Bonded Universe

How I would have changed Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Before I begin this I want it on the record that I very much enjoyed The Last Jedi. It’s far from perfect but where TFA was a lot of fun but fairly uninspired, a new hope for a new generation, TLJ for all its flaws tried new things and dug in deep to big themes and a dissection of the franchise as a whole. I loved it. There’s no denying the film was far too long and the subplots were a mixed bag.  The Rey/Kylo/Luke stuff on a thematic level worked for me. Some minor details near the end perhaps could have been done differently but all in all I think it’s fairly  rock solid. Some rocks can be moved around though as the film very much confirms. I do this not to tell anyone how it should be done but just to give my two cents. I enjoy script writing and would love to be a script doctor/ consultant so I write this in that spirit.. I will try to keep it succinct.

Canto Bight

My brother made the canny suggestion that the Canto Bight story line should have been at the beginning of the film. Imagine panning over the crazy tables, spying all those diverse aliens, we reach a big table, where some ostentatious high roller is wowing a crowd but we can’t see his face. He turns around and it’s Finn! It would be a great surprise since  the last time we saw him was in a bio bed unconscious and now here he is in a totally different milieu and having fun. We could even throw in a shameless piece of exposition where Rose tells him to calm down since it’s not that long since he got the all clear. Finn could say how he’s still feeling a bit raw but that his luck is changing... That should be when he comes across someone from his past in the Casino...Phasma. But in a twist Phasma is sans mask and Finn doesn’t know who this is. This would give Gwendoline Christie an actual character to play. If the audience knows she’s Phasma then the tension comes from not knowing when Finn will figure it out. If you don’t know the actress is Phasma it would be a nice reveal. So Finn believe he has a rapport with this new person and finally feels like he is escaping his past (the film’s central theme) but  the reveal of her true identity would shatter that illusion and the ensuing battle would allow him to put the past to bed once and for all. I also think Phasma should have been evolved beyond the Boba Fett clone (not an actual in story clone!) she ended up being.

Poe is also on Canto Bight with Rose and Finn because they have discovered that the Casino is a front for a weapons facility in which the Empire are stocking up brand new ships such as Dreadnoughts. Their plans is to infiltrate and destroy this place before they can be added to the First Order’s fleet. They need to find a code breaker in the Casino who can be turned to their side. I would have just gone with Justin Theroux’s character here but it still could have been Benecio Del Toro’s DJ either way. Poe is not himself after a botched operation in which he got a number of the fleet killed, including someone important to Rose. I would have made this her lover instead of her sister, explicitly putting in more LGBTQ representation, (having a gay character be killed could be problematic, I admit, but when watching the film the first time and seeing the shared necklace, I honestly assumed this was Rose’s girlfriend/wife and found the sister thing a little meh).  There is understandable tension between Rose and Poe. These story points could be alluded to in PTSD type flashbacks that are interspersed and while Poe is to blame, which has shaken the character from the cocky pilot of the first film, we could see the operation from different Rashomon type flashbacks which would be a nice narrative parallel to the Luke/ Kylo Ren flashbacks.

Leia’s choice to allow Poe on this mission has not been popular and we see a holographic message from Admiral Holdo criticising the decision while still greatly respecting Leia (this is important to establish as their genuine friendship was great and a fantastic rebuke to the two strong women being at odds trope you find in a lot of fiction). Leia says she has faith in Poe and Holdo is forced to see if that faith is justified. Poe himself is conflicted about his future in the Resistance but helping Rose and Finn free those animals that cut a swath through Canto Bight is the metaphor for the Resistance Poe needs to reawaken his faith. He sees that the downtrodden must be free to make a difference.

Leia

The Leia force scene has been a big controversial moment for a lot of people and I would suggest a minor tweak of this could have been more effective. Leia is blasted out into space. We still have the same shots of her floating but we hear her breathing, her heart beating. But suddenly a calm falls over her. She is using the Force to slow down everything to give her a few more precious moments of life when suddenly a fighter appears and picks her up, being flown by Holdo. It would have been a great physical introduction for the character having previously been shown as just a hologram. You’d still have Leia saving herself with the Force but just not in so a cartoony or pronounced way. There could be some fun banter about how Holdo wasn’t meant to be there but she was just passing by the star system and knew Leia would be out for a walk, or something to that effect.

Here is where I will give an odd suggestion for how to deal with Leia in Episode 9. This could be controversial but I’d have it that the General gets sick or is injured and they know they can’t save her so she asks to be frozen in Carbonite but kept alive. She could be the leader who never died and is a living monument to how the Resistance should never die. It’s not perfect but its as elegant a solution to what cruel fate has provided us.

So a single Dreadnought survives the destruction of the weapons facility and this could give us the Holdo sacrifice (clearly Leia could have been the one to do this too, but I digress). Holdo contacts Poe and congratulates him on his successful mission, welcoming him back into the fold but says “As cocky as you are Poe...you missed one.”  And she hyperspaces into the Dreadnought to prevent it from destroying the fleet.

As you can see most of the film would be unaffected and I do believe the subplots would tie in more organically.  Throwing in a Casino jaunt into a ticking clock plot remains my biggest problem with the film and I think structuring it like this would solve a lot of problems.

