Dangerousangleofadream - Femdom

Dear Ms.,

I'm still fairly new to flr, with many ups & downs, on again-off again attepmts.... We started about 4 years ago, at my husband's request, I have been pretty vanilla my whole life, so it's been a bit challenging for me. When we do really get in to it, I very much enjoy it, and more so, enjoy the way he treats me in return. It gives me a great sense of power and confidence. We also have a busy life- work full time, house projects, 4 kids ( 3 out of the house now).

One of the things that I have enjoyed (which brings him great emotional & mental pleasure) is dressing him in lingerie, especially when we are home alone & he can wear just that around the house. He enjoys being humiliated, which in turn makes him vulnerable, and more willing to serve. I myself, do not like being humiliated and made to serve, therfore, it has been hard for me to become comfortable with giving him tasks in this aspect. I was wondering if you might have any advice in this area?

Hi you,

I just want to say first off to everyone reading this, the sender of this ask even though she has a blank blog is a genuine woman looking for advice about her FLR and I have verified this in private D.M's between us. I advised her to send her message on an ask so she could interact with the wider FLR community here on Tumblr to get the best advice possible.

OK, so for me reading this it sounds like a FLR is something you both want and enjoy and are wanting to take it to the next level but life and inexperience are getting in the way of a stronger more defined dynamic between you both.

I would suggest having a sit down with hubby one night when you can find an evening together with no distractions and you can focus on just you two. Dont be nervous, you already know hubby is interested and wanting you to take the reigns in your relationship together as it was him who initially came to you with the idea of a female-led-relationship to begin with. Have him kneel in front of you wearing the lingerie you describe while you sit on the comfy sofa or main chair of the living room with a drink of your choice.

Explain to him if he really wants this going forward things have to change or you wont be dominanting him as this on-off situation that's happening isn't fair on you mentally and emotionally. If your hubby is genuinely submissive and wanting you in charge on hearing you say this his eyes will light up and his cock stiffen you can be sure of it and sure you now have his undivided attention. It may be that he is not genuinely submissive and just wants the occasional kinky play with you. If that is the case then unfortunately a well established, well maintained FLR will be impossible to achieve with him.

The conversation you are about to have with him will tell you which he is but I suspect he will be a genuine submissive as it was him who researched FLR and approached you with it to begin with. Remind him of this and explain this is not a game for you anymore and you will be making some changes to effect and establish this once and for all. Remember FLR is about you, the woman, there's no right or wrong way its just your way. Ofcourse you can talk with him to learn what makes him tick as a submissive and you should absolutely do this and use his kinks to control and reward him, have him write down what he would like to try with you or get him rebloging stuff here on tumblr that hes into, its a window into his subby mind for you to study and gauge, ofcourse you dont have to participate in all of them and use his kinks sparingly as a control method, the bottom line is, this is all about you, your comfort, pleasure and direction for you both. Explain this to him and lay down the law with him about what you expect around the house, in public and the bedroom.

Lay down some basic rules you expect him to follow and build from there, don't have to many to begin with as it will become a chore for you to police them all, we all have busy lives and responsibilities outside of kink so don't worry about that, your FLR is between you and him and nobody else. Make it clear what you expect from him and how you expect him to behave in those vanilla moments and leave the whips and chains for when it's just you two.

Say to him you are going to re-set your FLR with these new basic rules going forward and you are willing to have a trial run for a month with these new rules and behaviours from him in place and if he can't keep to them then maybe a FLR is not for you. Again notice his arousal when you are firm, direct and curt with him and do be, to the best of your ability, he needs that as a submissive, his arousal at your firmness will be the confirmation you need he is truly a submissive. Lucky you 😉

Lastly are you using a chastity device in your dynamic, if not I highly recommend. Once hubby orgasms you will notice his submissive feelings take a nose dive, this is very common with all male submissives and is known as sub drop. Not what you want and is probably the reason you are currently on-off. Bottom line is, restrict his orgasms to once a week if you are just starting out with chastity and build up to once a month. Trust me a chastity device is a game changer for you and will maintain his submission to you like nothing else. Let him know you are in conversation with other Dominant woman here about what to do with him but don't let him read your exchanges with us, again notice his arousal at this. Then bring up chastity with him in a few days, he'll beg for it and the control it gives you over him. 😁

Finding a chastity cage and getting him fitted and wearing it is a whole other article but if that's something you do want to explore with him and I highly recommend you do send me a separate ask on the subject.

