I Feel This, Deeply

"Is this fucking play about us?"

Pov: Me during finals last semester

𝔦𝔰 𝔱𝔥𝔦𝔰 𝔢𝔫𝔬𝔲𝔤𝔥?

why is focusing hard? do I have to get brain premium or something?

wizards are so gender

I wish someone could make me feel okay

Or, at least show me how to pack up all my burdens to deal with another day

I know no one owes me that, it's just nice to think about not having to take care of myself

Or to not be treated like a doll, treasured for mere moments, then left alone on a shelf

People often say "it's better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all"

But I don't believe that, when my love is held over me, used to make me feel small

I wish I could just live off of Cheez It's and Monster, you know?

I feel so disappointed, agitated, why couldn't I focus and get this done?

I was supposed to be better. Why does it feel like I'm back at step one?

The anxious buzzing swirls around me and doesn't seem to stop

It's like a never ending carousel, it'll keep spinning 'til I drop

-drop all my responsibilities, give up and run away

-away from all those telling me it'll all be okay

Cause it's not okay, I'm not okay. Don't lie and say I will be

In case you wanna know something I'll never know

I'm never sure when my friends and I will live, or die alone

Our whole God damn world is that much of a fucking mess

We can call me paranoid, blame it on anxiety

But we know the problems are sewn into our society

Will the rest of forever be filled with this much fucking stress?

I wanna hide from it all, run away

And I would, if things stopped getting in the way

It's not fair, it's not fair, it's so unfair

I fucking want these so bad ohmigosh

Am I just an idea

A sweet little thought?

Why couldn't I be your promise?

Why can your love only be bought?

Bought with my achievements

Bought with fake smiles and laughter

Why can't it be enough?

Why is your attention still all I'm after?