Hey So Could You Maybe Do Ellie With “I Was All Over Her” By Salvia Plath

Ellie Williams x BPD! Reader please 🙏

Split Edges - ellie williams x reader

hi anon! i hope you enjoy:)

Pairing: ellie x fem!reader

requests are open! send me your silly thoughts

Warning: Intense emotional themes, self-sabotage, swearing, dark thoughts, panic attacks, co-dependency, manipulation, and one shocking betrayal

Summary: in which you needed help

masterlist

“I’m sorry I go from loving you to hating you in minutes.

I’m sorry I can’t tell what’s real.

I just don’t want to lose you.”

Ellie met you when she was at her worst.

And you?

You were a wildfire in human skin.

Charming one second. Distant the next.

Your moods didn’t shift—they switched. On and off. Light and dark.

And Ellie, for all her trauma-hardened edges, found herself drawn in.

You saw her, truly saw her. Not as a weapon or a survivor.

But as someone worth loving. That scared her.

But not as much as how fast she fell.

You loved hard. That’s the thing no one tells you about BPD.

It’s not drama—it’s devotion.

When Ellie laughed, it filled every empty part of you. When she touched your hand, it was like being stitched back together.

But the fear was always there.

She could leave.

And if she left, you’d unravel. So you tried to hold tighter. Love harder. Be perfect.

But no one can be perfect forever.

Ellie started pulling away after you had your first episode in front of her. You saw her glance at someone else for half a second too long.

Your stomach dropped.

Your heart snapped.

“You’re bored of me,” you said. “You’re already looking for someone else.”

“What?” she laughed, confused. “I just asked them for extra ammo—”

“No,” you snapped. “I saw you.”

The fight lasted hours. You cried. Screamed. Threw your knife into the wall.

Ellie didn’t leave.

But she didn’t touch you either.

And that’s when you knew:

She was starting to fear you.

And that made you hate yourself.

So you punished yourself. Silently. The way you always did.

But Ellie noticed the new scar.

One night, she sat across from you, voice low.

“I want to be with you,” she said. “But not like this. You have to get help.”

“I am help,” you hissed. “I’m the only one who’s stayed.”

“You love me so much you’re destroying me.”

That shut you up.

Because maybe she was right.

So you made her a promise: you’d try.

You’d get better.

For her.

And for a while, you did.

You journaled. You started meds. You smiled more. You apologized when you snapped instead of vanishing for days.

Ellie let her walls down again.

And things were good. Too good.

That’s how you should’ve known something was coming.

The knock at the door came on a rain-heavy evening. You opened it to find Dina.

Alive. Shaking. Pale.

“She told me you were dead,” she said to you.

You blinked. “What?”

“She said you lost it during a raid. That you bled out in her arms.”

“I’ve never even been in a raid,” you said slowly.

Dina stared at you.

Ellie had lied.

Not about you.

About Dina.

Because while Ellie had been healing you…

She’d been hiding the fact that she never stopped loving someone else.

You confronted her that night.

“You said she was gone.”

Ellie sat still, jaw clenched.

“She was. I thought she was—”

“Liar,” you whispered. “You wanted her gone. You wanted me to replace her.”

“You’re not a replacement,” Ellie snapped. “You’re... you're worse.”

The words left her mouth before she could take them back.

And just like that, the switch flipped.

You were done.

You disappeared the next morning. Vanished into the woods.

Ellie searched for days. Weeks. She cried. Screamed. Left notes carved into tree bark.

But she never found you.

Because you didn’t want to be found.

Until the next season, when Ellie found something under her bed.

A recording.

Your voice. Calm. Unstable. Honest.

“If you’re hearing this, I’m gone. Not dead—just done. You didn’t break me. I just finally saw who I was when I wasn’t trying to hold you. You were always scared of losing me. But I think I was more scared of losing myself.”

Ellie sits on the porch every dusk now. Alone. The wind carries echoes of your voice. Not real. But not gone either. She doesn’t know where you are. But part of her knows she’ll never find you. And for once, it’s not because you’re lost.

It’s because you finally let go.

GLAD YOUR BACK DIVA 🤍

RAHHHHHH THANK YOU POOOKIEEEEE, IT FEELS GOOD TO BE BACK <3333

that professor ellie was perfect. please do a nsfw one LOL i feel like she’d be so sweet but also lowkey not BUT ONLY SOMETIMES bc she’s usually gentle but other times she’s like I HAVE TO HAVE YOU HEHEHE but never too crazy but also is she??? im spiralling

Headcannons: professor!ellie williams x reader

masterlist

professor ellie masterlist

warning: NSFW content! MDNI 18+

☆ By day, she’s the composed, sarcastic, brilliant literature professor — but behind closed doors, Ellie becomes the kind of woman who whispers filth in your ear while holding your face like you’re precious.

☆ Her desk is definitely not just for grading. She’s taken you over it more than once, locking the door and muttering, “Need to teach you a real lesson.”

☆ Ellie buys you expensive lingerie “for her eyes only” — and makes you wear it under your clothes to class just to tease her. She'll smirk knowingly while lecturing, completely composed while you're squirming.

☆ That calm, slow professor tone? It drops an octave when she’s turned on, and it drives you wild. Especially when she reads poetry to you while touching you.

☆ She worships your body. Whispers “my good girl” while brushing your hair out of your face. Calls you brilliant, beautiful, irresistible — even when you’re falling apart beneath her.

☆ Subtle in public — a hand on your lower back, a kiss to your temple — but in private? She's feral. Leaves marks like she’s afraid someone else might look at you wrong.

☆ Ellie makes everything sound intellectual… even sex. “Let me illustrate this theory,” or “Let’s conduct an experiment,” as she pins your wrists down.

☆ Some nights it’s slow, candlelit, and gentle. Other nights she’s gripping your hips, leaving you breathless and blissed out because she needed you that bad.

☆ When she keeps the glasses on during sex, you know she means business. She looks down at you like you’re a book she’s studied a thousand times but still finds something new every time.

☆ Yes, she will continue a sentence or a theory while slowly sliding her fingers into you — “Pay attention. This part’s on the test.”

☆ Weekend mornings always start with lazy kisses, sleepy fingers, and Ellie growling, “Don’t get up. Not until I’m done with you.”

☆ Ellie lives to see how far she can push you. Fingers, mouth, toys — she’ll draw it out until you’re crying her name like it’s scripture.

☆ Once in a while she gets so turned on she loses it — hair messy, biting your shoulder, saying “I need you. Right now. Don’t care where.”

☆ Immediately after, Ellie’s soft as ever — running you a bath, wrapping you in one of her flannels, feeding you strawberries like you’re royalty.

