The People’s Princess

Grief

I wrote this in like an hour and based it on my own struggles with grief. Especially grieving those who’ve hurt you. I didn’t edit this at all, if you see glaring issues feel free to lmk so i can fix them. Hope you enjoy ig

“I’m supposed to hate you

I SHOULD HATE YOU

After everything, i should despise you.”

So why is Atsushi crying at the Headmasters grave? Why is he mourning the first father like figure he can remember? Why is he mourning the person who hurt him the most? The person who practically begged him to hate him all those horrible years ago. Dazai said this was normal but it cannot be. He cannot be mourning the person who made him into the monster he is. It goes against everything in him to feel this pain yet he’s sitting there, tearing up and angry. He can feel Byakko pacing, protective and angry, she’s angry about something. She’s trying to protect him but this is one of the wounds she cannot heal. He remembers those few good moments from his childhood. On his fourth birthday, he’d gotten a gift. It was half of an orange, not as much as the other kids would get on their birthdays, but the orange was sweet and juicy.

One year at Christmas, he’d gotten to participate in the caroling with the other kids. The songs were beautiful and there was a warm feeling he got when singing with everyone.

There was one day, after a rough transformation he realized now, where he’d gotten less chores than normal, not by many but enough to not truly exhaust him. He could remember getting an extra dose of nutrients as well, not that he realized it at the time.

Things were not always cruel, they weren’t always painful. Maybe that’s why he was grieving. Maybe it was because he knew about the potential for kindness and that’s what he was mourning. Maybe it was only those shreds of kindness.

He couldn’t possibly be grieving the man who abused him. He couldn’t because that would be wrong.

People tend to cry when their father dies.

The headmaster wasn’t a father to him. No matter what anyone would say or what his heart was screaming. He would refuse it.

Atsushi stared at the gravestone. It was still fairly new yet it was crumbling. It wasn’t being taken care of. Atsushi felt his eyes well up with tears…something he hated. Why did he still want to care for the man who’d hurt him so badly?

The tears of sadness turned to ones of anger and Atsushi went to punch the gravestone. Engraved with the name, dates of life to death, and “In loving memory”, Atsushi wanted to smash it. How could anyone dare love that horrendous monster of a man? Instead of a hard punch, his strength left him at that last second, leaving him bumping the crumbling stone. It was worn, rough, and cold. It hadn’t soaked up any of the Sun’s light and heat.

Atsushi stood up and left. He wiped at his eyes and struggled with the conflict in his heart. Maybe he’d be back, maybe not. But right now, Atsushi just wanted the comfort of the known and familiar. He’d take another murder or kidnapping attempt over any of this.

Summary: Cui Buqu was absolutely, 100% certain that he was above a midlife crisis. Therefore it was profoundly galling when he found himself tipping headfirst into one without so much as a by-your-leave.

(If asked, he would of course blame the whole thing on Feng Xiao. Because it was his fault.

Obviously.)

Sai + Assorted Text Posts (Part 4)

I think sitting on the floor of the ocean for a few hours would fix me

“I hope no great sorrow ever will come to you, Anne,” said Gilbert, who could not connect the idea of sorrow with the vivid, joyous creature beside him, unwitting that those who can soar to the highest heights can also plunge to the deepest depths, and that the natures which enjoy most keenly are those which also suffer most sharply.

and

“She will love deeply—she will suffer terribly—she will have glorious moments to compensate.” (Emily of New Moon)

"undoing this character's death would take away his sacrifice and character arc" girl I don't give a shit. I'm bringing him back through the power of ao3 fix-it fics and there's nothing you can do to stop me x

if there are no genya fans im dead

Still, thinking about last Friday when my psychiatrist casually brought up the fact that I'm autistic... which was fucking news to me! Five whole years together and NOW you tell me?

.... found out a few minutes later that she thought I already knew 🙈

Omegaverse Blogs Masterlist

I decided to make a list with all the omegaverse (A/B/O and its variants) blogs I have ever followed, some of these are no longer active, but I think they should not be forgotten. As more blogs crop up I’ll edit or reblog to add them to the list, so if I missed anyone please let me know.  @omegaverse-scribbles @i-kinda-like-omegaverse @alpha-zeta-lambda-xi-tau-omega  @treasured–omega @sortingabosincebirth @miscellaneous-miscecanis @justalphabetaomegablog @bubblegum-omega @yet-another-omega @theomegaversegirl @secondhandnesting @soft-alpha-posting @sunshine-omega @pack-verse @omegaverse-lover @omegaversehellscape @omegaverse-headcanons-and-ideas @omegaverse-daily @softcore-omegaverse @omegaverse-info @omegaversetheory @miscefelis-thingz @jar-of-omegaverse @curious-omega @alpha-beta-omega666 @omega-loves @alpha-beta-omegaverse @betawere @abo-r-us @omegaverse-onions @omega-butch @verytiredomega @betawithablog @omega-girl-in-heat @neat-nesting-stuffs @omegaverse-fan @omegaboy-abo @ethereal-vault @omegaverseismyobssesion @glitterguts13 @cosy-omegaverse @omegasunited @omega-gloss @autistic-omegaverse @omegabeee @snippyomega @celestial-omegaverse @allalphaaob @abodynamicmatch @itsanomegasworld @dearmadamalpha @chamomile-omegaverse @macaroni-omegaverse @omegaverse-headcannons @femslash-omegaverse @abo-dynamics @spaceyomega @abomegaverse @omegaverseonfleek-omegaverse @smol-soft-abo @z-ohcs @storiesofanomega @unusually-omegaverse @the-omegaverse @just-alpha-things @cat-and-omegaverse @abosuggestion @abodynamicslife @omegaverse-love @alpha-beta-omega3 @abo-off-kilter @omegaverse-werewolves @wild-omegaverse-world @omegahoney @sweet-sweet-omegas @nestingfox @alphabetaomegaverse @omegaverse-filth-blog @abo-writer @aboheadcannonsandmore @omega-alpha-beta-dynamics  @abo-dreams @oreo-mega-blog @nochuabo-blog @theomegaverse @firstloveomegaverse @omegaverseismyuniverse @tall-omega-anon @totally-abo @jp-omegaverse-hcs @omegaversethings @omegaverse-professor @omegaverse-seeker Oh boy that was a lot ahahahah. Some of these are content creators, some of these are mostly reblog-only kind of blogs, but I think it’s always good to see who’s out there. Maybe their blog is exactly what you were looking for.  Again, if I forgot anyone I’m really sorry, but there’s just so many of us nowadays that it’s hard to keep track of everyone.  I also did not include fanfiction or RP focused blogs, so if these are missing that’s why.