Snoke

A brief final note on another issue fandom has with the film, the identity of Snoke. The decision to make Rey’s parents nobodies was inspired and I hope they don’t reverse that in future installments. As for Snoke, I have a theory that won’t satisfy everyone but is my take on the character. Although to be honest I don’t think we need to know where he came from. His dispatching was fantastic and allows the series to focus on the more nuanced and interesting antagonist in Kylo Ren but if people were so desperate for an answer here is one.

There should be a scene with Luke in the dark pit with the Infinite Recursion that we see Rey in half way through the film. This can be from a long time ago. Luke has gone their to face his demons. We see him force jump out of the pit and the delayed reflections all follow suit...except one. An obscured reflection in the distance remains down that pit. This is Snoke. He is a manifestation of Luke’s anger and bitterness and the darker thoughts inside of him. (It’s a bit Onslaught with Professor Xavier if I’m to be honest). Snoke didn’t want anyone to find Skywalker because he needs him alive to continue existing and Luke remaining in exile suited his plans perfectly. It even adds an irony to Kylo Ren who unknowingly is still an apprentice to a version of Luke Skywalker. In fact this revelation would have been a nice extra motivation for Kylo killing Snoke.  Fandom could have called this character Snoke Starkiller as a nod to the original name of Luke Skywalker! I very much believe in drawing thematic parallels and contrasts across different narrative threads. For example Kylo sheds his armour to move on but Phasma re-embraces her armour as a symbol of the past.  Both Finn and Rey do not know their parents and are in situations due to this abandonment. There’s definitely more of this stuff that could be teased out over the whole story. So there you go, suggestions for something that has already been made and for adventures that have already happened a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

Star Trek at 50

10 episodes from each of the 5 series to give an overview of 50 episodes of the franchise I love. I will also give honourable mentions and name what I consider the weakest episode (“Total Gagh”) along with 2 other sections. “Praise the Prophets” will discuss elements I think are overpraised and “Cloaked from Culture” will discuss underrated aspects.  This is by no means anything definitive. I wrote this on the fly just to celebrate TREK and invariably will be episodes I have forgotten but part of the fun is in going with gut instinct and seeing which stand out to me.  Also multi part episodes have been condensed to one pick for the sake of sanity. This gets tougher with Deep Space 9 and Enterprise which had more serialised storylines. There will be brief notes on each episode. To avoid ranking episodes I present them in season order. The Original Series Season 1 1.  “Where No Man has Gone Before”. Gary on Star Trek…

The second pilot and third episode broadcast due to TOS’ odd airing of episodes (production order vs. broadcast order is indeed a tangled tholian web of continuity) this episode sets out the Trek stall pretty early using a pet premise from Roddenberry, man being granted the power of a God. I also enjoy the rough around the edges characterisations and approach due to the fact that this was the first proper outing for a show still in flux. Lofty and a touch silly which to me is Trek in a nutshell. 2. “The Menagerie” Cagey attitudes… An irresistible premise in Spock being court martialled which eloquently manages to incorporate footage from the first Trek pilot “The Cage”. Getting to see Captain Pike (Jeffrey Hunter) in full flight alongside the mysterious Number One (franchise institution Majel Barrett) is wonderful and this is an episode that feels like it has real jeopardy. The only two parter from the Original series. 3.  “The Conscience of the King” The Play’s the King… A complex moral dilemma as Kirk stumbles across an actor who may have been a mass murderer in the past, this is an episode suffused with Shakespearean references which serves its knotty narrative well. 4. “Balance of Terror” Das Shoot… The Romulans make their first on-screen appearance in a tense spaceship battle that feels like a dry run for elements of Wrath of Khan. Buoyed by Mark Lenard’s dignified performance as the unnamed Romulan commander this is a seminal original series episode defining one of Treks great villainous races.

 5. “Space Seed”

The scrapes of wrath… An episode with a real Khan-do attitude this is a fantastic introduction to Trek’s most enduring bad guy (for better or worse) Montablan is elegant and suave and it gives us one of the show’s most ridiculous and gloriously entertaining round of fisticuffs between the Khan and Kirk, a trope wisely not repeated in the Wrath of Khan. 6. The City on the Edge of Forever Keeling over… Trek sometimes struggles with convincing romances but here in the relative short timeframe of a single episode Kirk contemplates altering time forever for the love of a good woman. There’s a lived in feeling to the episode that adds to its genuine pathos. Stone cold classic, with a Keeler of an ending. Season 2 7. Amok Time. Some Vulcan sulkin’…

Pon Farr and that music would be enough but as someone who loves Vulcans this episode was a treat for exploring that race’s culture. It was a confident opener to the second series of the show and an instant classic. This was the episode I watched the night I heard Leonard Nimoy had died and it’s a great tribute. 8. Mirror, Mirror The Terran-able twos… The ubiquity of the goatee (a great statement) across pop culture may blunt its impact but Trek’s first trip to the Mirror universe retains its core themes of hopeful optimism. This episode has become a touchstone for a whole genre of dystopian alternate timelines and is meaty enough to still be provocative. 9. The Trouble with Tribbles

Cyrano Jonesin’… An absolute romp and again its iconic nature and subsequent re-visit via a future episode might take the shine off the original but this is just fun stuff, a silly adventure story for our gang where most of the characters get some interesting roles to play. Sadly, the show didn’t always dish things out quite like that. Season 3 10. Day of the Dove Do the Kang Kang…

