Marcus Rasford Thanks 😁

everyone tell me ur first football crush NOW

getting nervous not gonna lie but that lineup is looking good and i’m praying boehly said we are winning 3-0 because he paid referee

Bayern fans display banners against 'all autocrats' owners during the UEFA Champions League quarter final, first leg football match between Manchester City and Bayern Munich at the Etihad Stadium in Manchester, north-west England, 11.04.2023

📸; OLI SCARFF

don’t take me for granted-mason mount

pairing: mason mount x reader

summary: “but every time i leaned over and said i’m sorry you said it was fine. you squeezed my hand and said it’s fine. i love you. don’t worry... it’s fine.”

warnings: angst with a twist at the end

word count: 1,2 k

life is good.cause we fucking did it. it couldn’t have gone better.

you looked beautiful tonight.the entire night, while i was talking to all these smiling,sweet,rich people who one month ago wouldn’t give me the time of day... i would look across the room and see you. and i’d think, god,she is the most beautiful fucking creature on planet earth.and the sexiest. there’s truly no one sexier. even christian said it.

speech he gave after being voted as the best at fifa awards left you…speechless.you had no intention of talking to him so you just looked at him confused.

he recognized your “what is that supposed to mean” look because let’s face it,he knew you like the back of his hand.

not in a bad way. a good way. a respectful way. but it’s true. every time i’d see you... he continued to talk while kissing the back of your neck,with your glass of old fashioned,smiling and chatting it up,i’d think to myself:

“god, am i fucking lucky.”

nobody in their right mind would have energy to start an argument after a long night of pretending to be interested in people you’ve never seen before. thankfully,there were few familiar faces who made this night bearable. however,some of them turned it into the worst night ever. including him. you didn’t want to raise any suspicion so you dryly smiled at him.

what was that?

what?

that smile?

what?

it was a fake smile. i thought you are going to be a little bit more excited for me. don’t think your behavior went unnoticed. it seemed like you were not yourself tonight, especially around my mum. what’s wrong?

point is… i don’t have nothing to say to her. which is the reason i didn’t talk to her.

it’s just... she notices.

really?

yes.

how do you know?

i just do.

really?

well she sees how you are with other people... you’re talkative, you’re funny.

what can i say, i’m personable.

right. which makes her insecure.

what? other human beings with personalities?

no. it’s the fact that you’re not yourself and she knows it. can you just tell me what happened?

tust me. it’s not a good idea. let’s talk tomorrow.

but i know you’re upset at me.

it’s not a big deal.

i can’t go to sleep knowing you’re angry.

i’m begging you. nothing productive is going to be said tonight.

how do you know?

because i know you.

you turn and walk down the hall toward to bedroom,already regretting you said anything because he is not gonna let it go now.

as you were taking off your jewelry,you look at him in the mirror,realizing this is gonna be a long night. truthfully,you didn’t have one of those in a while- at least not this sort of long night.

really... you wanna go there? it’s your speech, mason.

why do you have to find something... anything...the most minor fucking detail to harp on, to fucking ensure that there is no possible fucking reason to celebrate.

you didn’t thank me, mason. that’s not a minor fucking detail. that’s a big one.

oh give me a fucking break. when i said you’ll find the most minor fucking detail and turn it ugly... i fucking meant it.

but i’ve thanked you a million times before. you know i’m thankful. you know I’m appreciative. and you know it was a mistake, so why turn it into anything more?

because it is more.

you can’t be serious.

i’m dead serious.

then you’re out of your mind.

and you’re hyperbolic.

i’m not. it’s hysterical to think that forgetting to thank you is symbolic of anything other than me legitimately forgetting to fucking thank you.

you looked at him in the mirror and turned to him:

mason,you thanked a hundred fucking people. you thanked your agents. your teammates. your parents. your fucking third grade teacher and the kid who was playing with you at academy when you were eleven years old and saw whatever-the-fuck.

i didn’t thank the guy who saw me scoring a free-kick identical to one i scored in 2020?

you know what i mean -

you don’t have to be sarcastic and petty about it. i forgot to thank you.i am sorry. i am genuinely sorry.which is why i apologized a hundred times during the awards. i couldn’t even focus on the awards because i felt so guilty.

that’s a shame.

but every time i leaned over and said i’m sorry you said it was fine. you squeezed my hand and said “it’s fine. i love you. don’t worry... it’s fine.”

well mason,i changed my mind.it’s not fine.

how can you just change your mind?

honestly... it’s really fucking easy.

that doesn’t seem a little crazy to you?

not at all.

really?

nope.

why?

because while i was sitting through awards it was fine,then every single person from your dad to declan came up and said, “i know you’re probably a little upset he forgot to thank you but i know how much he counts on you.”

they said that?

they told me not to read into it.

what does that mean?

that’s funny you say that... that’s the exact same thought i had. but let’s not digress. because as the night went on, i became less fine with it.

before you could continue why you weren’t fine with it,he asked you to sit next him. even though this was probably your worst fight ever,you missed being close to him and how could you refuse?

because it’s not just about you forgetting to thank me. it’s about how you see me and how you view my contribution, not just to this relationship, but to your work. after listening to you complain about new coaches,new methods,waking up in the middle of night when you were crying about not being good enough and not wanting to leave your childhood club,supporting you when you wanted to quit football completely…

i really hope you don’t actually think that i don’t appreciate everything you did for me. for us. if it wasn’t for you,i wouldn’t be here where i am right now. i would still be mediocre. there is a reason why they say that after every great man is a great woman. you are the most loving and patient person i know. thank you for everything, i don’t know how will i ever make it up to you,but i’ll do everything in my power to make you the happiest woman in world every day until we die. i’m so sorry. thank you. thank you for loving me. for making my life anything but mediocre. we make the best team and i love you,baby.

i love you too,just don’t take me for granted.

great... are we no longer fighting?

you look at him and smile and then it turns into a laugh.

what? don’t tell me you already know what i wanted to ask you. he smiled for first time since you came home and but it felt like forever since you last seen his contagious smile- one of many things that made you fall in love with him.

you shrugged your shoulders, completely oblivious on what is he talking about until you saw him getting on one knee.

will you marry me?

men don’t understand shit about football

Comforting words

or rather mouth

warning: smut

——————————————————————————

You are watching El Clásico, supporting your boyfriend from the stands. Barcelona had won the past 3 El Clásicos and you were confident they can take the fourth. But as time went on, things just started getting worse. The game ended 0-4 and you knew this was going to be hell with Gavi at home. You drove back home alone, escaping the tension that Gavi’s presence would make. And he will probably take hits time in the locker room.

