2022 Really Do Be The Year Of Pretty Hispanic Men In Everything And I’m Living For It

You’re Losing Me Part 14

𝖲𝗎𝗆𝗆𝖺𝗋𝗒: 𝖸𝗈𝗎 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖩𝖺𝗆𝖾𝗌 𝖯𝗈𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝖺 𝖿𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗇𝖽𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗉 𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾 𝗇𝗈 𝗈𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋, 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗆𝗈𝗌𝗍 𝗎𝗇𝖻𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗄𝖺𝖻𝗅𝖾 𝖻𝗈𝗇𝖽…𝗈𝗋 𝗌𝗈 𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗒𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝗈𝗎𝗀𝗁𝗍. 𝖶𝗁𝖾𝗇 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗀𝖾𝗍 𝗁𝖺𝗇𝖺𝗁𝖺𝗄𝗂, 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗋𝗍 𝗉𝗎𝗅𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖺𝗐𝖺𝗒 𝖿𝗋𝗈𝗆 𝖩𝖺𝗆𝖾𝗌 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗇𝗈 𝗆𝖺𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝗁𝖺𝗋𝖽 𝗁𝖾 𝗍𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗌, 𝗁𝖾 𝖼𝖺𝗇’𝗍 𝗌𝖾𝖾𝗆 𝗍𝗈 𝖽𝗈 𝖺𝗇𝗒𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗋𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍. 𝖶𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖿𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗇𝖽𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗉 𝖻𝖾𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗉𝗎𝗍 𝗍𝗈 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗎𝗅𝗍𝗂𝗆𝖺𝗍𝖾 𝗍𝖾𝗌𝗍, 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖿𝗂𝗇𝖽 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗐𝖺𝗒 𝖻𝖺𝖼𝗄 𝗍𝗈 𝖾𝖺𝖼𝗁 𝗈𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋? 𝖮𝗋 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝖩𝖺𝗆𝖾𝗌 𝗅𝗈𝗌𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗀𝗈𝗈𝖽?

A/N: this is a hanahaki au. WC: 3.9k

Remus sits in a booth, anxiously tapping the tabletop with a butter knife as he waits. The boys had kept him back for too long. At least that’s what he thought. Between trying to find a decent outfit and listening to James’ ridiculous plan, Remus was sure he’d be late; running all the way here to not keep you waiting. Funnily enough, now here he sits, waiting for you to join him.

“Ready to order?” The waitress asks pointedly as she approaches the table.

“Sorry.” He apologizes, setting down the cutlery with a sheepish smile.

“So?” She asks again, this time with a smile. “Ready to order?”

“I’m actually waiting for-“

“Moons!”

Remus’ head whips up at the sound of your voice and when he sees you standing at the entrance, he completely forgets about the person right in front of him.

“Hey.” He breathes, though you’re nowhere near close enough to hear him- something the waitress finds incredibly amusing. She looks between the two of you with a curious gaze.

“I’ll just…give you a minute…” She says- mostly to herself- before turning around and hurrying towards the kitchen.

“Hey. Sorry I’m late,” You apologize once you reach the booth.

“You’re not.” Remus assures you. “I got here early.”

“I had to talk to McGonagall about the classes I dropped-“

“It’s fine.”

“And then I went to meet with Kettleburn to see if he’d still allow me to do my apprenticeship with him-“

“No worries.”

“And for some reason everybody wanted to stop me on the way here to say hi? And like, yeah it’s nice but-“

“You look lovely.” Remus says casually, effectively stopping your rambling.

You freeze, cutting yourself off mid sentence before looking up at Remus with a confused smile.

“Just for the record.” He adds.

“Shut up.” You mumble, laughing nervously.

“No, really.” Remus insists with a nod.

You continue to stare at him skeptically.

“I especially love your jumper.” He comments, eyeing said garment teasingly while he takes a sip of his water.

You roll your eyes with an amused huff.

“You mean your jumper?”

“Is that where I know it from?” Remus asks, pretending as if the information shocked him.

“Do you want it back?” You ask with a guilty smile, already starting to pull one of your arms through the sleeve. After all, it is long overdue. You’d had it for over a month now.

“Not a chance.” Remus refuses, reaching over and placing his hand upon yours.

Your smile drops as you stare at Remus’s hand now sitting atop yours. Your gaze slowly rises and you swallow nervously when you lock eyes with him. The playfulness of it all gone as you hold his stare, unable to look away.

“It looks better on you.” He adds softly, causing your cheeks to warm.

“I brought some appetizers!” The waitress announces, setting the platter down with a proud smile. “On the house, of course.”

Remus pulls his hand away and you clear your throat, avoiding his gaze as you readjust the jumper. The waitress looks between you curiously.

“I didn't interrupt anything, did I?” She asks cautiously.

“No.” You tell her at the same time that Remus says “Yes.”

You look at Remus with wide eyes before turning to stare at the waitress, no doubt looking just as shocked as you feel. She’d have laughed at your expression if she didn’t find you two stumbling over your words so endearing.

“Right. Well…enjoy!” She smiles knowingly, walking away before either of you can even thank her.

You and Remus exchange a shy grin before digging into the food.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

“Sorry again for being late.” You apologize with a frown, dipping some fries into the pile of ketchup and taking a bite. “I hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long…”

“Waiting for you has never been a problem before.” Remus hums absentmindedly, picking up a chicken wing and taking a huge bite. “Don’t see why it would be now.”

Choosing to ignore the somersault your heart just did at his confession, you smile appreciatively at Remus only to let out a startled laugh when you look at him.

“What?” He asks, mouth still full of food.

“You have barbecue sauce on your face.” You inform him in between giggles.

Remus grabs a napkin and wipes the side of his mouth before looking to you for approval.

“It’s still there.” You tell him with a shake of your head.

Remus frowns and wipes his face again.

“Did I get it?”

“Not even close…”

“For fucks-“ He aggressively wipes his face a third time. “Good?”

“Give me that.” You huff, stealing the napkin out of his hand. “Come here.”

Remus leans forward and you gently grab hold of his chin as you wipe the napkin across the right side of his mouth.

“Honestly, Moony.” You scold teasingly. “If the napkin came back clean the first time around, why would you continue to wipe the same spot?”

“Make fun all you want, love. From where I’m standing it looks like I won.”

“Oh yeah?” You ask, playfully narrowing your eyes at him. “How so?”

“Mm-mm.” He shrugs casually before smiling at you. “But I am quite comfortable.”

It’s only then that you realize you’re still gingerly holding his chin, with his face mere inches from yours. You see his eyes drop to your lips and that’s when you seem to finally snap out of it, pulling away abruptly to put some space between the two of you.

“Here.” You hand him back the napkin, avoiding eye contact as you do. “Try not to make a mess this time.”

“Yes ma’am.” He nods, chuckling at the offended look you give him.

You playfully stick your tongue out at him and Remus points at something over your shoulder, taking a few of your fries when your back is turned.

“Hey!” You whine when you realize that he’d simply tricked you.

“Oh, did you want them?” Remus asks cluelessly after having shoved the fries into his mouth.

“No…” You shake your head, leaning back in your seat before adding, “…tosser.”

Remus throws his head back in laughter before looking at you with a fond smile.

“Missed you.” He confesses. And it’s true; he had. It had been so long since you’d been your playful self, he almost forgot how much he loved it. Almost.

“Missed you too.” You return. “That’s why I asked you to ditch.”

“Oh yeah?” He asks, taking a large gulp of his drink.

“Yeah.” You confirm with a nod, as you shyly avoid his gaze. “I know how important class is to you but I was really hoping you would say yes…”

“As if I could ever say no to you.” Remus scoffs.

“Careful Moony. You keep saying things like that I might just go ahead and fall in love with you.” You tease, schooling your features even though your face feels as if it’s on fire.

“Is that supposed to scare me?” Remus asks with a raised brow.

You simply grin at him before picking up another fry and dipping it in the mountain of ketchup.

“So how are you?” He asks.

“Fine.” You shrug, dipping the fry back into the ketchup absentmindedly. “Better than fine, actually.”

“You’re not in any pain?” Remus asks worriedly. “Or shortness of breath? Or coughing up flowers?”

“No. No. And no.” You answer, still dunking the fry into ketchup.

“That’s great.”

“Yeah…” You hum, fry now limp and soggy from the amount of ketchup it’s drenched in.

“But?” Remus asks, reaching over and gently grasping your wrist, stopping you from dunking the poor sliver of potato even more.

Finally realizing what you’ve been doing, you grimace at the fry before setting it back down on the plate and wiping your hands with a napkin.

“Do you think I made a mistake?” You ask softly, staring at him with wide eyes, anxious to hear his thoughts.

Remus takes a deep breath before crossing his arms and sitting back in his seat.

“Do you think you made a mistake?”

“No.” You answer immediately. “I mean, you saw me.” You remind him with a frown. “I was at death’s door. This was the best option for me. For my health. My- my chance at living!”

“Then what’s the problem?” Remus asks with a frown of his own.

“I don’t know.” You shrug. “I just… I feel off…”

“Off how?” He asks, voice filled with concern.

“I-I feel like something is missing...”

“Like…the guy…” Remus stutters nervously, sitting up in his seat. “The uh- the one who caused your hanahaki?”

“No.” You shake your head. “I knew I would forget him. I was fine with that. I am fine with that. This is something else. I don’t know what. But I know something is missing. My brain is too…quiet…”

“Quiet? Hmm… Do you think they did the surgery wrong? Did you forget more than you should have?”

“I don’t know!” You groan in frustration before letting out a long sigh. “I don’t know… Everyone worth remembering, I remember.”

“Okay…” Remus nods. “That’s good!”

You look up at him and he’s surprised to see your eyes filled with tears.

“But I feel… empty… and I don’t know why…”

“You’re crying…” Remus says softly.

“I am?” You ask, wiping under your eye and frowning when your fingertip comes back wet. “Fuck.”

Remus hands you a napkin and you take it with a grateful smile, sniffling as you dab your eyes.

“See?” You ask, balling up the napkin and tossing it on the table before pointing at your eyes. “What is this?! Why is this happening!?”

“When was your last period?” Remus asks curiously.

You glare at him and he immediately hurries to explain himself.

“PMS is a thing, Y/N! You know better than I do. Could it be that?” He suggests.

“I am not discussing my monthlies with you.” You tell him matter-of-factly. “…But it’s not that.”

“Okay.” Remus relents, holding his hands up in surrender. “Sorry I brought it up.”

“What if your emotions are trying to get regulated?” He offers instead.

“Do you think that’s possible?” You ask skeptically.

“Considering that hanahaki was thought to be eradicated this whole time and somehow you got it, I’d say pretty much anything is possible.” Remus shrugs.

“Lucky me.” You tell him, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Remus smiles sympathetically at you.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

“Hey Y/N?” Remus calls as you both start walking back to the castle.

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you a question?”

You contemplate it for a moment before eventually nodding.

“Sure.”

“Why did you ask me to Hogsmeade today?” Remus asks, eyes fixed on the ground as he walks. “I mean, without the guys.”

“Well, because I missed you…” You tell him with a nervous chuckle. “I thought that was obvious.”

“I missed you too.” He nods. “But so did Pads and Wormtail and Pr-“ He stops, cutting himself off before he could mention James.

“Well yeah,” You agree. “But that’s different.”

“How?” Remus asks curiously.

His curiosity only grows when you smile knowingly at him before facing forward and skipping ahead, leaving him behind.

“It just is.” You call over your shoulder at him with a giggle.

Remus looks at you curiously but chooses to let it go for now, hurrying to catch up with you. The last thing he wants to do is overwhelm you, so he’ll give you some time before asking all the questions plaguing his mind.

Upon entering the common room, he walks you to the staircase that leads up to the girl’s dormitories.

“Thanks for hanging out with me, Moony.” You smile at him.

“Yeah of course, love.” Remus nods with a smile of his own. “Any time.”

You gaze at him for a moment, as if you’re contemplating something before finally, taking a step closer to him. Remus watches with bated breath as you get on your tiptoes and press your lips to his cheek in a chaste kiss. Remus stands frozen, staring wide eyed at you while you take a step back, staring back at him with a shy grin.

“Okay…good night…” You tell him, turning around.

