War Is Over Y'all

I can't believe I was actually considering thinking about thinking to consider recovery, when my siblings apparently see me the way they do - and if all it took was that and a good scroll through Tumblr then I guess I really wouldn't be ready at all

I'm going to get my height measured tomorrow

I always use a number I think is lower than I actually am when calculating my BMI and such, but at this point, I don't know my real height, but I'm pretty sure it's higher than I think it is at the moment, anyway. Because my shorter friends say they're as tall as me in numbers, but, well, I am definitely physically taller, so.... yeah, Ig I hope for the best lol

I love the sun I love sunny stuff this is the most beautiful time of the year and I'm so here for it

“You finished all of it?”

It was the only thing I ate today

I wish I didn’t eat it at all

Okay. Just because I've always been fat or chubby or "average" doesn't mean it has to stay this way forever.

It's ok to eat if:

You're feeling faint

You need to keep people from worrying

It's a birthday (yours or someone else's)

It's a holiday or tradition

You're feeling down and want to treat yourself

You're offered your favourite food

You're hanging out with friends

You're watching a movie

You're at a funeral or wake

You need the energy for school/work

You're just generally hungry

You won't be any less valid if you eat, and sometimes it's necessary. Don't beat yourself up, you'll be ok <3

To me it kind of feels like I won't truly live until I'm skinny. That right now, there is still a wall I need to cross until I'm "on the other side" or something, when my life can finally begin.

I'm okay eating with my family, even if I prefer to be by myself. But I fucking hate eating around others, even with friends it's difficult. So I'm fucking enraged that my sister's stupid boyfriend - who I absolutely hate, anyway - keeps eating with us. I like neither my sister nor him and them makes it so difficult because they always have me sit next to either of them.

I just baked a cake for my Dad's birthday tomorrow

I haven't baked anything in a very long time and I was just remembering how I used to love eating the batter

Not anymore though

I really hope I will get around actually having to eat it, I think I'll just say I'll take a piece to school with me maybe

I hate my body more than I like food.