KB’s Ruthless Advice For Grownups

How many? How much?

My friend is really smart. She also happens to have anorexia. She once said to me, “Anorexics aren’t supposed to be around numbers. The’re just tools humans use to destroy themselves.” As you can tell, the latter statement had a profound impact on me. That’s why I’m writing about it. Numbers define our lives. Our age, height, weight and BMI are measured in numbers. Our academic accomplishments and athletic accomplishments are measured in numbers. Our schedules revolve around the clock - also numbers. “How many calories?” “How many hours did it take?” “How many people were there?” “How much do you make?” “How many pages?” “How many words?” “How many points?” “How many goals? How many assists?” “How many years?” How many? How many? How many? I think that so often, we fall into the trap of thinking that these numbers that measure our bodies or measure the things that we do are also measuring us. And the problem with that is that once you start measuring, you find that you will never measure up. As soon as you put a numerical value on your identity you will find that there will always be someone who has a higher number, or lower number. Here’s the thing: you’re not a number. You’re thinking, “well obviously, Katherine.” But hear me out. You are not your weight. You are not your GPA. You are not the number of points you score or how much money you make. You’re a person. There is absolutely no conceivable way in the known universe, in the limitations of time as we know it, that numbers could logically be used to express a person. We can graph the curve of your face and we can create a function for the way you walk, but mathematically we will never capture you. You’re a person. You were created by God, in the image of God. As He is beautiful, so are you. As He is spirit, so are you. And you are His masterpiece. His piece de resistance. This all-powerful deity, who always was and always will be, who mapped the stars, who knitted the fabric of the universe, who choreographed the dance of the planets, who paints every single sunset, who filled the seas with fish and the skies with birds...He thinks that you are the best thing He made. [Talking about God gets me TURNT but I’ll leave the rest for another time.] He gave you a soul. Do you even know how exciting a soul is? A soul is intangible. It is infinite. It is the part of you that recognizes God’s face and it will last forever. It remembers the beginning of the world and it will see the end. It has the entire universe in it. It has ancient empires in it. It has lost civilizations in it. It has dead languages in it. It has unborn languages in it. It has novels in it. It has symphonies in it. Let me edit that last paragraph: You are intangible. You are infinite. You recognize God’s face and you will last forever. You remember the beginning of the world and you will see the end. You have the entire universe in you. You have ancient empires in you. You have lost civilizations in you. You have dead languages in you. You have unborn languages in you. You have novels in you. You have symphonies in you. Do you honestly believe that a being so majestic, so beautiful, so wonderful, can be MEASURED? The answer is absolutely not. You are immeasurable. There’s no scale or standard or system by which you can be counted. You are invaluable. Your worth is far beyond measure. Therefore, there are only two numbers you can use to describe yourself: 1. That’s how many of you there are. You are unique. You are one of a kind. You can’t be compared to others because you’re in your own category. ∞ ← That’s the infinity symbol. Admittedly, infinity, by its nature, is not a number. It’s mathematical concept. And that’s how valuable you are. This reminder has been brought to you by your friendly neighborhood Katherine. Love y’all! Peace and love! -Katherine

What is your opinion on purity rings?

Teehee, guess what…I wear a purity ring. 

I wear it on my wedding finger and everything. It says “Purity” on one side and “Matthew 5:8” on the other. I ordered it online from c28.com. 

I’ve heard a lot of differing opinions on the topic of purity rings. Some people think it’s really corny and stupid and seem to associate it with the image of a really sheltered, socially inept, uber-religious freak. One woman wrote a blog post that I read about how she stopped wearing hers because it said “True Love Waits” and she felt that it was indicative of her attitude of expectancy. Like she kept asking God to send her a husband and she realized that she was too hung up on it and wanted to find her worth and fulfillment in God instead of waiting for a man. 