☆ That locked drawer in her office? Yeah, it’s not just for documents. It holds your favorite toy, a silk blindfold, and one of your panties she “borrowed.”

☆ Reading You Erotica: She’ll find the filthiest passage from some obscure book and read it to you while you sit in her lap, grinding slowly, whimpering.

☆ If someone else flirts with you, Ellie pulls you close, kisses you hard, and whispers, “Mine. Let me remind you.”

☆ She doesn’t always need to speak. Sometimes it’s a look — those sharp green eyes locking on you — and you know to drop to your knees.

☆ She tells you she dreams about you. That she can’t concentrate in meetings because she’s thinking about how you taste, how you sound.

☆ She calls you her “thesis.” The one thing she’ll never stop studying, never stop learning, never stop needing.

☆ Her hand wraps around your throat, but it’s never rough — it’s possessive. She leans in, kisses your lips softly, and says, “Breathe for me. That’s my girl.”

☆ One time, she made you sit through one of her lectures with a remote-controlled vibe inside you. Smiled at you from the front like nothing was happening — then turned it up when she caught you squirming.

☆ Ellie isn’t flashy with bondage. She prefers silk ties, slow binding, and long stares as she murmurs, “You look better like this. All mine.”

☆ Ellie needs to hear every sound you make. She’ll edge you for hours just to hear the pitch of your moans change, cataloguing them like they’re part of a study.

☆ She tugs your hair not just to dominate, but to angle your head up — to kiss you, to praise you, to look you in the eye and say, “So fucking pretty like this.”

☆ If you're a student, she makes you earn your orgasms during finals. “Get an A, and I’ll ruin you. Fail, and I’ll really ruin you. Either way, baby, you’re not walking right.”

☆ Ellie has a thing for your hands on her — gripping her shoulders, clutching her shirt, leaving nail marks down her back. She thanks you for them like you gave her a gift.

☆ She once let you ride her while still wearing her full robe, glasses slipping down her nose, hand on your waist as she said, “Professor’s privilege.”

☆ If you ever admit to having a dream about her, Ellie insists you describe every detail — while she touches you exactly how you described it.

☆ In bed, she gets scary quiet. One word from her — strip, stay, come — and your body obeys before your brain catches up.

YOURE BACKKK!!!!! missed you very much <333

DADDYS HOMEEEEE!!! I MISSED ALL OF YOUUUI<333

I loved the fic that you did about ellie cheating on dina with reader ❤️

Can you do one where reader is jesses new girlfriend and ellie is with dina and jj but ellie is so in love with reader that she uses sex to get to her because reader is sooooo gay but in the closet (poor Jesse 😔)

The Things We Do in the Dark - ellie williams x reader

hi anon! ty sm!! we need justice for Jesse after this one lmfao. I hope you enjoy:)

Pairing: Ellie Williams x Fem!Reader (Closeted)

requests are open, send me your thoughts:)

Warnings: Angst, cheating, internalized homophobia, emotional tension, sexual tension, explicit content, toxic dynamics, reader is with Jesse, Ellie is with Dina, manipulation, longing

summary: A late-night confession turns into something neither of you can take back. In the quiet moments between guilt and longing, you and Ellie find yourselfs crossing a line — again and again — in the shadows of a relationship that was never meant to be theirs.

masterlist

It started with a glance.

Not the kind that you could wave off or explain away—this one lingered. Too long. Too soft. Too filled with something that should’ve never been aimed at you, especially not from Ellie Williams.

Not while her arm was around Dina’s waist. Not while Jesse’s hand was resting on your thigh.

And definitely not while the two of you were sitting at the same dinner table, playing pretend.

Jackson, Winter

The town looked peaceful from afar. The snow blanketed the trees like everything ugly could be buried beneath it. And maybe that was what you needed—a fresh cover. A layer of denial.

You leaned into Jesse’s warmth. He was good. Kind. Familiar. And he liked you so much it made your chest ache. You weren’t sure if you loved him back. Not the way he deserved. But it was easier to keep your secret hidden behind someone else’s love.

Ellie was across the table, laughing with Dina, but her eyes kept flicking to you. Not obviously, but often enough that it set your nerves on fire. Every time your gaze met hers, it was like a collision. And she never looked away first.

You’d barely kissed Ellie. Once. One drunken, hot, confusing kiss after patrol three months ago. And then she’d gone home to Dina. And you? You ran straight into Jesse’s arms, hoping he’d crush the memory from your bones.

He didn’t.

Ellie started getting reckless.

She’d find excuses to be near you. Late-night patrols. Fixing things in your cabin. Dropping by with dumb jokes and smug looks.

You tried to ignore it. You really did.

Until one night, she cornered you outside the stables, snow falling around you like static.

“You ever think about it?” she asked, voice low, breath steaming in the cold.

“About what?” you answered, even though you knew.

Her hand brushed your jacket. “That night.”

You froze. “I’m with Jesse.”

Her lips twitched. “And I’m with Dina.”

Silence.

Then: “But you’re not happy. Are you?”

It wasn’t a question. And it made something twist in your gut.

Ellie stepped closer, her mouth just inches from yours. “You’re still hiding. I see the way you look at me. You’re scared. But you don’t have to be.”

You shook your head. “I can’t, Ellie.”

“You want to.”

And then she kissed you.

Hard. Hungry. A kiss that felt like punishment and salvation all at once. You let her.

It happened in a haze of snow and silence. You showed up at her place after Jesse left town on a hunting trip. You told yourself it was just to talk. To set boundaries. To stop whatever was spiraling out of control.

But Ellie looked at you like you were oxygen and she’d been holding her breath for years. And you caved.

She didn’t ask for permission. She just walked up to you, touched your face like you were something holy, and whispered, “Tell me to stop.”

You didn’t. You couldn’t.

The first time was fast and rough. Desperate hands. Quiet moans. The sound of your heartbeat drowning everything else out. She made you feel things you had spent years burying.

And afterward, when your head was resting on her chest and her fingers were tracing your skin, she whispered, “I’d do anything to have you.”

You wanted to cry. Because she didn’t have you. Not really.

You saw Jesse the next morning. He kissed your forehead and handed you coffee like you weren’t a liar. Ellie watched from across the street.

That’s how it was, for weeks.

You lived two lives.

By day, you were Jesse’s girlfriend, smiling through your guilt. By night, you were Ellie’s secret. Her obsession. Her sin.

She'd sneak into your room when she knew Jesse was on watch. Touch you like a prayer. Tell you how much she hated seeing you pretend.

"You don’t belong with him," she growled one night, her fingers pressing bruises into your thighs. "You belong with me."

You knew it. You just couldn’t say it out loud. Because if you did, everything would collapse. Your safety. Your reputation. Your place in Jackson. Your lies.

