Hard To Consider A Certain Level Of Personal Growth And Improvement When You Can't Get Over Something

//end

On my studies this week my mentor said I should never write negative things, or things that might bring bad emotions or thoughts to people. Therefore, I deleted a bunch of my posts. Happens that I can be very negative when I am sad or tired. I guess it is human to have negative emotions from time to time, specially when the circumstances you are at, are no the best as possible. Thinking on that and putting that together with many other small conversations I had with people during this time, I decided to change, to go after things I should’ve gone way before and to try to be better at the same time as a person, but not only better to other people, but to myself. I need to be kinder to myself, more comprehensive with my emotions and limits. And I honestly think everybody else should too.

I'm on a point that I don't know if I'm struggling with quarantine or struggling with life itself.

I was planning on doing the aupair, found a family, they live in a nice place to study on the area I want to work on, it would be nice, go a year abroad, study on a foreign University, come back and have a nice curriculum to get a nice internship on my area.

However, like always, something needs too go wrong and here we Are with quarantine, I don't know if I will be able to get the visa, the driver license and go to do the program.

Here I am again, rebuilding everything from the scratches, thinking on an plane b, c or d because it is regular on my life to the first or the second plant don't work out. So, ok, the aupair might not work so I must find a way to improve my life in here or try a different program, there is many options honestly but we always choose to surrender to anxiety.

/bravery

I always think I should write more. Writing feels good, sounds nice and in the end it is one of the best types of therapies there is. However, like everything in this world, it requires bravery. You need to be brave to write because you need to be brave to expose yourself. To show what you think, what you feel, what your brain can create, it all requires a lot of self confidence. The same with sharing any type of art you create. You need to be able to trust yourself and say ‘’hey, I am good at this and this is good enough for me. I am proud”. To me, that’s how everything starts. 

titi window 

Fox Adventurer - Character Design Challenge by selected artists: Iliyan Tzvetanov, Chloé Lhôte, Yufei Zhong, Innocent Prime, ChiaraTom

Pngs with words

Танцы. 1963. Якобсон Александра Николаевна (1903-1966)

ive been trying to get a job for months now but things are really bad in my city covid wise so ive got nowhere to really look to anymore. 

so hi im a 19 year old nb trans person and ive been getting psychiatric help for my bipolar disorder and managing my money has been very difficult, my bills are constantly overdrafting me every month and i had to drop out to take care of myself mentally. anything will help at this point, and will be greatly appreciated!! i can also do tattoo flashes for people who donate 10+ dollars. just dm me and we can work something out!

my paypal is peachybirdo@gmail.com 

As infuriating as it is to see all the posts and screencaps on linked in and twitter and stuff saying “If you don’t be productive and do that project during this quarantine the problem is that you’re lazy”, there’s a lot of positivity out there saying to practice self care too, so it kind of evens out in my head.

What’s WAY MORE INFURIATING for me is that I WANT to write! I have a million ideas and all the motivation a writer could ever want, but I have to consistently keep putting it all on the back burner to focus on school which is charging ahead into finals week with my attention vaguely being dragged along as it tries to follow the butterflies instead, being jerked forward into and around deadlines just as I was about to catch up to the elusive pretty.