“You Finished All Of It?”

I'm so torn between wanting to move out and get as sick as possible living alone and wanting to be recovered by then.

Because the ed part of me has been waiting for that since I first developed it, but then I actually want to make it in life, maybe I'll be studying physics or chemistry and I'll NEED brain power for that, and I can't keep thinking about food 24/7 then, I know it'll likely never fully go away and at the moment, I'm not even trying to get better, but I just don't know what to do

I don't think I want to recover yet - let alone that I would be able to right now - but I know that at some point I'll have to if I ever want to be more than I am right now

Could someone please give me some kind of advice 🥹

I feel dirty and I don't feel real

Like it seriously feels like being fat is blocking me from actually living and being someone

I know that sounds silly but I can't take myself serious like this

And I don't know who I am if I'm not skinny

i know we’re all mentally ill here and everyone is going to scroll past this but i feel like i have an obligation to make a post like this every few weeks.

i am not romanticizing what i go through at all. i am miserable. this disorder is miserable. please, if there is any hope you can recover, try it. i will be your biggest cheerleader. not because i want to see you gain weight, but because I want to see you live, truly live.

you will probably never make it to your ugw. if you do you will not be happy there, or you will die of complications when you’re finally happy.

I haven't weighed myself in at least a week now I think, which is crazy considering I usually get super obsessed with it and sometimes do it multiple times a day, but for one I'm too scared what the scale may say and then if I actually want to see my progress I need to look for actual physical changes and don't rely on the number of the scale?

I guess I'll try it out for a bit, except for yesterday I was in a deficit ever day that week and I'll just try not to weigh myself for a while and hopefully get a pleasant surprise when I do

Crazy how fast you can get on the weird side of Pinterest

To me it kind of feels like I won't truly live until I'm skinny. That right now, there is still a wall I need to cross until I'm "on the other side" or something, when my life can finally begin.

you know you’re deep in an ed when you’re triggered by finding out you have a higher than average birthweight 😭 like wdym i was nine pounds as a newborn? ok fatty

Bread. Bread is my worst enemy. I am more than convinced of its evil intentions towards me, but I will thwart this dastardly beast as well.

wdym just staring at the document won't get me any work done