Before he even knows what he’s doing, Remus has reached forward and grabbed your wrist, stopping you from going any further. You look up at Remus in confusion, wondering what he’s doing.

“Are you sure you don’t remember him?” He asks suddenly, anxiously.

“Who?”

“Ja- the guy. The one who caused your hanahaki.” Remus stutters. “You don’t remember him? At all?”

You furrow your brows in concentration before eventually shaking your head.

“I just remember you.” You tell him with a confused smile, wondering why he’s suddenly bringing him up.

Remus continues to stare at you wordlessly, causing your confusion to grow.

“Why do you ask?” You finally ask him, head tilting to the side curiously as you watch him.

“It’s nothing.” Remus mumbles, shaking his head as he lets go of your wrist. “Sorry. Get some rest, love. We’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay.” You nod, waving at Remus a final time before turning around and hurrying up the stairs. “Good night.”

Remus watches you climb the stairs and turn down the hall, surely going to your dorm. As soon as you’re out of sight, Remus leans against the wall, running a hand down his face.

“What are you doing, Moony?” He asks himself before finally making his way to his own dorm.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

The moment Remus exits the bathroom, James is standing right in front of him. Remus raises a brow but when James continues to silently stare at him, he walks around him to finish getting dressed.

“So?” James finally asks, following him.

“So what?” Remus asks as he ties his shoelaces.

“So how’d it go last night?”

Remus freezes, smiling softly to himself before shaking his head.

“It was fine.” He shrugs, standing up and quickly fixing his duvet.

“That’s it?” James asks with a frown, following after Remus as he crosses the room to get his backpack. “Just fine?”

“Yeah.” Remus nods, making sure he has everything he needs before closing his bag.

“What’d you guys talk about?” James continues to interrogate as they make their way out of the dorm and towards the Great Hall.

“Prongs…” Remus sighs.

“What? I can ask, can't I?” James defends. “I’m not doing it to be malicious. I’m asking as a concerned friend-“

“She doesn’t see you as a friend anymore, mate.” Sirius interrupts with a grimace.

“-who is trying to get back the woman he loves.” James continues, acting as if he hadn’t heard Sirius- though the flicker of pain in his eyes says otherwise. “So? What’d you guys talk about?”

“I don’t know, Prongs. Lots of things!” Remus shrugs.

“Yeah. But what exactly?”

“I can’t tell you.” He shakes his head.

“Why not?” James frowns.

“I just- I don’t know… Some of the things were quite personal. They were about her hanahaki and her surgery. I don’t wanna put her business out there…”

“So you’re keeping secrets?” James asks curtly. “Again.”

“I’m respecting her privacy.” Remus responds with a frown.

“Sounds like you’re keeping secrets.” James mumbles to himself.

“You can call it whatever you want.” Remus sighs. “But I already told you that I wasn’t gonna spy on her.”

“He’s right, mate.” Sirius agrees. “You shouldn’t put Moony in the middle of all this. I mean… even more than he already is.”

“It’s not spying!” James argues. “It’s simply talking to her and then sharing everything that she said with me!”

“That’s spying, idiot!” Sirius shouts.

“No it’s not.” James frowns.

“That’s literally the definition of it, Prongs.” Sirius groans.

“Okay, guys-“ Peter interjects with a nervous laugh.

“Alright, fine, whatever. Did she say anything about me?” James asks instead, borderline begging Remus to give him something, anything, even the smallest sliver of hope.

“Just that she doesn’t remember you. Like at all…” Remus tells him, smiling sympathetically. “Sorry Prongs. I specifically asked her… There’s nothing there. She- she doesn’t remember anything about you…”

“Oh…” James mumbles, staring at the ground as he walks. “Well, that’s okay…”

“It is?” Remus, Peter, and Sirius all ask at the same time.

“Yeah.” James nods, looking at his friends with a determined smile. “It’s fine that she doesn’t remember me. It’s brilliant, actually. That means we can start all over again. I can do things right this time.”

“How’re you gonna do that?” Peter asks as they finally reach the Great Hall.

“Simple. I’ll just turn on the good ol’ Potter charm.” He winks before heading towards the Gryffindor table.

“Yeah, because that’s worked out so well for him in the past.” Sirius comments sarcastically.

“I don’t buy the whole optimistically positive thing. So how’s he really doing?” Remus asks Sirius worriedly.

“Oh, you know…” Sirius trails off before sighing. “He missed lunch yesterday. And dinner.”

Remus and Peter nod with a frown.

“I finally found him in the locker rooms, and it was completely trashed… Chairs thrown across the room, pictures of past teams shattered, his broom was broken in two…”

“Merlin’s beard…” Peter curses.

“When I finally got him to stop, he broke down crying…” Sirius sighs dejectedly. “Took me ages to calm him down and even longer to get him to move. Finally managed to put him to bed around one a.m.”

The three boys look at James in concern before following after him and taking a seat, mentally preparing themselves for whatever happens next between the two of you.

You enter the Great Hall a few minutes later and scan the table, looking for your friends.

“Oi! Y/L/N! Over here!” Sirius calls, waving his arm to get your attention.

You wave back at him enthusiastically before heading towards him with a smile. You come to an abrupt stop when you see James sitting with the boys- your boys- once more.

“Y/N! Hi! Good- good morning!” James greets with a smile.

Your smile drops as you stand there, staring at him with a blank expression. James swallows, his own smile starting to waver slightly.

“Can I just take a moment to tell you how absolutely stunning you look this morning?” He asks with a flirty grin, hoping that if he over exaggerates, you won’t be able to tell how nervous he actually is.

“Ew. No.” You grimace.

Confidence shot, James looks to Sirius for help.

“We asked James to join us for breakfast this morning.” He’s quick to interject. “You don’t mind, do you?”

You look away from James, taking in the hopeful expressions on your friends faces before setting your books down with a loud thud.

“I guess not.” You mumble, sitting down and starting to fill your plate up. “It’s not like I have much of a choice.”

Again, James looks to the marauders for support. Peter doesn’t even notice, already shoveling food into his mouth. Remus gives him a sympathetic shrug of his shoulders and Sirius gives him an encouraging thumbs up.

“What?” You ask after a few minutes, voice filled with irritation.

Sirius, Peter and Remus share a confused look before turning to you.

“Wha-“

“Do you need something?” You ask coldly, putting your spoon down and staring right at James.

James stares back with wide eyes, mouth parted in shock before he shakes his head.

“Who? Me? N-no! Everything’s fi-“

“Then can you stop staring at me?” You interrupt.

“S-sorry?” James stammers. He’s choking. He wasn’t expecting to get caught staring and now he’s choking- stuttering over his words like a damn fool. “I wasn’t-“

“I can tell your eyesight is shit.” You tell him bluntly. James subconsciously adjusts his glasses. “And while I can sympathize- or at least pretend to, I’d very much like to enjoy my breakfast in peace without you burning a hole into the side of my head from how piercing your gaze is so either lower it or risk going permanently blind.”

All four boys stare at you in shock, having never heard you speak like this before, let alone to James.

“Your choice.” You shrug with a fake smile before getting back to your breakfast.

James shares an uneasy look with Sirius before lowering his gaze to stare at his plate.

“Right…Sorry.”

“You’re about to be.” You warn before taking a sip of your tea.

Beside you, Peter lets out a high pitched giggle before quickly slapping a hand over his mouth. You turn to look at him with a confused smile.

“Sorry.” He apologizes, sheepishly dropping his hand. “I laugh whenever I feel uncomfortable…”

“You’re so cute.” You coo, pinching his cheek teasingly and laughing when he pulls away from you. “Oh my god, look at how red your ears are! Aw, are you getting shy Peter?”

“Stop.” He whines, covering his ears with his hands. “Let me eat! I have a test today.”

Everyone laughs at that before Sirius changes the topic, bringing up the latest run-in he had with Snivellus.

After a few minutes you scan the table, looking for something before groaning. A napkin is suddenly thrust into your face and you pull back with a surprised frown. You raise a brow at James and he smiles.

“Did ya need a napkin?” He asks, still smiling as he holds his out to you once more.

“No.” You tell him, still frowning.

“Oh…my mistake…” He apologizes, awkwardly putting his napkin back down.

You scan the food in front of you once more before turning your attention to Remus and Sirius.

“Do you see any oranges-“ James suddenly stands from his seat and hurries a few meters down the table before grabbing an orange from the fruit bowl and hurrying back.

He holds the orange up with a triumphant grin, chest heaving slightly as he tries to calm his breathing.

“I got an orange.” He pants.

“Congratulations.” You say simply, looking at him as if he’s crazy.

“Do you want it?” He asks, sitting back down.

You narrow your eyes at him suspiciously before looking at Remus who shakes his head, finding himself just as clueless as you are about the whole situation. You turn your gaze back to James and continue to stare at him.

“It’s yours! Here. Have it.” James announces, placing the orange in front of you. As soon as you start to reach for it, he takes it back, much to your annoyance. “Actually, let me peel it first.”

“Do I look like an idiot to you?” You suddenly ask him.

The four boys look at you with wide eyes.

“Huh?” James asks, confused.

“Do I look like an idiot?” You repeat firmly, holding his gaze.

“No.” James denies, vehemently shaking his head. “Of course not!”

“Then why would you think I can’t peel it myself?”

“I-I was only trying to help…” James says softly, gently setting the orange back on the table.

“Yeah well, I didn’t ask for your help. Nor do I want it. Just like I didn’t want you to compliment me this morning. Get it through your head, creep. I don’t want anything from you.”

The boys watch silently as you stand up and start to gather your belongings.

Wordlessly, James slides the orange across the table, hoping you’ll take it, hoping you'll accept his peace offering, but knowing you won’t.

“Keep it.” You tell James harshly before letting out a tired sigh. “Just, keep it and stay the hell away from me.”

With that, you get the rest of your things and turn around, quickly making your way out of the great hall.

“Was that the Potter charm you were talking about?” Sirius asks awkwardly, if only to ease the tension.

James groans, dropping his head into his hands.

“Fuck off, Pads.”

─ you’re the sunflower ੈ✩‧₊˚

✶ pairing: miguel o'hara x fem!reader

✶ synopsis: everyone on the team loves you, expect miguel who seems to hate you more than anyone.

✶ warnings: angst!! major angst. sunshine!reader x grumpy!miguel. reader is nicknamed sunflower, mentions of death.

✶ notes: there’s one spanish sentence in this, I’m not good with spanish so if I’ve made a mistake please tell me so i can fix it! I might make a part 2 if this fic does well.

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You will be missed by many Chadwick! Thank you for such an amazing experience with Black Panther!❤️🥺

don't blame me | j.potter [part one]

𝗇𝗈𝗍𝖾 : I decided to rewrite this one as I had a pretty good plot in mind going - but kinda fumbled it with the following part and I didn't like the original direction I took it so I've decided to rewrite this one and give a better plot line :>

𝗐𝖺𝗋𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀/𝗌 : 𝖺𝗋𝗋𝖺𝗇𝗀𝖾𝖽 𝗆𝖺𝗋𝗋𝗂𝖺𝗀𝖾 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖾𝗇𝖾𝗆𝗂𝖾𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝖿𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗇𝖽𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗌 𝗍𝗋𝗈𝗉𝖾, 𝖺𝗇𝗀𝗌𝗍, 𝗆𝗎𝗍𝗎𝖺𝗅 𝗁𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀, 𝗋𝖺𝗏𝖾𝗇𝖼𝗅𝖺𝗐 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋, 𝗅𝖺𝗇𝗀𝗎𝖺𝗀𝖾, 𝖼𝗋𝖺𝖼𝗄 𝗂𝖿 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗌𝗊𝗎𝗂𝗇𝗍, 𝗃𝗉 𝖻𝖾𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖺 𝗍𝗈𝗌𝗌𝖾𝗋 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗇𝗈𝗌𝖾 𝖿𝗅𝖺𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗒 𝟧 𝗌𝖾𝖼𝗌.