Dina was smart. She started asking questions.

“Ellie’s been distant,” she confided one day while braiding your hair. “Do you think she’s okay?”

You swallowed your shame. “Maybe she’s just tired.”

But the truth was, Ellie had started to unravel.

She became possessive. Jealous. Angry. She hated Jesse.

She hated how you flinched when she touched you in public.

One night, after a fight, she said, “You’d rather be miserable than admit you’re mine.”

And you screamed back, “Because I’m not yours!”

But you still let her kiss you. Still let her take you apart behind closed doors. Because love like that doesn’t just disappear. It devours.

It came one night after patrol. Jesse found a note in your coat pocket. Ellie’s handwriting. Explicit. Intimate. There was no denying it.

He didn’t yell. He just looked at you like he didn’t know who you were anymore.

“I loved you,” he said softly. “But you never let me in, did you?”

You tried to apologize.

But how do you apologize for never loving someone enough?

He left.

And Ellie showed up hours later, breathless, eyes wide, saying, “Finally.”

But you didn’t fall into her arms. You looked at her and said, “This can’t be built on broken people.”

She reached for you anyway.

“I don’t care how we started,” she whispered. “You’re mine now.”

And maybe she was right. Maybe you were always hers.

Even in the dark. Even in secret. Even when it hurt.

You and Ellie didn’t speak much after Jesse left. You didn’t have to.

It was like some invisible thread had finally snapped—no more denying, no more pretending. Just her and you, bare and exposed in every sense of the word. It wasn’t peace, not really. It was just a temporary kind of stillness, like the sharp inhale before a scream.

Ellie started staying over.

She never brought clothes. Never talked about Dina. Never left you alone for more than a few hours. It was obsessive, unhealthy, maddening.

And you wanted her more than ever.

The cabin smelled like sex and pine and woodsmoke.

You were on your back, sweat cooling on your skin, hips sore from the grip of her hands.

Ellie hovered over you, flushed and wild-eyed, her fingers still buried inside you, slow and deliberate as she leaned down to kiss the corner of your mouth.

“You’re shaking,” she whispered, dragging her tongue along your throat. “You like when I ruin you like this?”

You moaned, breathless. “Ellie—”

“Say it.”

“I like it when you ruin me.”

She smiled. A dark, hungry thing. “Good girl.”

Her pace picked up. You writhed beneath her, clawing at her back, grounding yourself in the mess of sheets and want.

“You’ve been mine since the first fucking time I saw you,” she groaned into your ear. “All of this hiding? Over.”

You came undone with her name on your lips, loud and gasping.

And for a moment, it felt like that was all that mattered.

You were still naked when the door burst open.

Dina.

Behind her—Tommy, Maria, and a furious Jesse.

Your blood ran cold. Ellie didn’t flinch. She sat up beside you, bare-chested, glistening, defiant. She lit a cigarette and draped her arm across your waist like a warning.

You reached for the blanket. Dina’s expression twisted in horror, disbelief painting every feature of her face.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” Jesse whispered.

“Get the fuck out,” Ellie snapped, shielding your body. “This is none of your business.”

Dina’s voice broke. “How long?”

Ellie exhaled smoke. “Since before you ever noticed she was alive.

Maria looked like she wanted to kill someone. “You’re both acting like this is a goddamn game.”

Tommy’s hand was tight on Jesse’s shoulder, restraining him. Jesse looked shattered. He wouldn't look at you—just the floor.

“I trusted you,” he murmured. “Both of you.”

You tried to speak, but Ellie cut in.

“She doesn’t owe you anything,” she snarled. “She’s not yours. Never was.”

“You’re a coward,” Dina spat at you. “You hide behind people who love you just to sleep with someone who destroys everything.”

And that stung worse than anything.

Ellie stood up slowly, pulling on her jeans without breaking eye contact with Dina.

“You done?” she asked. “Because we’re leaving.”

It wasn’t graceful. You packed what you could in five minutes. Ellie grabbed your journal, a gun, and a half-eaten protein bar and said, “We’ll get what we need on the road.”

“You sure about this?” you asked as she tightened her backpack straps.

She didn’t hesitate. “Only thing I’ve ever been sure about.”

You left behind your friends. Your history. Your reputation.

And Jesse.

You could barely look at him on the way out. He was standing in the snow, fists clenched, tears in his eyes. Ellie flipped him off.

“Fuck you, Jesse,” she called. “She was never yours.”

You said nothing. Because in that moment, it was true.

You camped just beyond the edge of Jackson’s territory, your back against a tree, Ellie wrapped around you like armor. The night was cold, but her hands were fire.

“You okay?” she asked quietly, fingers tracing the edge of your jaw.

“No,” you admitted.

“But you’re with me now.”

She kissed you slowly. Like it meant everything. You kissed her back like it was the end of the world.

Because maybe it was.

You ended up far out east. It was a small town with no name on any map—just a cluster of cabins, a few gardens, some old-timers who kept to themselves, and a lookout post no one really manned. Perfect for people who didn’t want to be found.

The first few weeks were quiet. Not easy. Not even peaceful. But quiet.

You and Ellie shared a room in an old abandoned cabin. It had uneven floors, a leaky roof, and the faint scent of damp earth—but to her, it was paradise.

To you, it was freedom. No more secrets. No more pretending.

Just her and you.

Ellie stopped biting her nails. You started sleeping through the night again.

She built a bookshelf from scrap wood and filled it with every book you liked to reread when you were anxious. You cooked over the fire, and she sat beside you while you hummed whatever tune had gotten stuck in your head that week.

She taught you how to patch wounds. You taught her how to braid hair.

“I didn’t know it could feel like this,” you whispered one night, fingers threading through her fringe as she lay on your chest.

“Like what?”

“Like it’s safe.”

She kissed your ribs, slow and careful. “We built that. No one gave it to us.”

Ellie started growing tomatoes.

She named each plant something ridiculous—Jesse Jr., Tomato Swift, Berry Allen. You laughed every time.

You grew basil and lavender. She swore lavender was useless until she saw you smile when it bloomed. After that, she started tucking it behind your ear when she kissed you.

On your one-year anniversary—though neither of you really knew the date—she gave you a leather-bound journal.

“I want you to write it all down,” she said, tucking a pencil behind your ear. “Everything we’re building.”

You did.

It wasn’t grand. There were no fireworks or fancy clothes or loud declarations.

There was Ellie massaging your shoulders after long days in the garden. You kissing her temple after she’d had nightmares. Soft blankets. Tea over the fire. A shared toothbrush when you forgot to find a second.

She stopped calling it “running away.”

“This is where we were always meant to end up,” she murmured against your lips one morning. “We just took the long way.”

You held her close. “I would’ve followed you through hell.”

