Bro Why Is There Naked Ladies Following Me Tf

Humans are weird

Hey there demons, it's ya Boi. I have no thoughts, head empty but that brings me to my point. How much of social media is just mindless thoughts? Like really why do we do this, do aliens do this? Just randomly talk about anything to complete strangers. Would they find it weird? Find out thoughts weird? Just imagine the senario, trying to show an alien your phone and then bringing up the topic of social media.

Alien: So you just say things and people listen?

Human: well yes but only certain things, like funny shit or fun ideas. No one likes to listen to the stupid things we read

Alien: then why read it if it's bad? Why not ignore it or not look?

Human: well some people just have the need to argue and we like to watch, it's funny to laugh at stupid people. But we mainly just look at cat videos, here look at this one-

Alien: You watch those willingly?! They are royalty where I am from!! You should pay money for this!!!

Human in a quiet voice:….. I fucking knew it.

I painted and drew shaggy with watercolour :)

I love watercolouring now

Humans Are Space Orcs: Vestigial Systems Edition

What if aliens don’t have the concept of vestigial systems? And so while they are a much, much older species and their bodies don’t really have cure-alls, when the problem solving thing kicks in, it pretty much just works.

Take the most obvious example for humans: appendixes. The prevailing theory is that it used to be important (like for digestion or immunity), but now we know it’s largely useless. So maybe a human has an appendicitis, they get taken to the med bay, the other humans are a little worried, but not overly so. Alien gets told about it and they flip.

“Human Barbara’s organ has exploded?!”

“Okay, not exactly exploded, but it got all swollen and filled with goo. So they’re taking it out.”

“Human Barbara is having an internal organ permanently removed?!”

“Dude, chill. This happens all the time, no biggie.”

“You are telling me that your internal organs will frequently, and without warning, cease to function entirely?”

“Well, it’s not really ‘cease to function’ per se, ‘cause the appendix doesn’t really do anything. I mean, some scientists think it might? Or like, it did a while ago? But not anymore. We don’t really know anything about it, it’s kinda there.”

“…you have an entire organ inside of your abdomen that simply has no purpose except to malfunction?”

“I mean, yeah, pretty much. It’s called appendicitis.”

“This specific condition happens on such a regular basis that you have a name for it?!”

And maybe even weirder, it’s not just physical stuff. Our social-emotional makeup flaws are responsible for a huge part of humanity’s problems. Our pack-bonding instincts manifest in tons of negative ways, like our nasty habit of “us verses them” conflicts. The fact that we define entire cultures and lifetimes by our dissimilarities is whack.

“Human Bob, I have just heard mention of something called ‘The Crusades.’ What is that?”

“Oh, they were these huge wars that happened during the Middle Ages. Basically it was Muslims and Christians fighting each other for, like, two hundred years over some land that was considered holy.”

“Two groups of humans systematically slaughtered each other for roughly eight generations? Why did they not just share the land?”

“They didn’t want to.”

“I do not understand. Why did they not wish to share?”

“It’s sort of a territorial thing. We don’t like other people near what’s ours. It’s how we survived when we were a developing species, by making groups and fighting off outsiders. That’s why a crew has to do a test run before they get sent out to space. When we first started sending out explorers, we didn’t do that, so lots of missions went to shit because crew members couldn’t handle living together and, in a couple of cases, ended up murdering each other. Pretty bad for PR back then.”

“Humans will become violent if someone they are not pack-bonded with comes near them?”

“Not even near. A lot of colonisation and wars happened because one group didn’t agree with another, so they went out and killed them all.”

“What?!”

“Yeah. Pack-bonding is super super important to us. Human infants will actually die if they don’t get enough physical affection.”

“What?!”

“Uh-huh. Remember when Brian and Steve weren’t talking to each other for a week because Brian’s favourite sports team lost to Steve’s? We don’t even have to belong to a group to get crazy about it.”

“…I must go update the Human Interactions Manual.”

If this post gets 100 notes i will tell my crush i love her

What content do you guys want me to have?

I want to post about astronomy and theories, as well with the stories about humans and aliens meeting

Should i also talk about universes and planets?

10 or 11 little ducks have been spotted crossing the dash board

Sixth Fucking Sense Apparently

So humans have a funky little sixth sense for when someone/thing is looking at us and honestly wtf.

So an alien spy is trying to get human info getting progressively more concerned when the human they're tailing keeps looking around and acting like they know the alien is there. Maybe it's an alien species renowned for stealth and no other sentient in the galaxy had ever been able to spot them so at this point they're double checking themselves and going insane.

At this point the human's figured shit out and so they lead the alien into a trap much to Sneaky McSneakfuck's dismay and confusion.

So eventually humans hold a press conference about the whole stalker and the galactic federation or whatever it would be called is like:

GF: How in the dick shitting fuck did you know they were there??

Human: felt them watching me.

Gf: felt them fucking What.

Alien crewmate: Everyone thinks you guys are so cute, but they forget you're venomous. Humans are something else.

Human: Fun fact we aren't technically venomous, we just have so much bacteria in our mouths that most human bites get infected.

Alien crewmate, horrified: I preferred when I thought you were venomous.

Humans are weird

Okay this is my contribution to humans are weird / earth is space australia. I haven’t seen this done yet, but let me know if someone has and feel free to add to this!!

What if alien species don’t need to blink?

There are many animals on earth that don’t blink (fish, snakes, other reptiles, etc) so it’s not unlikely that there are some aliens who don’t, and have other ways of preserving their eye health.

My pitch: What if a human is sent down with a crew to begin negotiations with a new alien species, and they don’t understand why the aliens get on High Alert every few minutes. Eventually, they learn that the aliens don’t need to blink, and, in fact, blinking is taken as a sign of attack (much like how smiling at a gorilla is a sign of aggression)

A picture of Tarantula Nebula, also called 30 Doradus. The picture got taken on 22. August 2007 (my birthday)