I Know I Have A Good Heart. God Knows It Too. That's Enough For Me.

Raya celebration at KMM 💃💃

삭지니 ❤ https://pin.it/4i7kusfopqagtv

I'm 21 ❤

I turn 21 today. On 5th of January 2022. Somehow I'm very proud that I achieved this number. 21 years of living, how many times have I cried over so many ridiculous and heartbreaking things and how many times have I genuinely laugh out loud. 21 years of living, I have learnt a lot. And I want to keep on learning. And I want to see the world. not just the small world I've seen so far but the big wide world out there. I want to go and explore and maybe find a friend. It's been more than 6 years since I had a friend. since the last time, my ex so-called best friend left me without even telling me why. Oh wait, she did when I asked. She told me that my moody self was annoying and that she didn't wanted my friendship anymore. Well at least she had a reason for leaving, unlike the other so-called best friend I had, who stopped talking all of a sudden without any reason (rumors have it that her mother hated me for being friend with the girl she dislike so my wonderful ex best friend being the loyal daughter she is, cut off my friendship *sighs*). Thanks to god everything is in past tense. I haven't find any best friend or even a close friend since then but I honestly wish I will soon. And there it is my birthday wish. To find a best friend. But I don't want to force myself to find a friend. I don't think i cant effort to lose another friend after treating them as my best friend with my whole heart. That hurts a lot. A lot. I want best friend, my genuine and desperate wish. it feels so jealous to see everyone having a good time with their best friends, seeing them eating together, going out together and spending time together. I wish I'll have those days soon too.

And my second wish is to be brave. I know I've always been brave, but I wish I have a little more or maybe even a lot more of braveness. they said the first step is the scariest and once you move pass that everything else will fall into place. but the thing is, to take that very first step, the amount of courage ness you are going to need is indescribable. Some does it easily, and some needs that extra spoon of courage to take that first step. In my case, I think I'm going to need a whole bucket of that courage hahahaha. Like I said, I have always been brave, when i went to the beach alone for the first time when in matriculation (it still scares me how anything could have happened, just anything when that grab driver went to a wrong deserted place because i chose the place wrongly.) But don't worry. I don't make sill mistakes like choosing wrong destination anymore. You know I'm 21. Or even i had to go to hospital last year due to lack of Hb and almost got blood transfusion. I cried a lot but I was still brave for being able to face it. Well, at least for me. I know I'm brave but I would like to be more brave. I believe i will be soon.

I wanna live. live the life I want. be happy and do everything I wish I can. I want to be more brave.. Let's live; happily and bravely.

My Dream On 1st July 2019 😜

I had a dream today and in the dream i had a boyfriend 😂😂 I dont really have a boyfriend in my real life but i had one in that dream 😂 He and me was going to go out. So he decided to borrow a rental bicycle to take me around the place to visit them. I was the one have to fill up the form first. I asked him if is it okay to choose the starting and returning point at the same place we filled up the form, he said that would be expensive. That rental shop also provided the service where they send and take the rental bicycle from the place we chose. He asked me to wait for a while and went somewhere. After sometime he came back and tell me a place's name. I wasnt sure about the spelling so i handed him the pen and asked him to write. He took over the pen from me and filled up the rest of the form. He was wearing a grey shirt and if i'm not wrong a grey shirt with a white dhoti. I cant clearly remember him now. But, it felt real. Everytime when he crossed by me, i could felt his smell. It was so real. Really real. I've never imagined before that i'll have such dream. Why did I had such dream ?? Why do i have to meet a guy who said to be my boyfriend when i dont have one in my real life ?? It was so confusing yet a different feeling. Oh yeah. In the end we visited all around the city and he safely returned the bicycle. I asked him if he has returned it safely and he nodded yes. I dont remember what city it is or where the places we went. But i do remember sitting in between his hands at the front while the was riding it. Then, in the last i said goodbye to him smilely and thanked him for the day. We went in different ways. My sleep was over. And That' THE END.

My life in KMM in short. But i'll never stop running towards my goals no matter how thorny the part is 💪🔥

My first time trying fasting with my malay friends for Ramadhan month. It wasn't that hard but my will power made it all work i guess 😅 Whatever I enjoyed it and I made it happen. I'm so proud of myself. Today I proved to myself that I can do whatever i want if i want to.

