September, S.t.

plants!

i had to cut a knot out of my cat’s fur. for the first time in his life, in the ten years i have known him, he put his teeth on my hand, gently, a warning, telling me i was hurting him but unwilling to let that message sink in. 

i wonder how many people i have hurt worse than my cat hurt me. how many hands were trying to help me that i turned and devoured. i was so angry, so often, bristling with so many tangles that no knife could slit open. people who loved me tried everything and i snarled at them. how hurt i was when they were angry i was acting out of order. i would find out later their anger at my behavior was just because they were scared to death i was going to explode and they’d lose me and it came out looking angry.

i wish i could be like my cat. to warn that i was in pain, gently. to only lash out with the littlest of teeth. to know that sometimes what looks like an attack is actually a sign of love. but i only know claws, and using the fullest force of my venom to hurt others when they never meant to hurt me. i know logically sometimes there’s pain to pull the glass out. but i can’t stop myself from reacting.

Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra 

clio m.w. hamilton, “still life as a dreamscape on pause”

May I interrupt your scrolling with a turtleduck

all time ever does is pass and all i ever do is remember.

sue zhao / sexual devotion, nickie zimov / @ seashellronan / nomad, clairo / annihilation, jeff vandermeer / edward scissorhands (1990) / sky vance / dictionary of obscure sorrows / jonny, faye webster / the madman, kahlil gibran / may (2002) / the lonely city, olivia laing / punch and judy, elliott smith

Adhd really is like… bedroom is slightly messy it would be nice to tidy it some

bedroom is very messy I really should tidy up

bedroom is chaotic I NEED to tidy but my brain says no. Why. Whyyy.

I guess I’ll just have to watch where I step in here for the rest of my life. The mess is everywhere. I’m one with the mess.

A sudden Need to Clean™ makes you get the room looking like some fancy homes magazine cover, and you think “I’ll never ever let it get that bad again, and then…

bedroom is slightly messy (uh oh)

intangible - madisen kuhn

Susan Sontag, Reborn: Journals and Notebooks, 1947 - 1963