...scientists Really Be Like "put Simply" And Then Follow It Up With The Most Incomprehensible, Jargon

i love describing acid base buffers as "they turn the extra pH-ey things into the less pH-ey things."

writing a resume be like "i promise i don't suck and i am capable of the stuff i will need to do for u. i'm not incompetent i swear" ｡◕‿‿◕｡

*waters plants, chugs three cups of oversweetened black tea, pulls up six half-read, poorly annotated papers, knits three rows of a frog stuffie, re-reads prompt and guidelines, tries to command f keywords in the paper, finds nothing, re-reads the abstract, realizes all the papers are useless, goes onto googles scholar and searches for the same keyword, finds new papers, reads abstract and intro, finds something super interesting, reads discussion and realizes the methods for this study were slightly different than what you were expecting, has an existential crisis, wonders why tf they're doing genomics when they're interested in hydrocarbons, sheds one tear, shrugs, types furiously and writes it up anyway with a quick sentence explaining that it's slightly different but still relevant, cries, does citations and slams computer shut, stares at the clock which has somehow gone from 11AM to 6PM in the blink of an eye, and proceeds to not sleep for another ten hours*

"yEaH, i'M a ScIenTiSt."

reading thomas nagel be like

"sir WHAT are your verbs and why.

why are you like this?"

"what skills do i have" is of course followed by "what job do you want me to do, exactly? oh, right. that, the one that matches my supposed skillset. right. that."

i love that when writing cover letters, i have to keep going back to my resume, going "wait, what skills do i have again? oh right, i can read that kind of graph. let's put that down."

me talking about my research project to non-science folks: yeah, so i'm using bacteria to get rid of oil.

me talking about my research project to science folks/writing about it: i'm investigating how the pH of the solution marine bacteria are cultured in affects their ability to degrade hydrocarbons.

me talking about research in my head: how make bacteria bois the best souuuuuuup? do they like sour soup or no sour soup?

delighted to be back in my happy place of bacteria, and not in the utterly horrifyingly confusing world of genomics.

...that said, i seem to have cornered myself into a deadline again, so here goes at least another three cups of tea.

i love that when writing cover letters, i have to keep going back to my resume, going "wait, what skills do i have again? oh right, i can read that kind of graph. let's put that down."

i- it has come to my attention that some of the journal articles i am citing, for a school paper, sound like tabloids???

examples:

How Enigmatic is Hans Christian Andersen?

Seeing Andersen as He Isn’t

Like bro?

geoengineering be like:

no one:

absolutely no one:

some random scientist named dr evil: y'know what sounds like a really good idea? froth the fucking ocean, make meringue earth using CO2.

part of the scientific community: huh... y'know, what if we just... tossed a bomb? but like, into the ocean. in the middle of a hurricane. cuz. that works. 100%

another equally ridiculous part of the scientific community that is like 100% white military men: ...okay, but what if we put frickin hydrofluorocarbons into the atmosphere. yes, it will cause warming. we know. we just wanna. play god.