I would like to think that I don’t belong to either of those categories. I KNOW for certain that I’m not pining away for a man. I can barely last 4 months in a relationship; I just love being single. And I have a whole bunch of plans for my life that don’t really require a husband. So I’m fairly secure in the knowledge that that’s not the reason I wear it. And although my decision to remain celibate until marriage is old-fashioned and prudish to a lot of people, I don’t think I’m out of touch with reality or brainwashed or crazy or anything. So the ring doesn’t have to be tied to that image. 

The reason that I wear it is that I like to wear my heart on my sleeve. I love outward expressions of my convictions. I have tshirts that advertise everything from my identity as a newfoundlander to my religious beliefs to my opinions on human trafficking and dating. And I like the idea of a tangible symbol of my decision to save sex for marriage. That’s all there is to it. 

Purity rings are generally harmless and innocent in and of themselves. Whether you decide to wear one or not is a personal decision and, I would venture to say, not even a very important one. It has no bearing on the validity of your decision, and it has no control over your actions. It’s just a symbol. Also, it is not, as one of my friends thought, a promise ring. No one gave me my purity ring and said “save yourself for me”. That’d be weird. 

Okay, that’s all I have to say! hahaThanks for the question :)Peace and love! -Katherine 

If your parents weren't religious do you think you'd still have strong faith?

Of course not. Where, I ask you, would I have met Jesus in the first place, if not for my parents? Who knows, maybe He would have arranged a meeting for me at some point in my life. I hope that parallel-universe me would be sensible enough to open up to Him. I often wonder what I'd be like if I didn't know Jesus. I speculate sometimes that I'd be rather more promiscuous, with significantly lower self-esteem. I would most likely be a lover of alcohol. Beyond that, I have trouble figuring out what parts of me are me and what parts are Jesus. Would I have the same love and compassion for people? Would I have black and white views or would I be all grey areas? I don't know the answers to those questions. I don't know where I'd be if I didn't know Jesus. But I do know that I'm grateful I never will. I'm exceedingly thankful that I got that early introduction, cause my life with Jesus is frickin awesome! HahahaThanks for the question :)Peace and love! -Katherine 

Does the Pentecostal church allow gay marriage ?

Hi there :) 

***[I know a simple yes or no would suffice, but this is gonna be another long answer. I have, as usual, bolded important sentences for those who would rather skim.]*** 

This is going to be difficult for me to tell you, but I’m afraid that the Pentecostal Assemblies of Canada, with which the Pentecostal Assemblies of Newfoundland are affiliated - and therefore under which my own church exists - do not sanction gay marriage. Here is the “Statement of Fundamental and Essential Truths”. You will find homosexuality is addressed in section 5.9.1, “Marriage and the Family”. Here are a couple key quotes from that section:

"Marriage is a provision of God wherein one man and one woman to the exclusion of all others enter into a lifelong relationship through a marriage ceremony that is recognized by the church and legally sanctioned by the state."

…

"Marriage can only be broken by porneia, which is understood as marital unfaithfulness involving adultery, homosexuality, or incest. While the Scriptures give evidence that the marriage vow and "one-flesh" union are broken by such acts and therefore recognize the breaking of the marriage relationship, the Scriptures do recommend that the most desirable option would be reconciliation."

I imagine this is an affront to you, and I can understand why. I would like to justify the church’s stance, but I won’t. This decision is for two reasons: 

Firstly, because if what you want is for the Pentecostal church to allow gay marriage, then nothing I say will soothe your offended sensibilities. 

Secondly, because these practices apply only to members of the Pentecostal church: people who have actively chosen to participate in this institution, and whom evidently understand and are satisfied with the beliefs and practices. 

However, I will offer some of my own thoughts to supplement the information I’ve just given you.

