THE SIGNS AS TITANS

The Signs As Thoughts During School

Aries: If this bitch doesn't shut the fuck up this whole classroom is going to feel my wrath

Taurus: I wonder if I could sue the school for trying to poison me with this cardboard pizza

Gemini: I wonder when my teacher lost their virginity

Cancer: Whoever invented school needs a high five in the face with a fucking brick

Leo: I could just get up and leave right now, no one can stop me why the fuck am i still here?!?!

Virgo: There's only (random number) days left until summer

Libra: I can't wait to graduate so i never have to deal with these dumb fucks ever again

Scorpio: Fuck this shit i'm gonna be famous anyway

Sagittarius: Oh my god who the hell cares

Capricorn: I'm surrounded by idiots

Aquarius: How much trouble would i get in if i slapped a bitch? Probably a lot, but it's worth it.

Pisces: Do girls really think that wearing three pounds of makeup makes them look attractive? Or are they just going for the look that matches their personality

The Signs as Flowers

Aries: Asiatic Lily - fierce

Taurus: Orchid - wise

Gemini: Tulip - youthful

Cancer: Forget-Me-Not - gentle

Leo: Daffodil - exciting

Virgo: Queen Anne’s Lace - influential

Libra: Daisy - easygoing 

Scorpio: Iris - mysterious 

Sagittarius: Hyacinth - outgoing 

Capricorn: Gardenia - faithful

Aquarius: Amaryllis - sensitive

Pisces: Red rose - elegant

THE SIGNS AS DRAGONS

Aries: Black dragon that is obsessed with death and destruction, quick to anger. Active mostly at night, has poison breath and usually lives in swamp areas. Has slimy scales and appears skeletal and corpse like. A sign of death and appears when a sick person is about to pass.

Taurus: Pale yellow dragon. Herbivore, but will not hesitate to kill an evil human. They are the primary protector of women and children. Can be the size of a Golden Retriever, are useful in the household and are peaceful. Breathes a universal medicine that smells like lemons and loves people and shiny objects.

Gemini: Green forest dragon. Highly intelligent dragon, can communicate with humans. Similar to the snake in Garden of Eden, it is cunning and malevolent. Breathes chlorine gas and has horns atop his head to be able to disguise themselves.

Cancer: Silver dragon. The most sensitive dragon and the savior of the wounded, homeless, and helpless. They have mercury blood and breath, making it poisonous to inhale and touch, but their scales are often used in healing creams that they create.

Leo: Holographic dragon that is blinding to the eye, this is their primary defensive trait. They spend lots of time luxuriating on their own and live with a few others of their kind. Known for attacking other dragons and has arsenic laced breath.

Virgo: White snow dragon. Intelligent but hermit dragon, very afraid of human. Has frostbite breath. Blends in with snow and preys on larger mammals and lone humans. Dislikes include sunlight. Their scales are water repellant.

Libra: Bronze dragons. Obsessed with humans and their culture. Lives close to the ocean and has extremely hot, lava like breath. Known for killing tyrants and criminals, similar to the Blue Dragon. Has a human-like sense of good and evil.

Scorpio: Purple exotic dragon. First bred in Asia, these dragons are the most mysterious. Scales regularly shed and are used in making perfumes and sex oils. Breathes a sedative gas to knock out people, then torture and eat them. They are beautiful, but if you see them, you will be dead very soon.

Sagittarius: Gold dragons. Lives in villages and is a defender of the common good. Has been known to eat criminals or bad town leaders. Sometimes leaves villages to go on quests to help others. Has catfish whiskers and each of their scales is worth millions of dollars. Breathes blue fire.

Capricorn: Red dragon that guards jewelry, gold, and other precious gems. Carnivorous and has a forked, long tongue like a snake. Found by volcanoes and medieval castles. Villages sacrifice young virgins to them. Breathes fire. Can be ridden into battle by someone worthy.

Aquarius: Blue desert dragon. Tends to attack humans that are greedy, vain, or have committed a heinous crime. Causes sandstorms by flapping their enormous wings. Breathes fire and dust particles. Although it lives in the desert, it spends its time admiring its reflection at an oasis.

Pisces: Water, shapeshifting dragon. Can be as long as 100 meters, or as small as a nurse shark as needed. Spends lots of time lurking on the ocean floor and admiring the way the water catches the sunlight. Breathes boiling water and scales are freezing to the touch. Peaceful, eats mostly krill. Responsible for the foam that is often found on shorelines.