𝖸𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗅𝗂𝖿𝖾 𝗃𝗎𝗌𝗍 𝗍𝗈𝗈𝗄 𝖺 𝖻𝗂𝗀 𝗍𝗎𝗋𝗇 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝗌𝗍 𝗐𝗁𝖾𝗇 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖿𝗂𝗇𝖽 𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗒𝗈𝗎'𝗏𝖾 𝖻𝖾𝖾𝗇 𝖾𝗇𝗀𝖺𝗀𝖾𝖽 𝗆𝗈𝗌𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗅𝗂𝖿𝖾 𝗍𝗈 𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝖩𝖺𝗆𝖾𝗌 𝖯𝗈𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗋 - 𝗁𝖾'𝗌 𝖺𝗌 𝖽𝗂𝗌𝗍𝗋𝖾𝗌𝗌𝖾𝖽 𝖺𝗌 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝖺𝖻𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝗁𝗈𝗅𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗐𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗁𝖾 𝖽𝗈𝖾𝗌𝗇'𝗍 𝗎𝗇𝖽𝖾𝗋𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗂𝗌 𝗐𝗁𝗒 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖽𝗈𝗇'𝗍 𝗌𝖾𝖾𝗆 𝗍𝗈 𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾 𝗁𝗂𝗆 𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝖻𝗂𝗍. 𝖲𝗈 𝗁𝖾 𝗆𝖺𝗄𝖾𝗌 𝗂𝗍 𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗉𝖾𝗋𝗌𝗈𝗇𝖺𝗅 𝗆𝗂𝗌𝗌𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝗍𝗈 𝖿𝗂𝗇𝖽 𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗐𝗁𝗒. 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝖽𝗌 : 𝟦𝗄

Your life has been pretty normal up until the summer of 1977 when you found out that you have been engaged to someone for most of your life and you never knew until your parents dressed you up and dragged you all the way to the Potter Manor for a dinner party.

You remembered that night very well and desperately wish you didn't because it gives you a headache every time you recall the unfortunate chain of events that leads to you now, attending school with your fiancé whose guts you hated.

"Here we are," your Father announced, stepping out of the fireplace where you three floo'd in and reached his hand out to your Mother who accepted. "That was a smooth trip."

You bite the inside of your cheeks and stepped out as well, running your hand through the skirt of your dress - wondering why you're all dressed up and having dinner with the Potters out of nowhere. 

Your families have been friends for many generations but you were certain you're not carrying on that tradition - specially when James Potter was one annoying bloke who made a point to be so eccentric and a menace every day he spends at Hogwarts.

Not to mention the whole pining for Evans, what a nuisance. No one cares about his stupid crush, so there was no need to announce every bloody morning! He's so full of himself that he really thinks he's some main character in a novel, prancing around being all charming.

Euphemia and Fleamont Potter came into view,  greeting your family warmly, and you look around - you haven't been here in a while. The last time you were here was back when you were 11 and very eager to go to Hogwarts.

"Lovely to see you again, dear." Mia greeted you, giving you a hug which you awkwardly returned by patting her back and you stepped back - spying James come into the living room and you raise a brow.

He dressed up as well, all pampered-looking in a suit and his messy hair looks a bit on the tame side this evening. He caught you staring and frowned at you, you only rolled your eyes at him and turned to your parents and his striking up a conversation.

"Well, no need to stand here - come to the dining room," Fleamont gestured to the hallway. "We've prepared lots."

"You really didn't have to." Your Mum chuckled, but began following them anyway. 

"Nonsense! Anything for such important guests."

The adults left the room and you cross your arms, turning back to James. "You actually look decent, congrats." you tell him, despite yourself.

He frowns at that - he recognizes you. He's sure he's known you before Hogwarts but that was only because your family and his got along well, and that was it. You never interacted at Hogwarts. He has no idea why you dislike him so.

He thought he was very likable.

"Thank you?" 

You began walking away, heading towards the voices of the adults chatting in the dining room and you entered - making them all turn to you and James was right behind you, you can only feel nervous when you see the look your Mother had on her face, seeing you with James.

You take a seat at the table and the night progressed normally. You had dinner and the adults engaged themselves in random conversations about the wizarding world while you and James stayed quiet.

He was mostly busy trying to figure out why you seem to dislike him, and he keeps coming up blank. While you tried your hardest to remain civil and not tell him off for staring at you the entire time, looking so conflicted.

"Now that dinner's out of the way, it's time we actually discuss the reason we're all here today." Fleamont announced, making you turn to him.

"You're right, it's time." Your Father agreed, lightly dabbing his lips with a napkin.

"Dad? What's going on?" You ask, frowning at your Mum who only smiled at you.

"Yeah, what's up?" James asked. 

"Well, you only have one year left at Hogwarts - so we thought it's finally time to discuss the wedding."

You felt your hand grow colder and the hairs at the back of your neck stand, you struggled to speak and was glad James took over that for you. This can't be happening.

"What wedding?"

"Yours, of course. You two have been engaged for quite a long time," Mia clapped her hands excitedly. "We thought it was time to discuss."

"What?" You choked out.

"Oh don't you worry, dear. There's no rush, we only want to start preparing to make sure everything goes well and you two have the best wedding."

You blink, unable to form a proper sentence, and didn't notice how all the feelings left your arms when you dropped your fork and it clanked loudly against your plate. James was watching you - realizing you also had no idea.

"We're engaged?" James asked. "Since when?"

"Did you forget?" Fleamont asked his son,  a deep frown on his wrinkled face.

"You proposed when you were ten," Mia answered for him. "I could never forget the way you got down on one knee and offered a flower to _____ here."

You felt your chest burn and your vision began blurring, this is all too much and definitely not what you expected. You couldn't even make this up in your literal nightmares. How does one even act in this situation?

"I proposed when I was ten and you think - I still want to marry her?" James was stunned beyond all reasons, he couldn't even process it entirely. He knew his parents were a bit much but he didn't think they'd be able to pull this off.

"It was in your oath, was it not?" Mia frowned. "I do recall your little speech about not looking at any other girl for the rest of your life."

Despite the horror that is your engagement to James Potter - in your very shaken state, you feel the tension release from your shoulders and you began laughing. Laughing at the irony of it all, some oath that was!

You've been engaged for most your life and never knew because you never thought your parents and his would take that seriously? Specially when it was made 7 years ago and one of his oaths was to never look at another girl - when he's spent all his years in Hogwarts pining for one redhead.

You remembered. Unlike him, you kept that promise in mind - but not once in your wildest dreams could you have predicted this outcome

Everyone at the table was too stunned by your reaction, none of them able to say or do anything except James when he saw the tears brimming in your eyes. Aside the laughter, you were about to cry both from frustration and from laughing too hard.

He got up, chair scraping against the polished floor, and went around the table to assist you, pulling the chair out for you and ushering you away from the dining table. Your laughter died down as James got up to go around the table to escort you off your seat.

"I'll calm her down," he nods at the adults and began steering you away from their prying eyes. "We'll be in my room."

You let him guide you down the halls, you still had tears in your cheeks and you quickly wipe them away - feeling embarrassed and stayed quiet as you enter his room. He gestured for you to take a seat on his bed and you did.

Looking around to find his room to be surprisingly organized. Barely any posters on the wall, just a framed poster of his favourite Quidditch team, bookshelves lining the walls and his bed was a bright red and gold.

"Feeling better?" He asked, shrugging his coat off and throwing it over the chair next to a bookshelf. Throwing a look over his shoulder to watch you sit stiffly on his bed.

"No." You answer, fiddling with your fingers on your lap. "What the bloody hell was that?"

"I could have asked you the same thing." 

"Not my breakdown - the engagement."

He paused, turning to you and seeing how shaken up you still are over the whole thing, and he felt bad. He admits he was taken aback by the entire thing as well, but given your treatment of him earlier, he could sense that you weren't too fond of him.

And now you found out you're engaged to him.

"I have no idea, if I'm being honest." James shook his head - about to ask you something when a knock on his door made him look away from you. He walked over and opened it, Sirius Black is standing outside with a grin.

"What did I miss?" He asked, peering through his shoulders and his jaw going slack when he saw a figure of a girl on James' bed and audibly gasped. 

James shrugged and opened the door wider, allowing Sirius to enter his room and shut the door closed behind him. Sirius took slow and careful steps, slowly drinking in your appearance and frowning when he recognized you.

"Meet my fiancée, mate." James threw his hand to gesture to you lazily and you scoff at him.

"What? Fian - what?" Sirius exchanged glances between you two and could feel his thoughts spiral from confusion. "Are you two messing with me?"

You groan into your palms. "I wish."

"I don't understand."

"How about you take a seat first, mate?" James offered and you watched as he settled on the beanbag chair.

It was no secret that Sirius Black ran away from home and has been living with the Potters who warmly welcomed him into their family. You did feel pity for the boy, he was too young to be going through something so difficult and you can't say you understood his struggles.

You didn't have the world's greatest parents but they weren't abusive, just terrible at providing a child the emotional support they needed. They were too caught up with work that they forgot a child didn't just need clothes, food on the table and a house to live in.

You do admire their friendship - something you can't relate to. You have friends from your house but you can't say you've formed a bond with anyone similar to the one Sirius Black and James Potter has.

It was almost disgusting how close these two are - their personalities fit so well and they look damn good next to each other. Still, you have a lingering distate for Sirius Black and his. . .endeavours all around the castle that never failed to reach your ears.

But even if you didn't hear about it - you'll see it. Down the halls, during meals and even while you did your rounds. 

It's probably bad etiquette of you as a Prefect but you really don't bother with him at all. The moment you spy that long black hair in the dark halls after curfew - you just turn the other direction and go about your night, forgetting you even saw it.

Sparing yourself the awkwardness of it all. You didn't exactly fancy interrupting students making out - they always glare like you just deprived them of their greatest plasure and it's just overall disturbing to stand there, waiting for them to fix their appearances and then having to escort them back to their dorms.

You'll leave that job to the others.

After letting James explain the whole situation to Black who just got back from Lupin's - you three sat down in his room in silence. No one knowing what to do. Because what do you even do after finding out you've basically been engaged to someone all your life?

And your parents are expecting to plan a wedding before you even graduate from school?

You sat on James' bed while he and Sirius occupied the bean bag chairs and talked amongst themselves. You felt too out of it to join their conversation and only listened in, occasionally making a comment.

"How about Evans, then?"

"What about her?" You ask, allowing yourself to fall backwards and land on the soft bed with a quiet thud, your hair sprawling on his bright red sheets and James frowned at you from where he sat.

He didn't exactly expect you to grow comfortable in his room - given how you acted towards him earlier.

"Well - Prongs here has been in love with her," Sirius points. "And-"

"Blood hell, I know that," you yelled, interrupting him and made the two boys jump from your sudden outburst. "I went to school with you for years, I bloody well know he's in love with her. He practically announce it every damn day!"

The two boys were stunned, growing silent as they watch you and you only stare at the ceiling, feeling your irritation travel up and down your spine.

"What I'm asking is why should she be in the discussing when we're talking about my future here," you roll to your side and raise a brow at them. "Who cares about Evans right now? I'm bloody engaged to - that."

James abruptly stood up, walking over to the bed and looking down at you with a conflicted expression on his face. "Do you have a problem with me?"

You roll on your back again and prop yourself up to look him up and down. And he has to admit that the way you treat him was starting to grind his gears, he can't recall ever offending you intentionally or not.

He knows their pranks often get out of hand and innocent bystanders are affected but you didn't stand otu at all so he must've never ran into you while at Hogwarts but for some reasons - you don't like him.

And everyone likes him - except, Slytherins, but that's it.

He's practically the golden boy. Pureblood, rich, good-looking, has great friends and has amazing skills as a wizard.

What did he ever do to you?

"Yeah, do you have a problem with him?"

"Piss off, Black." You said through gritted though you kept your eyes on James.

"Have I offended you somehow?" He asks and you raised a brow.

Merlin, he hates this. You're looking at him like he's the most offensive thing you've ever seen in your life, and it's making his skin crawl. How were you two childhood friends again?

"I don't know, Potter. Have you?"

He's growing frustrated and you are not helping ease him into the situation.

"I'm pretty sure my mate here asked you politely."

You get up from the bed, crossing your arms and switching your glare to Black, who also stood up and is staring you down. You flash him a sarcastic smirk.

"I heard him, there's really no need to sit him on your lap and act as his caregiver - " You roll your eyes and stood your ground despite the sight of an angry Sirius Black taking a step forward. James reached his arm out to stop Sirius. "Control your guard dog, Potter."