Quite some time has passed before you heard the front door slam open from the couch. You looked at the direction where Gavi is supposed to emerge from and nervously waited. You heard him drop his bag and take off his shoes before appearing in your sight.

“Hey” you said softly but he didn’t even look at you, just stormed off upstairs. You sighed to yourself. You left him to calm down a bit in the shower, before he made his way downstairs, sitting next to you. You scooched over to him, slowly running your finger trough his hair.

“Baby, I know you’re disappointed. You played well and Vinicius was provoking you, you didn’t do anything”. You said, still stroking his hair, trying to make him talk to you. Gavi was silent, looking at the floor, jaw clenching.

“Can you at least look at me?” you asked, now a bit irritated yourself because of his childish behaviour. He suddenly gripped your wrist that was in his hair, and pulled you forward. His other hand grabbed your cheeks, making you look at him.

“Listen babe, your words won’t bring back the fucking 4 goals we concided. So If you really want to comfort me, better make me cum” he said, gripping his dick trough his shorts. He smashed his lips against yours, it was agressive, frustration and anger seeping from it. One hand grabbed yours and guided it to his erection that was straining against his shorts.

He bit your bottom lip, pulling it between his teeth. You locked eyes with him, hand slowly stroking him over the material. You started kissing his neck, one hand pulling his shorts down. You sunk to your knees, Gavi’s eyes carefuly watching you.

You grabbed his now exsposed dick, giving it a few strokes before Gavi’s hand replaced yours. He guided his dick to your mouth,smearing precum from the tip on your lips. “Open up”

You took him in your mouth, his hand instantly grabbing your hair, pulling you down. You didn’t expect that much of him in your mouth and you gagged a bit.

“What? Can’t take my whole dick down your throat? I thought you wanted to make me feel good?” He said, taunting you. You looked up at him from your position, slowly moving your head up and down. Gavi threw his head back, letting out a moan before gripping your hair tigther.

“Faster”

You listened and started moving your head faster, stroking what your mouth couldn’t reach.

“You’re such a good girl, sucking me off after a loss. Are you gonna let me fuck you nicely later?”

You hummed against him, making him groan. Gavi started bucking his hips up, stopping your movements by pulling your hair once again.

“Keep still, I want to fuck your mouth”

Tears rolled down your cheeks, smudging your mascara completely.

“Fuck, you’re so pretty like this, such a slut for me” he said, his thrusts now sloppy.

“I’m gonna cum down your throat babe, take it all” he said, thrusting a few more times before stilling his hips and cumming in your mouth. Gavi pulled you off of his now sensitive dick, cursing under his breath. You crawled up to him, a bit of his cum still left on your lips, and his thumb picked it up before pushing itself into your mouth. You sucked it dry, stroking his now sweaty hair once again. He grazed your mascara stained cheek.

“You really do have a comforting mouth” he said, letting out a breathy laugh “Sorry for acting the way I did”

“Don’t worry about it, after all you made my panties wet” you said, smirking at him.

——————————————————————————

thomas müller: raumdeuter, world champion, treble winner, horse lover, anti-capitalist comrade

anon,are u sure she isn’t chelsea fan in disguise? she watched our game yesterday over biggest game of season…

actually nevermind,just heartbroken over ucl final but thank you for your insightful analysis🥰

and i noticed she thinks “benzema 15 moment😂” is funny so can’t say i would be suprised if she really wished death upon someone

Sorry,did you see that @ julianalvarezzz posted a “joke” about how she would celebrate if some Chelsea fan died at 16? They deleted these posts now but claimed that she deserves it and it’s funny when other people say it so it should be okay when she says it…

do you maybe have screenshots? if that’s true,it’s really fucked up and not something to joke about. at the end of the day,it’s just football,chill.

mon cherié -benjamin pavard

summary: both you and benjamin are insufferably stubborn,which makes this “hot and cold” situation unbearable. if destiny wants to see you together,who is gonna be the first one to stop acting like you hate each other?

author’s note: thank you for all your support and requests so far! this is the longest piece i wrote so far and i really put my heart and energy into this one. let me know what do you think <3

word count: 2,5 k

warnings: angst,betrayal and mentions of cheating

What is it about us that we always want something we can’t have? Or someone. I had never craved anyone’s attention like this before. Not until I met him.

He was always there,yet so far out of my reach. Almost like a toy you will reach for at top shelves in stores. Unreachable for me. I never knew where I stood with him. One thing was sure- he was the one. He had to be. If not him,then who? I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him. No amount of love movies could ever prepare me for that fatal attraction. Nothing compares to experiencing that moment. Destiny wanted us together,but did you?

From that moment on, he was the last thing I would have on my mind before going to sleep. It even got to a point where I couldn’t even escape him while I was sleeping. And when I wasn’t seeing him in my dreams,I would daydream about him. Not that I would ever admit that to him. I was too proud to do it. Eventually,that would cost us time we could already spend together.

As the time went by, I was convinced that falling for someone this hard is a form of self- destruction.It just had to be. Raw feelings and this catastrophic timing made the most painful combination. How is it even possible to love someone that much without really knowing them? I just saw right through you. For what you really are, and I still love every single part of you. Even flaws. That’s what made you so irresistible. Some said that’s because I had a savior complex and you needed to be “saved”.

