Hot And Probably Controversial Take

Plot armor but it’s Bruce Wayne’s wealth.

Bruce is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce does not want to be one of the richest men in world.

He starts by implementing high starting salaries and full health care coverages for all levels at Wayne Enterprises. This in vastly improves retention and worker productivity, and WE profits soar. He increases PTO, grants generous parental and family leave, funds diversity initiatives, boosts salaries again. WE is ranked “#1 worker-friendly corporation”, and productively and profits soar again.

Ok, so clearly investing his workers isn’t the profit-destroying doomed strategy his peers claim it is. Bruce is going to keep doing it obviously (his next initiative is to ensure all part-time and contractors get the same benefits and pay as full time employees), but he is going to have to find a different way to dump his money.

But you know what else is supposed to be prohibitively expensive? Green and ethical initiatives. Yes, Bruce can do that. He creates and fund a 10 year plan to covert all Wayne facilities to renewable energy. He overhauls all factories to employ the best environmentally friendly practices and technologies. He cuts contracts with all suppliers that engage in unethical employment practices and pays for other to upgrade their equipment and facilities to meet WE’s new environmental and safety requirements. He spares no expense.

Yeah, Wayne Enterprises is so successful that they spin off an entire new business arm focused on helping other companies convert to environmentally friendly and safe practices like they did in an efficient, cost effective, successful way.

Admittedly, investing in his own company was probably never going to be the best way to get rid of his wealth. He slashes his own salary to a pittance (god knows he has more money than he could possibly know what to do with already) and keeps investing the profits back into the workers, and WE keeps responding with nearly terrifying success.

So WE is a no-go, and Bruce now has numerous angry billionaires on his back because they’ve been claiming all these measures he’s implementing are too expensive to justify for decades and they’re finding it a little hard to keep the wool over everyone’s eyes when Idiot Softheart Bruice Wayne has money spilling out his ears. BUT Bruce can invest in Gotham. That’ll go well, right?

Gotham’s infrastructure is the OSHA anti-Christ and even what little is up to code is constantly getting destroyed by Rogue attacks. Surely THAT will be a money sink.

Except the only non-corrupt employer in Gotham city is….Wayne Enterprises. Or contractors or companies or businesses that somehow, in some way or other, feed back to WE. Paying wholesale for improvement to Gotham’s infrastructure somehow increases WE’s profits.

Bruce funds a full system overhaul of Gotham hospital (it’s not his fault the best administrative system software is WE—he looked), he sets up foundations and trusts for shelters, free clinics, schools, meal plans, day care, literally anything he can think of.

Gotham continues to be a shithole. Bruce Wayne continues to be richer than god against his Batman-ingrained will.

Oh, and Bruice Wayne is no longer viewed as solely a spoiled idiot nepo baby. The public responds by investing in WE and anything else he owns, and stop doing this, please.

Bruce sets up a foundation to pay the college tuition of every Gotham citizen who applies. It’s so successful that within 10 years, donations from previous recipients more than cover incoming need, and Bruce can’t even donate to his own charity.

But by this time, Bruce has children. If he can’t get rid of his wealth, he can at least distribute it, right?

Except Dick Grayson absolutely refuses to receive any of his money, won’t touch his trust fund, and in fact has never been so successful and creative with his hacking skills as he is in dumping the money BACK on Bruce. Jason died and won’t legally resurrect to take his trust fund. Tim has his own inherited wealth, refuses to inherit more, and in fact happily joins forces with Dick to hack accounts and return whatever money he tries to give them. Cass has no concept of monetary wealth and gives him panicked, overwhelmed eyes whenever he so much as implies offering more than $100 at once. Damian is showing worrying signs of following in his precious Richard’s footsteps, and Babs barely allows him to fund tech for the Clocktower. At least Steph lets him pay for her tuition and uses his credit card to buy unholy amounts of Batburger. But that is hardly a drop in the ocean of Bruce’s wealth. And she won’t even accept a trust fund of only one million.

Jason wins for best-worst child though because he currently runs a very lucrative crime empire. And although he pours the vast, vast majority of his profits back into Crime Alley, whenever he gets a little too rich for his tastes, he dumps the money on Bruce. At this point, Bruce almost wishes he was being used for money laundering because then he’s at least not have the money.

So children—generous, kindhearted, stubborn till the day they die the little shits, children—are also out.

Bruce was funding the Justice League. But then finances were leaked, and the public had an outcry over one man holding so much sway over the world’s superheroes (nevermind Bruce is one of those superheroes—but the public can’t know that). So Bruce had to do some fancy PR trickery, concede to a policy of not receiving a majority of funds from one individual, and significantly decrease his contributions because no one could match his donations.