Energy beings were always toying with the Enterprise and Klingons were a constant looming threat so this episode combines the two to great effect. Klingons are given some much needed shading and Michael Ansara’s performance as Kang is one for the ages. Honourable Mentions: Let that be your Last Battlefield: Heavy handed but iconic with its images and Frank Gorshin is a treasure. Arena: Gorn addiction. Total Gagh: The Way to Eden: Space Hippies. *Sigh* Praise the Prophets: Some of the much trumpeted social commentary feels a bit overemphasised. There’s no denying Star Trek tackled themes and allegory but it was often a very silly show that was just plain wacky. Nothing wrong with that at all! I sometimes think people overpraise the shows soapbox elements to the detriment of its goofier side. Cloaked from Culture: TOS is a pop culture artefact and has been very much pored over but an element that is overlooked is the crew outside the Kirk/ Spock/ McCoy trinity. While some are quite underwritten there is a solid support there from the secondary characters and a recurring roster with Yeoman Rand, Christine Chapel et al. Comments: Season 1 gets the most love. The Next Generation Season 2: 1. The Measure of a Man Soong-rise of the machines… No surprises here, TNG’s first classic and still one of the most beloved instalments. Despite being a somewhat wobbly premise in theory (all this stuff with Data’s rights as a being surely would have come up as he was entering Star Fleet) this is still powerful material and features the best characterisation of Picard up to that point. The measured Picard of the halcyon days of TNG took time to develop. I still believe he is a cranky weirdo in the first two seasons of the show but this was the episode that really began to create my favourite Trek Captain. Peerless. Season 3: 2. Deja Q The real Suddenly Human… A funny episode that evolves Q’s character and gives him some of his best lines. There is a long held belief between my brother and I that the crew constantly misunderstand Q. He is always met with suspicion that he is lying but never really has. He’s so powerful he has no reason for subterfuge. He put humanity on trial. He granted Riker powers. He lost his own abilities here. Picard was responsible for the destruction of humanity. The list goes on and on and I always find it funny that once per Q episode a character will say something along the lines of “But what’s he really up to? Or what isn’t he telling us?” Nothing you fools, he’s mischievous but straight up! Anyway a great episode that ends with Data laughing. Sublime. 3. Yesterday’s Enterprise. I Enterprise C what you did there… Taut, thrilling, complex and finally something for Tasha Yar to do two seasons after she died. A glimpse into the tough war like show Star Trek could have been (and perhaps flirted with in DS9) this is a famously thrown together episode, various drafts and writers coming together to make it work so the fact that it’s a classic is a miracle. All the better for being a done in one. 4. Best of Both Worlds

FIRE on the Bridge…

I can’t add anything to this that hasn’t entered the public consciousness already. Locutus of Borg, that doomsday choir, the cube, resistan…well it’s futile to quote. TNG was a wolf 359 in sheep’s clothing all this time! Season 4/ Season 5 5. Redemption That’s no way to Gowron an empire… A personal favourite which has political intrigue causing schisms in the Klingon empire. Introduces Gowron (played by Robert O’Reilly the most unblinking of actors I have ever seen) and ties into several episodes of Worf’s personal arc as well as Yesterday’s Enterprise. Masterful. Season 5 6. Darmok The language warrior… The episode that created a meme and a thoughtful exploration of cultural differences. I’m not sure the logic of an entire language based on metaphors is particularly sound but as an allegory and an episode it’s so well-crafted that to complain would be churlish. Shaka, when the walls fell. 7. The Inner Light Time flutes when you’re having fun… I mentioned earlier about the slow process of Picard settling as a character but this episode gives Patrick Stewart the best work he’s done as Picard lives out an entire life in less than a half an hour. The script really sells the idea of a life lived and despite it having that studio bound feeling of many Trek planet and civilisations this world feels more authentic than normal. Season 6

8. Tapestry Taking my Q from this… An insight into Picard’s past and an ambiguous treatise on his relationship with Q this episode’s conceit is brilliantly sustained giving a Quantum Leap-esque shot for Picard to right the wrongs of his past. The dull dreary present he finds himself in is quietly devastating in its way and total contrasts for how timelines are usually altered for the apocalyptic. Seeing Picard as such an uninspired non-entity is truly depressing.