The truth is- I needed you. Needed to be saved by your love. If anything,I loved your flaws more than anything. You wouldn’t be who you are without them. You desperately wanted to give off the impression of someone mysterious to everyone else and always leave them wondering. Who are you? Are you in touch with all of your darkest fantasies? Have you created a life for yourself where you can experience them? What are you really like? Do you have someone? What rumors about you are true? For a good period of time,those rumors left me wondering too.

I scrolled through her post and it wasn’t because I was envious. The only thing I want for you is to be happy,even if it doesn’t include me. At least that’s what I was trying to convince myself. It worked for awhile. It got draining eventually and I was trying my best to hide it. I felt so pathetic for crying over someone who probably doesn’t even think about me. Why would you? I clearly did my best to push you away from me. We were never friends,but certainly not this either. How did it even come to this? From sitting together in classes and making jokes to not being able to stand each other.

I had to contradict everything you said. For some reason,even though you were shy,you always had something to say about everything. Truthfully,sometimes everyone found it frustrating. What did you wanna prove? It seemed like you wanted to be a teachers pet and always be against everyone else because you are above us. Straight A’s,tall,good-looking,popular among girls.. Even your football career seemed to be going in the right direction. What else is there to prove really?

Once again,I saw right through your facade. You wanted approval from others,which is something you always seek. Maybe not actively,but you love to feel accepted. You loved to make people laugh,but honestly, nothing about this situation was funny at all. Maybe destiny doesn’t wanna see us together after all.

Where did it all take a wrong turn for us? If „we“ ever were a thing after all. Everyone noticed the way we looked at each other. Self-proclaimed enemies don't look at each other with lust in their eyes. If I had to point out one specific event, it would be the moment where I comforted you about one of the rumors that was going around.

Not because I wanted to humiliate you or find out the truth so everyone can gossip about it and talk behind your back, just like they always do. Some nice „friends“ you have. It was because I wanted to let you know I'm not that naive to believe everything I hear or read.

And most importantly- to let you know I'm here for you. Someone you can rely on, shoulder to cry. I see you and your good heart. Your good intentions. The rumor has it that you were sending inappropriate texts to some girls while you were with that girl. There was no way anyone would want to hurt her, especially not you. She looks beautiful and kind, she probably gives you butterflies. I was having sleepless nights over thinking about how to bring that up, but let's face it-that's not something you just casually bring up in random conversation. Who in their right mind would just ask „Hey, did you send these inappropriate messages to girls while you had a girlfriend? „

Nobody, except for me. I was waiting for an opportunity to ask you about this for days, weeks even. Nothing seemed like the right time to ask you about it and I wanted it to be as natural as possible. Somehow, after all that overthinking, I brought it up in the most idiotic way possible.

I noticed you were walking home alone after school and stopped you. After so many years, I still don't know what got into me. All I know is that I suddenly felt like my heart was in my throat. Even though I was practicing what to say in the mirror so many times, I went completely off the script.

Not the first time we have been off the script, is it?

„Hey, can I just show you something if you have a second?”

„Of course, what is it?”

„Uhm, I don't know are you aware, but they are talking about how you were sending some questionable messages to a lot of girls.”

„Wait, what?”

„So you don't know? There are screenshots going around…”

„I have to go or I will be late for a game, but if you can, please send me those screenshots.”

„Good luck and I will.”

„Thank you. „

This definetly felt wrong. It felt like I was interrogating you for a „crime“ that has no correlation to me whatsoever. It wasn't my place to ask you that, but since I already did, I had to proceed with it and send you screenshots.

Nothing for hours.

Followed by „seen at 3:27 am“.

That's what happens when you go off the script,but that's life. We can't retake this scene and try again.

Now it's up to you to decide what comes next. At the very least, you could've thanked me for letting you know, but no. Radio silence at your end.

After that conversation, I wouldn't even consider us „enemies“. I would consider ourselves as strangers because, at the end of the day, that is what we are. Who was I fooling? I will never know what you are thinking, who you are when you are alone at night with your thoughts. My friends noticed that you were looking at me every time I looked away from you. They didn’t know about our conversation, but even then, they knew you looked like you were so desperate to say something. Still no progress and let's face it- there will never be one.

It's not like I didn't try to occupy myself with other things, other people. All of my attempts worked out only for a short amount of time. Not suprising considering they never left significant mark on my life. Looking back on it, I should've risk it, confess it to you and risk a rejection. It couldn't be that bad if it happened sooner, right? They say time heals open wounds of a broken heart, but what would be a medicine for however you wanna describe this? All my friends are tired of hearing of how much I miss you and I got sick of thinking about you all the time. It almost felt pathetic.

I needed something, well someone to get you off my mind. Funnily enough, my boyfriend, well ex-boyfriend now, looked very similiar to you. It's safe to say I have a type. Brown eyes and curly brown hair. Very predictable of me. If I only predicted that so called replacements don't work out. If anything, that cheap version of you only made my life even more miserable with constant lying and gaslighting.

To make the whole story more embarassing, he broke up with me right before Christmas and ruined my favorite time of the year. Looking back on it, it was a blessing in disguise. There is just one thing I will forever regret if you put aside the fact that I endured his gaslighting for months. He was my first kiss and just looking back on it makes me physically ill. It's such a repulsive memory. Thanks God I complemently blocked that out of my memory.

On the other hand, I don't think he will block you out of his memory because he was also one of those that were envious of you, your talent, popularity and attractivness. Imagine if he knew he was your supossed replacement… Failed to even be the mediocre version of himself. He is free to add me on the list of girls who he didn't satisfy in any way. Not to wish bad upon anyone, but he doesn’t deserve to feel happiness after what he has done. Not to mention he most likely cheated too because I saw him with other girl on new year's party. Dissapointing but normal procedure by his standards.