“You did.”

You woke up beside her every morning, her arm always wrapped around your waist like muscle memory. Sometimes she woke before you, sketching you in the margins of her notebook while the sun broke through the windows.

You never talked about Jackson anymore.

Not out of guilt. Out of peace.

Because love—real love—had finally found you. Not in some perfect place.

But in the ashes of what used to be.

And when Ellie kissed you under the stars, her thumb tracing your cheek like a promise, you knew:

You’d do it all over again.

hellooo

I’m obsessed w the song Drunk, Running by Lizzy McAlpine. do you think you could write a ellie x reader based on that song plsss 🥺

thx so much!!

Drunk, Running - ellie williams x reader

hi anon! I had two ideas for the ending, lmk if you want a different version!! I hope you enjoy:)

this story is based off the song, Drunk, Running by Lizzy McAlpine. If you can listen to the song as you're reading:)

pairing: ellie williams x fem!reader

requests are open, send me your thoughts and ideas!!

warnings: codependent relationship themes, alcohol use, emotional manipulation (subtle, mutual), unresolved trauma, toxic dynamic, mentions of anxiety/panic

summary: You and Ellie have always been a storm—chaotic, coiled tightly, unspoken things woven into the silence between glances. One night, everything boils over. Fueled by alcohol, memory, and all the words neither of you ever had the guts to say sober, you're both forced to confront the version of love you’ve built: broken, frantic, desperate.

masterlist

You don’t remember how you got here.

Not the room—you know this place like your own heartbeat. You could walk it blindfolded. It’s the ache in your ribs, the burn in your lungs, the sting of regret creeping up your throat that you can’t place.

Ellie’s doorway leans the same way it always has. Crooked. Waiting.

And she’s there. She’s always there.

Sitting on the edge of her bed with a cigarette between her fingers, head tilted back, red eyes glossy like she’s already lived this night a thousand times. Like she’s been here before, waiting for you to walk in and fall apart in front of her.

“Been drinkin’ again?” she asks.

You nod. She doesn’t move. And neither do you.

You taste vodka and guilt, and something like hope when you whisper, “I couldn’t sleep.”

She shrugs, tapping ash into the same cracked mug she never washes. “I didn’t ask.”

That should’ve hurt. Maybe it does.

But you’re not here for kindness. You’re here because this is the only place where the world stops spinning, even if it’s just for a second.

Even if the stillness breaks you. Even if it’s Ellie breaking you.

“I walked here,” you say, trying to fill the silence that’s pressing hard against your ears. “Didn’t even put on shoes.”

“You’re gonna cut your feet,” she murmurs. She still won’t look at you.

“They’re already bleeding.”

Finally, her eyes meet yours.

And for a second, there’s a flicker of something softer. A glint of that girl who once traced constellations across your shoulder blades in the dark and called you her galaxy.

“You always come back,” she says, like it’s a curse.

You blink. “I always leave.”

“You always come back drunk.”

You laugh, bitter. “Maybe that’s the only time I’m brave enough.”

Ellie’s jaw flexes. You know that expression. She’s doing math in her head, counting how many times you’ve done this. Walked in, broken. Asked her to fix you. Let her hold you. Only to walk out again with your ribs sewn shut and your voice hoarse from the things you never said.

“You ever wonder if we just—" she stops, runs a hand through her hair, frustrated. “If we’re only this because we’re scared to be something else?”

Your throat goes dry. She never talks like this. Not when she’s sober. Not when you’re not.

“I think we’re poison,” you whisper.

She scoffs. “Then why do you keep drinking me?”

You step toward her like your bones are moving without permission. Like they remember the way she feels before your mind does. Like they’re in love with her even when you’ve forgotten how.

“’Cause it’s the only thing that makes it stop hurting.”

Ellie doesn’t pull away when you kneel in front of her. When your head falls into her lap. When your hands clutch at her thighs like a lifeline. Her fingers slip into your hair, gentle. Devastating. Like nothing’s wrong.

Like this isn’t killing both of you.

“You smell like cheap vodka and bad choices,” she says, but it’s so soft you almost think she’s trying to love you with the words.

“I miss you,” you breathe.

“You don’t,” she says back. “You miss the version of me who let you run.”

The silence drapes over the room like fog.

“I miss the version of me who didn’t,” you finally whisper.

And that’s when she leans down, foreheads touching, breath against your lips like a promise neither of you know how to keep.

“You were never supposed to love me like this,” she says, and you feel it like a knife.

“You taught me how,” you reply, and she shatters in your hands.

She kisses you like a warning. You kiss her like a prayer.

And it’s all teeth and memory and the kind of desperation that tastes like blood. Her hands grip your waist like she’s trying to hold together something that’s already cracked.

She lays you down. You let her. You always let her.

And when she curls around you after, her voice barely audible, she asks the same question she always does.

“Will you stay this time?”

And you give the same answer you always do.

“I don’t know how.”

You leave in the morning. You always do.

And behind you, Ellie lights another cigarette, watches the sunrise she never asked for, and whispers into the silence: I would’ve waited forever.

Ellie hadn’t realized the silence was healing her until the ache stopped being the first thing she felt when she woke up. It started subtly.

Your name stopped echoing every time her phone buzzed. Her hands stopped trembling at 3AM. She stopped checking the sidewalk in front of her apartment like you’d be barefoot again, drunk, bleeding, mumbling something about needing to be held.

She stopped waiting for you to come undone in her doorway. And in the quiet you left behind, she started building a life that didn’t require loving you in pieces.

She read more. Fixed the broken step on her porch. Learned how to cook something other than grilled cheese. Stopped sleeping in the middle of the bed. Not because she expected you back, but because it felt better.

Peaceful, even.

She thought of you sometimes. Of course she did.

The way you smiled when you were too tired to fake it. The way your hands always shook when you said you didn’t care. The way you used her like a lighthouse, then cursed the fire when you got too close.

You never meant to be cruel. But that didn’t make it less cruel.

Still, Ellie never stopped loving you. She just stopped setting herself on fire to keep you warm.

And so, when your knock finally came—not a drunken stumble, not a crash, just one soft tap-tap-tap—Ellie was already standing.

Barefoot. Coffee in hand. Awake before dawn because she’d stopped dreading it.

When she opened the door and saw you—sober, eyes clear, jacket zipped—it was like meeting someone entirely new. Or maybe someone you were before the chaos.

“Hey,” you said.

Her throat was dry. “Hey.”

You smiled, almost sheepish. “I didn’t come to fall apart this time.”

That made her chest seize up in ways she wasn’t ready for.

You stood there, hands buried in your coat pockets, shifting like you didn’t know if you had the right to be here anymore. Like you didn’t expect her to open the door.

