DRENCHED

With elves heightened ability never before had one fainted of stress or even fainted in general.

And then there’s Lindir.

(Important political meeting)

Thranduil: Of course the dwarves are late!

Lindir (flashbacks to the last time there were dwarves in Rivendell): dwarves?!??

Elrond: Lindir I was going to tell you but...

Lindir faints.

Thranduil: what the hell!!! Someone get a healer he’s dying!!!

Elrond (sighing): First off I AM A HEALER Second off he’s probably fine. This happens to Lindir quite a bit.

Thranduil: PROBABLY!!!!

JL: what the hell man why are saying these things? That is not how you train a child!

Marvel: first off they are teens not kids, second off what do you mean ? (Flashbacks to Hercules making carry heavy shit and Zeus threatening him and his siblings with lightning ever other day) that’s how I was trained???

JL (blinking wildly and thinking of how marvel brushed horrible stuff off like it’s no big deal): ohhh OH!!!! NO!!!

Marvel Can Be Intense

Billy wants these little guys to go into heroics being the best hero they can be. He just doesn’t realize that while he has good intentions, he can come off as kind of intense. Like the time he tried teaching Wally how to vibrate his entire body through an object.

Marvel: *holding Tim by the neck with one hand while his other hand is crackling with electricity* “You better hurry up Wally or else I’ll blow his brains out on the floor!”

Kid Flash: “WHAT DUDE IM TRYING.”

Robin!Tim: “HE’S BURNING MY HAIR! I THINK HE’S ACTUALLY GOING TO KILL ME IF YOU DON’T HURRY!”

Kid Flash: “I’m TRYING!” *only got his arm through it*

Marvel: “Try harder!”

Or the time he tried teaching Stargirl how to fly one of the ships.

Marvel: “Alright, so the best type of practice is getting it firsthand so what you’re gonna do is fly straight through that asteroid belt.” *points to the belt*

Stargirl: *sounds super concerned* “What? I can’t do that!”

Marvel: “Yeah you can! You just gotta believe. Now do it.”

Stargirl: “I just told you, I can’t. I can barely fly this thing already. Flying through an asteroid belt would completely total the entire thing and we might be stranded out here for God’s sake.”

Marvel: *nods head* “I see. I see. I get your concerns. So instead I’ll just…” *grabs the acceleration and cranks it all the way up and they start flying to the belt*

Stargirl: “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” *grabs the steering wheel and starts making the ship dodge the asteroids*

Marvel: “You’re doing great!” *sunny ahh smile as if he hadn’t put the both of them in mortal danger*

Later…

Marvel: “That was wonderful for your first time, Stargirl.” *looking at the dents in the ship*

Stargirl: “You’re a psychopath.” *still a little shell shocked*

Marvel: “Nuh uh. Here, have some candy.” *hands her some candy*

Then there was the time Beast Boy was interviewed.

Interviewer: “So, who would you say is your toughest teacher? Batman?”

Beast Boy: “Oh, definitely Captain Marvel.”

Interviewer: *slightly surprised* “May I ask why?”

Beast Boy: “Well, he’s a psychopath. Like actually. Like don’t get me wrong. He’s really nice. He makes us cookies. He’s like super kind, but when it comes to training, he’s a complete psychopath. Like the other day he said he’d tear off Starfire’s arms if I couldn’t complete a training exercise. I did complete it don’t get me wrong, and he gave me cookies afterwards, but you don’t just threaten to tear off another person’s arms!”

Kyle is a Parallax apologist.

And so is more than half of the universe.

That’s it.

Earth needs to get with the program before another planet decides to keep Hal and give him the love he deserves.

Diana was shocked, hurt and elated all at once! “Your grandmother is Pandora?! I did not know that she even had a child! I am ecstatic to meet you Konstelacio. Oh my I call you cousin?” This was it! as far apart as the separation between Pandora and Themyscia may be Diana would take any family she could. The loneliness of childhood gnawed at her.

“Oh no! I’m not Pandoras Grandchild!” The girl crossed and uncrossed her arms into an X to show her dismissal, “She is a good mentor! And a wonderful family confidant! If anything she’s like my Nanny.”

Constantine began to sweat buckets.

Diana shouted, “Wait…is Pandora…” lips thinned.