Wanna hear something that is not a normal procedure in our story? Him sitting next to me in bus on our week long school trip. In the middle of the night as well. Everyone were asleep except few of us. I didn’t even notice him at first because I was got lost in my thoughts while looking through window. Night was so peaceful and you could see stars since sky was so clear, not a single cloud in the sight. He tapped my shoulder to get my attention and I just assumed it's one of my friends that was sitting behind me.

„Do you mind if I sit here? „

„No, go ahead. „

„It's a bit crowded back there so I hope you don't mind that I came. „

„It's okay, don't worry. „

„Why are you awake? „

„I could ask you the same thing. „

„I asked you first. „

„And you came to my seat so your rules don't apply here, monsieur . „

„Monsieur? I'm not that old,mademoiselle”

„Sorry, your dark cicrles are telling me a different story. „

„Hey, no need for that. „

„I'm just kidding, but seriously, why are you awake?“

„Because I can't fall asleep. „

„Really? „

„Really. That's why I'm here. „

„Huh? Am I supossed to tuckle you in and tell you a goodnight story? „

„I mean, if you want to… „

„Just go to sleep. „

„That's very rude of you, mon cherié. „

„What did you say? „

„Hm? Nothing, you are hearing stuff. „

„Goodnight then. „

„Goodnight. „

Well, that was suprising. His presence and the smell of his perfume were so comforting. It was almost like I needed him to fall asleep peacefully. To be more exact, it seemed like he needed me too.

Why are we each others safe place when all we do is bring chaos into each others lives?

Overthinking hit me again while he was leaning more and more towards me. This probbably doesn’t mean anything, but I would've lied if I said this isn't gonna disturb me. I was finally moving on and then this had to happen? How convinient.

„Sometimes I was conviced you are doing this on puprose. What else could it be? I just wanted you to make up your mind and put both of us out of this misery. I was hoping I will never ever come across you after high school. „

„I'm sorry, but that will never work out for you. Your shoulder probabbly went numb because I was all over you, I'm sorry. „

„Not just that, you were also drooling in your sleep. „

„That's embarassing. I hope nobody saw it. „

„Not only did they see you, they took pictures too. „

„Put that in a frame. But jokes aside, why did it took us so long? „

„Maybe because both of us are so insufferably stubborn? „

„That's what makes it more fun. „

„Suffering back then wasn't that fun, to be honest. „

„If this is suffering, then I wanna suffer forever with you. „

„Wow, so romantic of you. „

„Why are you rolling your eyes? I'm being serious. „

„It's just a natural reaction when I see you. „

„Are you thinking what I'm thinking or? „

„Oh stop winking at me and be serious for once. „

„Sorry, what were you saying? „

„I was about to say that I will never forgive you that you will never be my first kiss. „

„What?? I thought I was special? You are such a traitor. „

„Turns out you weren't the only one that was drooling over me. „

„Just so you know, that kiss doesn’t count. „

„So which one does? „

„This one. „

And he was right. That is the only that will ever matter.

“he is someone that a prince is based off of and maybe in another world, he would actually be my prince, but we don’t all get our happy endings”😩🥺🤍

jo & laurie & amy al12 & cl16

word count: 6k!

i am in love with my best friend. and i think he’s in love with me.

i’m not trying to be vain but i can’t deny that the way he looks at me is a look of love, lust and passion, matching the one i give him.  

i’ve never been in love with anyone but him. when we first met all those years ago it was like cupids arrow had pierced through my heart and since then i have been infatuated with charles leclerc.

the truth is though, who wouldn’t be? what’s not to like? he has the dimples that appear even after the worlds worst jokes and eyes that would have you hooked as his gorgeous plump lips ramble about a number of different things, he has everything a girl could want.

and yet he never made a move on anyone else. it’s just been me and him, y/n and charles, the dynamic duo. 

until that day on the hill.

i’m not oblivious to the fact that time is going on and that our lives are getting shorter and shorter each day, i know that if you want something so bad then just go for it or else you’ll miss your chance. i’m also not oblivious to the attention charles gets, i know he’s so gorgeous and attractive but how am i meant compete with those front cover models?

“it’s a nice day today, isn’t it?” charles asks me, his eyes squinted due to the beaming sun.

‘any day with you is a nice day’ my thoughts say as i quickly come up with a response.

“it really is” 

“did you hear that theodora got married and carlas off to paris for uni. it’s like time has finally caught up with us. and i’ll be off at the races again soon, which leaves you all alone, because unlike my mother and enzo you will never have anything to do that doesn’t end up leaving you even more getting bored.” 

everything he says is true and extremely saddening. when he’s gone i will have nothing to do but wallow in sadness, thinking about all the beautiful women he will meet day in and day out.

“you don’t have to go, you could stay here”

this is the moment he will say he loves me back and we can run off into the distance together and live our lives peacefully.

he laughs at me, probably at how ridiculous of an idea that was. 

“why do you want to run away and maybe sail away on a pirate ship far into the distance.”

i just look at him. taking in all the beauty i can see right now and i appreciate it for the hundredth time because i know that this is the last time he will look at me as if i am just a friend.

i inhale deeply and charles notices and i can tell he knows. he knows i am in love with him but instead of a look of happiness, i receive a look of what i can only perceive as anger. 

“no y/n.”

those two words break me. 

“don’t y/n”

i now understand what heartbreak actually is. it feels as if you’re heart has been pulled out of your chest and stomped on over again as they point and laugh at you as if you are a child.

i can’t help but try and fight the truth of situation, i mean what else am i meant to do in the heat of the moment, just back away without a fight? i am incredibly in love with this man and i can’t seem to let him go, it would hurt to much.

