Just A Little Guy Grocery Shopping

“I am young, and, at last, life is not so dark and so painful. The sun shines, and the moon is calm.”

— Takuboku Ishikawa, from “Romaji Diary & Sad Toys,” published c. 1985

Adhd really is like… bedroom is slightly messy it would be nice to tidy it some

bedroom is very messy I really should tidy up

bedroom is chaotic I NEED to tidy but my brain says no. Why. Whyyy.

I guess I’ll just have to watch where I step in here for the rest of my life. The mess is everywhere. I’m one with the mess.

A sudden Need to Clean™ makes you get the room looking like some fancy homes magazine cover, and you think “I’ll never ever let it get that bad again, and then…

bedroom is slightly messy (uh oh)

I put my sadness in a box. The box went soft and wet and weak at the bottom. I called it Thursday. Today is Sunday.

Richard Siken, from “The Field of Rooms and Halls” (via voirlvmer)

Reminder that if you're feeling pain due to your aspec identity, that that pain does not mean you have failed in any way or are doing yourself or anyone else a disservice by not being interested in/not being able to experience romantic/sexual relationships. Had society never drilled it into our heads that romance and sex are necessary to be happy, then I can promise you that we'd all be out here living the lives we want and enjoy without the stress of what anyone has to say about it or how anyone else sees it. It is the fault of amatonormativity/heteronormativity. It is the fault of compulsory attraction. It's never been your fault. And yes it's hard to believe and ignore anyone who would dare accuse you of being broken in any way, it's hard to ignore exclusionists sometimes, but just try to keep it in the back of your mind that you didn't do anything wrong. You never have. You are not faulty, you are not broken, you are as you were meant to be, and if you hate it right now, that's understandable. If your attraction changes at some point, that's completely fine and valid. However you are, that's perfectly normal.

plants!

Certain words can change your brain forever and ever so you do have to be very careful about it.

I have been thinking of the ways we tell people things. My father's hands shake, but he holds the phone up so I can watch the video from six feet away. My mother emails me the recipe of her beef stroganoff at 6 in the morning with the comment - woke up and didn't want to forget to do this! On the highway, we sing so loudly my voice grows hoarse; on the beach I sneak nice rocks into people's hands so they have something to hold; on the floor we all sit quietly in the same agreeable silence. We are all saying the same thing.

My friends say "Oh you know, keeping busy." This means they are having a hard time but making themselves survive it. I ask them to help me walk me dog; this is me telling them it's okay sometimes to just be present and talk about young adult fiction. When I cancel again because I can't get out of bed, she tells me she's on her way with cookies.

I point out the sunset. She shares her fork before I ask for it. He calls me at 1 AM just because I'm on the road alone, we talk about stupid shit. She waits for me to get indoors safely before driving away. He says - nah, forget it, I'm happy to do it for free.

People are saying it, you know? They say it often and loudly. Sometimes, you know - you just have to be listening.

being asexual with a lot of aesthetic attraction is like no i dont wanna fuck you im just gonna keep stealing glances and accidently walk into a door

Actually life is beautiful because the sound I make while trying to breathe around hot food sounds like my dog trying to eat an apple. When I yawn my cat tries to put his face in my mouth like a little dentist man and when he yawns I put my finger in his obligate-carnivore trapzone and we both know he will not hurt me. When I do not fold my clothes, they do not hold it against me.

I am demonstrably sad, and lonely, and full of fear. But there are other people who will hold my hand, who will point out the hawk overhead, who will give you That Look in a public place. The other day at a coffee shop a child said "look! It's snowing!" so all of us strangers went to go look out the windows. It wasn't the first snow and it won't be the last but wasn't it lovely like that?

How wonderful to live in a world where birds and frogs both say beep! How wonderful to have an ocean of beautiful sharks with their dinosaur teeth! How wonderful the moon and her changing face, how wonderful the bees and their dancing to communicate, how wonderful shrimp and their forbidden layers of vision! How wonderful, you, and what you will give the world! The way we love things enough to spend entire blogs devoted to them? How people will let me explain my Pokemon team to them? How we will both jump at the scare in the movie, how we laugh so loudly, how it feels to give someone your baking? How wonderful to be alive. I am sorry for forgetting.

This is the process of getting better. With wonderful people and wonderful strangers and wonderful friends: I am getting better, slowly. Thank you, whoever you are. In some way, you've been wonderful, and left a wonderful place in the world to ripple out to me. In some small way - isn't it beautiful - I promise, you've been helping.