"Merlin, what is with you?" James asked exasperatedly.

You turn back to him and see the brewing anger in those hazel eyes through the rim of his glasses and smile, one that was void of any happiness of any form.

"There it is, good. Keeping disliking me, will make this whole ordeal worse for me, and I can have a valid argument to back out of this engagement." You begin heading for the door and turn the knob. "After all, who would want to marry someone they hate?"

You shut the door closed after you, and the two Gryffindors are left stunned, standing in the bedroom. Left to exchange confused stares and the awkward silence that followed was almost deafening.

Boarding the train back to Hogwarts - you can only roll your eyes at the list of Prefects you had in your hand. James Potter got Headboy instead of Lupin, and it was the stupidest news you've received, right under the engagement.

You didn't have it in you to argue with your parents, so you were leaving that up to James. He's the golden boy, spoiled rotten by his parents, so surely he can get you both out of this while you lived your life as if it never happened.

You sat in the Prefects' carriage waiting for everyone else, the only ones already present is some Slytherin Prefect whose name you didn't know, so you kept quiet, reading the list and rolling your eyes at Lily Evans getting Headgirl.

Dumbledore did this on purpose.

You kept your eyes on the parchment, scanning names, even as a few more students entered the carriage and you felt someone sit next to you. You swiftly flickered your gaze to spot the bold colour of red on their robe.

"I was looking for you all over the train." You turn your head to find James Potter sitting next to you, on the Prefects carriage - Lupin right beside him watching the exchange.

"And why would that be?" You frown at him, shaking your head lightly before turning back to the parchment and found your counterpart as a seventh-year Prefect will be Oliver Klove. You're not close, but he's really smart and he performs well in class - should be fine to do rounds with him.

"We didn't get to finish our talk - and you didn't respond to my letters." You could almost hear a pout at the end of that sentence.

"Take a hint then." You shrug lightly and rolled the parchment up, tucking it inside the pocket in your robes right next to your wand and keeping your eyes ahead as the door opened - there walked in Lily Evans in all her glory.

Wearing her uniform properly and despite it looking like everyone else's, she carried it like it was her own and her beautiful red hair swayed as she walked in and took a seat next to a Hufflepuff Prefect. Her curious stares pointed at James next to you did not go unnoticed.

Her eyes skimmed your figure as well but she must've quickly registered that you were watching her as well when she fixed her posture and turned to chatting with the Hufflepuff next to her.

"I get you don't like me but we still have to talk about our bloody en - "

"Okay," you interrupt him. "But let's not talk here, after dinner - I'll be waiting in the Astronomy Tower."

With that, he was satisfied, and he kept his mouth shut until the carriage was full and it was time for both Headgirl and Headboy to commence the orientation. Welcoming fifth-year Prefects who are new to the Prefect duties and addressing the rest.

As expected, Evans was flawless. Establishing her authority but remained a friendly figure, all the while handing off the schedule of rounds, and Potter didn't do too bad next to her. They looked like the picture-perfect couple in their matching robes and with them both being gorgeous people.

James handed you your rounds schedule and you sucked in an exasperated breath through gritted teeth - all your rounds were paired up with his. You lift your gaze from the schedule and spy him adorning a smirk as he went around handing off the others' schedules.

This bloody arse.

Dinner was uneventful - Dumbledore delivered his usual speech, congratulating Gryffindor for producing this year's Headgirl and Headboy and you can only roll your eyes at the obvious favouritism.

You ate dinner quietly despite the bustling great hall. Friends catching up about their summers and discussing Christmas plans, you chose not to partake. Your mind was occupied with the thoughts of James Potter.

You're meeting him in the tower later, and you have no idea what to tell him. How do you even explain all your thoughts and feelings about him in a way that he'd understand and in a way that won't embarrass you?

You actually think you'd rather die than admit the truth as to why you seem vexed by his existence.

Dinner finally ended - you make your way around the castle, carefully making your way around and finally reaching your destination. You expected to wait for him so you brought a book to keep you occupied but you spied him on top of the stairs as you made your way up.

Once reaching the top, you walked past him and quietly addressed him with your gaze before speaking.

"Potter."

Merlin, he really feels weird around you. And he can't tell if it's in a good way or a bad way - you talk to him as if he's some mild inconvenience you couldn't shake off but still disliked nonetheless. As if he was a tiny rock inside your shoe that you could feel with every step, but also barely there to bring absolute discomfort.

He's never been treated this way. It's either he was greatly liked (his friends, fellow Gryffindor and fangirls) or greatly disliked (Evans, Slytherins and otherer purists not agreeing with his tolerance for muggleborns and half-bloods).

You were in between, but leaning more on the dislike side, and he doesn't know what to make of it. You sparked something in him and he couldn't just shrug it off, he needs to know just why you have an evident frown every time you look at him.

"_____." He greeted back.

"I didn't read any of your letters, so I have no idea what you want to talk about," you admit with a shrug. "Why did you mess with my rounds?"

James leaned against the wall coolly, crossing his arms and flashing that infamous smirk on his face. "I don't know whatever you mean."

Annoying you further will probably not help his case but he couldn't help it. He oddly feels excited when you dismiss him with that incredulous look on your face and the look of distaste painting your features.

It was very much unlike with Evans - when it would genuinely hurt every time she rejected his advances, but you seemed fun to him.

He's unfamiliar with all this so he's willing to explore, how convenient is it that you're engaged so there's no escaping him?

You deadpan at him, trying to read that stupid expression on his face to understand the current your situation you're in, but ultimately got nothing. James Potter was a hard act to follow, actually - his entire squad is.

You'd rather decipher ancient runes all day than try and figure out just what is going on inside the mind of a Marauder.

"There's no way Evans would agree to that, did you falsify my rounds?" You ask, raising a brow and he dramatically scoffed in offence.

"My, what a bold accusation," James tilted his head slightly to the side. "Actually, she agreed."

"She did?"

"Gave her an offer she couldn't refuse."

"What could you possibly offer Evans that she'd want?" You ask, chuckling and stepping forward to level gazes with him.

He wasn't backing down, however. He pushed himself off the wall with his feet and stepped forward, looking down at you with a glint of challenge in his eyes that appeared a dark brown in the little light the Astronomy Tower offered.

"I offered her peace," James grinned. "Promised to leave her alone until the Christmas break if she matched our rounds."

Your jaw went slack at his words - your brain almost short-circuiting and it enticed him to know that caught you off guard. You parted your lips but no words came out and he could take a picture to live in this moment forever.

He's been thinking of so many ways all summer to get back at you. You ignored all his letters and avoided him on the train like he expected - this was a good enough payback for that, he revelled in your stunned expression until you recovered and regained your composure.

"Why sacrifice such a sacred tradition?" You ask, voice laced with distaste and sarcasm.

"And here I thought my fiancée would like it better if I stopped pining for another girl."

He didn't expect that to strike a chord in you. You stepped back, feeling your chest burn from both the pain and the anger bubbling inside you, and sent a harsh glare his way.

"I am not your fiancée, don't ever call me that again."

He could tell you were genuinely upset now, but still it didn't stop him. He still found it in himself to close the distance between you two and raise a brow.

"Sure thing, Wife."

to be continued . . .

part two | masterlist

Rookie Mistake [2]

Summary: In which Poe Dameron is freaking out because he's going on his first date.

Pairing: Poe Dameron x f!reader

Warnings: Fluff, panicky!Poe, brief ReyFinnPoe shenanigans, sprinkle some angst (if you squint), reader being sassy, Poe being cute.

A/N: Co-written with @sofasoap because a lot happens in our DMs and I feel like some of our insanity needs to be evaluated by a professional😂 Thank you so much for the support❤️ I really appreciate it💐💐💐

[Part 1]

Poe doesn’t realize that he’s been rambling for the past five minutes now. He feels sweat on his palms, his heart beats a thousand parsecs a second.

“Tatooine was an absolute nightmare because not only did the mission go south, we had to spend an entire week getting roasted in the Maker-Forsaken heat–”

He doesn’t think he’s said this many words in an entire day. 

He’s nervous. Almost fearful that this date won’t go as planned. That you might hate him and never want anything to do with him.

That wasn’t an option. He couldn’t bear it if you decided you never wanted to see him again.

The soft light of the moon and the stars above illuminate from above, but he lit a few candles just in case. Which worked fine for the aesthetic of a midnight picnic on the cool grass fields far away from the base. 

Finn and Rey were a big help in this entire thing. In fact, they were brutal when it came to shutting down his –now that he thinks about it– ridiculously dumb ideas for a date. There was a lot of bickering involved, but that’s a story for another day.

Finn helped him pick out the food, but Poe was very particular on that topic because he knew some of the things you liked. Sweet wine, fruits, sandwiches, and pastries. Certain flavours you’ve mentioned in past conversations came to him in flashes made him realize just how much he’s been holding onto them. Actually, Poe hangs on to every word you say.

How could he not? He wants to know everything there is about you. He may or may not be a little bit obsessed with you and he’s not very good at hiding it.

But who could blame him? With your stunning beauty and sharp tongue, who, in the entire galaxy, could blame him for being absolutely enamoured by you? Not just that, underneath your deadpan disposition and casual aggression, you have a kindness that most people tend to overlook.

Even though you give him shit for wrecking his ship, you go out of your way to help him fix it. You bring him a cup of caf when he needs it the most. You give him some words of encouragement– very few words, because you know, so he doesn’t think you like him like everyone else does.

You don’t treat him like he’s a god like everyone else does. Like he’s made of pure gold. Like he could do no wrong. You treat him like a soldier. To you, he’s that annoying friend you can’t get rid of but have grown accustomed to having around.

He doesn’t mind it. Your presence takes a lot of pressure off his shoulders. He doesn’t have to be the face of the Resistance. He’s not constantly trying to keep everything afloat. He doesn’t have to worry about what he’s doing wrong and that his actions might cost the lives of many.

He’s just another guy to you. He’s just Poe.

“And then what happened?” you ask before taking a bite out of your sandwich. “While you were spending the week getting roasted by the stifling heat, I mean.”

Poe has to take a moment to breathe because he realizes that he stopped talking. He was staring at you. He hadn’t realize that you were actually paying attention to his ramblings.

“Uh–” he stammered, blushing profusely as he tried to laugh it off with a nervous chuckle. “W–we almost died of thirst if Pava hadn’t found us.”

“Hmm…” you hummed thoughtfully. “She did mention having to bring water for three banthas. I’m assuming you were one of them.”

He burst into laughter which made him fall on his back from his seated position on the dark blue blanket. When he catches the quirk of your lip, he feels a bit of relief that you haven’t chosen to walk out after so much time has passed into the night.

But when he glances behind you, far behind you, and sees the two figures hiding in the bushes, he nearly panics. It’s Rey and Finn, both giving him thumbs up. He wants to believe that he hasn’t fucked up just yet.

He looked up at the sky, leaning on his hands. Their light illuminates the night sky and everything under it. He knows it’s probably past midnight and you both have to be up early.

“It’s getting late.” he muses sadly, still admiring the stars.

“It is…” you reply. 

He doesn’t want this to end just yet. He wants to cling to you a little longer.

Poe glances at you and finds you laying down with your hands clasped right under your chest. He moves closer and lies next to you in the same position. This felt… nice. Peaceful. It’s almost hard to believe that he’s been begging for this chance for so long, he thinks that this might be a dream.

“So…” he sighs, looking at you with a nervous smile. “You don’t hate me, right?”

You are silent for a moment. The deal was that if you don’t hate him by the end of this date, then there’s still a chance for him. A chance for a second date. For more.

Maker, he wants more. If he were given the chance to kiss you right now, he would take it. No hesitation whatsoever. He wants more time. To see you, hear your voice, hear you laugh. Maybe even touch you.

This war has taken so much from him. If you could grant him this one wish, this one chance, then losing might not hurt as much.

“I don’t hate you, Poe.” you say, and your eyes meet his. “Truthfully, I don’t think I could ever hate you.”

Your confession strikes a chord in him. An echo in the back of his mind ringing the truth and nothing but the truth. As he looks at you now, he knows–

I love you.

It takes everything in him not to say it out loud. Poe realizes that he’s known for a while now. Possibly since he stopped fooling around with other people. Hell, possibly since he met you.

