Am I Just An Idea

I feel so disappointed, agitated, why couldn't I focus and get this done?

I was supposed to be better. Why does it feel like I'm back at step one?

The anxious buzzing swirls around me and doesn't seem to stop

It's like a never ending carousel, it'll keep spinning 'til I drop

-drop all my responsibilities, give up and run away

-away from all those telling me it'll all be okay

Cause it's not okay, I'm not okay. Don't lie and say I will be

If I'm a mess, let me be a mess

Tear me apart, I live for distress

If my life is hell, then so be it, let me dwell

I'm a cyclone, a blizzard, your local natural disaster

So I'll live like there's no tomorrow, cause if I die, there's nothing after

You can call it self destructive, call me paranoid,

But I'm tired of being productive, I'm resting in the void

Standing in the rain. I tried, but it was in vain

All of my effort have gone to waste

Standing in the rain, wishing it could wash away the pain

Wishing all my mistakes could be erased

Yet I still stand here, as if I can just pretend

Pretend if I stood here long enough, it would all be okay again

Early 1960's Monster popcorn Bucket featuring Bela Lugosi as Dracula

✶⋆.˚ 𝙳𝚒𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚏𝚘𝚛 @kyleexmac ✶⋆.˚

I wish I could love you with every piece of me.

I wish I could be the person you'd like me to be.

I wish I could discard everything I hate about myself, create something new.

I wish I could be sweet, and kind, and a little more like you.

Ugh, I need to get some cool glasses like yesterday

I hate the snow

I need it to stop being cold and snowy so that I can loiter in parks, shops, and sidewalks, walk the half hour to the library and read about nothing, and dramatically watch the sunset and think about how much I hate myself

Why is sleep always being hunted?

Why can't it be mature, be confronted?

Instead, it chooses to be a whiny little bitch.

I ignored it for 5 minutes, now it's pouting like an angry child

Kicking, screaming, running wild

It's decided I don't get to spend any time with it now, it's that upset.

The Paper Moon at night.