“charles, i’ve loved you since the moment i met you and i tried to ignore it at first but it just got to much and you were just so perfect that i couldn’t help it and i tried to let you know earlier but you would always shrug the topic away but now you have to listen to me and give me an answer once and for all because i can’t deal with this any longer, i really can’t.” 

 tears are streaming down my cheeks when i am finished. i am in pain but no one could ever understand me. i am in love with a man that will never EVER love me back and yet i was so naive that i dug my hole deeper by begging for him to give me just one chance. 

he speaks but i can barely hear it as my ears and my head have gone numb. 

“charles you don’t understand how hard i’ve worked to please you and keep you happy, and i gave up hanging out with my other friends to spend time with you and i’ve never complained because i thought that you would finally notice me and that you would say how much you loved me even though i’m not half as good as those-”

“you are good enough y/n. in fact you’re too good for me and i am so happy that you’ve been there for me all this time because i’m so grateful and proud of you y/n and i’m sorry that i can’t love you the way you love me i really am.” 

“you can’t love me?”

“i can’t magically change the way i feel about you and i wouldn’t want to lie and i do love you like that when i really don’t, it wouldn’t be fair, i’m sorry y/n, i’m so desperately sorry that i can’t love you the way you want me to but i can’t change the way i feel.”

i take two steps back, stumbling slightly as if the words that charles has just uttered are boxing gloves that hit me over and over again in the stomach.

“well i can’t love anyone else but you charles.  trust me i’ve tried.” 

“y/n it would never work even if we tried our hardest. i would be away all the time and you love your job enough that you would never quit it! and the way i fold my clothes and cook my food winds you up we just wouldn’t work!”

“if you loved me charles then i wouldn’t care, but only if you loved me”

“i’ve tried again and again and i’ve failed.”

“everyone expects it, the media, carlos, your family everyone so charles say you’ll be mine and we can run away together and be happy!”

“i can never say ‘yes’ with all my heart say i won’t say it and eventually you will look back at this and see that i was right and you’ll thank me for it, trust me when i say that.” 

“i would rather die then love someone that wasn’t you!”

“no y/n you’ll find the perfect man one day and you’ll love him ten times more than you loved me and you’ll see that there is love after heartbreak. you’ll see how we never would’ve worked and that this love you feel for me right now was nothing but the love of a friend. you’ll see how i would’ve made the worlds worst husband and that the way i do things is so unbearable.”

“anything else?”

“no… except from the fact that i don’t think i will ever love and marry someone as much as you did for me and i don’t mind because i’m happy how i am now.”

i shake my head, how can a statement be so untrue.

“you will love someone. you will live and die for them, waiting on their beck and call and i know that because it’s just true, and i will watch in the corner of sorrow and under the watchful pity eyes.”

“y/n…”

i walk away. the two normal beating hearts that entered the conversation are now like shards of glass and we both cry, even charles, the one that broke and stole my heart.

it’s been many years since that day yet, he still manages to haunt me, in my dreams, in the faces of the people i walk past day to day and yet i have gotten nothing but silence from you. i’ve been forced to move on with my life even if my heart is still stuck in my past and i can’t help but reminisce on what could’ve been. 

i’ve tried doing different things to get my mind off, which is why i am currently walking down the roads of monaco. the sun is beaming down on my face and for a moment i feel as if i am free, unaware that at the start of the street is arthur leclerc. 

little arthur leclerc, the one that would always try and barge into charles’ room whenever i was around and the one that had fallen in love with me, though i never took notice. i never noticed the way he lit up with joy whenever i was around, or how his cheeks were always a deep shade of red whenever i would speak to him. i didn’t notice because i was too in love with charles, or i was just blind. it’s probably both. 

arthur leclerc sits in the passenger seat of his friends car, who is chatting away, though arthur is not taking in a single word, too busy looking out at the world that surrounds him. he looks at all the people that are lost in their own world admiring how they look so peaceful, until he sees her,

the girl that made him realise love at first sight was real. she was the girl that made little him realise that just because he loves someone doesn’t mean they have to love you back. the girl that made him smile just because of her presence.

“y/n! stop the car! y/n!”  

he jumps out immediately, leaving his poor friend all alone in his car, though arthur doesn’t care as he runs towards the girl from his past.

“oh arthur! oh how you’ve grown! the last time i saw you, you were up to my shoulder, now look at you, i’m up to your shoulder!”

it’s true, arthur was a new man, he was handsome and so mature, he… well he looked like charles.. but better? i’m not sure. 

“yeah, it sure has been a long, long time! i was waiting to see you at the hotel party!”

“you were very hard to find and i couldn’t see you and trust me i looked far and wide!” 

“well you didn’t look hard enough”

“maybe we passed at one point but you’ve become so beautiful, i just coulnd’t recognise you!” 

he pulls a face at my compliment and laughs. 

“oh please”

“why? what did i say? i was just being hones-” i can’t keep a straight face and i burst out laughing, i never was a good actress or charmer.

“no, not at all. where’s your mother and father anyway?”

“they’ve gone to london, leaving me all on my own but it’s okay, at least i’m having fun”

“by having fun, do you mean drinking and clubbing and flirting?” his voice is teasing me and i don’t seem to mind, it’s been a while since i’ve seen him of course,

“oh please don’t tell your mother!” i tease him back, i’ve always loved his mother,

“well what are you doing here hmm? are you chasing some strapping young gentlemen.”

ouch. i know he’s joking but it still hurts to be reminded of what has happened in the past so i put on a half hearted smile on my face and say “no”

he instantly drops his cheerful tone and instead puts a more thoughtful and sombre look. 

“oh.. i… i couldn’t believe that charles turned you down, i thought it was all some joke at first, i’m sorry.”

“don’t be. you’re not charles so it’s okay and i expected it.”

“OI ARTHUR! COME BACK” arthur’s friend shouts, still sat in his car.

we laugh, a real one.

and as arthur runs back to the car he’s shouting “come to the new years party! everyones going so you wouldn’t want to miss out. oh and you can finally meet laura! meet me at the hotel at lets say seven and wear your nicest dress!”