[] 

Katherine’s thoughts: 

1. The Pentecostal church is part of the “private” sector, by which I mean that we are a non-profit organization and we are not affiliated with the government, be it federal, provincial, etc. Therefore, we do not attempt to extend our beliefs to anybody outside of our members. People who choose to become a member of the church (which, in case you’re wondering, is an official process involving an application and an interview) choose to abide by the practices set forth by the church, and that’s why those people chose to become a member in the first place. Therefore, the church will not corporately try to influence legislation involving gay marriage. How the church’s members vote is their individual decision, and in my experience, my church has never even discussed politics, let alone tried to influence my personal political beliefs. 

2. I am completely sure that while a person who is married to someone else of the same sex and/or gender may not choose to be a member of our church, NO ONE will discourage them from attending the services or benefiting from the various programs we offer. Being a member is a very official thing, and even though I’ve attended the church since birth, I’m still not a member. Membership involves stuff like voting for pastoral staff and board members and attending annual business meetings and boring stuff like that. So you could totally come on Sundays and chill with us and we won’t say anything to you. You could attend and volunteer and participate at Bethesda for 50 years and never be a member, so there’s that loophole. 

3. [THIS ONE IS SUPER IMPORTANT] Christianity is, above all, about a very personal, very intimate relationship with God. If you do not currently have an acquaintance with God, I would strongly encourage you to get to know Him. And if you want to, don’t let anybody or anything, including the church, including your sexual orientation, including the people in your life, dissuade you from doing so. Don’t ever let anybody tell you that there’s anything separating you from God, or that you have to change something about yourself before you get to know Him. He is waiting for you, exactly as you are, right here, right now, and He loves you exactly as you are, and nothing you do could ever make Him love you less….or more.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”- Romans 8:38-39

We as the church, are attempting to function as the “body” of Christ, that is to say, the mortal manifestation of His divine love here in the natural world. We are not God, and we cannot judge you or tell you what to do. Only He can do that. And if you have some questions about your lifestyle, I suggest you take it up with Him, not me. I don’t know anything. 

4. [This one is a little more complex and not quite fully formed so bear with me.] Pentecostals are what one might call “orthodox” Christians, which means that we believe firmly in the Bible as the complete and absolute truth. We cannot deny that the New Testament states that practicing homosexuality is not a lifestyle officially condoned by the Christian church. That’s why it’s part of the official Pentecostal statutes. As Christians, we must trust that God is a divine being infinitely more wise and more powerful than us, and that His word is truth, and that the Bible is the inspired word of God, due to its historical credibility, internal consistency and enduring influence. As such, we must trust that His plan for our lifestyle is a good one. If this is due singularly to the biology of His creation, and the fact that babies generally occur from heterosexual sex, then I guess I can see how that kinda makes sense. But in reality, I can’t actually see how anything makes any sense ever, because I’m a finite human (which is redundant, because there is no such thing as an infinite human, but I really wanted to drive the point home). I just go through life trusting in a higher power than myself (with good reasons to do so, I might add. Please see here). That means that I trust Him despite my personal opinions and despite what’s going on around me. This puts us in a rather difficult situation when it comes to formulating an opinion on homosexuality because I genuinely do think that it’s not a choice. 

5. For this reason, I have taken this as my official personal stance on homosexuality and Christianity: "Love is my ultimate answer to any question, because God is Love and Love is as close to the divine as you will get in this life. I adhere to two inalienable truths - God loves you and I love you. This love is unconditional, and has nothing to do with whether or not we agree on…anything, really. My purpose and goal in life is to show you that God loves you. I attempt to do this by loving you. And I really really want you to experience this radical, world-changing, earth-shattering, mind-blowing, paradigm-shifting love of God for yourself because it will literally change your life. And I believe that you can experience this love no matter what. No conditions apply. None. I will never tell you how to live your life, and if you have questions about your lifestyle, talk to God, not me." 

6. [Last one, finally!] Like I said, Christianity means a relationship with God, not belonging to a church. However, I strongly advocate for finding a group of believers to offer support and solidarity and encouragement in your faith. So I recommend finding a church where you feel safe and comfortable. If that’s not a Pentecostal church, that’s okay. But above all, I want you to know God. 