 Season 7 9. The Pegasus Riker taken down a peg or two… This might surprise people but I just really love this episode. A great guest turn from Terry O’Quinn and it examines some disconnects from Riker’s character in which he can oscillate from fun loving rogue to oddly stoic stick in the mud. This episode provides a rationale for an officer who found blindly following duty could lead to questionable decisions and tough choices. Also the Enterprise gets to cloak! 10. All Good Things Picard’s picking the cards… Arguably my favourite episode of all Star Trek, the episode is a celebration of a great tv show. With Generations on the horizon the episode didn’t have to round off the characters’ lives, something that can hobble tv show finales. Instead this just acts as a great send off, touching on aspects of the show from the beginning and going full circle with that very first arc. It really feels like the stakes are universally big and even if the time travel is wishy washy and the central problem more cerebral that some would like the episode is warm and funny and again lofty in scope. An episode of ideas and a perfect send off before these characters went to the big screen. Honourable Mentions: The Drumhead: I just really like this one. McCarthyism in the 24h century. Who Watches the Watchers: Prime example of the Prime directive and its complexity. Total Gagh: Shades of Gray: Poorly conceived clip show, a by-product of a writer’s strike but even so an absolute mess. (Sub Rosa must also be mentioned). Praise the Prophets: I think the general consensus of TNG is pretty right on the money, wobbly start that blossomed into a powerhouse of a show. The 6th season is curiously overpraised by some including Brent Spiner and Ronald D. Moore. I mean it’s all subjective but I don’t think the 6th season is massively different quality wise from the seasons around it. Certainly not enough to be noted but each to their own. Cloaked from Culture: An episode like “In Theory” that falls between the cracks of seasons. A smart and thoughtful episode that is maybe too soft for much of fandom. Comments: Picard dominates these picks and is still my favourite Captain. Season 3 gets the most love. Deep Space 9 Season 1 1. Duet Bajor character development… A tense two hander that deepens Kira’s character and has a stunning guest turn from Harris Yulin this is a twisty slow burner that shows the multi-dimensional facets of an enemy and the regrets that conflicts can bring. Easily the best episode of the shows somewhat middling first season.

Season 2

2. Necessary Evil Columbo in Cardassian limbo… An episode about Odo as fluid as a shapeshifter changing forms and the format is just as malleable as film noir bleeds into the more recognisable elements. Showing life before the Cardassians left this is a tough episode that refreshingly doesn’t pull its punches. 3. The Jem’ Hadar An absolute Jem of an episode…

I’m using this episode to stand in for the Dominion conflict starting. This is a pacy chapter that sets up the series’ newest villains and also allows Quark to win back some ground for Ferengi pride. Season 3 4. Improbable Cause/ The Die is Cast Shiar madness… The first episode is pitch perfect crime story but then it becomes an all-out galactic invasion narrative but never loses sight of its main aim, to probe the depths of DS9’s best supporting character, the ever elusive and inscrutable Garak. Season 4 (possibly my favourite all-round season of any Star Trek show)

 5. The Way of the Warrior Mogh-li’s road…

Serving as an introduction to Worf coming on board and also pitting the Federation against the Klingons once more, this is a barnstorming tale of bat’leths and broken promises. An absolute highpoint of DS9. 6. The Visitor Jakes-speare… An episode that deals with familial love in that sort of big hearted way usually only afforded to weepy romance stories this is Trek’s love of technobabble funnelled into a properly affecting story that uses an arresting framing device to make its ultimate point on the limitless possibilities of family and time.

7. Our Man Bashir

All fun and James…

This is here because of pure fun. The best holodeck gone wrong story this perfect parody of James Bond films is both affectionate and critical, offering the harsh realities of the spy game through cynical Garak but maintaining its wide eyed idealism and roguish heart through the fantasies of Bashir. The ending is quite subversive on the topic of saving the world and is a sort of ghoulish kiss off of her Majesty’s finest agent. Season 5 8. Trials and Tribble-lations Can I Kirk or can’t I?... Star Trek throws its own best birthday party, a day of the dove-tail between classic trek and the so called black sheep of the franchise. Superb effects work and such a loving tone mix to perfect effect. People may quibble (does a tribble ever quibble) with some liberties but if you can’t have fun with an episode like this I suggest you may be a Klingon pretending to be a human! 9. A Call to Arms DS9 no more, back to Terok Nor… The war begins as the season ends and this kicks off one of the best things the show ever did, it’s serialised arc about Dukat re-taking the station. This episode feels momentous in that things are really happening and there’s an uncertainty over everyone fate. Seeing the Defiant join a huge armada at the episode’s end is beautiful grace note to leave the 5th season on.

Season 6

10. In the Pale Moonlight Holo-victories… I’m not someone who believes darker is better but this is easily the darkest episode of the entire franchise and it is riveting. Sisko almost breaks the fourth wall as he details the lengths he will go to win the war and the allies he will enlist. It also created a meme in Senator Vreenak and even as a kid found that scene and delivery overripe. I kept thinking to myself is that the best take they had?? Honourable Mentions:   Far Beyond the Stars: I’ll get in trouble for not including this in the main list but parsing Deep Space Nine is hard. A superb episode that I almost put in instead of A Call to Arms but wanted to represent the war arc of the show. This has interesting things to say about humanity’s past and the origins of sci-fi like Star Trek but, and this will be heresy to most but I find Benny’s breakdown at the end quite overacted and that has always slightly spoiled the effect for me. Otherwise a classic. Inquisition: Kafka-esque themes and the first appearance of Section 31 Total Gagh: Profit and Lace: Too wacky and too tacky and underserves some great character like Zek. (for people who would think Let He Who is Without Sin should be here, close call but the shallow part of me forgives that episode a lot due to the scene of Jadzia Dax in her bathing suit. It’s still a Trill to this day.) Praise the Prophets: While DS9 did have pay offs and serialisation I sometimes think it’s overstated. Characters grew but certain things occur that are never mentioned again and if they happened in other Trek shows they’d be highlighted. A few examples: Hard Time: O’Brien lives out years in jail. After the episode never seems traumatised about it ever again. Children of Time: A future version of Odo makes a very questionable decision. Never discussed. Necessary Evil: A secret revealed about Kira. Never mentioned again. Sacrifice of Angels: Damar kills Ziyal. Not dealt with again. Don’t get me wrong. Deep Space 9 is my favourite but I do think there was a mild reset button people overlook. Cloaked from Culture: The humour. Always seen as the dour stepchild, Deep Space 9 has some of the best jokes and most likeable characters in the franchise. Comments: No overriding character dominates the mix here, speaking to the all-round strong characterisation of DS9. Season 4 gets the most love. Voyager 1. Caretaker Delta a bad hand… I really like the opening episode of the series and the promise that lay ahead. Sure the Maquis become as interchangeable as any Star Fleet crew but here the tension is real and the stakes high as the ship is sent to the other side of the galaxy. Knowing the show couldn’t rely on familiar races and would have to create a plethora of new aliens was exciting and fresh and the episode crackles along nicely. 2. Eye of the Needle Alpha Mail…