“A ghost ? Yes”

- Tim stared at Konstelacio, she had begun to breathe deeply, averting her eyes from Wonder Woman, feet shuffling together. She was exhibiting shame. And Tim understood the feeling well, that you were too unworthy to even be held in comparison to someone else. Someone whose shoes you could never even dream of filling. “Do Demons have grandmas?” Uhhh speedsters.

“Yes”

“That’s so cool! Who’s yours?”

“I don’t know.”

Oh oh those golden eyes looked tired. As tired as Jason’s eyes had been after his first gala, Dick thought. They may have both been adopted but Jason was treated to so much contempt being from the streets, so much fake pity. /Oh poor kid doesn’t even know who his mom is./Dick knew Jason hated it all.

“I’m sorry!”

“It’s okay. It doesn’t matter.”

/It doesn’t matter Dick! Just drop it!/ the eldest robin frowned.

Damian tsked, “What about your parents? I would suppose even monsters need those? Also landing community service instead of some harsher punishment must mean you have some connection to authority in your ‘realm’ no?”

The little girl grinned, “Yes something like that.”

She has nearly everyone in the room duped, Constantine side eyed the Bats nearly. He knew that smile; a tad too wide eyes, a fraction to tight smile, the inexplicable about of understanding and kindness up until this point… this was the grin of a con artist.

- “I know quite a lot of important people! Why Pandora herself is my nanny! And my supervisor is my uncle.”

“Tsh- is that not a conflict of interest?”

“Doesn’t matter,” John wished he was allowed to smoke in space, “No more wasting time, now that we know you can help us what’s your price?”

“Hhhuuu what? Oh the price for the antidote will have to come later, after all you technically aren’t getting it from me. I’ll have to ask nanna and whoever else decides to help what the want. It’s only fair.”

“We see,” Batman’s low tone sounded. “And the dragon-“

Her hand stuck out shyly, “Tips are always welcomed tho…after all I am still providing a service.”

“We don’t …”

“It takes me a lot of energy and time to help you mortals so much. I’m so tired already.”

Batman’s mouth stilled, “We-“

A blur of red, “Oh are you hungry? Do you need anything? Let me get you a chair, snacks..”

“No no chair! Nothing is going threw that circle !” Constantine yelled, “Do you have any idea what could happen!”

“She’s a child!”

“She’s a demon!”

“Constantine is right.”

“Bats you can’t be serious, just look at her?”

“Flash we know your intentions are in the right place but we just can’t risk it! We also can’t risk not clearly defining what she considers a tip.” Zatanna signed how long have they been here, the girl looked harmless enough but something about her made her skin crawl.

“A favor would be nice! Especially from the red one!”

“See who knows what she could end up asking for.”

“Oh I see I’m sorry,” she looked down dejected, “ I do suppose no one carries favors for ladies around anymore hhhmmm and none of you have handkerchiefs? Awww”

“Why would you want something like that ?!?” Diana was horrified, her to be cousin was a child! No men, man, demon should be giving her favors to begin a courtship! “Flash!”

“Oh no no I wasn’t defending you to-“

“I know I know I just wanted one from you cuz you were nice to me.”

“That’s still doesn’t explain why you would ask for a favor as a tip?” Diana looked as the girl flushed in embarrassment. “I -I -I just want one to show my friends that’s all just to prove that I could get one that’s all! Uummmm cousin???” She hesitated regretful as soon as the word had come out.

“Oh I see are your friends giving you a hard time? Well I say the only one that would be appropriate to give you such a thing would be Robin… the youngest that is.”

The bats looked back at Damian oh dear lord sweat god don’t -

“Tch- here.”

Oh

Damian tossed a handkerchief towards the circle. “You just carry a handkerchief with you?” “Of course I do I’m not a heathen unlike you Drake.”

The toss was barely thrown in her direction when it disappeared entirely. “Where…”

“No worries I just put it in my inventory. Now then I’ll be on my way.”

“Wait!”

“Huh?” Big doe eyes blinked up at them all in confusion.

“The dragon! What about that thi- guy.” Hal scruffed out.

The girl brightened up, “Oh you don’t have to pay me anything for that! After all Aragon the one that broke his patrol. So I’m sure as soon as I send my report someone will come deal with it eventually.”