“i will!” i say and then i am gone, my mind returning to the sad mood it was in earlier.

arthur watches from his seat, turning his head to meet the annoyed face of his pal.

“it’s y/n!”

“i know”

he looks at her again with so much love, the same amount he’s loved her since he met her.

it was gorgeous. the atmosphere, the decor, the banquet, everything, it was so beautiful, well at least what i could remember. arthur leclerc stands in the middle of the room chatting away, of course due to him being the favourite shining star in the room. he switches between dancing with his partner laura and then drinking with his friends, overall charming everyone that he passes by. but his mood goes sour after spotting me, in my drunken haze chatting obnoxiously with two men i had found on my way to the venue, sat on the sofa placed on the edge of the room.

he frowns and sighs as he pulls himself together to approach us without making a scene.

“y/n” he scolds, his hands placed on his hips.

“arthur” i reply back, mocking his tone of voice

“i waited and waited”

“i’ve been caught I waited an hour for you.”

“i’ve been caught gents” i say putting my hands up. 

arthur scoffs and turns around, walking away, which causes me to follow.

“arthur please, i’m sorry!”

“do you want to know what i really think of you y/n?”

“what do you really think about me?”

“i hate you. i hate you so much”

i can’t help but chuckle slightly at how blunt he sounds.

“why do you hate me arthur?”

“because instead of moving on and being happy you are too focused on the past, it’s unbelievable!”

“oh that’s interesting arthur.”

“well i mean selfish people do like to talk about themselves.”

“am i selfish then?”

“yes, very. what with your money, talent, beauty and health-”

“beauty you say?”

“of course you mention that you vain vanity. when you have all these gorgeous things around you, you can only focus on yourself.”

i go to grab his hand, wearing the ring that’s been there for many years.

my voice comes out mockingly as i say “i will be good for you mother arthur i swear!”

he sighs again.

“are you not disappointed with yourself?”

“no”

“you’ve never done a day of hard work in your life and the ring you’re wearing right now looks absolutely ridiculous.”

“charles gave me that ring”

 silence.

“i feel sorry for you and i wish you would just get over it.”

“you don’t have to feel sorry for me arthur, you’ll feel like this one day”

“no i won’t, i would rather be respected if i couldn’t be loved then act like a child.”

the next words i let out are nothing but my drunken words.

“what have you done recently anyway arthur? have you done any? or have you been too busy ogling over women that aren’t yours. poor laura clark. LAURA CLARK everybody.”

i leave the silent room quickly leaving arthur to pick up the pieces of the night. 

“i’m so sorry laura.”

it’s been a couple of days since everything went down at the new years party and yet arthur hadn’t been able to get the girl off his mind, even when he was driving on the bloody simulator! he wondered what was going on with him. was he sick in the head to imagine a different girl lying his bed instead of his very loving girlfriend?

“hello arthur!”

speak of the devil and she shall appear. 

“i don’t want to talk to or see you” 

“oh arthur my darling i’m so sorry for how i behaved, it was the alcohol that made me say it, please forgive me!”

i pout my lips at arthur, putting on my best puppy dog eyes,

“the alcohol you say… did you have some before coming to see me?”

“only a little, and i mean it is happy hour somewhere so you can’t expect me to not drink away. plus, i’ve only had a little so you can’t be too hard on me” 

my hands part slightly to show visually how much i’ve drunk, which if i must say so myself isn’t the same amount i normally 

“no one else is doing it, so i’m doing it”

i ignore him, focusing on the track he’s currently “driving”

“soooo when are you getting on the track, mr leclerc?”

he finally pauses the track to turn and face me,

“never.”

his face is sad but i can see he’s accepted his future,

“um what are you talking about. what do you mean ‘never’ “

“i mean that i am never going to be ‘arthur leclerc the best driver ever’, i am always going to be know as ‘arthur leclerc - chalres leclercs little brother’ “

“oh arthur that’s a strong statement to make, at what twenty?”

“well i’ve matured quicker. i see the world how it actually is and it’s made me realise that no matter how hard i try, i will always be in the shadows. so i gave up.”

he’s an idiot. a handsome one but still an idiot 

“why though? you have so much talent that shouldn’t be wasted.”

“well you should know that just because i have talent doesn’t mean i can make it. many people have this talent and yet they’ll never ever get as close to where i am right now. and i want to either be the best or nothing, no in-between and right now i am nothing so i will stay that way forever. ” 

i don’t say anything for a while. 

“so now that you’ve given up with racing, what are you going to do instead?”

“well i guess i will get a job and settle down, marry someone and have some kids.” 

i laugh.

“i guess that’s where laura comes in hm?”

he pushes me playfully and scoffs.

“don’t make fun, she makes me happy”

arthur knows that what he’s saying is true, but he just doesn’t mean it the way you would assume he means. laura is a nice girl, someone that makes him happy when he’s having a bad day, but only in a platonic way. he’s tried time and time again to make himself love her the way she does to him, but no matter how much he tries, he just can’t because when he closes his eyes, the girl that was his past is there. her haunting smile plastered on her face, eyes bright. 

“i’m not, trust me! though i have to ask, are you engaged to be wed yet?” 

“no…”

the air is tense between us, yet i can’t help but continue to ask questions.

“but one day you will be won’t you, you’ll get down on your knee for her soon won’t you.”

“probably, yes. she makes me happy”

“well that’s… nice but it sounds weird to hear arthur leclerc is planning to marry someone one”

“well i’ve always know i wanted a family young, so why should i be embarassed of that?” 

“no, i never said that i just mean that… just that as long as you love her that’s all”

“well i think we have the power to choose who we love and that it doesn’t just happen.”

“i think history would disagree with you.”