First absolute classic and one tied into the shows premise. The first “Will they get home?” episode and one of the best. This feels like a Star Trek Tales of the Unexpected set up with a properly great ending. Season 2 3. Death Wish The No Quinn situation…

Trek at its best deals with large questions and uses a sci-fi prism to examine them. The downsides of immortality and the stagnation of a society is ripe for discussion and that’s what a lot of “Death Wish” is, big conversation on cosmic themes. It has a very silly Riker cameo but at least that continued Jonathan Frakes ubiquity across the franchise. If we create time travel let’s give him a TOS appearance but a better written one than his popping up in Enterprise! 4. Tuvix Between a Tuvok and a hard place… A silly premise that turned into one of the most affecting episodes. A transporter accident merges Tuvok and Neelix into a brand new being but when the Doctor figures out how to undo the damage it throws up a huge moral quandary. The performances are exemplary and Tuvix is a likeable enough character that you don’t want him to just be done away with so quickly.

Season 3/ 4 5. Scorpion

Hive-way to Hell…

Voyager meets the Borg and it doesn’t disappoint. A moral dilemma well executed, the first appearance of Seven of Nine and one of the best cliff-hangers Trek ever gave us. Clearly it was their attempt at a Best of Both Worlds but crucially it doesn’t feel derivative. 6. Living Witness Doctoring History…

A rare episode that features no regular characters, save a hugely contrived version of the Doctor as a backup version of the hologram this is look at re-written history and how distorted facts keep certain conflicts alive. There is also a voyeuristic pleasure in seeing hologram versions of Voyagers crew acting so out of character and just how many facts one could get wrong about the past. Is that a Kazon on the conn?

Season 5

7. Timeless Kim chances of survival…

Voyagers 100th episode and a rare chance for Kim to get some meaty stuff. Future Kim is a bit too hard-bitten and gritty for my tastes but the show has temporal fun and Voyager crashing onto an ice planet is a spectacular set piece. 8. Latent Image

When the Doctor goes feedback loopy… An engaging mystery, stellar character work for the Doctor and a very curious off brand ending that favours simple debate and philosophy over final act peril this is an unsung masterpiece of paranoia and tough ethical decisions.

9. Someone to watch over me

Courting disaster…

A light and human episode with a lot of natural humour The Doctor attempts to teach Seven how to date and the episode has a ball with it. It even side steps some clichéd moments you think the show will employ but instead is like Voyagers’ “In Theory”. Overlooked and severely underrated.

Season 6 10. Blink of an Eye

You have to Planet ahead…

One of my absolute favourites due to its high concept of Voyager becoming embroiled in the culture of a planet where times moves faster. The script takes its time and makes the planet feel real and rich in detail. The set up itself lends itself to a lot of pathos and is simply one of the best proper “hard” sci-fi stories the series told.

 Honourable Mentions: Message in a Bottle: Fun and hijinks that also moves the overall arc of the show forward. Night: A scary and unsettling look into how long term space travel could have an adverse effect on mental health. The main set piece in which the ship loses power in a dark void is perfect and it also introduced the Captain Proton  Total Gagh: Threshold: No surprise here. An abomination of an episode and best forgotten. It warped our perceptions of the show.

Praise the Prophets: Dragons Teeth was always weirdly overpraised to me. It’s a fine episode but I never would clamour for the Vaadwuar to return but considering Voyager was often overly criticised, I should be glad this episode took hold as much as it did.

Cloaked from Culture: The relationship of Tom Paris and B’Elanna felt natural and well written for a series that often stumbles when tackling love stories. It is an overlooked component of something Voyager did very well.

Comments: Most episodes I love seem to favour the Doctor and why shouldn’t they? Season 5 gets the most love.

Enterprise Season 1 1. Broken Bow

Prequel rights for all concerned…

An action packed opening that throws tensions between Vulcans and humans, conflicts with Klingons and temporal Cold War and is a fun introduction to the characters and set up. The Suliban are visually imaginative and there’s a sense of adventure throughout. As pilots go this is stellar stuff.

