ready...)

~just a little patience~

I knew this fic would take time, and it'd probably only be ready near August, but it always surprises me... the amount of work one actually has to do to write like, 100.000 words??

I love every damn second of it, anyway.