“I just…” you licked your lips. “I’ve been trying. I’ve been going to therapy. I’ve stopped drinking. It’s been four months. I journal. I even got a cat.”

Ellie blinked. “You hate cats.”

“She hates me too. It’s a good match.”

That pulled a soft laugh out of her, unfiltered. You looked so… real. Not desperate. Not frantic. Not aching.

“I’ve missed you,” you said. “But not like before. Not like… like you’re the only thing keeping me alive. I just… miss you. Not the pain. Not the mess.”

She leaned against the doorframe, letting herself exhale.

“Why now?” she asked. “Why today?”

You bit your lip. “Because for the first time, I wasn’t scared to be alone. And I think… maybe that means I’m ready to be with someone. Not to survive. Just to be.”

She wanted to say something poetic. Something that sounded like closure or beginning or both.

But all she could manage was: “Do you want to come in?”

You smiled like it meant everything.

“Only if you want me to.”

Ellie stepped aside. And this time, you walked in with your shoes on, your voice steady, your hands not shaking.

You didn’t fall into her arms like you were drowning. You stood beside her. Still. Sober.

And when she reached for your hand, it wasn’t trembling.

This is how the cycle ends. Not with fireworks. Not with a breakdown. But with quiet recognition. With two people choosing each other—not out of fear, but out of love that finally feels safe.

It’s almost embarrassing how mundane it is.

The morning light spills through the apartment like it’s always belonged there—soft, forgiving. Your cat (the one who still barely tolerates you) is curled on the windowsill, tail flicking rhythmically. Ellie’s in the kitchen, humming under her breath while flipping pancakes she knows you like just a little burnt on the edges.

You’re sitting at the kitchen table, wrapped in one of her old flannels, thumbing through a book she lent you. You’ve underlined every other sentence.

She says nothing about it.

Just brings you a cup of coffee exactly the way you like it now. Two sugars. No cream. You’d stopped adding cream when you realized you used to drown the bitterness out of habit, not taste.

“How’s the book?” she asks.

You look up at her—hair messy, tattoo sleeve half-covered by a hoodie, eyes kind in the way that used to terrify you. You used to run from kindness like it was a threat.

Now you let it hold you.

“It’s good,” you murmur. “I think I’m finally understanding it.”

She leans against the counter and raises a brow. “The themes or the words?”

“Both.”

She grins. “Progress.”

You smile back. “Thank you for not giving up on me.”

Ellie walks over, slow and sure. Crouches beside your chair, presses her forehead to your knee like it’s instinct. Her fingers curl around yours. Grounding.

“You gave up on yourself first,” she says quietly. “I was just waiting for you to remember who you are.”

You blink back the sting behind your eyes. Not sadness. Just... release.

“I was so scared,” you whisper.

“I know.”

“I thought loving you meant losing myself.”

She nods, solemn. “And I thought loving you meant saving you.”

You both sit with that. Not in shame—just recognition.

“I’m not a project anymore,” you say.

“No,” she agrees, looking up at you. “You’re my partner.”

You press your lips to her forehead. She closes her eyes. Breakfast burns slightly on the stove, but neither of you move.

Later, you water the plants while Ellie grades papers. Your cat hisses when you try to pet her and Ellie snorts behind her laptop. You walk past her and kiss her temple. She tugs you onto her lap and lets you fall asleep like that—safe, full, warm. When you wake up, the sun is fading, and Ellie’s fingers are tracing the line of your spine through the fabric of her flannel.

“You think we’ll always be this boring?” you tease.

She smiles against your shoulder.

“I hope so.”

Therefore you and me - Part 1/3 (elllie williams x reader)

This short series was inspired by the song "Therefore You and Me [故にユーエンミー]" Truthfully I don't know the meaning to the song so this story is literlly my theory to what it could be about :)

Pairing: ellie williams x fem!reader

requests are always open, feel free to leave one!

Warnings: Mentions of child abuse and toxic relationships

Summary: All you needed was Ellie.

Ellie was 3 when he hit her for the first time. She remembers the incident as if it was yesterday.

She remembered running around in the house when she tripped and dropped her sippy cup, her orange juice dripping onto the carpet. She remembers her father’s footsteps, she remembers him yelling, taking off his belt and hitting her till she couldn’t sit. And it was like that her entire life. Every small mistake she made, no matter how young she was. She was hit.

Growing up with a man as cold as the winter nights in Jackson wasn’t easy for Ellie. She never experienced the love, the warmth many girls her age spoke about, when asked about their fathers. All she knew was the sound of her dad’s footsteps, the yelling and the sound of his belt.

Even though the beating traumatized Ellie and she knew this was wrong. He was hurting her. But this is the only way her father gave her attention. This was the only way he looked at her. Touched her.

As messed up as it sounds Ellie started acting out. Doing stupid shit on purpose just to feel her father’s love, just to feel wanted by him. This form of love Ellie grew up with. This is all she knew.

His love language wasn’t words of affirmation; it wasn’t quality time it was hitting.

Ellie started hitting people as form of affection because that’s what her father did to her growing up.  That’s all she knew. That’s all she craved.

That’s when Ellie met you and she immediately fell in love. You were soft gentle, kind nothing like her father.

You weren’t like him. You actually showed her true love. But she couldn’t give you that affection back. She couldn’t hug you, she couldn’t comfort you. All she could do was give you the love her father gave her.

The first time Ellie hit you was 3 months into your relationship. You dropped a glass, it made a loud noise as the glass shattered onto the cold white tiles. And all you heard was Ellie’s footsteps, yelling and you felt your body hit the floor. You knew Ellie was violent. You knew she had a short temper but you never thought Ellie would hit you.

But you loved her, you forgave her. And you let her hit you. Over and over again.

Some nights you ended up bloody, bruised for weeks that you couldn’t even leave the house. You lied to people. You had to keep Ellie safe. You could fix her. You loved her.

Love conquers all they said.

Ellie watches you clean your wounds over and over again. She heard the way you’d cry yourself to sleep. How you’d whimper when you tried walking down the stairs. She watched how you flinched every time she came close to you. And every time Ellie would comfort you. Whispering sweet nothings into your ears telling you she would change:

“I won’t do it again”

“Forgive me baby”

“I love you more than anything”

“I’m doing this for you”

You believed that she’d stop. But the months went on. The abuse got worse. But yet you stayed.

“You only need me baby. Its only me and you” she whispered into your ear one night after she gave you a black eye.

you and me

you and me

you and me

love, love

Your family begged you to leave her. Many people have stopped talking to you. But you didn’t care. You don’t need anyone, only Ellie.

Only her

Ellie wondered why you didn’t leave her. You were losing people. Your family stopped talking to you. You cried. Begged her to stop. You’ve bled because of her. But you never left.