Okay all done! 

Thanks for your question :) As always, tip next time, 

Peace and love! -Katherine

The Law and The One Who Made The Law

On Sunday, I was helping out with the kiddies program in the morning church service. I LOVE being with the kids, but this morning I felt that there was something wrong. The lesson was about sin, and I think that the message the kids were supposed to take home was "Don't Sin." We told them stories about people who did drugs and stole stuff and ran away from homes and discussed the various mistakes these people made, and defined sin and then told them that the people in the stories met Jesus and cleaned up their lives and went on to do a whole bunch of really great things for God. 

I'm sure it sounds like a very positive message at first glance, but something really unsettled me about it: 

It's all well and good to tell the kids to obey their parents and tell the truth and share and don't do drugs and stay in school. However, why are we so focused on all these rules for how we should behave and not on The One who made the rules? 

Cause see, the gospel is not a behaviour-control program. The church does not exist to make sure that everyone is following the rules. And Jesus didn't die so that we would have to be perfect. 

What I'm trying to say is that instead of telling these kids what they can and cannot do, we should introduce them to Jesus, and tell them about his amazy-crazy, upside-down inside-out, spin-you-all-around LOVE. I think that we should tell them that Jesus knows them better than anyone else in the world and that He loves them more than anyone else in the world does. I think we should tell them that they are His precious treasure, His beloved son/daughter, the apple of His eye. I think we should tell them that He has an awesome plan for their life and that He's gonna do great things in them and through them. Finally, I think we should tell them that He loves them so much that He died for them, so that their sins would be repaid and they could go to heaven. Don't you think that such a message would be far more effective than "Don't do this. Don't do that." I feel like if they knew the one who made them and loves them, they would be naturally less inclined to seek fulfillment in thrills, drugs, alcohol and sex ANYWAY, and we wouldn't have to try and hammer it into their skulls so much. 

Don't get me wrong, we do tell the kids all the stuff I said up there. We tell it to them all the time. My church is not remiss in informing the children of their infinite value to their creator. I just think that if Sunday morning's service was the only one a child had ever been to, they would think that church was just a list of Do's and Don'ts. So I believe that instead of just talking about sin, we need to prevent a more holistic view of the relationship between God and humans. I think we need to present the gospel to these kids in BIG BOLD ITALIC CAPS every single time we see them, because knowing the love of Christ is infinitely more important than knowing the rules. 

That's all.  Peace and love!  -Katherine

Your opinions on polygamy?

Hmm..I have to say that I am not so much a fan of polygamy. 

By way of explanation, I would have to say that it’s because I’m a big believer in the idea of “One Love”. That is to say, I’m not going to have sex until I’m married, and ideally, I plan to be married “until death do us part”. So I personally am not open to the idea of divorce except in the case of abuse or infidelity or some other such extreme circumstances. “Irreconcilable differences”, to me, is not an option. So that being said, my vision for my life is being in love with, being married to, and having sex with, only one person. I want to be so close to someone that I know them inside and out. I want to know all their strengths and all their weaknesses and love them for both equally, because that’s what makes them who they are. I want to be totally open and vulnerable about myself with someone and have them accept me for who I am. I want to have the irrefutable confidence that I want to spend every day until the end of my days with this person. I want to whether the storms of life with this person. I want to fight like crazy with this person. I want a life-partner. Like me and him against the world, you know? And to me, such an intimate experience with only one person makes it all the more valuable and precious. Especially with the sex thing, especially for me. 

But that’s just the romantic in me. Let’s talk about what the bible has to say on the topic of polygamy. 

