Narcissa: Five Little Monkeys Jumping On The Bed. One Fell Off And…

Lily: Why are you smiling?

Severus: What? I can’t just be happy?

James: Sirius tripped and fell in the parking lot.

Omg I just realized I based the story in the middle of 4th year and I just wrote a good chunk of chapter 4 with the marauders calling each their nicknames but it's fifth year they become animagi 😭 time to go back and change that 😔

Bellatrix, writing in a letter: "I'm going to kick.. your... ass."

Bellatrix: THERE. Now send it.

Severus:: Dude, your handwriting's terrible, are you sure you want to-

Bellatrix: JUST DO IT!

later

Remus: So what does it say?

James, reading the letter: They say they're going to "lick my...."

Remus:

James:

Remus: Gross-

* this one ⤵ Generated first and I also find it funny*

Bellatrix, writing in a letter: "I'm going to kick.. your... ass."

Bellatrix: THERE. Now send it.

Lucius: Dude, your handwriting's terrible, are you sure you want to-

Bellatrix: JUST DO IT!

later

Regulus: So what does it say?

Severus, reading the letter: They say they're going to "lick my...."

Regulus:

Severus:

Regulus: Gross-

*The squad is over at Narcissa's house*

Lucius: Ohhhh, we each get our own oven?

Narcissa: ... N-No...

Narcissa, laughing: How many ovens do you think I have???

Lucius, motioning to her kitchen: Three, I thought!

Bellatrix: I see a-

Narcissa, motioning to one device: This is a microwave.

Lucius: Oh, well I-

Narcissa: Hey wait wait, actually- hang on- *fiddles with the buttons on the microwave*

Narcissa, amazed: Its got a bake setting!

Regulus: Ohoho, you learn something new every day!

Severus: Do we- Do we roshambo for who gets to pick first?

Narcissa: Now I've just discovered I have more ovens than I thought, we don't have to roshambo nothin!

Narcissa: I am a woman who owns four ovens...

Narcissa, louder and way too happy: I am a woman... who owns FOUR OVENS...

Narcissa: I didn't know I was so rich with ovens...

Lily, pointing to another appliance: Also the toaster oven!

Narcissa:

Lucius: Ohhh, toasty boy! Four- Five ovens!

Narcissa:

Narcissa, fucking ECSTATIC: I AM A WOMAN WHO OWNS FIVE OVENS

Severus: James and I are no longer dating.

James: Severus, that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re married.

Severus: Fool me once, I’m gonna kill you

Narcissa: So what, now I’m just supposed to do everything that Severus does? What if he jumped off a cliff?

Lucius: If Severus were to jump off a cliff, he would have done his due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry. So yes, if you see Severus jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.

Narcissa: You jump off a cliff.

Lucius: Gladly, provided Severus did first.

Be safe my dears!! And always listen to your body! <3 <3

“Is it normal?” The binding edition

Yes:

Getting winded after walking quickly/upstairs with binder on, but able to catch breath

Chafing in the underarm areas

Soreness (during or after) in arms, shoulders, or back

Increased acne on chest or back

Mild anxiety about tightness

Chest sagging

No, take it off and rest, see a doctor if problem gets worse or doesn’t go away after taking the binder off (or after one week):

Nausea during or after binding, including nausea caused by pain

Bruising

Out of breath/can’t catch breath when not wearing binder

Skin rash

Sharp pains in ribs

Not able to cough or sneeze

Numbness in arms

Feeling too tired/sore to do everyday activities

Suddenly having any of the above symptoms even if you’ve been binding for years 

No, see a doctor ASAP, could be a sign of serious injury:

Anything from the above category if you can just tell/feel something is wrong, better safe than sorry

Extreme claustrophobia/panic attacks 

Sharp pain in chest/heart skipping beats or beating very fast

Not able to breathe  

Dizziness

Blueness in lips or fingertips

Change in shape of ribcage

Fainting

Severus: We need more help. Maybe I should call my friends.

Lucius: ... Your what?

Severus: My friends.

Regulus: Are he's saying “friends”?

Narcissa: I think he's being sarcastic.

Bellatrix: No, no, no, this is delirium, he cracked from being awake all night. Hey, Severus! All of your friends are in this room.

Looky at what I made! ❤❤