Some Days I'm Okay, And Then I Remember That Not Only Are Steve And Bucky So In Love It Hurts, Not Only

Omg omg omg. It all makes so much more sense when you realise it's not social anxiety but a fear of bring perceived.

Why do you feel more comfortable with a long coat and a mask as opposed to summer clothes?

Why do you DESPISE taking pictures? Especially if it's someone else and not you taking them.

Why do you feel like you have to stop doing whatever it was you were doing when someone passes by?

Why don't you want to tell anyone how leisurely you go about your day, taking a nap, going for a snack, sitting on your phone playing games etc. because you know they will comment on it and even though it's not negative or mockery it's still feels like you've been perceived?

Why can't you make eye contact? Why can you do it only if the other person is looking away but the second when they look at you you stop listening and when you're the one speaking you can't bear to look at them because you know their eyes are on you and they are perceiving you?

Why don't you want to dress excessively or wear nicer clothes? Because you will stand out

People mistake you for shy because you don't speak often, but it's really the fear of drawing attention to yourself more than it is the things you actually say, isn't it?

Why do you hate overpopulated areas even when no one is speaking? BUT you still feel more comfortable when more than one person is in the room (but not too many!) so that the burden of being perceived is directed on someone else and you can safely lay back just observing the scene.

It's all a defence mechanism

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (2021) // Captain America: Civil War (2016)

SEBASTIAN STAN at Ghetto Film School in January 2023.

He knows exactly what he’s doing with that look

Imagine having late night talks with Bucky Barnes…

“Hey, Bucky?” you turn on your side to face him.

“Yes, doll?”

“Are missions scary?” you wonder.

He tilts his head and shrugs, “Not really.”

“But what about all the scary guys with guns and those aliens?” your brows furrow.

“I’m used to it,” the corners of his lips curve upwards, “You’re dating an old, wise one-hundred-year-old man, Y/N.” He leans up to kiss your forehead, “I’ve seen the world.”

You huff, “Well then what are you afraid of?”

Bucky reaches his hand out to you. He caresses your cheek and moves your stray hairs behind your ear, “Losing you.”

I miss living alone sometimes

After more than two years of total silence, here I'm again.

It has been a very tough time for my mental health and I almost completely stopped drawing. This is one of the few pieces I was able to do in the last years and... it's quite indicative of the state of mind I was in xD

Thankfully it's so much better now and I'm starting to enjoy drawing again <3

(Pss… If you want to follow me also on patreon you will find many - happier and spicy - new drawings!)