“Good to know.” he nods, clearing his throat. “So d–does that mean–”

“Yes, Poe.” He can’t breathe when you move a little closer until your forehead touches his shoulder for a second. You look into his eyes and smile. “You’re getting a second date.”

He cannot, for the life of him, find it in himself to look away from you when you smile at him like that. There is a warmth in his chest that unfurls when he’s around you and he’s so addicted to it. He’s addicted to you.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Don’t push it.” You giggle, shoving his shoulder as you sit back up.

He follows, chuckling sheepishly. “Right. Sorry.”

But you’re still smiling and you kiss his cheek anyway. You don’t seem to mind how eager he is to be around you, to want more, even as you bar his advances. That’s okay. He’s on a date with you and you don’t hate him. That’s all that matters.

“Oh, so I can’t kiss you, but you can kiss me?” he jibes, feigning a glare at you.

“Fuck off, Dameron.” you laugh brightly, playfully shoving him, the sound fluttering butterflies in his stomach. He shakes his head as he watches you. 

He’s going to see you in his dreams again.

Part 3 will come out soon ;)

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soft

pairing: post-outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

summary: Joel wants her, and she wants him. The bumpy story of how they got together!

warnings: 18+ MDNI, reader has hair that can get in her face, smoking (weed), drinking, lots of feelings, piv, unprotected sex, slight overstimulation, kinda subby Joel at the end (lmk if i forgot anything)

wc: 10.3k (idk how that happened im sorry)

a/n: I’m pretty proud of this one. ik its long but please just give her a chance!

It started with you and Joel both high and drunk out on the porch and he looked so beautiful. There was a perpetual smile on his face, laughing and even giggling at almost everything you said, folding himself over and leaning his head on you whenever he thought something was particularly funny and you couldn't control yourself.

The next time he leaned over you waited, watching, letting him calm back down but when he went to pull off of you, you pulled his head to yours. His breathing stopped short and it scared you until he groaned into your mouth. It was so many things, it was broken, grateful, desperate but savoring and you loved it. 

He placed his hand behind your head and held you in place as he pushed his lips further into yours. It almost hurt, the way he seemed to attempt to mold your face into one, but it was so perfect. When he pulled away you were out of breath, panting in his face as he did the same. You guys continued to exchange breaths as you scrutinized every aspect of his face.

Anxiety was clawing inside your stomach as you took him in, fearing that he may never let you ever again. His soft lips parted, and you watched his tongue slide into the indent on his bottom lip. You silently hoped he could taste your remnants on them as they froze, waiting for words to spill out. Only to be interrupted by Ellie slamming the front door open. 

“Can you guys fucking keep it down?! I have school, remember? You’re the one making me go!” She shouts at you both, directing the last part at Joel who was still staring at you. You were watching Ellie as she yelled but Joel’s silence brought your gaze back to him. You shouldn’t have because you feel like that’s when it happened. You swear you could see him blocking himself off from you, like a door was shutting in his eyes. He apologized to Ellie and said it was getting late. 

Now, usually, Joel insists on you sleeping on the couch, too worried to let you go home so inebriated but that night he sent you away. It was like he broke your heart. He shattered it and forced you to place the shards in your shoes as he pushed you away, pain shooting through your whole body with every step. 

You cried yourself to sleep that night, you thought things were over with Joel, and you’d lose touch with Ellie because it would be too painful to go over there.

Your paradise was ruined.

You couldn’t believe you had read the situation so wrong. You thought- worse case- he would tell you that you’re too young, that he just can’t be with you, for whatever reason. But the look in his eyes… the way he sent you home. It felt like he didn’t even care about you anymore. 

The next day you thought you had lost your mind. You were in a terrible headspace and decided to ditch your responsibilities. You were in bed, switching between sleeping and sobbing into your pillow. You felt horrible, you looked horrible and someone was knocking incessantly at your door. They would not leave, no matter how much time passed, no matter how loud you groaned. So you wrapped your blanket around you and very angrily made your way to the door. 

“Who the fu-” Your sentence is cut short in complete and utter shock.

It was Joel. 

You let the door swing open and walk back inside. You’re already climbing back into bed as you hear him shut the door behind him. “What do you want, Joel?”

 You’re lying down, wiggling a bit to get comfortable. In the corner of your eye, you can see him just standing there, his thick arms crossed over his broad chest. Your head almost turns as you hear him take a deep breath, wishing you could see the way his chest puffs up and stretches whatever shirt he’s wearing. But you don't. He’s not someone you should be admiring like this, he’s someone you cannot be admiring like this. 

“Oh my god. Don’t just stand there you know I fucking hate that.” Your voice is so irritated, so hurt and cold but he scoffs.

Anger and embarrassment courses through you but you feel the bed dip anyway, it eases the feelings.

You can feel him right beneath your feet, so close you almost want to straighten your legs a bit more, just so you can press against him. But you don’t. 

“Okay, then don’t curse… Y'know I hate that.” His voice is painfully normal, like nothing happened, like he didn't break you. You want to laugh- or cry- at the absurdity. The thought that last night meant nothing to him, so little that he’s over here asking you things like ‘don’t curse’.

Who does he think he is? That he can treat me like shit and then ask such trivial things of me? No. Fuck him. 

“Fuck you, Joel. You’re a dick, get out.” He takes a deep breath and then is silent for a moment. You hoped and prayed that he had given up but to no avail. 

“No, honey. I’m supposed to find out why you’re not out workin’.” You scoff at him and dig yourself deeper into the blankets. “Ar- are ya sick or somethin’?” At this you turn to him, looking him dead in the eyes, asking ‘Are you fucking serious?’ but he can’t hold your gaze.

Oh! So he does remember.

You laugh humorlessly and fall back into bed where you lie in silence, for quite some time. Until his hand comes up to your ankle, resting so gently you know he’s holding it up. He’s probably still thinking over whether he should do it or not, unaware that he’s already touching you. 

“Can- Well, I- I- I know that- fuck.” He’s so angry when he says it, frustrated with himself for not having the right words.

He never knows the right thing to say, or how to convey how he feels. He’s so scared of losing you right now, but he doesn’t know how to tell you in a way that will have you asking no questions. He can’t have you asking him anything because he knows you’ll ask him things that he’s nowhere near ready to answer. “Can you just- Can you please?” 

You waited for him to say more, expecting it, but that was the end of the sentence. He wanted you to ‘just please’.

The way he says it though, you look over at him and he’s gazing into you, his eyes so piercing that you almost feel uncomfortable. It feels like he’s prying into you, willing you to open up for him to express himself without having to actually say anything to you. 

You sit up and glare back at him, softer than before but still hot with rage. “Please, what.” He shakes his head and looks away from you, into his lap instead as his hand fully settles on your ankle. He keeps huffing out breaths, like he’s going to say something but then decides against it. You’re almost irritated with the sound until he takes a breath and follows it with words. 

“You- I need for yesterday to have not happened.”

Fuck him.

You hadn’t even gotten over the first rejection, the lack of care he showed and now here he was rejecting you again. “You must- You gotta understand why it can’t happen. Why we-”

You were trying not to tremble as he rubbed his hand over his face, trying to keep himself calm in the face of the extreme stress the whole situation was putting on him. Tears were welling in your eyes as he spoke, despite you squeezing them shut to avoid this exact issue. But it hurt just as much as it did last night, maybe more. “We just can’t. Not- I need for things to go back to normal… f- for now at least…”

You’re breathing froze, eyes snapping open to look at Joel, who was still looking in his lap. His hand left your ankle to meet his other fidgeting one as you both sat in silence. You could see him peeking at you from the corner of his eye as subtly as he could as you thought over his words.

You felt like you were on a game show. Do you double down or just take what you have?

‘I need for yesterday to have not happened’

‘I need for things to go back to normal’

His words hurt.

‘F-for now at least’

But those words… made it worth it. 

You didn’t want to push him. You know how hard it must’ve been for him to even express the little bit he did. Along with that, the thought of him noticing you weren’t around and coming to check on you was making its way through your cloud of hate. 

“Y-you sent me away…” Your voice isn’t hard anymore. It isn't soft either, it was just weak. You can see Joel grimace at it, turning away from you so you couldn’t see him. “Wh- You- you always let me stay but- you just-” You stop talking, if you kept going you would’ve started sobbing again. 

“I couldn’t let you stay, honey. The- I didn’t- I don’t have enough self-control for something like that to happen an’... I’m leaving you in the guest room? No. I would’ve- had to have- I… No, I-” He breathes out in annoyance again and you yearn to comfort him. But you don’t.

He always gets too frustrated with himself, making it even harder for him to clear his head enough to say what he wants. “I wouldn’t have been able to leave you there. I would’ve had to do somethin’ and I- I don't think that’s a good idea.”

You’re not completely satisfied with the answer, you have more questions now than you did before but you managed to collect one piece of information.

Joel wants you.

It wasn’t a flat-out rejection more like a, ‘let's put a pin in that’ and you have enough faith in him to believe he wouldn’t string you along. So you sniffle, put your big boy pants on as you wipe your tears, and tap Joel on the shoulder, turning his gaze to you. You take a deep breath and speak.

“Yesterday’s events are forgotten.” You say it with a light smile but you’re betrayed by one stray tear as it rushes down your face. Joel’s expression crumbles at it, in so much pain, so heartbroken at the thought that he had caused it. Despite his feelings, he nods at you and gets up. “Get ready. You’re in the fields today, darlin’.” He hits the door frame with a grateful smile before walking away to let you get changed.

Leaving you in your hopeful sadness. 

------------------------------------

Things were rocky at first. Neither of you were actually able to forget about ‘what happened’ as Joel so lovingly put it. You expected too much from him and he was still too cold toward you. For the first month, you guys were basically in an argument. It was as though the town couple, the gruff old man and the re-tamed angel, had broken up. 

Everyone knew that you were hooking up with Jared, he wouldn’t shut up about it. Joel and the townspeople had heard of his sexual conquests over and over since he arrived, before he set his sights on you.

When he first approached you, you had already gotten out of your ‘phase’ and were too captivated by Joel to entertain him for even a second. However, he was quite popular among the other town women, he was popular with women even before the outbreak so he couldn’t believe when you rejected him. Not that he was shocked, he fully did not believe you. In turn, he never stopped pursuing you… much like Gaston from Beauty and the Beast.

So when Joel broke you, you slipped back to how you were before him… You went to Jared. You don’t know if you were hoping he could put you back together or if you wanted him to help you cut Joel with the shards of your heart but the latter is what ended up happening. 

You wanted to cut it off with Jared the moment Joel found out. When Jared started parading around the town with you next to him as if you were genuinely interested. But you didn’t.

Instead, you kept seeing him for a few more weeks. You watched Joel avoid you like the plague, ducking out of every room you walked into, switching his jobs with people who had the worst ones just so he didn’t have to work with you. You enjoyed making him squirm, showing him that you could just move on if he’s not ready to step up. You were a highly sought-after woman, a piece of art who he wanted to keep in the garage until he found the right spot. No, you refuse. Until you came across him alone at the bar one night. 

He was obviously drunk, a beer in hand but his cheek on the table. There was a song playing that he was loosely singing along to. His other hand was in the air, waving his finger around like he was conducting an orchestra. You storm over to his booth. 

Watch him suddenly sober up and head home. Watch him suddenly remember some plans he made or something he forgot to do. Watch him just get up and leave me again. 

You sit down across from him and wait for him to notice you. You’re just watching him. His eyes are closed and his eyebrows furrow as he tries to hit each high note. He’s failing, not hitting them perfectly but still getting to an impressive pitch. It’s too endearing to see him like this, so open, unburdened.

You didn’t even know he could sing this well. Your anger and bitterness fades for the first time in weeks. Your head tilts and a soft smile invades your face, as if sensing this Joel finally opens his eyes. 

They’re so soft, probably because he thought he was alone, his guard is dropped. You’re waiting for them to go back up at the sight of you. But they stay so soft as he gasps gently. “Honey! Wha- When did you get ‘ere” His voice is softer too… not as rough and gruff as it usually is. 

He also doesn’t sound angry. After all he’s done to avoid you, you’d expect him to sound angry. You chalk it up to the alcohol. 