“Eventually?!” Hal’s hand hit the table, who was this kid?

“Well yes, tons of reports go in everyday! It is the INFINITE realms after all! Who knows when they’ll get to yours.” She shrugged as if it was all just a matter of convenience as if that very dragon haven’t terrorized and destroyed lives throwing its tantrum.

Superman chewed his lip, as this meeting contributed to drag on he had no doubt Aragon would continue to destroy everything in its path. “Wait what about your connection, surely you know someone that can help ? What about your supervisor uncle ?” Clark needed this to stop, he couldn’t even land a punch on this guy. Nothing worked and he was already weak to magic. This has to stop.

“Well I suppose I can but it’ll cost you.”

“Wait just a minute!”

“Do we even have anything you want?” Clark raked his mind over ideas in his head, for a tip all she had wanted was a handkerchief an old school way of showing off to her friends like any normal girl. “We don’t have much but I’m sure we could think of something???”

“It’s okay Mr. Superman.” Konstelacio lite up “I’ll just take something you mortals don’t really think about hhhmmm something small.”

Hal sighed as he leaned back, “You sure we can’t just give her a dog?”

“Ugh fuck this mate I need a light,” forget not being allowed to smoke up here all these idiot we’re getting on John’s last nerve, “Ugh drat! I could have sworn I had my lighter in my pocket.”

“Oh you mortals losing things in your own pocket. Oh that’s what I want in return!”

“A lighter? Smoking is -“

“I want your pockets.”

“What do you mean?”

The devil grinned, “Your pockets, empty them.”

#@starkcravingmad

Writing Prompt: #3 Pinky Promise (Swear)

It was the beginning of spring and elves of all corners were gathered in celebration. It was a lovely affair. It was a lovely affair and the royals were acting like children.

Singrid:Just let me see it Legolas!

Legolas: No

Singrid (eyeroll): Oh come on what do you want me to pinky swear I won’t break it?

Bard: Singrid!

Singrid: What it was a legitimate offer!

Legolas: Fine

Singrid: Excuse me?

Legolas: I will take you up on your pinky swear

Thranduil: I thought it was a pinky promise

Bain (shrug): It is but you can also do the swear to it

Singrid: Alright then,

“Cross my heart

Hope to die

Stick a needle in my eye”

Singrid extending here pinky out to Legolas who took it dumbstruck.

BAM!

Tilda: Did Glorfindale faint?

Elrond: .... what the absolute-

Pure lesbian gay solidarity

You know how in Percy Jackson? Athena just Vibes so hard with someone she makes a baby appear?

I think that would be hilarious.

"Hi, remember me? Yeah, we fought that World Ending Threat together. Shared Witty One Liners. You were hilarious and VERY Heroic, so was I, it was awesome. And, uhh... *awkward cough* It's a Concept?" *jazz hands*

"Meaning?"

"....I'm pregnant."

"WHAT!?!?!"

Like? Full on Lunch Box, gonna pop out of his body already a toddler, "I'm technically just carrying around a second core and the only physical sign it's happening is I am SUPER hungry and Hella tired", Super Heroics Weirdness Baby? A literal love child with Justice(tm).

But also one of the Bats.

Look, no one GAVE HIM the "you are a Protective Spirit, you gotta be careful who you Protect People With, lest you Vibe too hard and CREATE LIFE" talk! He didn't know that was A THING!

And he's not even mad? Inconvenienced? Yeah. Spooked. Absolutely. But, like? He already HAS a daughter? Dani. And he has literally his entire Rouge Gallery and all his Allies to help raise this lil menace. It's also not like it's gonna HURT. It's just... like someone handed him a chimpanzee and walked off. But worse because it's not a chimpanzee, its A CHILD.

He's kinda still buffering.

So... Now he's here to either set up a Co-parenting thing, threaten you for child support money, or too avenge himself upon you should this be some weird baby-trapping plot. Okay, now, does he or does he NOT... need to burn your house down?

Talk fast.

@hdgnj @babbling-babull @nerdpoe @lolottes @the-witchhunter @hypewinter @ailithnight @mutable-manifestation

Family Discussions

My sister has decided to make rules for Thanksgiving since we will be having it at her house for the first time.

