Writing A Resume Be Like "i Promise I Don't Suck And I Am Capable Of The Stuff I Will Need To Do For

papers are hard.

seriously, it's not even a content issue anymore (i mean, we have those in spades, but that's not the point right now—)

how acknowlegements???? like??? titles??? full names??? what if they're a child, because you're also a child trying to publish something? what do you do then? if someone has a doctorate but did less do you put them first or last in that acknowledgement category??? what???

so. geoengineering. seems pretty fricking cool, right?

and like, in concept, yeah. no, Fe fertilization ain't gonna solve global warming, and it will probably have some wonky ass impacts on nearby marine life, and i wouldn’t recommend doing it, but it’s theoretically very cool! and it's so much more elegant that other CO2 reduction schemes.

buuuuut.

then, you get to other types of geoengineering. and it's like—

toss a bomb into the ocean!!!

froth the ocean.

shoot aerosols into the atmosphere.

put hydrofluorocarbons into the atmosphere.

yeet dry ice into the atmosphere to precipitate snow

like. sir. no?????

Caffeine does not dehydrate you quickly enough to cancel out the effects of the water content in coffee, soda, tea, etc. If you’re staring down deadly heat waves, please drink whatever you will drink the most of slowly–sipping often throughout the day is better than chugging a few glasses of water once you begin to feel thirst (a sign of dehydration). The only thing you should avoid is alcohol.

If you are going to give medical advice regarding high heat, please make sure that it is sound. It is dangerous to tell people to avoid certain liquids, especially liquids that are more likely to be sipped often throughout the day, especially because people in temperate climates who are getting tropical summer temperatures right now are not used to the fact that electrolyte loss from excessive sweating can be dangerous too. Water alone does not hydrate you. If you are drinking tons of plain water without eating anything with it, that is a recipe for electrolyte imbalances that can fuck you up big time. Guess what has water and sodium in it? Soda. Guess what has carbohydrates and proteins and calcium? Iced lattes. If you like water, that’s great! A lot of people do not like and will not drink water, or will chug water a few times a day while sodas and lattes and teas that could save their lives sit abandoned in the fridge because they’ve been convinced that it’s plain water or nothing. Don’t die for diet culture and debunked science. Drink your sodas, teas, coffees, milkshakes, slushies–whatever gets liquid into your body in sippable form, because your body can only process so much liquid at a time–chugging a bunch of water in the morning won’t help you by the afternoon, you’ve got to keep drinking. Also heat stroke can kill you. Heat stroke is a medical emergency. It’s not you being a baby or a wimp, it’s your internal body temperature getting high enough to cook enzymes in your body to the point that they melt out of shape and stop functioning. Heat stroke can kill you quickly, so don’t wait to call an ambulance if you think you or someone else have it. If you suspect heat stroke and you hesitate, you may watch someone die. I know people who have watched a young, healthy relative die of heatstroke while waiting for the ambulance to come, despite everyone involved being accustomed to the heat and having access to air conditioning. When you start to feel like the heat is getting to you, listen to your body and do not push yourself. Pushing yourself is how you die waiting for the ambulance to come.

Soda, tea, coffee, ice cream, and milk are all perfectly good at hydrating you. Please drink whatever you will put in a cup, carry around with you, and sip often throughout the day. Deadly heat waves are not the time to lie to yourself about what liquids you like to put in your body. Deadly heat waves are the time to put those liquids in your body frequently in small sips throughout the day.

and this, kids, is why we don't write essays while consistently sleep deprived.

"Implicit in this argument about scientific truth is that scientific truth is predicated on conflict between multiple different theories, and approaches scientific truth as an absolute that can only be approached asymptotically through empiricism, a decidedly modern and western conception."

(my dear friend proof reading this) "bro u say 'scientific truth' three times in this sentence."

…and that’s ignoring the “multiple different theories” and all the other BS happening here….

i- it has come to my attention that some of the journal articles i am citing, for a school paper, sound like tabloids???

examples:

How Enigmatic is Hans Christian Andersen?

Seeing Andersen as He Isn’t

Like bro?

google's auto responses are killing me..

my friend (the sweetest angel who looked over my paper for me) has highlighted the work "Lamarckian," asking "what does this mean?"

google's auto responses?

"i don't know" and "sorry."

"what is this?" "i don't know. i wrote this paper. but i just... don't know."

alternatively.

"what is this" "sorry." no context. just sorry.

the HOYO artificial upwelling project in japan...

such a rip to feed all the lil phytoplankton-ey bois all that phosphorous, nitrogen, calcium, and silicon to ultimately have growth limited by sunlight... like bruh...

i love describing acid base buffers as "they turn the extra pH-ey things into the less pH-ey things."

i love that when writing cover letters, i have to keep going back to my resume, going "wait, what skills do i have again? oh right, i can read that kind of graph. let's put that down."

"what skills do i have" is of course followed by "what job do you want me to do, exactly? oh, right. that, the one that matches my supposed skillset. right. that."

i love that when writing cover letters, i have to keep going back to my resume, going "wait, what skills do i have again? oh right, i can read that kind of graph. let's put that down."