2. The Andorian Incident One small step for Shrankind… A nicely judged tale of intrigue that gives us our first look at Shran and deepens the Andorian culture but does continue the shows worrying trend of throwing the Vulcans under the bus (out the airlock?). 3. Dear Doctor State of Phlox…

Phlox was an underutilized character and this is one of his finest hours. A proper moral dilemma again in the vein of Tuvix or an episode like that. Enterprise has its fair share of detractors but crew conflict was definitely one of its strengths. Season 2 4. Future Tense Timing is everything… Enterprise also excelled in action and this is a glorious stand-off between various factions trying to capture a time ship. I wasn’t against the temporal cold war arc as much as others were. It definitely hampered the show at the beginning and should have been teased out slower if it was to be done at all but this is a nice standalone time story that deftly touches upon the arc. 5. Regeneration First Second Contact… Temporal Investigations would frown on this episode that shows Archer tackling the Borg but the Borg continuity has always been askew. This is as close to horror as Enterprise got (minus some Zombie like Vulcans in another episode) and there’s a nice Cronenbergian shiver to the proceedings here. Another good episode from Season 2 of Enterprise which I consider one of the worst seasons of any Trek show. It bounced back with its next two years though.

Season 3

6. Twilight

Time’s Archer… Much like Children of Time this gives us an alternate future tinged with tragedy while also playing on an ill Archer. The relationship with T’Pol is handled sensitively and while we only get hints of the new status quo the episode does a good job of feeling satisfying even if it’s clear a giant re-set button is going to be pressed any nanosecond now…

7. Similitude

A Trippy outing… Manny Coto’s first script and is a perfect example of what Trek does well. A new version of Trip is created when the original is near death but surely this new version has his own rights. No simple answers are given and it stands as a modern classic overlooked in the chorus of Enterprise criticisms.

Season 4 8. Borderland/ Cold Station 12/ The Augments Soong-ing your praises… Arik Soong with a team of Augments in a commandeered Bird of Prey warping through space, do I even have to explain why this 3 parter is so good? It has a lot of conflict, great action and an edge often lacking in the show. There’s a body count and an escalation of the threat that feels legitimately dangerous. Packaged together it would have made a great film. 9. In A Mirror Darkly Defiant-ly different… Unusual in that it takes place entirely in the Mirror universe this is Trek taking a holiday or indulging in its own cosplay. It’s fun seeing the slightly bland (and hey I’m an Enterprise apologist!) crew getting to have fun and loosen up. It’s a trashy camp outing that I wouldn’t want every week but fun for a week or two. 10. Terra Nova/ Demons All’s Weller that ends Weller… The true ending to Enterprise (it’s much maligned last episode tactfully described as a coda by showrunner Manny Coto) this episode deals with xenophobia in a way that illustrates that the humans of Enterprise are now quite the angels of previous Roddenberry helmed shows. Peter Weller is a marvellous antagonist and again the show asks hard questions while still retaining a sense of danger and action. Honourable Mentions:   Dead Stop: Old fashioned romp with a nice mystery and great designs. Zero Hour: I’m a big fan of the Xindi arc and picked the finale to represent the whole thing. Taking the show serialised and making it a bit darker to comment on the world Post 9-11 gave the show a relevance and an edge and course corrected the entire series. I liked the Xindi as a race and I also enjoyed the ticking clock element. The finale has a few off notes but largely succeeds and did lead in nicely to the strongest season of the show.

Total Gagh: These are the Voyages…:Yep, as bad as they say, a clunky valentine to the show that undermines Enterprise and serves to give a nod to Riker’s appearance across the entire body of work. Also it poorly serves The Pegasus an episode I previously mentioned as a favourite. Berman and Braga regret it now and like Threshold would be an episode I would gladly erase from canon.

Praise the Prophets:  The re-creation of the Trinity with Archer/ T’Pol/ Trip. This was a nice nod to TOS but badly affected the other characters and made some of them barely more than ciphers. A missed opportunity. Cloaked from Culture: Scott Bakula as Archer. The character changed and deepened and Bakula is a charming lead. He was saddled with some baffling characterisation early on but he is the unsung Captain of the franchise. Comments: I like Enterprise a lot but will admit that creator fatigue had set in by this stage and after 600 hours how could it have not?  Season 4 gets the most love.

  Honourable mention for Star Trek the Animated Series: Yesteryear No Spock left unturned… The best animated episode and one so beloved that during the period it was deemed not canon, writers from other series would sneak in references. As this is long enough already. Capsule overview of the films. TOS films The Motion Picture- Ponderous and slow but ambitious and oddly compelling. It’s not for everyone but there’s something there amongst the drawn out peril. Wrath of Khan- Stone cold classic that has proper themes and tense battles. Kirks final line “I feel young” is Shatner’s greatest moment in my opinion. Search for Spock- Silly but very Star Treky this is a comfort movie for me. The reunion scene at the end when Spock asks “The ship? Out of danger?” gets me every time.

The Voyage Home- Glorious and totally off model and all the better for it. Fish out of water comedy meets Whales out of time hijinks!

The Final Frontier- This isn’t a particularly well made film BUT I think its underrated. The characters are bang on, Kirk standing up to “God” is Trek at its most iconic and the reveal from McCoy’s past is heart-breaking. More good stuff in it than people think. The Undiscovered Country- A favourite of mine. Compelling mystery, topical politics and an old Vulcan proverb, “Only Nixon could go to China”. TNG films

Generations-

A muddled but not joyless outing. Sure Kirks death is a damp squib and an unforgivable gag (bridge on the Captain) but its analysis of time and grief is interesting.

First Contact-

There’s a been a bit of weird retroactive bashing of this film but I say thee nay. Great action, fun conceits and a properly threatening Borg presence pre- their de-fanging on Voyager.