There’s typical stuff: no politics, no fighting, no Black Friday shopping, make food on time ectra. And then there’s stuff that makes me rethink our family dinamics :

No talking about lawn culture.

No putting the cats on high places.

No chair stacking.

No sleeping on the floor.

No fighting over the whip cream.

Update: the word cloaca is banned.

No debating whether it’s said Mario or Mario.

No talking about ships especially Tolkien ones.

No “pretending” to turn dinner into an intervention. - Again.

Everyone’s always like :

Batman adopts Billy

Superman adopts Billy

Constatine adopts Billy

I say: Fuck it ! BILLY adopts Vlad!

Vlad moves to Faucet city getting away from the past after making up with Danny blah blah blah

And this street kid just decides this “abandoned” mansion is perfect to squat in. But surprise Vlad is living in there!

I want Billy to look at Vlads money look at how unhappy he is look back at Vlad and go “bitch you live like this”

Vlad pays Billy an outrageous amount of money to help fix up the mansion. Billy pops in to wash laundry and cook food for two only to immediately vanish at night/ all the time and Vlad can’t do shit about it

I need Billy to fucking believe that people can change and rip heroes on the league who believe villains will always be villains ... while Vlad is still a villain just not murder hungry one

I want Billy to have a soft place to land and only seeing it as safe because HE is the one that MADE it soft! Vlad needs him and Billy is a hundred percent willing use that knowledge!

The entire situation is a melancholy comedy that writes itself!

Also imagine Shazam calling Vlad cuz ghosts attacked the JL and Plasmius showing up talking to Billy about shit in the far past - thus making everyone double down on the theory of Shazam being super old!

But also Plasmius calling Shazam “kiddo” or Shazam calling him “old man” and THE ENTIRE JUSTICE LEAGUE is just like holy shit Shazam’s dad is a powerful ghost!

Kon would so try to anyway!

My date mate is literally allergic to cinnamon and always attempts to kiss me me anyway XD

It starts with the usual 'Justice League has to summon the Ghost King to battle a world-ending threat.' Stick. They decided to do it in the Fortress of Solitude, which took some time to convince Clark to do, but it was the only place that had the possibility to hold the Ghost King if he went off the rocks, especially with all the added protection John did.

So, most of the Justice Leaguers and their sidekicks stood on the outskirts of the giant summoning circle and watched as it glowed a bright luminescent green, and the middle of the circle disappeared, replaced by a hole that, from Superman's place as he hovered a few feet above the ground, looked like a never-ending waterfall of green liquid.

A few minutes passed as everyone held their breath before the waterfall started moving up. Like a volcano, the luminescent liquid shot up and hit the ceiling, falling into drops around everyone. From the water, a shadowy figure appeared, giant and making the water glow brighter with their presence.

For a few seconds after the glowing fountain continued erupting until stopping suddenly and falling back into the hole, a giant eldritch figure revealed as the hole closed up under it.

It looked sort of humanoid, but the most eye-catching thing was its skin. It looked like the galaxy—stars and constellations, planets, and meteors—the being looked like it was made from the galaxy. The stars and planets spun across its skin? And atop his head were wispy white locks, not held down by gravity and flowing with the air in the confined space. On his back was a long cape that reached the floor, and he (it? She? Did gods have a gender, because this being looked more like a god than Zeus did) bent his legs at an angle to not bump his head against the ice roof.

Everyone watched with bated breath as the king, the being, the god reached inside his cape and seemingly grabbed something, coming out with a clenched fist and slowly moving it towards the youngest Robin, the child. Batman barely had any time to swoop in front of his son when the eldritch being opened his hand, and right there, in his palm.

A lollipop.

A green crystal lollipop that made superman fall from his place in the sky and Jon back away from his friend with a pained expression.

The ghost king just gave robin a freaking kryptonite lollipop.

Meanwhile, danny is just wondering why the child touched by death won't take the treat.

Ghost helpline part 16- Everyone goes home

Billy walked out of the, surprisingly opened at 3 am, art store with bags of painting supply. Ducking into an alley, he transformed. He felt a lot better.

Alright he was ready to head for Gotham, after all his family was waiting for him there.

Now how to get around the Bats, he could probably avoid them if he walked in Bludhaven right?

