If you ever, and I mean EVER think that you fucked something up royally, remember that the organizers of the 1904 Olympic marathon:
- Had zero stations for water on the 26 mile (42 km) course
- Accidentally gave North American competitor Tom Hicks a cocktail made of egg whites, brandy, and actual fucking rat poison
- Had a guy come into the race late wearing a beret and cutoff slacks, sneak into an apple orchard during the race because no food had been given to him for 40 hours, eat rotten apples, projectile vomit onto the track, fall asleep for hours, and finish in fourth place OVERALL because most of the other runners collapsed of exhaustion or injuries
- Conducted the race on a dusty road, which caused so much dust to be kicked into the air that an American runner somehow inhaled enough to tear his STOMACH LINING open
- Accidentally released feral dogs onto the track
- Fucked the other competitors up SO BADLY that Tom Hicks—the guy who ate RAT POISON and was HALLUCINATING the entire run—came in first place
I don’t even play this but this is the funniest thing I’ve seen since opening Twitter 10 minutes ago
honorable mention) the following texts sent to evan by jared:
“you’re the best. i really mean that.”
“grapefruits. your balls are the size of grapefruits. how do you walk around with those things in your pants?”
“i was going to text you.”
10) jared quoting amy winehouse in an email and evan making him take it out (“that’s a song.” “a great song.”)
9) evan claiming he could probably figure out how to backdate the emails on his own and jared throwing time zone technobabble at him to convince him that he still needs jared’s help
8) evan asking jared to meet him at connor’s wake
7) evan reassuring jared immediately post-words fail that he didn’t tell anyone about jared’s involvement in the lie, and then texting jared nine times in a row to apologize and ask if they’re good
6) jared and evan’s text conversation about evan being too busy with the connor project to hang out with jared that weekend abruptly turning into a face-to-face discussion, which is one of the few changes made to canon by the novel that i actually appreciated. can you imagine the effort jared had to make to appear right in front of evan at the perfect point in their conversation? do you really think a straight man could achieve that drama? that panache? that power?
5) jared requesting to be referred to as the tech consigliere of the connor project not just on the website but in conversation, and evan telling him he’s being unreasonable but then calling him that anyway when they’re pitching tcp to the murphys, without even being reminded
4) evan telling jared about what happened at the first dinner with the murphys - to be specific, the moments right before evan tells jared about what’s happened when he’s reflecting on why he always comes to jared with new developments, as follows: “Jared is the only person in the entire world who has even the slightest appreciation for where I am. I’m floating through space and he’s the voice in my earpiece from central command. I might not agree with his tactics, but without him, there’s a good chance I may never get back home.” val emmich wrote that and they LET him
3) jared arriving in the school cafeteria with the buttons of connor’s face, which leads to the following moments:
evan seeing jared’s arms spread and immediately taking it as an invitation for a hug. how long has he wanted to hug jared?
jared telling evan “i’m trying to show you something” and immediately pointing to his heart
jared’s exit from and zoe’s entrance to the scene being described with the phrase “jared saunters off and zoe takes his place”
2) the scene between them in the hallway on the first day of school, in which the conversation from the musical plays out mostly unchanged but evan’s internal monologue is completely focused on how he’s known jared for years and spent so much time with him and misses the memories of when they hung out together and can tell that jared’s attempts at being Cool And Unaffected don’t always work and thinks jared is hotter than he could ever be. Jared Is A Dick, But He’s My Dick
1) every single line of jared and evan’s estrangement and reconciliation, from “you would have thought we were ex-lovers the way we tiptoed around each other,” to jared appearing out of nowhere (again) to give evan a ride, to evan musing about how good jared looks (again), to “it took a second to remember the way we were,” to evan realizing how much he’d missed jared and that jared was always trying to save him from himself, to “and my role was to be our moral compass,” to “i never told anyone,” to “jared and i weren’t the soldiering types, but in a way, we’d been to battle together, and there was no one else besides the two of us who knew the true depths of what we had done,” to “miracle of all miracles, jared kleinman had a heart,” you’re in a car with a beautiful boy and he won’t tell you that he loves you but he loves you!!
I DON’T THINK YOU SHOULD WAIT, I THINK YOU SHOULD SPEAK NOW
can you talk about being intersex and cis? how do you know if you're cis or trans when you're intersex? i promise this isn't meant to be rude i'm just a little confused as to how gender works when you're intersex. thank you so much. <3
I’m cis because I’m afab and still identify as a woman. If I was afab and identified any other way, I’d be trans. I’m intersex because my body itself has a mixed bag of secondary sex characteristics and hormones.
The label “intersex” itself isn’t a gender identity as much as it’s a way for people with mixed or ambiguous sex characteristics to define that experience. There are cis men and women who are intersex, trans people of every kind as well. I’m sure there are intersex people who just identify as intersex entirely but most intersex people I’ve met still identify as male, female, or nonbinary. Because your body doesn’t determine your gender identity.
Also, the opposite of intersex is perisex. You can be cis or trans, while being intersex or perisex. If you’re not intersex, you are perisex.
What is this show for the uneducated?
I adore this show more than life itself.
It’s been A MONTH!?!,!,!??!?
Happy One Month To My Fav Gif
Person A: *talking about the French Revolution* And there was a popular way of killing people back then.
Person B: Being shot!
Person A: No *slowly slides finger over neck*
Person B: Poison!
Person C: *Visibly confused* Decapitation?!