Insurrection-

Underrated and in the absolute spirit of Roddenberry. Sure it may feel like an extended episode but I don’t think a film would stop so much to have that Dougherty/ Picard argument which I love and it has a sunny disposition which was a nice palette cleanser after First Contact.

Nemesis-

A mess. Wrath of Khan minus the depth.  It played up its duality theme in a far too heavy handed way and the characters seemed off. “The victory of the echo over the voice” was always a line I liked however.

Kelvin Timeline films

Star Trek ’09-

Dumb fun and a much needed adrenaline boost for the series. There are niggles but I still think it has flair and its origin structure papers over some cracks.

Into Darkness-

The foundation weakens in this po faced misfire. Anything interesting is automatically undermined and most of it is a re-hash of Star Trek 2 with no subtlety.

Beyond-

Very good but in my opinion not great return to form that I think needed some more polishing but in general a good outing that re-sets the table going ahead. Nice to see proper exploration again and that is very much in the spirit of Star Trek.

All-Seeing

An evening mask or a pretty

pattern drawn

on the sky of your back

ready for nights waiting hand

the skeletal bottles collect

on the porch

ready for the warm house invite

and the patter of the confident booms strong

I can not wait til the calm

when all the violence is gone

but the walls as thin as whispers

and it reaches the sleeping mind

the inquisitive part

the seas are receding

faster than the beaches are formed.

We are still all the way put together

the slip of years warming the bones of youth

the body is a temple, on a Holy River

and no one descends from the mountains

to hear my truth

when the figures brush against me

and the naked boast they are all seeing

I can not remember for my life, anything

past the point of my own body, that the

light is now catching.

The Smoking Pun

Conversation was dead. His body was slumped over his chair when the the lights came back on. Silence was in his element, grinning but despite him enjoying the situation, it wasn't clear if he was the murderer. The last thing anyone remembered before the black out was a heated conversation about a burning issue, that of smoking. Cigar had piped in with his view while Pipe tried to get the last word. He was close but no Cigar. As master of ceremonies Conversation had been trying to be fair to all parties. He kept the language clean since Nico was still a tine-ager but when it came to the issue of Cigarettes all the relevant parties were lacking the proper social filters. "Smoking kills," Theory proclaimed,"And there lies the proof!" "Any idea who the murderer could be?" Query was concerned. She had been asking a lot of questions lately and nobody liked that very much. Theory flailed around the room while pontificating loudly. "What we need to do is find out the final quip before Conversation died. We track down that sense of humour and we find the culprit!" Everyone stayed quiet. The scene had been a mess of people shouting their views and trying to come across as more important than they were by blowing smoke.  "We never should have invited that man Tobacco and his 'Lobbyists' to this get together," Count Finite, the Lord of the Manor sighed, speaking to his trophy girlfriend, a model by the name of Tally Marks. "I believe Tobacco is involved in organised crime!" Tally was all set with her rich paramour but couldn't resist some idle gossip. "Well honey, I've spoken to Tobaccos wife InHayley and she seemed very passive in general, even the fact that she heard second hand about this party tells you something. I'm not so sure she knows what her husband is up to. Total smokescreen." Theory was concerned about his ability to solve this crime. He was just a layman, a working Theory, not a definite Explanation. He had failed those exams, because he could find any references or cite himself. "Everyone had a reason to kill Conversation, the guy never shut up," he wondered aloud. "Slip of the Tongue had tried to slip out earlier but that was just cause she was having an affair and was afraid she'd incriminate herself. Why she ever left Schtum is beyond me but I guess she didn't like being a kept woman." Suddenly the lights went out again and Theory was stabbed. "That's one theory eliminated," came a chilling voice from the darkness. His body dropped to the floor but this time the killer had been less careful. His first smoking pun that had killed the conversation had been said in a mysterious tone. The exact line was "That's just how Mr. Tobacco rolls..." followed by Conversations final gasp. No-one could figure out the identity or even the gender of the voice. But happy with his quip about Theory, the murderer had let a slightly grand accent come through and a tone which was distinctly snooty. As the lights came back up, the whole crowd turned to the same person. It was such a cliche, they were annoyed with themselves that they hadn't thought of it already. Who was always being picked on by Conversation when he was making jokes? Who had, due to his past been led ashtray and had definite loyalties to Tobacco and Smoking in general? It was so obvious, the evidence could match nobody else. The Butt-ler had done it.

The Clock Doctor

I want to hide in an old house

want to lie curled on that kitchen bench

I need to taste the rain, collecting on your hair

I need your voice to wish away the lookalike ghosts

the last few years is the reflection of a laugh

we shared in cruel haste and curtailed sunshine

kept for you, if not by design,

than at least by my own shaky hand

and when we sat together,  how intimate was the arc

that we drew

how the crowd would leave us be How even the most ill informed person

just knew

go back to the wilderness seat

return to that most unsure state of grace

I will not season any of the blunt sentiments the thud of every decision, good and bad have equal weight.

at least give me her in the brief encounter and the poor

resolution of a dream

Let me frame her in that uncertain geography.