- “Ow! What the hell! Billy???” The kid had decided to detransform mid air and ended up on top of the small vampire.

“Jack?”

The two looked at each other, “Holly shit are you bleeding! Did I do that?”

“What no of course not! I just got caught up with some bigoted werewolf.” Reds blood was already dry, skin scared as if the encounter had taken place days ago. “Billy what are you even doing here?!”

“Finished that pie at the diner and took a walk around the place. Was just starting to head home”

Translation: I’m done with my mission and patrol of Fawcett and am trying to go home.

“And you didn’t take the short cut home because?”

Billy quizzically raised an eyebrow, seriously what does my sister see in this guy? “ Taking the long way seemed like a safer bet, especially in a town like this.”

Translation: Do you want me to get caught by the Batman ?? Huh? Do you?

“Right, we should get going there’s no telling if that wolf will come back. Need a lift?”

“Can’t we just call Dandy to pick us up?”

Red shook his head, “No can do, he left to go pick up Violet chances are he’s barely coming back into town.”

“What do you mean pick Violet up? Where is she?!?”

“It’s a whole thing, just look I am not comfortable being here right now. Don’t you know wolves travel in packs? Do you want a lift or not!?!?”

“Fine.” Jack hoisted Billy over his shoulder, “This is humiliating.”

“Hardy har har, I may be a weak vampire but even I can care you in this form. Now hold tight.”

They disappeared in a blur of pink.

And Nightwing set down the binoculars, this was going to be a long report.

—-

Dandy was ready to strangle them.

“Hold on hold on we can just check the mirror again!”

“Flipping flapjacks, where the heck is Small-ville?”

Klarion could feel Dandy’s eyes burning into him. Whoops, “Well I at least need to know what state we’re in for me to teleport more accurately… so.”

Danka smiled, “So we ask for directions! We are literally on top of a farm right now - someone has got to be here!”

“Well not like we got any other plans here.”

A short walk, a pie and a conversation later Klarion managed to teleport them to the mansion.

Dandy couldn’t enjoy it for a minute. He stopped dead in his tracks, “Klarion, we forgot the car.”

—- —- —-

Bruce’s neck hurt, did he sleep on the

bat-puter again? No it was too soft. He shifted and opened his eyes… he was on a couch? Oh, OH. That wasn’t suppose to happen, he couldn’t have been that tired. The tv was off, and there was a blanket on top of him.

Vlad was gone and the lights were dimmed.

Great he had made a fool out of himself.

Right, it was time to leave. Right now. He could apologize later but he had to leave.

CRASH!

Bruce jolted into action. The sound came from upstairs.

// He’s so going to get robbed.//

Dick was right, for god sakes the house didn’t even have cameras!

Bruce ran up the stairs.

CRash! ThUd! “Ow damn nmit”

Oh that didn’t sound like a criminal… that sounded like a kid.

Two doors opened, Vlad and a little boy came out of them.

The kid had black hair and blue eyes, “Who the fuck are you?”

“Billy!”

“Whatever old man, next time just let us know before you bring some side piece over.”

Oh good god he was another Jason.

——

Bruce got into his car and went home.

He left felling giddy and guilty, holding Vlad’s number.

Dick knew better to keep secrets from The Batman, so he wasn’t going to lie. He just also wasn’t going to tell him what happened to his face. If Bruce really needed to know what happened tonight he could read the report on it.

—- —- —-

Violet stares at the phone longer than necessary, she’s got one shot at this. Don’t fuck up.

She plucks a number out of her inventory and dials.

Violet has never been close to Bradley, he was quiet and reserved. He insisted that she couldn’t do anything without help, well on the upside if someone thinks you’re useless it’s not like you can disappoint them more than you already do.

“Hey Brad, can you come pick me up… I’m at a pub… yeah again…”

- Brad hung up the phone and abandoned his brothers at the movie theater. His sister had called him, him! Not Dandy or Danka or Klarion! She had called him! And now he he had a little sister to save!

He checked the time on his Lock Screen, a picture of Violet having a stuffed animal tea party, it was his prized possession. His little baby sister was just so adorable and kind. And if anyone in Gotham hurt her there was going to be hell to pay! - literally!

—- —- —-