“I’ve been here. You just never noticed.” When your voice reaches Joel it's gentle, like how you’d speak to a child but not patronizing. He likes it. He swears he can feel your voice washing over him, running through his hair and caressing his cheek. He smiles at it, at you as a blush rises to his cheeks. 

“S-so you-” He looks down at the table, his eyes moving back and forth as he thinks. “Did you hear m-” You can’t help the laugh that slips out. Your hand comes up to cover your mouth but you’re still obviously smiling. “Oh.” That’s all he says as you let your laughs out. 

“I’m- Not laughing at you, Joel. I- I swear.” Laughs break up your sentence as Joel stares at the table. “Oh- I’m so sorry. God. You really didn’t notice me here! That’s what was so funny not your singing I swear.” You let out a little giggle at the end but Joel is frowning. 

“This s’why I don’ sing in front of no one.” He’s picking at the wood and grumbling to himself. You’d find it all incredibly annoying if it wasn’t Joel doing it. 

“Joel.” You’re stern but still gentle as you speak. “I told you it wasn’t your singing. The singing was great. I was so fucking impressed. I had no clue you could even sing like that.” You watch a smile creep onto his face as you praise his talent. He’s still looking at the table, wanting to stay angry but he can’t. Your smile widens the longer you watch him until he takes a swig of his beer. 

“Why are you so drunk?”

The words tumble out before you can stop them and Joel pauses mid-sip. He’s frozen like that before slamming it onto the table and looking at you. “ ‘M not drunk. ‘M not. But if I was…” He squints his eyes at you. “If I was- It’s probably cos the girl I want seems to want someone else.”

It feels like everything in the bar stops. Your breathing, your heart, the music, time, the world. Everything just stops. 

He got this drunk… over me?

He chuckles and finishes his beer as you sit there in shock. “Dunno why you’re doin’ all this. I know you knew. Jus’ thought-” He goes to take another sip and whines when there’s nothing. “Stupid fuckin-” He throws it across the room, astonishingly making it into the trash with a small mumble of ‘swish’. 

“Joel.” He turns back to you with a blank expression. “You never told me you liked me.” 

“Oh please.” His voice is mean, a bit sharp now. Your face contorts into one of disgust as he speaks. “You ain’t that dumb, honey. It was very heavily implied an’ you know it.” Your expression drops into a frown. His voice broke at the end, followed by a sniff and an aggressive rub from his sleeve over his nose. “B-but you’re still out there with fuckin’ Jared.” His voice shakes through the sentence, adding some anger at the end as you cringe at the sound of his name. You both were aware you didn’t have any honest feelings for Jared.

“Joel. You told me to pretend that… that night.” You look away from him, embarrassed at what should be a sweet memory. “You told me to pretend it never happened and then treated me like shit for no reason afterward. Certainly, you didn’t expect me to sit in that. There’s no way you thought I would tolerate it! So yeah, I went to get whatever affection I could, elsewhere since my best and main source ran fucking dry.” You can feel your anger towards him building back up as you speak, reliving the details of your guys’ downfall. It still hurt. 

“Certainly you didn’t- Why do you talk so damn proper?” He’s laughing to himself at his rendition of your voice but you’re nowhere near amused. You stand from your seat and look down at him, stopping his laughter instantly.

“Okay. Let’s talk about this when you’re sober, hmm? When you can be an adult? Stay on topic at least?” His brows furrow and his eyes leave yours. You stand there, waiting for him to respond but get nothing. “Cool, Joel. I’ll see you around then.” You sigh and turn away from him, disappointed.

The night had started so well, that you stupidly believed that you guys might be able to save your relationship. You should’ve known he was too drunk for the conversation but he shouldn’t have brought it up. If he knew he wouldn’t be able to have a serious conversation he shouldn’t have brought it up in the first place. Now you’re both hurting all over again. He’s probably gonna grab another drink and you’re probably gonna go see Jared. 

“Please!” It’s frantic, desperate, and unsteady as it shoots out of his mouth. You freeze in your spot, halfway to the door and halfway from him. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I don’t wanna talk about it. Why fuckin’ would I? It hurts. You fuckin’— You hurt me… prancing around with that piece of shit- All I did was ask you to wait… just wait- for me to be ready to love you.”

You’re still standing in the middle of the room, facing the door. His voice was getting louder, closer as he spoke but you don’t turn. You could hear the emotion bleeding into his words, breaking his voice as he approached you. 

“But you- You couldn’t even wait for me! No. No, you had to go get— ah how’d ya put it? Affection elsewhere- fuck off. You coulda just said you needed something from me. I could’ve given you affection.” His voice softened after cursing at you. It only grows softer as he speaks. You can feel him behind you, maybe a few steps away but you don’t turn.

You don’t wanna see him, lose your edge, your nerve. “I- I would’ve given it to you if I knew, darlin’. I was tryna keep my distance, waitin’ for you to get over me and look! You did. I- I just wish you had told me, instead of havin’ t’hear it from fuckin’— fuckin’ Jared.”

His voice dies down for a moment and you turn around. His hair is everywhere, he must’ve been running his hands through it as he spoke. His eyes aren’t teary but they look like he could cry at any moment, he looks tired and his lips are bitten red.

“I would’ve understood. Or- Or maybe I wouldn’t’ve I dunno. I just wish you woulda said somethi-”

You’re kissing him.

Fuck.

You are kissing him. You didn't mean to. You have no clue how your lips got to his but they’re all over them. He’s groaning at you, pulling you in as you pull away.

“Fuck! I’ve got to stop doing that… jesus.” You’re looking at the ground as you wipe his slobber off your mouth. He’s silent, panting as he just stands there and your heart starts to race. 

It’s just like last time. Fuck. Why the fuck do I keep doing this shit.

Tears are already welling in your eyes and you decide to speak before he can send you away. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did that… I know you need time or whatever.” You pause, giving him room to say anything but he doesn't. You want to look up at him, see what he’s thinking, how he’s reacting. But you don’t. 

“Yeah… I’m gonna go.” You turn around and finish your walk to the exit. You grab the handle and stop. “I- I’m gonna cut things off with Jared…” You stay silent for a bit, trying to decide whether you should say your next words.  “I do need your affection though, Joel.” You rushed out the door after that.  

------------------------------------

You just want to fuck him already. It’s been months now, of this back and forth. To be clear, you do still want him romantically, how could you not? This man, when his hair is fluffy and soft just like him. When you see his expression now light up when you walk into the room. When he builds you little trinkets in the shop, instead of doing the job he was assigned to. When he makes your favorite for dinner after finding out that you’re having a bad day. When he plans movie nights featuring your favorites that he could find on DVD. 

How could you not love him?

It scares you. The “situation-ship” you both were currently in started a few months ago. Actually… It started exactly four months and three weeks ago. There’s no point in pretending you haven’t kept track. Joel told you that he needed time. You would have never expected it to be this much time but you’ve grown to love and crave him over the months.

He listened to what you said at the bar that night. He’s been giving you so much affection it’s actually making the other women in the community quite jealous of you. He hasn’t kissed you yet but he kisses your cheek, your forehead, and- when he’s drunk or high enough- your neck. You don’t kiss him anymore. You’ve kissed his cheek a few times over the months, his head once when he was sick but other than that you try to keep to yourself. You’re still a bit traumatized from his first rejection, the way it played out, and everything. You’d rather just not risk it.  

You’re in the garden and he’s in the field. You’re planting flowers, pulling and re-planting vegetables while Joel is harvesting the wheat he planted four months ago and tilling the land for the new seeds. You keep looking over at him, you really can’t help it at this point. 

The sun is shining through his hair, making it a dark golden color with streaks of white running through it. His arms are smudged from handling the dirt all day and his biceps flex repeatedly as he picks the kernels off of the wheat and throws them into his basket. His eyebrows are creased and his eyes squinted to avoid the burning light of the sun and he keeps looking over at you. He really can’t help it at this point. 

You look so beautiful, sitting on your knees with your adorably mismatched gardening gloves. Your hair falls so angelically every time you lean forward to lead a new plant to its home. Every time you sit back up you use the back of your wrist to try and shove the hair from your face, sputtering out, trying to blow the hair away and it's so endearing. Your arms are dirty and he feels the incredibly odd urge to bathe you. He’s ready to love you. He’s so fucking ready but he has no clue— not even the slightest— as to how he should tell you. 

The current supervisor calls it a day and you almost fall face-first into the plants in your scramble to get to Joel. He’s taking off his gloves, flexing and stretching his fingers when he sees you rushing toward him with a huge smile he can’t help but mirror. “Hey, darlin’. You look so beautiful today.”

You freeze where you stand which luckily isn’t too far from Joel. He makes his way over to you, watching your expression. He loves it so much, he doesn’t understand how he never noticed it before. The way you always take a deep, shaking breath, your eyebrows go inward and you give him this look. He doesn’t understand it yet but it always makes him ache for you, makes him burn somewhere in the depths of his being to just be with you. He doesn’t know how long he can resist it. He doesn't want to. He doesn’t.

“I’m- I think I really- I just really wanna kiss you.” You snap out of your daze and your eyes focus on him, hopeful for a moment then a little dull. You turn your head, give him your cheek, close your eyes, and wait for the gentle kiss but nothing happens. You slowly open your eyes and look at him, he looks scared. “I wanna kiss you.”

You can hear your heart speed up, your breaths getting shorter and your thoughts more jumbled.

He wants to kiss me?

You’re confused for a moment, not understanding what brought this on. You’re eyes slip from his contact as you lose yourself in your thoughts, not realizing the silence you’re creating or the anxiety you’re causing. But Joel realizes, he’s sweating more than he has all day as he waits for you to say something, do something. He shifts his weight from foot to foot before giving up. “We don’t have to… I just- I wanted to…” He tries and fails to keep the sadness out of his voice.

His words strike fear in you and you reach out to grip his arm, hoping it’s enough to stop him from walking away. “Y-You wanna kiss me? On the… on the lips?” He’s surprised by your voice, it sounds far away, loose, and airy.

“I do.” It comes out with no hesitation, no stutters, no pause. You take a step closer to him and his expression twitches, his chest beginning to heave with anticipation. 

“I would really love that, Joel.” You’re staring up at him now, as best you can in the sun. You’re looking into his eyes, an excited, mischievous glint in your eyes, challenging him, daring him to do something. And he loses his nerve. 

“Oh! Okay. Thats… Thats good. I- I want you to come over later, alright? I’ll get us some weed and alcohol. You don’t need to bring snacks or nothin’ either jus- jus bring yourself, alright? Okay, see you then.” And with that, he walked off. His cheeks were absolutely burning. He couldn’t believe himself 

‘That's good’? What the fuck is wrong with you, Miller? Leaving that darlin’ girl standing in the sun like that? It just ain’t right, she’s so sweet on you and you fuckin’ know it. I gotta stop doin’ this to her…

You’re watching Joel walk away. A bit stunned by the whole interaction, confusion, and questions swarm your head the whole walk home. They stick with you in the shower and as you get ready to head over to Joel’s. They accompany you on the whole walkover as well.

Maybe he wants me to do something… I know people like it rough, so maybe he wants me to take charge? He doesn’t really seem the type. Does this mean he wants me now? Will he kiss me tonight? Is that why he invited me over? Are we gonna have sex? Oh god, I hope so. I’d treat him so well- or maybe I wouldn’t since everyone likes it rough. 

You’ve reached his block when you’re stopped by Susan; Joel’s biggest admirer. She places herself in front of you, blocking your path and forcing you to talk to her.  “Oh, he’s not in, hun.”

You take a calming breath and try not to roll your eyes at her. “Okay… Well, I’m gonna check, just in case.” You turn your steps and try to make your way around her only for her to place herself right back in your way. 

“I’m gonna be honest I- I don’ really get this whole thing with you an’ him. I just- I guess I don’ really see it… Do ya’ know what I mean?” You glare at her, ignoring her statement and waiting for her to just get out of your way. “I mean…” She steps closer to you. “I remember when you first got here…” 

You can feel shame and embarrassment curl in your stomach at the mention of your arrival. You weren’t in the best place, mentally, and you did a lot- a lot- of things that you wished you hadn’t, lots of men you wished you hadn’t. “Don’t be an ass, Susan.” She backs away from you, a sinister smile on her face and her hands in the air. 