Sometimes you fear without knowing what you are actually fearing for

LETS GET THIS BREAD YALL

The mistreatment of Jin - a BigHit callout post

A lot of people seem to think that BigHit could never do wrong and know what’s best for BTS. They think BigHit and BTS are a “family”. Well it’s time to wake up..! BigHit isn’t any better when compared to big companies like SM or YG for example. They’re just as problematic like K-Pop companies often tend to be. The perfect example of this is how they’ve been treating Jin these past 4 years.

!! - a few of these facts are just borderline emotional abuse..

okay, let’s get started:

- Apparently Bang-PD walked around calling Jin fat???? wtf (this was 2013, before their debut and around the same time Jin went on a diet no one talks about where he only ate chicken breast for A YEAR.)

- And guess what? Bang-PD isn’t the only one who has called Jin fat: even his manager did. Fortunately they fired him because he was mistreating Jungkook.

- Jin majored in acting but in the House of ARMY, he got all the insignificant roles with basically zero dialogue. Yoongi even said Seokjin had texted him, shocked that he didn’t have any dialogue in the script. In the Making of-video he was clearly pissed: when the camera man said they’ll be filming Jin next he said “Oh, wow. Do I get to appear alone?” asdfghjkl. Jin was salty, but tried so hard to be positive. (he even avoided looking straight into the camera while they were interviewing him.. on the inside he was definitely feeling wronged.)

- Let’s be honest. BigHit could easily push him in the OST direction or debut him as an actor if they wanted, but no.

- Jin was once forced to perform even though he had hurt his neck in Kcon Paris. BigHit never made an official report about his condition… (it’s funny how they made a report about namjoon’s toe and suga’s ear but not this.)

- Now let’s talk about his LINES. Remember Blood, Sweat and Tears where he had to share his few lines with Jimin? That was the most unnecessary thing ever. (later in the japanese ver. they made jin’s voice stand out more than jimin’s. lol I guess even BigShit felt a bit guilty??) I’ve seen people trying to defend this by saying that it’s okay because Jin was the ~Main Character~ in the MV. But honestly, where is the logic in that? BTS are a K-pop group! Their voices are the most important thing about them!

- Jin is the only one who didn’t get a single line in any of the year end 2016 special stages (rainism: jungkook, as i told you: jimin, v, jungkook & class idea: namjoon, hoseok, jungkook… suga wasn’t there because of his ear injury.) He was just a backup dancer and nothing else.

- Remember when people were hyping up Spring Day because apparently this was supposed to be the song where Jin would shine… even V said Jin would surprise us all and umm.. well he didn’t.

- BigHit removed Jin from the thumbnail of Not Today MV because ????

- Speaking of Not Today. Let’s talk about this fuck up…

- *coughs* This was his only solo shot and it lasted about 2 seconds. Really. BTS filmed for almost 24 hours in cold weather and you’re telling me this is the only shot of Jin that was “good enough”. I don’t think so, because we saw the Behind the scenes-video and they were filming Jin quite a lot. They just didn’t use the clips.

- They keep telling Jin his voice is suited for ballads, but Butterfly was a ballad and he was once again the vocal who had the least amount of lines. (and some of them were not even lines like repeating “untrue” is.. not really a line)

- … so basically the ballad comment was just some bs excuse, let’s be real no one fits only 1 type of music. Plus here are some Bangtan’s slower/not hiphop songs I think Jin’s voice could easily be fitted in but he still got the least amount of lines: Spring Day Studio Version, Miss Right, YNWA, Just One Day, Outro: Propose, House of Cards, Coffee…

- Now the most recent fuck up is BTS’ cover of Seo Taiji’s song ‘Come Back Home’ and people are still debating whether Jin has ANY lines at all. The MV for the song was uploaded to CJENMMUSIC’s official youtube and their header was changed to a… group photo… of BTS… except Jin was nowhere to be seen. The fact that they forgot Jin is unbelievable and just plain disrespectful. No product should ever be released without approval and double check. None. And while we don’t know if BigHit had anything to do with the header, whose fault it is that even these other companies tend to forget Jin because they aren’t promoting him enough? This was not a simple mistake. It means that design and marketing teams from HUGE companies like CJEN don’t see him.

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