In the bible, there are many examples of man who had more than one wife. Sure, King Soloman had 700 wives and 300 concubines on top of that! (1 Kings 11:2-3) [Sidenote: what the heck are you gonna do with that many women? I mean even if you slept with a different woman every day, it would take you more almost three years to get through them all! I bet he didn’t know most of their names.] That being said, most theological scholars seem to think that the polygamy was a cultural thing and only tolerated, if not condoned by God.

In Genesis, after God takes one of Adam’s ribs to make Eve, it says “This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” (Genesis 2:24) That seems pretty clear. It even says that two become one, so that seems to support the monogamy argument. 

Later on in the New Testament, Paul (who was a pretty funny guy) is talking about how he’s a bachelor because it allows him to focus more on his evangelical mission, but that it’s better to get married than to “burn in lust”. Because, for some reason, the members of the early church in Corinth seemed to think that sex is bad. This is completely false! Sex was created by God and it is a beautiful thing. So Paul is basically saying that sex is not a bad thing, but you shouldn’t really be sleeping around, because that’s not the way God intended it. Paul’s point is that trying to avoid sex completely is almost impossible, painful, frustrating for everyone involved, and a really good way to disappoint yourself. So marriage is the ideal situation here. Paul says, “But because of the temptation of sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.” (1 Corinthians 7:2) [Sidenote: The verse after that talks about how husband and wife should fulfill each other’s sexual needs. Well-known pastor and author Rick Warren tweeted that verse, which I think has got to be the most awkward scripture tweet ever. Its awkwardness is surpassed only by Christian comedian Tim Hawkins who mistakenly told someone that his favourite verse is Psalm 38:7, which says “I have a painful disease in my loins”.] 

So anyway, it would seem that the bible supports the idea of monogamy. I personally think that the way God designed sex was for one man and one woman within the bonds of God-consecrated, holy matrimony. (This is a discussion on polygamy. I’ve already talked about homosexuality at length here, here and here.) Therefore, my seemingly romantic “One Love” idea is actually firmly grounded in my religious beliefs. 

In conclusion: Polygamy is not a lifestyle that I would choose, based on my beliefs and personal moral code, but like anything else, I will not condemn another person for choosing that lifestyle. These are the choices I’ve made for my life and will not be arrogant enough to try to extend them into yours. 

Thanks for the question :) Love chatting with you guys! Peace and love! -Katherine 

Wherever people are suffering, wherever they are humiliated by poverty or injustice……make it your task to serve them.

St. John Paul II (via family-of-god)

love.

If Jesus lived today, he would smell like smoke.

Whether it be from pot or from cigarettes or whatever else can be smoked, Jesus would smell like it. Not because he would partake in it himself, but because he would go out of his way to go to where the smokers were. He would go to them and be with them, get to know them and show them that they are worthy of love and that they can be saved from whatever they’re running from.

Jesus would know the sensation of stale beer drying on his shirt because somebody forgot to put their drink down before they hugged him. He’d never get drunk but he might have one beer, maybe two, socializing as he got to know the regulars at the bar. The ones who found their way there day after day, hearts too heavy to do anything but numb the pain. He’d go there and listen to their stories and help carry their burdens, lift them off their shoulders. He would be the person that everybody knew—knew was safe, knew was loving, knew would listen. The bartender would call him the ‘unofficial shrink’, and Jesus would smile and order another glass of water, ready to drive home whoever would need it that night.

He’d know the feel of gauze beneath his fingers as he wrapped it around a friend’s bleeding wrist. He wouldn’t ask, wouldn’t pry, just patiently clean and treat it with careful, calming touches. The story would eventually come tumbling out in the bathroom and Jesus would draw them close, hugging tightly, and do whatever he could to find the best help available when asked, when needed.

He would know the drained, yet relieved, morning after feel the day after (of?) a three a.m. phone call from a person who was desperate, because they didn’t know who else they could turn to. He would know the days when one cup of coffee isn’t enough to wake him up, where two cups of coffee almost doesn’t do it either, but the lethargy and the headache and the bags under his eyes are worth it because the person he was talking to is okay. He would do it again in a heartbeat, too.