“Hey! I’m” She laughs. “I’m jus sayin’... You were interested in a lot of different guys!” You start walking, refusing to listen to what she has to say. But the psycho bitch follows you. “I mean are you even sure that it’s him that you want? Weren’t you with Jared just a few months ago? I mean…” 

You’re speed-walking to Joel’s now. You’re only a house away when she hops in front of you again. “Hun! I told you he ain’t home! I’m just-” She sighs and lowers her head as you crane your neck, hoping and praying Joel had made his way to the porch by now. But he hasn’t. “If you just want a man I can set you up with some of my friends! Some people who are… Gosh! How do I say this without bein’ rude? Some people who are more in your… lane… league?” Your head whips back at her, fury raging in your eyes at her audacity. 

“Excuse me?” You question, low and threatening. “Well. Hun, c’mon now, don’t get all bent outta shape, I mean well! You and I both know Joel is too… hmm, well. He’s too good for you I guess.” You’re not staring at her, you’ve turned your head to the patch of sky you can see through the trees beside you, choosing to count the stars instead of listening to this shit. 

“I’d strongly disagree.” You can hear her gasp and spin around as a smile spreads over your face.

Joel. 

“Oh! I- I thought you weren’t home, sugar.” She tries to lean into him but he walks around her and grabs your arm, pulling you past her with a mumble of “Yeah. I know.”, ending the conversation. 

Joel doesn’t speak until he’s gotten you inside. “I dunno why you listen to that woman. She spews nothin’ but garbage.” You watch him dart from cupboard to cupboard to retrieve his lighter and a little joint you can tell he rolled because it’s dented in the middle. “She’s always saying some dumb shit. I fuckin’ hate it.” 

His eyebrows are furrowed and his face is hard as he lights it up. You can’t remember the last time you’ve seen him so angry. You watch the tension fall from his shoulders, his face relaxing as he inhales. You take your shoes off, still watching him as a small smile spreads over his face and he exhales. “Are you gonna share Joel?” You ask as he goes in for another hit. 

“Hey-  Be nice darlin’, it’s mine after all.” He teases while handing it to you. You push yourself up onto the counter, sitting next to where he’s leaning as you take a drag. 

“Yours schmours, you’ll be fine.” He giggles— giggles— at your statement, his hand coming up to cover his smile as he laughs. All you can see are his pretty brown eyes, the creases around them, and the way they almost shut while he laughs. You feel your heart race, bringing along that urge that has gotten you in trouble many times over. Your eyes flicker to his lips and you immediately avert your gaze, taking another hit to try and calm yourself. 

You wait for him to come back up from his designated, folded, laughing position and hold the joint out for him. You snort at the misshapen stick, causing you to choke on the smoke you were holding. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s what you get for laughing. Mhm.” You’re coughing up a lung as he says this, making the situation worse because you cannot stop laughing at him. He continues his remarks after taking a hit, you’re still choking and laughing, and you hold an arm out to him. 

“Joel-” You cough. “Joel-” You laugh. “Joel, stop it. I’m- oh fuck.” You start coughing again in a way that has Joel turning to face you, amusement and a bit of concern on his face. “Oh my god, stop. I’m gonna die, don’t make me laugh- oh my god.” 

He’s beaming at you, proud that you find him so funny and the high really hitting him. You can tell, his eyes are a bit hazy and his eyebrows are raised for some reason. He walks towards you when your fit dies down, pushing himself between your legs with a dazed look on his face. He’s just staring at your thighs for a moment, his head turning from left to right so he can look at both of them before looking up at you. Your heart is thrumming out of your chest as you try to keep your expression neutral, maybe a bit inquisitive. He stares at your lips for a bit before you see his hand raising with the joint. He brings it to your lips and looks back up at your eyes, his eyebrows jump, prompting you to inhale. 

You take a long hit, trying to get as much smoke as you can, hoping it will calm you down. His eyes stay on yours, darkening as his breathing becomes a bit shallow. He pulls the joint away from your lips and puts it out right onto the counter before bringing his hand up to your cheek.

You haven’t exhaled yet, savoring the hit while he slowly brings your face to his. You’re watching his eyes, still on yours as he pulls you in. You begin to exhale, not wanting to hold the smoke in if he’s going to kiss you. That’s when he pushes your lips together. You try not to choke as he sucks the smoke out of your mouth and pulls away. You’re in a stupor as he grins at you and breathes your smoke out, re-lighting the fire in the pit of your stomach, the one that always seems to flare whenever he’s around.

“What’d ya think of that, huh? Good kiss or?” He’s wearing a smirk but his eyes are uncertain at your silence. You keep it up, not saying anything, just pulling him back in and smashing your lips into his. He accepts your kiss with a grunt from the force of it as his arms wrap around your waist, pulling you in. 

You’re gripping his hair like it's your lifeline, gripping his face like it’ll fall apart otherwise, it hurts a little but he’s fond of your eagerness. Your hands slide onto his shoulders and you dig your fingers into his skin brutally, pulling a wince from him. He separates your lips and strokes over your cheek with his thumb, admiring you. It's a soft, tender moment until you yank him by his belt loops, crashing him against the counter painfully to whisper in his ear. “I want you, Joel”

He smiles at this and kisses you again as you undo his belt. You remove it from the loops and let it drop to the ground so you can get to work on his button and zipper. You feel his lips stutter against yours and he pulls away, confused. “Not- not here, darlin’. ‘M not gonna do this in the kitchen.” He sounds a bit confused as he grips your hips and lifts you off of the counter and back onto the floor. They come back up to cradle your face again as he places a quick, soft kiss on your lips. “ ‘M gonna make love to you in my room, on my bed, baby.”

Make love..?

Confusion flows through your mind but you go along with him, assuming it’s just some outdated terminology. “Yeah? You gonna fuck me in your bed, Joel?” He is so shocked by your response. He doesn’t understand why you’re being so aggressive about it. He’s trying to be gentle, and loving but you seem to reject it. He gives you a brief but genuine smile before leading you to his room,

Your heart is racing as you follow Joel to his bedroom. This would be the first time you’ll be having sex with someone you care about, someone you love. You wondered if it would feel any different when he was shattering your hips with his own, would there still be that soft look of adoration in his eyes? You don’t see how the two could go together. 

You get to his room and he shuts the door quietly. “Can you stay still, honey?” He rolled his sleeves up, only halfway, showing off his thick forearms. He’s circling you as he questions you, holding eye contact and stopping in front of you. “I- I wanna undress you.”

Your throat feels like it’s closed. 

Undress me? Why would he want to- That doesn’t seem very time-efficient… Oh, but look at him. 

His eyes are silently and subconsciously begging you to let him. You let him. 

He takes a deep breath and his eyes rake down your body the moment you nod at him. He grabs your hips, pulling you to him with a boyish grin before running his fingers along the hem of your shirt. They tickle your skin softly as he brings them up, bunching the fabric before pulling it over your head. He looks right into your eyes as he does this. That soft look digs into your chest, it feels like you may explode. 

He only breaks away from your gaze to throw your shirt on a chair in the corner. He brings his empty hand to cup your cheek, stroking his thumb across your skin as a sort of apology for diverting his attention. He looks back at you with a smile so gentle you may melt. 

Your knees almost give out when he unbuttons your pants, he sticks his thumbs in the back of your waistband, leaning into you. He’s so close. He’s so close. He’s smirking like he knows you want to kiss him. He leans forward, licking his lips before abruptly ducking down, pulling your pants with him. 

You let out a surprised squeal that has him smiling up at you. Your hand comes up to bury itself in his hair before you realize it. You admire the softness of it, how fluffy it is. His eyes droop, getting a foggy, clouded look in them as he stares up at you. 

Make it good for him. Everyone likes it rough. 

You pull it, much harder than necessary, and watch his eyebrows crease in what you assume is arousal as he grunts again. He lifts from his kneeling position and kisses you, a little harder than he did before. 

His hands were running down your back, cupping your ass, and then stroking down your thighs. He’s breathing heavily against your face as his hands squeeze your inner thigh. They roam all over your body but never go where you want them, where you need them. 

“Okay, Joel. Enough I need you. I- I need you.” He smiles underneath his bitten lip as you push him away and gesture to his entire body. “Take them off… Off!” 

You’re basically ripping your undergarments off and running to him, unbuttoning his shirt for him as he takes off his pants. The moment your hands push his shirt open he’s kissing you instead. He walks you both onto the bed, tripping over his pants with a giggle before landing safely on the covers. You waste no time in climbing over him, whining out when his cock rubs along your soaked pussy. He lifts himself to try and kiss you but you’re not looking at him. You’re trying to push his dick into your soaking, aching pussy. 

“Shit- Damn. Fuck, honey.” He slams himself back onto the bed, his hands tighten around your hips as you position your legs beneath you and slam your hips onto him. It fucking burns. You’re wet and wanting but he’s huge, the stretch of his fat cock burns inside you as his tip jams itself into your cervix painfully. You bit off more than you can chew. Joel is grunting harshly beneath you so you power through, attempting to hide your grimace as you let out half-honest moans. 

“Fuck- No. No, no, stop, baby.” His hands force you down and hold you there, rendering you immobile as he sits up. You’re watching his abs clench as he sits up with no assistance but his pure muscle, your eyes only move to his face when he clears his throat. 

You’re embarrassed now, under the impression that you’ve done something wrong, something he didn’t like. You wouldn’t know what to do if that were the case… You were doing what you normally do… You don't know any special moves or anything like that. “Did- You didn’t like it..?”

You ask as timidly as possible, hoping he could hear it and would be gentle. 

“I- I mean I guess but it’s not what I want.” Confusion and a bit of anger flares inside you. How were you supposed to know what he wanted? 

“Okay well, what do you want then, Joel?” His brows furrow and he brings a hand up to caress your face again. 

“I want to make love to you. I told you that.”

There’s that fucking term again. 

“I don’t know what that means, Joel! Isn’t it the same as fucking? I don’t get it.” His brows unfurrow instantly, becoming soft and a bit upturned in what seemed to be concern. And to add insult to injury… you can feel him softening inside you. 

“What do you mean?” His voice is much softer than yours, but it frustrates you. You struggle not to roll your eyes at him. 

“I do not know what that means. I do not understand.” You talk slower than necessary, not actually explaining anything. You’re being a brat.

He tilts his head at you, giving a gut-wrenching, disappointed look. He kisses your cheeks and tells you to be nice, that he’s just trying to understand you.

“No… It’s not the same as fuckin’. It’s gentle and lovin’. It’s me takin’ my time with you, gettin’ you to open up for me.” You can feel his dick filling back up, stretching you out beautifully.

“It’s me learnin’ about what you like, showin’ you what I think you’d like, and getting you to cum around me and for me as long as I can. It’s more focused on- on love rather than lust.” He sighs quietly. “I’m- I’m bettin’ you’ve never had that though…” 

You hear sadness leak into his voice as he ends his sentence, watching you avert your gaze. He watches frustration and shame creep onto your face. “So what? I don’t even- I don’t think I even like it that way. Slow? It already takes me long enough to cum… I don’t need to be here for hours on end, Joel.”

He shakes his head at you sadly. “You would like it, baby.” He has one hand back on your hip as the other spreads out, his large hand spread over your back as he slowly flips you both over, resting you on the bed softly. “I- fuck, I know you’d love it, honey.”

His words resonate deep in your core, bringing a new wave of wetness to run over his cock. “Oh-” His hips stutter into yours as though he could feel the extra cream flowing over his dick. “Yeah, oh you’d- I think you’ll like it, darlin’”

He places you on the bed and finishes talking before kissing you and raising to straighten himself out. His hips thrust slowly into yours and fuck does it feel good. I mean of course it does, Joel is towing over you like a Greek god and his cock is sliding within your walls smoothly, stimulating every nerve it comes across. You start to buck your hips, impatient with the slow build of the pleasure. You wanted something explosive, something that will leave you heaving for breath and you cannot comprehend how you could possibly get there like this. 

