Dreams-and-nightmares - Lost In Time And Space

Night sky

I have been thinking of the ways we tell people things. My father's hands shake, but he holds the phone up so I can watch the video from six feet away. My mother emails me the recipe of her beef stroganoff at 6 in the morning with the comment - woke up and didn't want to forget to do this! On the highway, we sing so loudly my voice grows hoarse; on the beach I sneak nice rocks into people's hands so they have something to hold; on the floor we all sit quietly in the same agreeable silence. We are all saying the same thing.

My friends say "Oh you know, keeping busy." This means they are having a hard time but making themselves survive it. I ask them to help me walk me dog; this is me telling them it's okay sometimes to just be present and talk about young adult fiction. When I cancel again because I can't get out of bed, she tells me she's on her way with cookies.

I point out the sunset. She shares her fork before I ask for it. He calls me at 1 AM just because I'm on the road alone, we talk about stupid shit. She waits for me to get indoors safely before driving away. He says - nah, forget it, I'm happy to do it for free.

People are saying it, you know? They say it often and loudly. Sometimes, you know - you just have to be listening.

tiny hug

(via)

*becomes everything I dreamed of when I was little and almost doesn’t notice*

Me shortly,

Okay, new cleaning strategy.

Bad at self-discipline, good at acts of love through service. So I'm gonna clean my house pretending it is the house of someone I love who's been too depressed to clean. She's gonna be so surprised.

Frank Bidart, from Half-light: Collected Poems; "End of a Friendship" // Marya Hornbacher, Waiting //  Ijeoma Umebinyuo, Questions for Ada // Rita Dove, from "November for Beginners"

Reminder that if you're feeling pain due to your aspec identity, that that pain does not mean you have failed in any way or are doing yourself or anyone else a disservice by not being interested in/not being able to experience romantic/sexual relationships. Had society never drilled it into our heads that romance and sex are necessary to be happy, then I can promise you that we'd all be out here living the lives we want and enjoy without the stress of what anyone has to say about it or how anyone else sees it. It is the fault of amatonormativity/heteronormativity. It is the fault of compulsory attraction. It's never been your fault. And yes it's hard to believe and ignore anyone who would dare accuse you of being broken in any way, it's hard to ignore exclusionists sometimes, but just try to keep it in the back of your mind that you didn't do anything wrong. You never have. You are not faulty, you are not broken, you are as you were meant to be, and if you hate it right now, that's understandable. If your attraction changes at some point, that's completely fine and valid. However you are, that's perfectly normal.

ghosting