“well i am not history i am just a human. a human that wants to just make my family and friends proud. i want to have a family and a wife who i can love so very much. i want to support my family and i want to love whoever i want. i want to get over my past and focus on my present and future and yet i just can’t.”

the sound of a car honks, causing both of us to jump in fright. arthur speaks first

“that’s probably laura now,” he turns to me “how do i look? do i look okay.”

i look at him. i really look at him.

“you look.. you look so handsome, you are handsome arthur”

i don’t see it, but arthurs cheeks are now a deep shade of red. he attempts to smile it off and then runs off to meet with laura, leaving me to watch from the window. they embrace and they laugh and smile together and i can’t help but feel nauseous in my stomach but it can’t be jealousy. it’s just me feeling protective of this boy, the one i’ve known since i was a child. yes, yes that’s what i’m feeling.

a few more days have passed and me and arthur have managed to become great friends. i’ve also managed to bury my feelings, or whatever i’m thinking about him as well. we currently lay beneath a big oak tree in the park and we busy ourselves with the occasional conversation. arthur also busies himself, by occasionally sketching out a drawing. we’ve found peace in the world.

the silence is broken when arthur asks “y/n when are you going to see your parents?”

“oh, quite soon.”

“you’ve said that over a dozen times this month, trust me if i earned money every time you said that , i would be the richest person ever!” 

“well, short answers will always save trouble and i don’t know exactly when.”

“they expect you y/n, so why don’t you just go see them.”

“i’m not ready to go back i guess and if i go it means we won’t get to hang out together anymore.” 

i jump up and playfully swat him, bringing my hand up to punch him but he grabs it before i can even lower it. i stare at him long and hard, analysing ever single detail on his face. i really don’t get how i never noticed how good looking he was when we were young. and at least he notices me.

“what are you doing?”

“i’m looking at you.”

“no y/n, i mean what do you want to do with yourself?”

“i’ve been trying to write a play, figured that would be something that could get me somewher-”

“it’s a waste of your time.”

“well what better idea do you have for me?”

“go back to your parents and go back to uni and get your degree, just make something of yourself, doing something you enjoy.”

he returns to his sketching once again and i can’t help but become curious of what he’s drawing. arthur obviously notices my curiosity and hands me one of his old sketches, one he did years ago. it’s of me and charles, me staring at him and him looking off into the distance. pffft how much of an idiot was i? he didn’t see me as more than a friend and it was clear even if you took one glance at our behaviour towards each other, what with me always wanting to hold him close and look him in the eye and he only wanted to hang out with me. i guess i was just blinded by “love” to notice that the love wasn’t even love, it was friendship.

“when did you do this one?” 

“um that one was … the day of the beach i think, the day i met laura” 

just the mention of her name, makes me want to run home and scream and cry into my pillow. god and she’s his fiancé as well. i feel bad because i haven’t even met the girl but i just can’t seem to stop my blood from boiling and then i get this realisation in my mind. 

i’m in love with arthur leclerc. god, people must think i have an obsession with the leclerc brothers, but i can reassure you i don’t. i don’t see him as charles leclercs little brother anymore, i see him as arthur leclerc the boy who has made you the happiest women in the world by just being next to me, and never have i felt more grateful for that day on the hill, because that day i was set free and without that day i never would’ve seen arthur as anything less than a friends younger brother. yet i’m too late now, his heart has been stolen by another and i will never ever, get the chance to hold him close and feel his fingers running through my hair. i will never get the chance to speak to him about how much i love him without being rejected so horribly. i will never get to tell him that his laugh is like a drug to me and that his smile is a cure to all of my pain or that he is.. he is just everything to me. he is someone that a prince is based off of and maybe in another world, he would actually be my prince, but we don’t all get our happy endings.

“when is she coming back?”

“a week maybe two but when she gets back, we’ll start getting the planning together.”

i don’t know where i get the confidence to utter the next words but i do.

“don’t marry her.”

i prepare myself for the harsh rejection but all arthur can let out is a quiet

“what?”

“i said don’t marry her.”

my voice is louder this time and i’m sure he can hear what i’ve said.

“why?”

“you know why arthur…”

i take two steps towards him and go to grab his hand but he pulls away.

“no. stop it y/n… you’re being mean and you know it. you can’t just mess with my feelings like that, i’m not a toy.”

by now tears are slipping down our cheeks.

“why?”

“i have always been second to charles, in everything and you know it, but what you don’t know is the amount of times i’ve cried over you and the fact that charles had gotten the girl was heart braking and yet now you care when you feel like you like me back. y/n that’s not fair. you can’t just pick and choose when you want me. especially not now when i am happy-”

“but your not happy and you know that! i see the way you are with her, leading her on. you’re acting like charles did to me so don’t call me mean.”

“but you are y/n and i won’t stop this wedding just for you to love me for a month or two, no i won’t do it, not when i’ve spent my entire life loving you.”

it’s been a day since arthur last saw you and he already missed you like crazy. he really don’t know how charles managed to give up such an amazing girl like you, it was a topic he would often think about. either way, arthur couldn’t stop thinking about you and your sad eyes as he left you alone in a hurry. he rushes into his friends house, excited to actually finally have peace for the first time in weeks

“hello mate!”

“y/n was just here.”

“was she?” 

“yeah, she said she would be off to see her family for a bit” his friend nods and arthur can’t help but smile. 

“when will he be coming back here?”

“why do you care so much, what do you need to chat about so urgently?”

“… i just told laura that i couldn’t marry her.” 

“does you breaking up with laura have anything to do with y/n?”

“yes.”

he doesn’t even bother lying because he’s in love and no one is in his way. he can love the girl of his dreams freely, without shame and with the knowledge that she loves him back. wow, that feels nice to say.

i watch as arthur stands at the train station, waiting with his luggage, occasionally checking his watch, when i pull my car up, getting out and walking towards him slowly, still aware of the tension between us.

“i couldn’t let you go home alone and i figured i needed to go home as well, even if you hate me.”

“oh y/n i don’t hate you.”

