Inconvenience

the moments after hanging out with friends when you just feel so lonely <<<

Ship of Theseus

I've always been a people pleaser. Seems ironic when I can't name a single person who's actually pleased with me.

I see what people need from me. I become what is needed. I am the fun, bubbly person among introverts, the quiet one among extroverts.

I become the listener when someone needs to vent, chatter incessantly when the silence becomes awkward.

I become the leader when no one steps up, and blend into the background, following orders, when someone does step up.

I am always blending, changing, shifting, to maintain the balance. To ensure everything runs smoothly.

I put myself into every mold made for me, even when I don't actually fit. And then, I cut away parts of me that stick out.

But what do I cut off once there's nothing left?

I try to fill all the empty spaces. Replace them with other things. Joy turns into sacrifice. Happy memories turn into resentments. Love turns into heartache.

Now I'm the Ship of Theseus. Am I still me? Or is this all I will remain?

can mutuals DM you?

Mutuals can throw me into a ceiling fan

and the fact that I tried to warn you about it! multiple times! :D

So you’ve finally discovered that I’m a disappointment? Congratulations, I’ve known this fact for years! Hope this helps!

Is this all I’ll ever be?

I was never meant to go through this much character development

I'm gonna find and kill the person who said 'adulthood is just one crisis after another'

because it's not. it's MULTIPLE fucking crises AT THE SAME TIME

Tired of waking up with the same ache in my chest that I went to sleep with

Death is an old friend.

She rocked my cradle when I was a baby. Held my hand as I took my first steps. Sat with me at lunch in school when no one else did.

She never says anything, but I understand her nevertheless. She finds ways to comfort me in silence.

I thought she was cold and distant at first. Cruel, even. When she tore apart families, orphaned young children, made parents have to bury their hearts along with their babies.

But she also provided peace to the ones who have been sick for a long time. Brought justice to those who wronged others. Ended much suffering.

She's kind and cruel at the same time.

She arranges visits with my grandpa sometimes if I ask nicely. He doesn't trust her, but he likes visiting me. He manages to put up with her long enough.

She's always there for me. Even when no one else is. Especially when they all leave. She visits me when I sleep, giving me a preview of what awaits.

She tells me my time will come soon enough. I'm glad. I find solace in her cold arms.

I think one of the worst symptoms of bpd is the lack of emotional permanence no matter how many good and loving people you have in your life the second you are alone it feels like you were never loved and it was all just a figment of your imagination