Ellie knew she was hurting you. She knew what she was doing was wrong. She can’t blame her father for hitting her forever, she can’t blame your abuse on her dad. But this was love. It was love in Ellie’s eyes.

She won’t stop. You knew she wouldn’t. She knew she wouldn’t.

You don’t need anyone. Anyone but Ellie. Even through all the abuse you’ll continue to love her because at the end of the day it’s you and Ellie.

“You and I will be together forever” Ellie whispered.

you and me

 you and me

you and me

love, love

Part 2

Authors note: Sorry if this one was short! I just had to post something. But I’m currently working on another series because of a very interesting request I got so just know something big is coming in the next two weeks… remember you are loved and to always be kind… requests are always open feel free to leave one!

Yours truly,

Zia <3

You’re boygenius one is sooo iconic btw

Can you do petals on the moon-wasian project

🫶

Petals on the moon - (ellie williams x reader)

Iconic??? Thank you sm anon, like literally this made me smile but anyway I hope you enjoy&lt;3

This story is inspired by the song Petals on the moon by Wasian Project, if you can please listen to the song as you're reading:)

Pairing: Ellie x fem!reader

remember requests are always open feel free to leave one or just send me a song and I'll take it from there :)

HUGE Warnings: Mentions of murder, kidnapping , descriptions of a dead body, depression, graphic descriptions of suicide and funerals (please don't read this if you aren't in the right mental state)

Summary: In which Ellie regrets her decision

wc: 2.0k

Feeling down

Orange juice

Cigarette

To get me through

As it rains

I conclude

I need help

From someone new

"you know you're going to get cancer if you keep smoking that shit" she heard Joel's voice talk from behind her.

"Getting cancer sounds better than living" Ellie replied as she took another puff.

Smoke filled the air as Joel walked behind her, placing a cup of orange juice next to her.

Ellie looked down at the cup, and she let out a sigh as she remembered the time you mentioned you hated the orange liquid.

"Ellie what the fuck is this?" she heard you talk from the kitchen.

"It's juice" Ellie spoke, eyebrow raised, confused on why you were asking.

Were you really that stupid?

"I know it's fucking juice you idiot, I meant the flavor"

"It's orange juice... it's my favorite flavor"

"Ellie this shit is sour"

"ok so what do you like? apple juice?"

"As a matter of fact I do"

"you are so fucking disgusting" Ellie muttered as she took the box of orange juice from your hands.

She opened the top and she brought the base to her lips as she started drinking directly from the box. Ellie heard you make gagging noises before you walked back to the kitchen. A smile spread onto her lips as she continued to enjoy the juice.

"Ah fuck" Ellie cursed she felt her finger tips burn. She looked at her right hand realizing she was so lost in thought that her cigarette had completely burnt down.

"I don't want this" Ellie said as she pushed the cup back to Joel before she threw what was left of the cigarette on the floor.

She heard Joel sigh from beside her, as he grabbed the cup and gulped down the orange juice within seconds.

The air around them was silent, the moon was already high in the sky, and the light of the stars filled the air.

It was cold, but what else would you expect in September? September was your favorite month. Ellie remembered the day you walked into her and Joel's house wearing a stupid bee costume.

"Halloween is month away, you idiot" Ellie mentioned as you walked in with a huge smile on your face.

"So? I can start preparing"

"Dude you're literally so fucking weird"

You gave Ellie a small smile before saying "but you love me don't you?"

All Ellie could do was chuckle at your antics before you ran out the house screaming "I'm going to try on another costume!"

She heard the door slam.

"Of course I love you, how couldn't I?" She whisperered to herself.

Ellie was snapped back to reality when she heard Joels voice.

"What?" she questioned.

"Are you going to her funeral tomorrow? " Joel asked again.

"Yeah" was all she responded with.

"Ellie-"

"Don't start with your it's not your fault bullshit Joel"

"Ellie but it wasn't-"

"it was!" She almost yelled.

Joel tried putting his hand on her shoulder but Ellie pulled away. She stomped to the front door of their house before she turned to look at him saying: "it was my fucking fault"

Joels eyes softened, and he opened his mouth to speak but Ellie quickly interrupted him.

"I should've opened the door, but instead I was too busy sucking up to Cat"

Ellie took a deep breathe before she continued talking: "She died because of me"

"Goodnight Joel see you tomorrow" was the last thing Ellie said to him before she walked into their home.

So take me in your spaceship

Throw me up into new places

Blast me into silence

Let your guidance get me through this

Gravity is pulling me

Along and I can't find a way

To understand

Why I'm here again and again, oh

Ellie felt alone.

What she's feeling now is something that she couldn't even describe.

It felt like there was a hole in heart that couldn't be filled with anything, it felt like she was walking around without a purpose, without guidance.She didn't have anyone to talk to since you've left.

Ellie didn't know if she's never appreciated you enough. Or if she ever showed you enough love. But now you weren't here anymore, made her realize all the times she has neglected you. All the times she could've spent with you but she was busy with bullshit.

She wish she could bring you back to life, even if it was just for 5 minutes so that you could fill this hole that you left.

Ellie wondered what it would be like to live in space. Floating around aimlessly, wondering if you might see an alien or two. This is what her grief felt like. Like she was aimlessly living her life, like she was floating around hoping that someone would come fill the hole in her heart.

No hook ups, no cigarettes, an no amount of orange juice could fill her.

She was supposed to remember the good times the two of you had, but it seems that tonight she was plagued by your last moments.

The way you knocked on the bathroom door that night she and cat were hooking up in, the way she heard you crying and knocking on the door, begging her to open up.

All she did was pull away from Cat's lips and she yelled a quick "fuck off" before her and Cat's lips connected again.

She remembered the loud sob you let out after she yelled out you.

At the time Ellie thought you were being overdramatic. Maybe you were drunk, maybe you had a bad hookup, but she never expected that your body would be found 4 days after that.

If she had just opened the door that day, you would still be here with her. You would still randomly show up to her house to annoy the shit out her and leave.

But now here Ellie lays in her bad. All alone.

Without you.

Yeah, she thinks being sent into space would be better than feeling this empty.

I feel like everybody's singing out of tune

I feel like I can't help but always be so blue

But in the end I know I must keep pulling through

And brace myself for all the hell-like petals on the moon

Ellie felt out of place.

Everyone standing outside your grave deserved to be here. But she didn't. She couldve stopped your death, but yet she was selfish.

She wanted to prove to Dina and Jesse that she wasn't in love with you. Everyone in Jackson knew Ellie loved you, but she was too stupid to admit her feelings, like a fucking pussy.

And now she couldn't even tell you.