At his wits end, Bruce hires a team of accounts to search through every crinkle and crevice of tax law to find what loopholes or shortcuts can be avoided in order to pay his damn taxes to the MAX.

The results are horrifying. According to the strictest definition of the law, the government owes him money.

Bruce burns the report, buries any evidence as deeply as he can, and organizes a foundation to lobby for FAR higher taxation of the upper class.

All this, and Wayne Enterprises is happily chugging along, churning profit, expanding into new markets, growing in the stock market, and trying to force the credit and proportionate compensation on their increasingly horrified CEO.

Bruce Wayne is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce Wayne will never not be one of the richest men in the world.

But by GOD is he trying.

What characteristics of Bruce have the batkids taken on? Positively or negatively?

(Like, the way they drink their tea the same, or twitch if people mess with their organized files and tilt them out of "the perfect order")

I'm sure gothamites have commented, "oh you look /just/ like your father" at them, to their embarrassment.

Willing to sacrifice themselves for civilians/the team

Carry around gadgets, tools, etc on their person everywhere

Default to taking control of all situations, even silly ones

Paranoia, except it tends to be very well-founded

Sleep like the dead when they’re off-patrol

Being mean to the paparazzi

Distrusting romantic partners

Refusing help

Backup plans, so many alternative plans all the time for every single step forward

Lex Luthor hate

I just realized something, where did he get that drink. Maybe it’s a “he’s the only one who accepts the offer” but it’s so funny to me that he’s the only one there who has a drink.

Maybe he made it himself idk

Ok so this is hilarious, but the funniest thing to me is that Clark is so chill.

CLARK YOU NEARLY DIED?!

He’s just like meh, hot cocoa time. Also I’m gonna make joke about my friend. Love Clark! Just Clark is so fun!

Oooo yes please!!

Bruce about to reveal his identity to the JL

Bruce: “I’m going to do something that may traumatize two of you. I am not sorry.”

Oliver: “oh come on Batman you identity isn’t that special.”

Bruce going full whiny play boy: “Dinah! Ollie is being mean to me!!!”

Oliver: blue screens

Dinah: “YOU BITCH!?”

enjoying a character is so embarassing like ugh yes i do want to buy this thing that has him on it. just because it has him on it. what next. a fucking shrine? get real.

Aw man ;-;

Hot and Probably Controversial Take

Saying “hear me out” about The Ghoul is about the same as saying “hear me out” about Mothman.

Baldur's Gate fanartists will draw Astarion like a renaissance painting and Wyll like the cover of an adventure novel and Gale like a Leyendecker drawing and Karlach like the cover of a trashy romance novel (where she is the beefy hunk and her love interest is the swooning maiden) and Lae'zel like a knight in a manuscript and Shadowheart and Minthara like the cover of a lesbian pulp novel and Halsin coming out of a lake like the bear equivalent of the Birth of Venus and they're all so right

NEVER LET YOURSELF BE STOPPED BY WHAT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE IF YOU STARTED EARLIER!!!!! THE ONLY TIME WE HAVE IS NOW

"schools don't need art programs, kids can do art on their own time, but school is for the academics!" shut up. I love you high school art classes I love you paint stained sinks I love you "shit, I'm gonna be late, can someone clean my brushes?" I love you bright yellow post-its marked "TAKE YOUR PROJECTS HOME" I love you sneaking into the art rooms during lunch I love you "could you hold this down while I glue real quick?" I love you inefficient cross-class critiques I love you knowing everything about the shitty love life of the person across from you but not remembering their last name I love you "that's your piece????" I love you overcrowded shelves I love you saran-wrapped paint pallets I love you "we're out of joint compound???" I love you "the sandpaper is in the drawers!" I love you wall of glaze tiles I love you perpetually clogged paint bottles I love you "I think that's left over from fifth hour" I love you digging through overflowing recycling I love you "how the FUCK do you draw a circle???" I love you "IF I WOULDN'T GET FIRED FOR EXTORION, I WOULD START A SWEAR JAR FOR THIS CLASS" I love you art gallery field trips I love you "technically not copyright infringement" I love you "if you couldn't wear it on a t-shirt without getting dresscoded- you can still make it just don't work near the window" I love you "ten minutes to clean up!" I love you artist statements we all hate writing I love you progress pictures I love you sculpture I love you ceramics I love you burst of color in my black and white day and I love you art programs

Ok so I’ve decided to get the picture from the dc app rather than bend my poor trade copy to kingdom come (eyyy)

Just… this entire page!!! I love it!!! Dear god just look at them!!

Also I love it that anytime Bruce and Clark are seen fight, Clark always grabs Bruce by the throat. Like why?! It’s so funny to me.

The “I have your back. Always!” My god!!