He would always have somebody staying in his spare bedroom—if he wasn’t staying in somebody else’s spare bedroom himself. He knows what it is to be without a roof over his head, without a blanket to pull over his cold body, and he would do whatever he could to make sure others didn’t need to experience it—even just for a night. He’d keep an eye out for help wanted ads and help his friends on the street with their resumes and pay for their haircut and nice clothing for the interview, and he’d buy them dinner after whether they got the job or not.

He would know the need to go and grab another box of kleenex as the person at his kitchen table can’t help but cry at the feeling of not being enough, of needing to change themselves before people would love them, before they would be accepted. He would know the heave of their shoulders beneath his hand as he comforted them, reassured them that they are enough, that they are wonderful and beautiful and amazing and loved. So, so loved.

He would know the feeling of a tight bank account, not because he doesn’t know how to manage his finances, but because there are other people who need it more. Who need food for their families and clothing for their children and money for their rent. He would give of himself and build relationships with these people, connections with them, encouraging them to keep going. To keep striving. That life isn’t out to get them, and that they can succeed.

He would know the pain of a harsh word, thrown at him by a hurting soul, and he would stand tall and take it because sometimes a broken heart just needs to shout.

If Jesus lived today, he would smell like smoke. Not because he approves or because he doesn’t care, but because he knows that to love isn’t just being pleasant to other people and giving them a smile, it’s crawling into the trenches with them.

What are your thoughts on casual drinking?

Funnily enough, I was talking to someone about this today! 

Okay so I have this theory that God tells us not to do stuff to protect us. I know I’m so brilliant, right? lol :P But I mean, he tells us not to get drunk (See Ephesians 5:18, Galatians 5:21, 1 Corinthians 6:10, and 1 Peter 5:8) and not to gamble, and to avoid sexual promiscuity. Now all of these things have a fair amount of risk associated with them. When you’re drunk you can make some pretty stupid decisions and hurt people and probably regret a few things down the road. And also of course there’s the liver damage. Gambling can lead to addictions which can destroy your finances, your family and your life. And sexual promiscuity can lead to unwanted pregnancies, STDs and a whole bunch of emotional crap that I mentioned here. So this theory is that everything God tells us not to do is for a good reason and we’re probably better off without it anyway! 

So basically, if God says not to do something, I trust that he knows what he’s talking about, and I figure that’s a good enough reason for me not to do it. By this logic, I choose not to get drunk. That being said, I see no problem with casual drinking. It’s all a personal decision anyway! I choose not to get drunk, but I always try a sip of my friends’ beers (it ALWAYS tastes disgusting) and I took a shot for my friend’s 19th birthday, but I’ve never consumed enough alcohol for it to have the slightest effect on me. Lots of my friends drink, and I’ve seen my friends get drunk. I’m not gonna tell anyone what to do, and if you drink I don’t care, that’s your business! If you’re a Christian and you drink casually, I’m not judging you. If you’re genuinely wondering my opinion because you are trying to figure out where you stand I say choose for yourself, draw your line and know your limit. 

Hope this helped! :)

Peace and love! -Katherine

have you ever experienced or witnessed a miracle?

Hmm...I don't thiiiiink so. Obviously, I've seen lots of divine stuff: tongues and interpretation, slain in the Spirit, prophesy, etc etc. I'm been in the room with people who were healed. Two examples come to mind: 1) A woman with chronic pain for years instantly pain-free. 2) A girl with scoliosis literally feeling her spine being straightened.

The former is from YC, October 2012 and the latter is from YB2, August 2012. I've heard so many first hand witness accounts from friends, family, and church family who report amputated arms growing back and countless healings. If you count a healing as a miracle, then the answer is yes. I actually, for some weird reason, put miracles in a different category, so I'm inclined to say no. Haha Have a great day! Peace and love! -Katherine