Cowboythethird - Stay Fresh Cheese Bags

becoming an adult is weird

one day in June you will go to a cafe and think to yourself “the chicken mango sandwich sounds great” then you’ll stand there for ten minutes thinking what the fuck???

james is like: “my parents always gave me attention so im gonna start tweaking sooo bad and make it everyones problem if everybody doesnt start giving me all their attention” and lowkey is really hot and smart and athletic so he gets what he wants

sirius is like: “my parents raised me to believe that due to the family i was born into i deserve everybodys attention and am naturally better than them all, and lowkey its annoyed when people do give me attention cuz i dont gaf about them” but the non-chalance makes him more attractive, plus this world view never changes because he is actually hotter and smarter and more talented than everybody

remus is like: “the world taught me that i would never be loved becuase im a werewolf but then these two guys who are actually better than everybody adopted me and im just happy to be here” and lowkey just remains grappling onto the only people that befriend him (cough dumbledoor and tonks cough)

peter is like: “i dont have confidence in my own merits so ill stick onto the most powerful perosn in my vicinity and make myself so loyal and useful and entertaining to them” and in school thats the popular bullies J and S and their werewolf, but in the real world thats the bald racist guy with an army

james loooooves that remus and pete worship him and lowkey gets off on it cuz thats all he wants, and in turn he worships sirius cuz his non-chalant coolness is all he wants to be, but hes also super opionated and has a lot of pride which overshadows that

sirius thinks pete is smart and funny, thinks remus is smart and useful, and lowkey isnt a fan of them worshipping him, but puts up with it cuz he expects it. james has too much pride to show he worships sirius and on other merits sirius deems james an equal so hes lowkey in love with him and thats why theyre friends

remus likes that the three of them find his lyconthropy cool and useful for once; he feels special for it instead of rejected

pete likes that the three of them protect him and hype him up, cuz he lowkey needs that on all levels

Propaganda I won't fall for:

This might trigger people, so read the tags.

Short Sirius

Jegulus

Wolfstar, and especially wolfstar being better than prongsfoot

Blackinnon not being a good ship

Lesbian Marlene

Gay Sirius

Straight James

Sirius loving Harry bc he found James in him or whatever some are saying. Especially saying that only Remus saw him as Harry, while Remus was literally so haunted by James bro didn't visit Harry once!

Comparing a character that is mentioned in the books once with Snape, who is all THE FUCKING BOOKS. Absolutely crazy behavior.

Jegullily or whatever the ship is called

Regulus raising Harry- get that child far away from Regulus.

Physically abuser Walburga or Orion

The justification that Sirius wouldn't raise Harry well bc people take in heart his behavior in Grimmauld Palace in which is literally someone going back to the root of their trauma

"Sirius is an awful person, look at how he treated Kreacher," and the whole discussion about him saying that you know someone on how he treats his inferiors. Kreacher deserved every bit of it, one. Two, is literally said that Kreacher was the only house elf Sirius treated that way bc they have HISTORY.

Remus being that important, him being cassnova, basically stripping Sirius away of his personality and giving it to Remus, blah blah blah, Remus is not the shit. He is just a coward guy.

All the young dudes being considered canon material

I’m team kittywater, not because I ship it, but because this fandom has a habit of humanizing the most despicable male characters and villainizing the female.

Barty, the loyal follower of wizard-moustache man (of his own volition mind you; his parents were anti-voldy) who tortured fralice to insanity, bullied neville, and tried to have Harry killed is suddenly a fan-favourite who can do no wrong.

But Umbridge, the worst thing she did was be an asshole and abusive to her students (which is still extremely terrible, just not on the same level as genocide) is all of a sudden unforgivable and more hated than voldemort himself.