Don't rush things and take it slow, FLR is a journey not a destination and we are all on that journey at different stages and progression within the FLR spectrum. Remember it's all about you the woman and how you see your own personal brand of FLR with your subby hubby. You can take this as far or not as you wish, don't judge other dynamics by your own, FLR is very personal and we all have different circumstances to balance.

Good luck, keep me updated please and I'm always here to chat. There are also tons of blogs, books and articles on the subject so do a little research of your own if you want to. You can also click the #advice and #chastity at the bottom of my pinned post for further reading of my own blog. Just bare in mind my FLR is much further down the line in progression than your own currently.

@nice-predator @barefootdomme we would love and appreciate your thoughts.

MS x

Choke all men because some like it and they all kinda deserve it

How to Open Up Your Husbands Ass.

A few years ago I could only get a 2 inch wide dildo up inside my husband’s ass hole. I had just bought him a new smaller chastity cage with a new thimble type dick head cap lined with spikes. The dick head cover doesn’t allow for any finger massage of his dick head and the spikes lining it don’t allow any unauthorized erections. Basically his 2 inch dick was made even more useless. But any self respecting chaste pussy slave husband should be able to take at least a 3 inch wide plug up his ass. I couldn’t get one wider than 2 inches to fit up his ass no matter how hard I pushed. He always squirmed away and cried. I couldn’t have the other Doms bragging about how big a plug would fit up inside their slaves. What was I to do? A friend of mine told me what to do. I let my husband open his own asshole. One Saturday I had a friend come over. My husband was naked as usual except for his tiny painful cage. I had his hands cuffed behind him. The poor thing thought maybe I was going to take off his cage and edge him or let him come. (He hadn’t come in at least a month then) My friend brought in a special chair that was wood, straight back, no arms, had a ring in the seat, and a special rubber plug that fit into the seat behind the ring. The plug was a big tapered evil looking thing that was at least 8 or 9 inches long but flared out to nearly 3 ½ inches wide near the base but then back down to an inch or so. She also had some more ankle cuffs and chains. We set it down in the bedroom but my husband had already figured out what it was. He started begging and crying and trying to get away from us.  I had thankfully earlier put a leash on his balls and was holding the other end. A hard pull on the leash put a stop to his leaving. We set the chair up in the bedroom. She called it an asshole trainer. We put the well greased plug in the middle of the chair on a shot post, put my husband squating over the plug with it in his ass a few inches, his hands now cuffed to the legs. his ankles cuffed to the legs too. A very short chain hooked to his balls to the ring in the seat so he couldn’t raise up any. Poor baby, we had to gag him with a ball gag. How long could he stand holding his ass off  of the seat? In order to sit down and get relief on his legs he would have to slowly lower his ass on to the giant plug. Did you know that a man’s ass hole will stretch out nicely if he puts his mind to it?  We found that out. My female friend and I laid on the the bed naked, enjoying each others pussies, while we watched just how long it took for my husband to sit down comfortably. He sure grunted, sweated, and moaned a lot but after about 2 hours he made a little shake and a loud grunt, and he was comfortably seated all the way in the chair with the plug securely fitting all the way up his ass. I think he enjoyed it too because his little caged dick was swollen and tight up against the spikes in the tip of his cage. We let him enjoy his seat for a while, and the pain in his dick head while we had drinks and another go at eating each others pussies. I really had to pull later to get the plug out of him but after that day I’m happy to say that he could be easily fist fucked up the ass like the other caged slaves. What a wonderful training aid and a nice day. It’s nice to have good friends.