“i love you” he wants to say, but he can’t.

we hug and when he pulls back he holds eye contact with me and says “i’m not marrying laura”

“i heard.”

“i didn’t do it for you, i did it for me so don’t you think for even one minute, that i did this for you, it’s because i realised, that i didn’t love her.”

i look at his face carefully, with nothing but love and affection, when i slowly take his face into my hands and kiss him. i kiss him slowly at first and then a bit quicker, arthur matching my movements, we kiss for the time that we could’ve been in love with each other and we kiss to grieve the time we lost, and i know that this is how it’s meant to be. this is what home feels like and this is what forever feels like. arthur is the one for me, 

meanwhile, charles sits with his mother, taking a break from the stress of the races, looking out at the world, thinking about his past and future, when suddenly, his mother speaks up.

“did you know that y/n is coming home soon?”

that makes charles interested, straight away lifting his head encouraging his mother to speak more.

“is she?”

she nods “arthur messaged, he’s coming home, he said he misses us dearly and he said that y/n will come home with him.” 

“hmm that’s nice of her to join him.” charles stands up quickly and begins to pace the room anxiously.

“what’s wrong?”

“i think maybe… maybe i was a bit quick in turning down y/n.”

“well, do you love him?”

“i think that if she asked me again i would say yes…. but do you reckon she’ll ask me again?”

“i didn’t ask that charles… do you love her?”

“ i want to be loved.”

“you know that isn’t the same thing”

“i’m just so lonely ma”

“i know charles, but it’s okay.” 

charles suddenly feels the need to express his words for me, writing pages and pages. it reads:

‘dear y/n, i miss you more than i have ever missed anything. i haven’t been able to get my mind off of you for a couple days and i’ve realised that maybe letting you go was one of the worst i could’ve done. i think it was because i was young and i didn’t want to make such a big commitment that could possibly ruin our friendship, which was ruined anyway as soon as i said no. but time has moved on and i’ve matured and i’ve come to the realisation that i cannot live another moment without waking up beside you and that i was a fool to turn you down. i just hope that even after all this time i’ve still managed to stay in your heart because i can say without a doubt, you will always be in mine.”

once finishing the letter he places it on the pillow of the guest room, the one that the girl he loves will put her head on. he feels free after putting it down, finally being able to say the words that have been on this conscious for a while.

“charles” i say, nudging my friend out of his slumber. “charles.”

his eyes flutter open, widening once he sees me.

“y/n! oh y/n your really here!”

he jumps up and bundles me into a hug, one that makes me stumble backwards whilst wearing the biggest smile i had ever seen in my life.

“oh charles, did you miss me?”

i feel charles nod against me and i smile.

“i really did, you don’t understand and no words can express exactly how happy i am to see you either.”

“oh thank god, i thought that you would’ve forgotten about me. anyway, i wanted to speak to you, alone.”

“yes, yes what is it. come sit down.”

the air is different. it’s not like we’re twenty one again, always laughing and joking around with each other. no it isn’t like that at all, because we’ve grown up.  

he attempts to make a joke. “how was arthur, did he bother you on the flight with his constant chatter?”

i laugh and smile, just at the thought of arthur. 

“yes but i loved it.” 

“speaking of arthur, where is he? did he stop off somewhere before coming here?”

“he’s speaking to your mother, and you just know that no matter how hard i tried, there was no way i was getting my boyfriend out of her clutches.” 

i don’t see it, but charles’ face drops instantly as soon as the word ‘boyfriend’ leaves my mouth. boyfriend? arthur leclerc dating y/n y/l/n?

“your… your what?”

once i realise my mistake i sigh in dissapointment.

“oh god. now i’ve done it! we were supposed to keep it a surprise for dinner but look at me! i ruined it!”

“what surprise?”

 “well, that arthur finally plucked up the courage and finally asked me to be his girlfriend of course!”

“you and… arthur.” 

“yes, it happened very fast, one day we were just friends and then the next were in love.”

“are you really…. in love with him?” 

“yes. oh and charles i wanted to say just one more thing and then we can just sweep it under the mat forever. i have always loved you charles and i probably always will but the love i have for arthur is different…. you were right, by the way, we would’ve killed each other.”

“ye- yes.” 

“i think we were lucky to not go any further than a friendship so thank you charles.”

“oh,… y/n/n.”

 “did you know that no one calls me that apart from you.”

“what does arthur call you?”

“princess.” i’m joking of course but i don’t charles realises, once again proving that we are now different people. 

“that sounds like him. you deserve each other.”

“charles… can we still be friends?”

he swallows painfully and forces out his words.

“of course y/n, forever.”

we move to go downstairs, myself going to greet their mother again, whereas arthur meets charles at the bottom of the stairs, pulling him to another room.

“did y/n tell you?”

“yes.” 

arthur looks at him expectantly and charles feels the anger overtake him and he feels as if he could fight with arthur, just as they used to when they were children but manages to calm himself, reminding himself that getting angry with arthur would ruin the relationship he had with you, again. 

“arthur, i’m happy for you, i really am. it was written in the stars.”

“oh, thank goodness, i wish i could’ve told you myself but it just happened so fast and i was just really scared of how you would feel because, well you know why.”

“no, no. never.”

"so you aren’t angry?”

yes. yes he is but never would he say it out loud, it would be a secret he would take to the grave.

“life’s too short to hold a grudge against your brother.” 

“thank you charles.”

and arthur really means it, because without charles no, arthur never would’ve gotten the girl of his dreams. without charles saying no, he would still be standing on the sidelines and he would forever be in debt with charles for that.

but charles didn’t mean it, because due to charles saying no, arthur got the girl of his dreams and due to charles saying no, arthur got to leave the sideline and now no amount of repaid debt would ever make charles’s heart feel half as full as it did when y/n was his best friend.

but y/n was never his, she was arthurs and he would just have to accept that.