Joel smiles, shakes his head at your agitation, and presses his hands down onto your sporadic hips, forcing them to stay on the bed. “No. Softly, baby. Be gentle with me, c’mon.” He continues his rhythm before, rocking into you with breathless pants. Your pleasure felt just out of reach and it was insanely maddening. “Calm down.” He tells you in a low, warning tone. You swear he can read your mind. 

“Tell me.” He leans down so his lips are right by your ear. He places a kiss on your temple and looks down at where the two of you connect, shoving his hair in your face. “Do you like this?” He keeps at his regular pace, the frustrating, agitating, insanely maddening pace. “Or… Do you-” He lets out a shuddering sigh right next to your ear, your eyes nearly rolling back at the faint sound. “Or do you like this?”

His pace changes into something indescribable. His hips are swiveling into yours and hitting eighteen different pleasure points at once. Your arms come up to grip his biceps, one instantly sliding down to his lower back to encourage him to keep it up.

“Oh-” You sound shocked and out of breath. “Oh. I like that one, Joel. This one. I like this one- please” His pace speeds up and he moans at the sound of your whimper. His attention is finally pulled from where you both meet and he’s looking right into your eyes.

This man and his fucking eye contact. 

It’s doing something to you… the way he’s looking at you. It’s burning into your stomach and has you clenching around him, pulling another ragged, angelic moan from his lips, hitting your lips directly due to his position. You lean up and kiss him as much as you can, most of your brain had shut off the moment he flipped you both over. 

He was hitting so deep inside you, a whole section that you didn't know existed. His cock is slowly sliding over every ridge in your pussy, his veins stimulating your sensitive walls. “Joel-” 

It slips out like a whimper as your moans release. You’re suddenly on 100% volume, unable to hold anything in. You never learned how. You thought you just didn’t moan against your own will, never having been in enough pleasure to let out authentic moans. 

Your hand comes from his lower back to slap over your mouth, desperately trying to hold all your noises in but Joel rips it away. “Don’t do- fuck you feel so fuckin’ good-“ His voice is shaking and breathless.

“Fuck, don’ cover up your- your moans, please. Fuck I wanna hear ‘em” He intertwines your fingers with his and holds your hand next to your head. He straightens himself as much as he can while keeping your fingers interlocked so he can grind into you more deliberately. He’s angling himself a million different ways until you convulse onto yourself. You try to hold in a scream as he fucks into… something. It’s almost painful, the way pleasure punches through your body with every thrust. 

“Yeah?- God fuckin’ dammit."

His hips stutter as you involuntarily suffocate his dick in your pussy. “Fuck- Is that it? Your special spot, honey? I got it dead on, huh?” He’s wearing an irritatingly calm smirk as he teases you. You, on the other hand, can barely breathe.

You’re clawing at anything you can get a hold of, his arms, the back of his neck, his back. You feel like you could cry- or throw up at the otherworldly pleasure Joel is forcing onto you. Your mouth is perpetually open, spewing out moans every other second. Your eyes keep rolling back into your head despite your attempts to look at Joel. You can’t even wrangle together enough thoughts to coherently explain how good it feels, how good he’s making you feel. “Jo- Joel. F-” You’re cut off with a whine as he pushes himself into you more forcefully.

“Joey, please- You’re right it’s s’much better. Shit- Joel!-” You let out a more devastating moan than you have all night, causing Joel to groan out in response. Your eyes open to look at him and he’s staring right at you, his eyes are something you’ve never seen, they’re dark and threatening, like a lion stalking its prey. But in this situation the lion is in love with the gazelle, it’s evident in his eyes, all over his face as he moans for you. 

“Of course ‘m r- right- Fuck, you’ve really got no clue how- how fuckin’-” His statement melts into a whimpering moan as he bends back down to moan into your ear. “You feel fuckin’ heavenly, darlin’.”

It creeps up on you out of fucking nowhere. A moan rips through your chest and destroying throat as you cum around him, his words pushing you to the edge. “Oh fu-uck. Yeah? S’that good, baby? Fuckin’- fuckin’ c-cumming all over my cock with no warning, love? Oh fuck me you’re s-so good, sweetheart.” 

His words fuel your world-demolishing, soul-shattering, mind fucking-ly amazing orgasm. You can feel the pleasure coursing through your veins like molten gold. Your entire body is vibrating, you’re lifting off the bed into an ethereal plane as Joel keeps thrusting into you, moaning soft praises in your ear as you gush all over his cock.

Your eyes are permanently in the back of your skull as your hand runs frantically all over his body, trying to find something to ground you, to keep you from flying away on the cloud of pleasure Joel was providing for you. 

He slows his thrusts in favor of you. Your moans had begun to get a bit desperate, all over the place, feverish and distraught as your pleasure bubbled over into overstimulation. Joel is kissing your neck softly, whispering even more soft words laced with love as your soul returns to your body with a broken whine of his name. He pulls his face out of your neck with a smile, his hips still thrusting into you slowly, just toeing the line of overstimulation. It has you losing your mind. You’re writhing against him as he smirks at you. “Do you want more? I can keep going, baby. I’ll go slow, soft, just like this.” 

He gets a bit breathy at the end, his free hand comes up to cup your face as the one holding yours tenses for a moment. His head drops onto your shoulder as most of his body collapses onto you.

He’s still thrusting into you gently as he groans out against your neck. “Fuck me. You’re turning me into a fuckin’ teenager again.” He grunts out a whine into your skin. “Can’t fuckin’ control shit. O-oh I wanna make you cum again, sweetheart.” His hips speed up as he rambles to you. You lean away from him a bit, forcing his head from your shoulder, and turn to look at him. 

He looks so wrecked. His lips are trembling, glossy, and red from all his biting. You didn't even notice. His eyes are on yours but they regularly lose focus, rolling into his head with a groan. “You’re makin’ me feel so fucking good, love. I just want you to feel as good- I wanna make you cum again.” He sounds more desperate than you could’ve ever imagined, your hand slides up the back of his neck and buries itself in his hair, scratching at his scalp softly, causing his eyes to cross lightly as he moans against you, hips stuttering. “Let me. Let me, let me. Let me pl-lease”

His unabashed begging has you clenching around him erratically, pulling a ruined groan from his lips. “M-make me cum again, Joel. C’mon, baby. I want-” He’s already moaning into your mouth as you speak, his hips fucking into you unsteadily. You’re already close from the intensity of the moment, Joel’s hand cradling your face, your hand in his hair. His head is resting against yours, forehead to forehead but his eyes are still open, piercing your soul and your heart with the love that's residing in them, it has your pussy clenching around him desperately. He’s moaning out shamelessly, loudly, and right into your face, into your mouth. 

“I’m gonna- I need you to c-cum. Holy sh-” You cut him off with a wet, searing kiss that’s mostly groans and whines into the mouth of the other. Your hips lift off the bed to buck into him softly, grinding your clit into the patch of curls that rests on his pelvis. He’s smiling at your movements, the contrast in how they were when he started with you.

“Y-yeah. Good, baby. Soft. Just l-like that, sweetheart. You’re so fuckin’ pure.” His eyes roll back into his head as your pussy begins to flutter around him. You can feel it this time, building inside you. The coil in your stomach tightens as you feel the angelic feeling inch back into your veins. Your hands grip his hair more desperately, pulling his ear to your lips as your orgasm begins to spill over. 

“I’m- I’m cumming, Joey.” You’re voice stabs into him. The high-pitched and desperate, shocked innocence in it has him twitching inside you. His pace is ruined the moment you utter those words into his ear. He can feel his eyes shoot to the back of his head as he falls into your shoulder again and starts to cum inside you. 

It’s more than heavenly, cumming at the same time as you. His cock is throbbing, shooting out thick, heavy, ropes of his cum inside you as your pussy pulses in time with him, milking him for everything he has. He can’t breathe, all the air has punched out of him as he tries to warn you that he’s cumming.

He wants to moan out for you, call your name over and over to hear you work yourself up into those whining moans you can’t help but let out. He gathers enough strength to push himself up and look at you. He feels like a whole new round of cum spews out of him at the sight. Your eyes are crossed as you moan out at the ceiling. He’s vaguely aware of the way your hand has twisted and tightened in his hair as you cum, your nails digging into his other hand.

He’s smiling through the second round of cum that pumps into you, deliriously happy with how hard he’s made you cum. You sound like you’re in the same situation as him, all the air suddenly gone from your lungs. You’re just letting out barely perceptible moans of his name on loop. 

His thighs shake as his dick finally stops pouring into you. He looks down at the ring of white sitting on the base of his dick and groans. He looks back up at you, wanting to show you the mess you’ve made on him but you’re still so far gone. Your pussy pulses around him arrhythmically as you mutter up at the ceiling, your hand stroking through his hair subconsciously. 

He’s able to come down before you. He pulls out and lays next to you, his head on your chest while he’s muttering those same, soft praises into your ear as your soul tries to find its way back to your body again. You follow the sound of his low praises, grounding you and pulling you back to reality. “-baby. I’m so in love with you. Thank you so fuckin’ much for waitin’ for me, I know it was hard, but I love you so fuckin’ much. You’re so incredible, so so incredible, baby. The best lady I know, the only lady I wanna know. You-” You have a faint, tired smile spreading across your face as he goes on, sounding more out of it than you feel.

“I love you so much, Joel.” You mean to say it softly, fondly but it comes out as something more like a sob. He gasps and looks up at you, that’s when you notice the tears that have escaped your eyes. “This is so embarrassing…” Your hands wipe at your escapee tears furiously as Joel watches you in shock.

“Hey,” He starts to wipe some of your tears away alongside you, although much more softly than your own hands. “ S’not embarrasin’.” He places an endearing kiss to your lips. “I think it’s so fuckin’ cute. The cutest things I’ve seen in years, honestly.” 

You giggle at his exaggeration and kiss his cheeks. “I’m bein’ serious, baby.” He’s giggling too now, placing kisses all over your face, stopping every tear that slips out with his lips.

“I love you so much, Joel.” You take a deep breath as his kisses slow. “It feels like my heart is being choked, squeezed, and like thrown around in my chest whenever I’m with you. I don’t even have the vocabulary to explain how much I feel for you.” 

His eyes are wide and a bit watery as you speak. One hand is on the top of your head, running over your hair as you speak while the other is on your him, his thumb stroking over the skin, sometimes lifting to draw specific patterns. “I wish I had a way to make you feel what I feel toward you, Joel. It’s so fucking much. I feel like it’s gonna explode and pour out of every orifice.” He chuckles and kisses you again, this one feels more emotional, more loving, grateful, and comforting. 

“There you go, talkin’ all proper again.” He kisses you again shortly. “I- I feel the same way darlin’. Except I know even less words to use to explain it to ‘ya. Fuck I- I fuckin’ I wish I could tell ‘ya. You- You feel like- like my whole existence. If that makes sense… No, no it doesn’t, does it? Damn. I- Shit.” You place a hand on his face and make him look at you. 

“You don’t have to say as many things as I did. You’ve already shown me that you love me through your actions… through this. I didn’t even know it could be like that, Joel. That it could- could feel that… good. I didn’t know it was a thing, and then you came in- with all your love and softness, and you showed me a whole new side of everything. I already know… is what I’m trying to say. I know you love me, Joel. I just hope you know that I love you.”

A single tear slips out of his baby cow eyes and he quickly wipes it away with a smile. “I- I know, baby. Trust me, I know.” He smiles wider and brighter than you’ve ever seen, he’s blinding you with its beauty before laying back down on the bed next to you. He wraps an arm around your shoulder and pulls you onto him. 

“You’re gonna stay, right? Sleep in here with me?” You shake your head disapointedly against his stomach.

“Obviously, I’m staying here, Joel.” The sigh of relief he lets out almost breaks your heart. You place a few kisses on his belly for reassurance. “I’m not going anywhere.”

He chuckles at your words and sounds far away, sleepy, adorable. “Okay… Good. Good, I want you to stay… ‘M gettin’ tired though, honey.” As if on cue, a yawn makes its way up and out of your mouth. “Yeah, me too. Goodnight, Joey.”

He sighs, and you can’t see it, but a smile splits his face the moment he hears the nickname. “G’night, my love.”

thank you so much for reading!! please please please give any feedback you may have! I want it all! also if you liked it please take a look at my masterlist!

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