John is like the main guy from Yesterday, but instead of forgetting the Beatles everyone forgot catholicism and tumblr memes

things we know from the Humpty Dumpty rhyme:

- he fell from a wall

- the king sent an entire cavalry to his aid

- he could not be fixed

- the horses were trusted with trying to fix HD

things we can assume:

- HD ate a shit ton of apples prior since a grand total of zero doctors were called to help

- horses have sentience and intelligence in this world, as well as opposable thumbs

- HD is a prince, since he was so valuable to the king, but also had the leisure time to sit atop a great wall

things we can’t assume but we did anyway for some reason:

- HD is a giant talking egg

anti prongsfoot/lilypad/jilypad are actually missing out on some of the cutest ship names

lilypad is soooo adorable are u kidding

prongsfoot eats and its not even a stretch like quillkiller or nobleflower (not hating, those are my favs ships but if you arent in the know u would have no idea which characters theyre referring to)

Do not pity the dead Harry, pity the living, and above all, pity those who believe that Sirius Black was short, stupid, overly dramatic, obsessed with his looks, weepy, couldn't perform regular functions without help, and needed to be protected by his boyfriend

My take on the Marauders

I'm a Marauders era fan. MY take on what it should be

Sirius Black- is the tallest (Well over 6 foot), maybe one or two tattoos, black hair above his shoulders, doesn't simp over Remus and can easily do anything without him, one of the smartest in the school, hell of a dark humor, dark looks, VERY popular, has many flaws, but is still the best, prefers James over anyone, one of the hottest in the school, reckless

James Potter- not as tall as over 6 foot, like 5,10 or 5,11 (Like Harry), one of the smartest in the school, popular, not constantly asking Lily out or assaulting her

Remus Lupin- quiet, coward, tries to keep to himself, good at quidditch, but doesn't play, isn't the school's Casanova, not the hottest guy, a bit below average or such, not over 6 foot, not the smartest in the school (Like average or just above), doesn't swear like a sailor, doesn't have anger issues, isn't an asshole, not a tattoo type of guy

Peter Pettigrew- most likely more popular than Remus, is included, not hated by his friends, not a bitch to his friends, doesn't act like his adult self

Lily Evans- isn't Hermione 2.0, she does swear occasionally, is able to beat someone's ass, rightfully hates Snape and the other Slytherins or blood supremacists, strong, smart (Not as much as James and Sirius though

Regulus Black- not a twink, isn't a crybaby who constantly cries about Sirius (They probably threaten each other and use death threats until Pandora and James are like 'Oi, wtf'), tall, not as much as Sirius, but probably James' height and maybe taller

Walburga Black- doesn't use unforgivable curses on her kids, doesn't physically abuse them. I hope you guys know that emotion abuse exists. DOES spoil her kids, puts expectations on them, but does praise them about being the Black heir, she's the reason they're so bloody hot

The others aren't so bad (But they still have bad characterization)

The Slytherins are not softies. It was the 70's, LGBT wasn't s respected, though there could be a few gay kisses and other stuff. They don't have so many tattoos that it covers their whole body, there's nothing wrong with that, it's just that there's pure bloods and they're still in Hogwarts. Sirius is TALL. He has dark humor, is capable of doing stuff himself, did NOT regret the prank.

The Prank- Sirius openly said (And to Remus) that Snape got what was coming to him for the prank, I bet there wasn't a whole angst thing where they ignored Sirius. James would NEVER do that. Remus was a coward; he probably forgave Sirius very easily (Though he couldn't trust him), they probably laughed about it in the dorms.

Wolfstar- It's one of the biggest ships. I don't ship it or see the appeal. Though I'm not going to hate or tell anyone to stop, but there's so much evidence that Remus and Sirius were toxic to each other (I'm going to say it all in a different post). Sirius and Remus can live without each other perfectly fine. It was James that Sirius couldn't live without. Though you guys can ship whatever you want (But please no pro-ships), but also. ATYD is NOT canon. The writing is brilliant, it must've taken a god long time, it's great. BUT. The characterization is completely off, the girls are barely there, even Snape is wrong (Still hate his guts though).

Also, I know SOME fans are going to come to my house with pitch forks. THOSE FANS, you can come and suck my nonexistent DIC- (I'm a woman). ALSO, I'm not homophobic for saying stuff about gay not being as active in the marauder's era, there were probably SOME, but I'm lesbian, so I can't be homophobic. And to THOSE fans, I know it's not real, but I don't have a life, and I like being a part of the marauder's era, but it's the characterization

Also, everyone says "Canon? What's canon", but the only reason the marauders era exists is because of canon. It's like me making Sirius a blonde, and I go "Canon? Never heard of her"