28/09/2023

Can't those blew away all the worries too ? 😕

HAPPY 9TH ANNIVERSARY BTS (방탄소년단)!

yeah, the past was honestly the best but my best is what comes next

2013 → 2022

Under the endless sky we sometimes are stucked under the same sky

If it is a bad day, we are hoping that tomorrow will be a good day. But what if that hope remain as hope only, and the good day never comes? what do we do then? keep hoping?

Why is it wrong only when I do it?

Why do people do that? Why does people assume that I don't want to interact with them? If they say that they're not talking to me because I'm not talking to them, aren't they doing the same thing? They're not talking either though. Then, is it wrong of me to think that people doesn't want to talk me because they are not talking with me? Why does people think that it should always be me to start the conversation. They say that if I want, I am the one that needs to put in the effort. So, does that mean no one wants my friendship? Could I really be the wrong one in this?

Each day that passes by, I'm just hoping that someone would that take step to come and talk to me. That I'll meet someone who is willing to understand that Loweena is like this. That Loweena needs her time with people. Someone who would be kind enough to make conversations with me, even when I'm quiet, don't know what to say or how to react. It started in 2016, since I last had a friend. I hope that people would understand that, I need my time to interact because I wasted all my years living without a friend. I really thought everything would be different once days passes by. But days turned into week, weeks turned into months and months had turned into years long ago but yet here I am still hoping that things would change. That soon I will be able to laugh and make memories too.

Nowadays people are not even smiling at me. Or even if they did, it it being hid behind their mask. It is reminding me of my Matriculation days. I'm scared that the same thing might happen again. I'm scared that I'll have to go through university days without no one by my side again. What happened this morning, hurt me so much. The distinct change in her expression when she saw and when she saw the person behind me, hurt me so much. I want things to change and miracle to happen. I wish people stop assuming. It's hard for me too. I don't want to end up alone. I'm scared of that. Please listen to me god. Please please please do any kind of miracle. Or at least heal me, so I won't be bothered of these things again.

I want to live too. I'm sick of surviving.

My parents are both vaccinated ❤

Please bring me a good news 🤞

Life would have been perfect had only I have gotten the forensic science degree as I wished.

So the club I am part of is planning on doing some projects and they're apparently looking for program director to lead the programs. I would like to apply myself for the position but I am so scared of doing it. Because of some not good events from my past, I could seem to bring myself forward for any kind of events. I am scared that I'm going to be lost with no help or get myself stressed while working on the project. What if I really got lost without any help? What if I fail to finish the project and embarrass my advisor too? These questions are torturing me. I don't think I can ever stand my lecturer or my educator looking at me with that humiliating face as if I'm useless one more time. I don't even have any friends or just anyone to rely on. I really really wish to overcome this fear of mine. But it's too hard to do it. It's very scary despite my desire. What should I do?

Listen to 이 밤 by JIN of BTS by BTS on #SoundCloud

https://soundcloud.com/bangtan/tonightbyjin