If she never decided to prove a point that day, if she never decided to even invite you to that party you would still be here with here and this stupid fucking funeral would not be happening.

Her eyes followed the coffin as it was lowered into the ground.

She knew you were in there, but she didn't want to believe it. The girl she was so helplessly in love with was being lowered six feet under for the rest of eternity.

The crowd erupted in the song "Amazing grace". Some people were singing, some people were crying.

This is all her fucking fault.

Ellie heard Joel softly crying from behind her. And all Ellie did was shamefully look away.

She had to stay strong for Joel.

You were like a daughter to him and he isn't taking you death well. As strong as Joel pretends to be, Ellie knows he's struggling.

She knows he started drinking again. She knows he barley sleeps. She knows he's concerned for her mental health.

Did she deserve it? Did Ellie deserve his love and pity after letting you die in such a gruesome way?

Ellie has your blood on her hands, and yet Joel tells her it wasn't her fault.

Feeling cold

Train delayed

You've gone home

And I'm afraid

Helios

Sun divine

Hold me up

Into the sky

Ellie remembers the day your body way found like it was yesterday.

The night after the party Ellie woke up with a pounding headache.

She groaned when she heard Joel barge into her room with a frantic look on his face.

"What do you want Joel?" Ellie asked through a yawn.

"y/n didn't get home last night"

And Ellie immediately sat up.

"What?"

"Where is she Ellie?"

"I-" she opened her mouth to talk but Joel's phone started ringing.

The only memory she had was you crying and begging her to open the door.

Then the search started. They searched every street, every river and every ditch in Jackson to find you.

4 fucking days.

4 fucking days of searching and interviews, and you still weren't found.

Ellie was on a train when it suddenly stopped, she pulled out her phone to text Joel and to tell him that she'd be late to the search that afternoon.

"They found a body, on the tracks!" Someone yelled from the front.

And Ellie's heart dropped to her stomach.

It was yours.

Your skin was cold meaning you had been dead for days. Your beautiful skin was littered with bruises and cuts. And around your neck were hand prints indicating that you had been suffocated.

Your cause of death was suffocating which means you were alive during the torture you faced.

If only she had opened that door. If only she wasn't filled with lust in that moment.

All Ellie could do was look up to the sky and hope that you were in a better place.

Maybe you've gone to that "home" called heaven religious people keep talking about.

Born again, alone again, again

Home again, you're gone again, again, again

Will somebody be there for me when all my friends have left?

Even if I'm undone in the end, ooh

Ellie stared up into the sky admiring the clouds. She walked towards the huge oak tree that the two of you always hung out at.

"C'mon ellie" you begged her one night.

"Dude it's literally 3am"

"So?" you yelled as you jumped onto the bed.

Ellie let out a groan she pulled a blanket over her head.

"We can go the oak tree and tell eachother scary stories" you told her as you pulled the blanket off of her head.

That night as the two of you lay under that beautiful oak tree and she looked over to you and she realized how in love she was with you.

That day changed everything for ellie.

She stood under the oak smiling at the memories.

Ellie climbed up the tree, as she pulled out a rope from her pocket.

You were strangled to death, she will die the same way.

She tied the rope onto the branch, and she slowly climbed out of the tree.

As she hopped out the tree her eyes landed on where the two of you carved in your initials all those years ago. And for the first time since your death Ellie started crying.

All the emotions she bottled up. All the guilt she felt. All the anger she felt just come out.

Ellie fell to her knees and she started sobbing. With tears in her eyes her hand reached up to touch the marking and a new wave of sadness flooded her.

She doesn't know how long she sat there sobbing, but hours must've went by.

Her throat felt raw from all the sobbing, her eyes felt puffy. Her whole face hurt.

Ellie looked to the rope that was hanging from the tree.

She looked at it, and she heard it calling her. The loneliness she felt and every ounce of pain she currently felt will all fall away if she just hung herself. She knew everything would be ok, and that she'd finally be with you again.

Ellie quickly got up and she gave your initial a kiss, before she got the chair that she secretly stole from Joel earlier that day.

Ellie placed the chair below the rope and she got onto it. She out her head through the rope, and she jumped kicking the chair to the side.

It felt like someone had kicked her in her something, the air was completely knocked out of her.

Is this how you felt in your final moments?

Ellie was in pain. Everything hurt. Now she knows what it felt like. What you had to go through. What she had put you through.

Ellie stared at sky as she felt more and more at ease.

The physical and emotional pain she was feeling this entire time was fading away.

Ellie's eyes rolled to the back of her head she took her last breath. Her body went limp.

She was finally put out of her suffering.

And for the first time since your death Ellie felt free.

Who knows, maybe she'd see you in the after life....

Authors note: well idk why all my work has been so depressing but anyway just remember you are loved and go always be kind....

Yours truly,

Zia:)

can you do hcs of ellie williams taking care of sick reader :)

𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬: 𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘢𝘮𝘴 𝘹 𝘴𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

☆- Ellie is a very observant person. It’s actually annoying how well she can read you. She would most likely know you were sick even before you realized you were.

☆- Ellie protects. She serves. She looks after people. She cares. As soon as she finds out you are sick her natural instinct is to provide and to care for you.

☆- Even if it was a small cold Ellie freaks out, she usually acts like you’re on the brink of death:

“Ellie it’s just a cold”

“You could suffocate in your own mucus though”

“No- “

☆- She would show up at your house randomly, sometimes breaking in just make sure you were ok:

“Ellie you were here 3 hours ago”

“Ok so?”

☆- She would cook you something to eat (or attempt to because let’s be honest it doesn’t look like Ellie can cook) and force you to eat it:

“It’s burnt”

“Shut up baby, I know what’s good for you”

☆- She’d run you a bath (daily), give you massages and she would sing to you.

☆- Ellie literally treats you like a baby while you’re sick( she won’t even let you basic things by yourself)

“Ellie I can tuck myself in”               

“Shhhh I know what I’m doing”

☆- Most nights Ellie wouldn’t sleep, she’d stay awake to make sure you were getting a good night’s rest.

☆- Very affectionate (more than she normally is)

“Ellie don’t touch me I’ll get you sick”

“Ellie stop kissing me”

“Ellie go away”

(She can be suffocating at times)

(You can’t even pee alone)

☆- She would most likely cry when you mention any pain you’re feeling, because she hates seeing you in pain, or hearing that you feel anything but happiness.

☆- Is worried that maybe you didn’t have a cold, and that you had something more serious and life threatening

“The medical books say that the headaches could be a brain tumor”

“Ellie what- “

☆- When you eventually get better, Ellie still follows you around, constantly checking if the cold/flu came back.

“Why do you keep touching my forehead?”