A Contortionist Writes a Poem about his Job

We fit into boxes when             needs be I can bend my arms sdrawkcab the same with my                          knee I both meta(liter)phorically(ally) put my mofootuth                                           north When something should be        its usually                                             south. They dont need to twist my arm much you can see from how flexible my skkkkiiinnnn is I'm a soft enough touch.   I do get tangled pu at the best of times and in most social situations I'm all thumb(x1000000) I can fit in any drawer, use it like a bed I love my work from toe to head,   the act of c   n   o  t  n                     o   t   r   i  g is my life's work. I make my living from a quirk it's what I'm head                   heels for its what pays for my meals I cant ask for any more.

This is a drawing from a book I have written and am trying to get published. Art by the incredibly talented Marie Denham.  mariedenham:

The Moon Fox- Children’s Book

Written by Emmet O’Brien and illustrated by moi

A Blood-splatter analysis of the Dexter finale

The confusions to be found at the base of this narrative seems to suggest a sadistic writing team who used whatever "blunt instruments" were at hand to overpower the audience. The angle they took, if you can follow the attempts at tying up of all the messy loose ends to the right of the victim tells us that this was not a Six Feet Under copycat killer as Michael C. Hall's work there was at least given a satisfying conclusion. The abrasions to this body of work could be described as heavy handed and seems to be the act of a showrunner in a rush, perhaps fleeing with a large amount of money before the true nature of his crime is discovered. Writers of this type seem to have an innate lack of subtlety probably stemming from a childhood need to insert unnecessary symbolism and a love of endings which require absolutely no investment. We're looking at an 8th season suspect who very often talks to himself in the guise of ponderous "voice overs". The suspect is syndicated and dangerous and currently at large on the re-run.

Ad verse effects

A friend of mine once told me that "poetry makes him feel ill". Some of the more common conditions like influe-stanza and Janedice or Poe-mentation of the skin are well known but here is a selection of some poetic ailments and injuries that really meter to people.

Tennyson Elbow- 

Byron any further injury, this should sort itself out in no time. Kipling Arthritis- A Rud-Yard stick for every other condition one might face Ben(t) Jonson- It can happen to every man and not in his humerus. Will...em...Shakes Appear?- Carry a medical Bard on your person at all times

Robert Frost-bite - The Road Not Prescribed.

Walt Whiplash- Mobility is the soul of Whit

Plath feet When feet get Hughes and swollen.

Auden-iometry trouble W.H.at are you saying to me??

Severe Back Twain

When life gives you Clemens, make lemonade. 

 Conrad Aching

It's a Pulmonary Symbolism.

Mountain Dew- An Invite Only Modern Fable

There once was a Mountain Dwelling Recluse whose close friend was a little wolf named Cole. At some point every day he turned on his old fashioned, stained gramophone and would listen to beautiful music. Reverberating around his hovel, he would think about the joy of music in its endless variations and styles. Despite being a Recluse he had not always lived his life this way and in his past he made many good friends and after so long tasting the sweetness of solitude he decided on a change. It was long past time he brought the beautiful music he had loved so much to a selected crowd of friends and well wishers. And people from the far off land of some area named “Google". His noble wolf however would not be able to stay, as his dalliance with a Bear named Claire had produced an offspring. The little wolf went to mind his little cub. A talking and walking series of Fishbones offered his services on sound, this bony aquatic anomaly seemed to float between joints providing music and aural expertise. Crafty Canty, a local from a nearby territory where people went to feel good lost also pitched in to get this eclectic event off the ground.  A fair Maire-den who is a SuperBlonde, was on hand for whatever else needed doing, while her father the legendary Jerry (whose Moustache was rarely stained with Latte) and her two other brothers, Ciaran and Shane, turned the location from family setting to festival ready. A Great Balloon Race was undertaken by various parties but the first to arrive got there far more quickly,Toby honest, by Karr. A Jollins Green (Cack-ie green) Giant also appeared, while a Chameleon came back to Life for the soiree. This was the power of the mighty mountain dew on the location. Ominous rain threatened on the day but spirits refused to be dampened as people travelled far and wide to the Mountain, led by an array of Grave Lanterns the Recluse had dug up to ensure no-one got lost in the silent musical darkness.  Despite the presence of actual relations, the Recluse also extended his family to include more distant Relatives who sang sweet folky harmonies to all and sundry. Some other Man dola-ed out more harmony driven delight to the audience and it was clear looking at everyone, both Hymn and Her were Shaking and dancing in this case. Signal(s) were lost on phones (no-one could Ring Ian) but could be found on stage and is it any Young Wonder no-one cared about being without coverage, sealed off in this strange place? Next up was a sleepy rubber-band and like Elastic, oh Snap, they were good. Their inspired cover of You Only Live Twice resonated with the Recluse. He had now lived two ways, a solitary life and now one blessed with many new friends. "(Stevie) Gee, "  he thought to himself, " Plenty of Mac-room in my life for many more of these events." The night was a huge success, a sort of watershed moment (when Water was still on that is) that united a disparate group in some rural excess.  One band many looked forward to, in the end, could not play, one of its driving forces still loomed large over proceedings, lending his diverse talents to a few of the other performers.  The band of his that didn’t play? Well I won’t make a Stink about it either way. It certainly didn't Alter any of the Hours the crowd had in a negative way. The final thought of the Recluse was that if he kept this sort of event going, year in and year out, well, he'd be on a pretty Sweet Jelly Roll. Authors Note: Congratulations again to Colm and his family on a great night. To many more!