This Is From A Couple Weeks Ago But Me And My Bestie Learnt To Waltz!!!

I am so tired of being jealous of my friends. I shouldn’t be. I’m happy they are getting the help that they need but what can’t it be me? Why won’t my mom believe me! Why won’t she book me an appointment to figure out my joints instead of just saying it my diet? Why won’t she book an appointment to figure out what’s going on with how tired I feel all the time but can’t ever sleep instead of just saying it depression? Why can’t she accommodate my needs? Why won’t she buy me the supports I need? Why won’t she buy me my comfort food? Why won’t she support my accommodations? Why won’t she care about me?

All my friends have loving parents. One of my friends mom takes them to all the appointments that they need to get the help they need. But my mom won’t even make an effort to call an online therapist so I don’t have to struggle with no support and my old therapist was not working for me. My friends mom will support how they need to live to have a good life and my mom won’t even let me eat the food I like and know I like without getting on my ass. My friends mom takes care of them and mine doesn’t and it feels horrible.

And that’s just the stuff with my physical health and neurodivergency. She also ignores my anxiety unless she uses it to justify something else. It hurts so bad to see your best friend have a wonderful mother who supports them and helps them get the supports they need and the best my mom will do is get me on testosterone then saying that if I have an attitude she’ll take me off it.

She does that with so many things. If I have an attitude or get mad or have normal human emotions she threatens to take away my restorative or take away my ability to see my friend.

She once booked an appointment with my doctor just for the doctor to say “yeah, that’s normal human emotions”. But when I tell her that I am struggling to be a human in a productive way because I think I have autism after hours and hours of reaserch she says that the waiting list is too long. It stead of making that call when I’m still a minor she is making me do it once I am an adult. I have to do it for myself with no support from my mom.

And I live my dad but he also doesn’t stand up for me. How am I supposed to get through this shit with parents who blame my constant pain on diet and won’t book appointments I need.

I’m so tired of being put in a bad mood when my best friend talks about their mental health and neurodivergency. It’s not FUCKING fair!

Brain be like:

Oh, someone didn’t answer you after 5 minutes so obviously they hate me

Like no they don’t🙄

I’ve realised, through watching the earlier season of tua again, I do not like tua s4. I just like that it’s more content. I do like some parts of it though.

I love germaphobe klause

Love goofy Luther

I love everything about Viktor

I love Jean and gene

But it’s a bad ending.

That feeling when you need new fidget toys but don’t know what to get because nothing that you have ever had has helped :(

I have officially tried so many new foods. Here’s my list:

- tomatoes

-kimchi

-bulgogie

-random desert square

When you tell your therapist you’re in a qpr and her only question is “so are you Guy’s eventually going to move in together?”

I made an incognito QPR bracelet that I can wear to work and in public without people asking questions.

@grey-loves-dragons

My tea is cold…

Sometimes you gotta indoctrinate your bestie into loving Kevin smith and that is just a sacrifice I have to make

@grey-loves-vikings

So, I am about 4 month on T (yay man juice) and I love public speaking.

My current problem is that I am not comfortable with my voice dropping, not because I don’t want it too but because it’s new and I don’t know what it sounds like so I don’t know what sounds good

I used to have a very certain way I would pick certain ways to pick monologues and speeches that included finding parts that I liked in my voice and “fixing” the parts that don’t.

But now it’s like I’m trying to relearn how to talk