PREACH

It's crazy that we are the past, present, and future versions of ourselves.

Let's get rid of saying "ladies, gentlemen, and everything in-between" and bring in saying "ladies, theydees, and mateys"

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

I hate that my leg hairs hurt from wearing compression socks daily. Like, yes I put lotion on every night and yes I have days off, but can my pants just not tough my leg without feeling like I'm getting stabbed with safety pins??!?

The universe cursed me with being a hairy person with extra long legs and not energy to shave them.

Thanks but naw man, I'm good.

you should probably go to bed

The best scene in Moulin Rouge is Backstage Romance. I refuse to take criticism.

Why does God hate me?

Just had a nurse say she was living life on the edge by shopping in the Old Navy clearance section.

it sucks that you can only die once and its permanent.. imagine the kinda sex we could be innovating if that wasnt the case

I had a doctor tell me that my hip pain, visual blackouts, dizziness, fatigue, and all my other symptoms were just essential tremors.

Tell me your medical gaslighting story.

I gave her a twist of my own!

she’d take you for a sushi date