“You could be sick”

“Ellie I was sick a week ago, I feel better”

“That’s what a sick person in denial would say”

“I- “

Authors note: Thank you so much for requesting! And to all the other people that are requesting I promise your stories are coming soon! Remember requests are always open feel free to leave one…. Remember you are loved, and to always be kind to everyone:)

Yours truly,

Zia <3

ultraviolence by Lana del Rey with toxic/mean/abusive!ellie who hurts reader x painslut reader who kinda loves it

Ultraviolence - (ellie williams x reader)

hi anon! I'm sorry this took so long, its been a while since I've written something like this, so it took me a while to get into that mindset. I hope you enjoy<3

This story is based off the song, Ultraviolence by the queen Lana Del Ray, if you can please listen to the song as you're reading:)

Pairing: ellie x fem!reader

requests are always open, feel free to leave one:)

Warnings: toxic relationships, manipulation, cheating, reader is toxic

Summary: In which she became the person, you've always wanted

Authors note: wheeeew its been a while since I've written a fic that wasn't hcs, but I'm glad to be back!

He used to call me DN

That stood for deadly nightshade

'Cause I was filled with poison

But blessed with beauty and rage

Jim told me that

He hit me and it felt like a kiss

Jim brought me back

Reminded me of when we were kids

there was always something about Ellie.

You weren't sure if it was her dorky personality, or how she would apologize to table if she accidentally walked into it.

There was something about this girl.

And ever since you were a little girl, you knew you knw she was special. You felt like she was holding back. There was another side, you wanted to see.

You were both 7. You remembered watching Ellie, better known as four eyes because she wore massive glasses, sit alone once again. You remembered walking up to her, and asking her to play tag with you.

You still remembered the smile that spread across her face, because finally someone wanted to play with her. And since then Ellie has just always been there.

The two of you became friends. You aren't sure how, but she was always there.

You were Ellie's everything, because you were there for her during her loneliest years.

You knew how much you meant to her. You knew how much she loved you, and you took advantage of that.

Ellie's innocence and purity was something that intrigued you. You truly thought she was odd. No matter how old the two of you were, you always saw her as four eyes.

Nothing more than that. There was no romantic feelings from your side.

Ellie was everything you weren't.

She was sweet, kind, loveable.

But you were sick. A sick twisted individual who took advantage, of someone like Ellie.

But who could blame you?

Ellie was attractive, strong, financially stable, and well you were someone who saw the opportunity.

So it was actually Ellies fault.

She should've not trusted you so easily. She should've not let you in. Ellie brought this upon herself.

With his ultraviolence

Ultraviolence

Ultraviolence

Ultraviolence

I can hear sirens, sirens

He hit me and it felt like a kiss

I can hear violins, violins

Give me all of that ultraviolence

you didn't know when it all started.

You weren't sure when you developed this "kink".

Was this a disease? Or were you just fucking weird?

In 11th grade you remember your teaching yelling at you for failing a another test. You were called "pathetic", a "failure".

Most people would cry due to humiliation, but you couldn't help but feel your thighs clench together.

You thought you were weird. This was fucking sick honestly.

You went out of your way to make people mad, so that they would yell at you. To degrade you to an extent.

god you loved it.

Ellie had asked you to be her girlfriend when the two of you were 18. You took pity on her.

She was so soft. So naïve.

Ellie had no place being with someone like you. Someone who craves to be hurt. You were a painslut and Ellie, poor Ellie wasn't. She wouldn't be able to do that to you.

You were trapped in a relationship, where it was healthy. It felt safe. You enjoyed it sometimes, but there was one thing your heart craved. And maybe the thing Ellie was holding back was it.

You wanted to leave Ellie, until that one night.

The two of you were at a party, and Ellie was drunk out of her mind. You don't even know what she saw, or who said what but she was really fucking mad.

"You're fucking cheating on me bitch" Ellie slurred as she pointed her finger at you. You licked your lips at the insult, at the aggression, she spoke.

Focus.

"Ellie you're drunk, i didn't do anything"

"give me your phone"

"Ellie-"

"I'm not asking again" she yelled.

Fuck yes. This is what you want.

You handed her the phone, and you watched as she searched and she found nothing. She threw your phone across the room, you flinched slightly.

god she's so hot.

Ellie got up and grabbed your arm, bringing you close to her face, you smelt the alcohol in her breath.

She looked at you with dark eyes, before uttering "Don't ever think of cheating on me" she let go of your arm.

She grabbed you and it felt like a kiss.

When Ellie woke up the next morning, she couldn't remember a thing.

She was back to being herself. You wanted her back. You needed her again.

You realized, she was drunk. You couldn't keep her under the influence forever, just because you liked that version of her.

After that night you knew she was hiding a part of herself from you.

Drunk words are sober thoughts they say.

So maybe deep down she was actually toxic. Maybe she was the person you craved.

All you had to do was to figure out, how to get through to her.

He used to call me poison

Like I was poison ivy

I could've died right then

'Cause he was right beside me

Jim raised me up

He hurt me but it felt like true love

Jim taught me that

Loving him was never enough

you were like poison.

Destroying anything in your path. Infecting those with your poison.

After that night you realized Ellie's biggest insecurity was that you would leave her. And you used it to your advantage.

Of course you had to, how else would've you got what you wanted?

You would flirt with other people in front of her. You would talk to other girls, send them pictures. You did whatever it took. You were practically cheating on her.

You knew she would never leave you.

And you watched as Ellie slowly disintegrate into madness.

There was no more happy, go lucky Ellie. There was no more smiles. No more care free days.

Ellie lived in fear. You were out of her league. She knew she was going to lose you.

If you were by her side and Ellie could die peacefully. You taught her how to love and how to be a better person.

If you left what would become of her?

Everything went down hill. Ellie started taking your phone. She became more aggressive with her words.

The lovely girl you once knew was gone. You killed the old her. And the person she was becoming was someone you've always dreamed of.

You had a curfew, and when you came home late it would end in her insulting you.

"Who else are you fucking huh? You're practically showing the world your whole body"

you lived a life of fights, make up sex, and jealousy.

You loved every fucking second of it.

She was hurting you and it felt like true love.

I love you the first time

I love you the last time

Yo soy la princesa, comprende mis white lines

'Cause I'm your jazz singer

And you're my cult leader

I love you forever

I love you forever

Ellie loved you, and you loved her.

You love her today, tomorrow and for the rest of your lives.

Ellie became the women you would choose in every lifetime.

Ellie was your leader. The person you would finally follow.

You love Ellie. You'd love her for eternity.

It was truly a sickining thing, you were doing to the poor girl, but God you were selfish. You wanted it all. All the insults, pain, negativity. You craved it.

For the sake of this relationship, you hoped Ellie stayed as toxic as she did.