The Signs as Mermaids

Aries:Born in an underwater volcano, their scales are made of freshly formed stone, their heated bodies glowing a brilliant red and orange. The fastest swimmers, and some say the oldest lineage of mer. They have no natural enemy, as nothing can bare the heat of its touch. When too many gather in one place, the water may boil and kill any living creature too close. Taurus:Guardians of the strait, their bodies decorated with tribal tattoos and scars. Some bare spears and brilliant gold armor, others wielding nets and dawning decorative gems and shells. The strongest of the mer, no man has ever passed their lands to learn their secrets. Gemini:When the sky over the sea turns black and the storms take ships by surprise, these mer rise. The tricksters and shapeshifters, they thrive in the chaos. They board the confused ship, throwing over and assuming the forms of shipmates. From there they slowly overthrow from the inside, until they can crash the ship itself into to sea for the mer to reap their rewards. Cancer:The rarest and most beautiful of the mer. Hiding in springs and rivers nestled deep in the mountains, they live their lives as one with nature. They teach the birds their songs, and bring fish for the bear and deer. They help the beavers build their dams and show lost turtles the way. On the full moon they must hide, for man seeks them for their own selfish gain. Leo:These mer are known for their hunting prowess. Living in saltwater and decorated in bright vivid greens, blues and purples, they dominate entire lagoons and coasts. When they are full from the hunt, they lay their bodies out on the rocks and bathe in the sun. By nightfall, they are glowing and can light up the murkiest parts of the water to find their prey. Virgo:In unsuspecting ponds across the world, a fisherman may meet his brutal end at the hands of these mer. Rich brown, thin and boney, their bodies are perfect creating elaborate underground tunnels and rooms. They eat their prey, and take their treasures back to their secret lairs. Here they trade and barter with one another in one large room. Lore says this is the world’s oldest market place. Their unspoken diplomacy is unexplained. Libra:Living by a tall sharp cliff nested full of harpies, these mer have developed a symbiotic relationship. Storms bring ships off the sea, where the harpies kill the crews leaving the ships to crash into the rocks and sinking. These mer seize this chance and collect every jewel and gold they can find. They construct elaborate jewelry, crowns, spears, and more. Once a year they gift beautiful pendants to their partners in the sky. Scorpio:Baring a striking resemblance to a shark with long pointed fins and sharp sandpaper like skin, this mer lurks in dark lagoons and swamps. They have a reputation as ‘evil’ and were once almost hunted into extinction. Ever since they have lived solitary lives in the waters man dare not tread. In all reality, they are herbivores, and pose no threat to man or beast. Contrary, they will do anything they can to save a lost or wounded soul. Sagittarius:Every year thousands of humans gather to watch the mass migration of mer up the rivers of South America. Their scales are a radiant Grey that reflects the rainbow in the light. The light show that they create as they jump hundreds of feet to scale waterfalls is an equal match to the aurora borialis. Once they reach their goal, they find their mates for the first time, hand in hand one week later they dive off the falls back into the sea. Capricorn:Deep in a trench lies a civilization of the most technologically advanced mer to ever live. While man was discovering fire, they were cresting technology to leave the ocean and fly through the skies in water filled disc ships. They have no need to leave, they as a race have reached a point of enlightenment. Fitting for their gold scales and glowing white eyes. Sightings of these mer are often equated with meeting a God. Aquarius:Sewer mer are the most unique of the species. They have no eyes, instead they navigate with echo location making clicking noises. Their skin can blend into its surroundings, so they can catch humans unsuspectingly passing by. As evolution has taken its course, they have gained an immunity to disease, poison, and a skin impenetrable by most mortal means. They will not always live in the dark and dank, the future will be theirs, and man will fall to their power. All in due time. Pisces:The most well known mer are the oasis born. Why? Long ago, a prince found himself lost in the desert, he and his two men pulling a giant box of gold. With their mortality in front of them, an oasis appeared on the horizon as if a gift from the heavens. Perched on a rock in the very center, braiding her hair and humming to herself sat the most beautiful half woman half fish. This was the first time one of his people had seen any mer. He asked her to come back with him, pouring all his gold into the oasis and filling it with water so she could make the journey home with her guidance. She agreed. He died the first night they were wed, and so did his father both of a mysterious disease. She ruled the land with a fair but iron fist for 146 years until she once day dissappeared, some say to return to her gold filled oasis.

THE SIGNS AS GREEK GODS

Aries: Ares, God of War and Chaos

Taurus: Dionysus, God of Pleasure and Wine

Gemini: Hermes, God of Communication

Cancer: Eros, God of Love and Sex

Leo: Zeus, God of Lightning and the Heavens

Virgo: Attis, God of Rebirth

Libra: Chronos, God of Time

Scorpio: Hades, God of the Underworld

Sagittarius: Hephaestus, God of Weapons and Fire

Capricorn: Kratos, God of Strength and Power

Aquarius: Morpheus, God of Dreams and Sleep

Pisces: Poseidon, God of the Oceans

THE SIGNS AS THE 7 DEMON PRINCES OF HELL

Lucifer (pride) - Leo, Aquarius

Beelzebub (envy) - Gemini, Virgo

Sathanus (wrath) - Aries, Sagittarius

Abaddon (sloth) - Pisces

Mammon (greed) - Capricorn

Belphegor (gluttony) - Taurus, Cancer

Asmodeus (lust) - Libra, Scorpio

GODS VS TITANS

Gods: Gemini, Cancer, Virgo, Libra, Sagittarius, Pisces

Titans: Aries, Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Capricorn, Aquarius

The Signs Expecting A New Baby

Aries: *rubs hands manically* “Yesss, a new devil spawn had been born >:)”

Taurus: *is genuinely excited* Gemini: “oh yay!^_^ I’m gonna take it scuba diving”

Cancer: *hates it at first and then loves it 5 minutes later*

Leo: “No I WAS THE ONLY CHILD!……..You little bitch”

Virgo: *teaching it to talk at 7 weeks old* “Fucking say it: Iridocyclitis”

Libra: “Awe, I’m gonna share all my clothes and all that other shit with it!”

Scorpio: “GREAT, another asshole in the family”

Sagittarius: “God DAMMIY DAD WRAP IT UP”

Capricorn: “Here’s the deal: I’ll love it until it begins to talk. After that, DITCH IT”

Aquarius: “ugh ok”

Pisces: *is the new baby; fuckin adorable*

The Signs as Mermaids

aries: the mermaid with fiery red hair and a tail to match. she lays out on hot rocks in the middle of the sea, basking in the sun, tanning her skin and luring sailors to crash against the stones with coy smiles and a glint in her eye. 

taurus: the mermaid with a mane of golden hair, and a tail to match, a long neck and strong shoulders. only her voice is more stunning than her beauty, and she’s often adorned with pearls and jewels of all kinds. 

gemini: the most curious of all the mermaids. she has a tail of dark green and shimmering yellow. she loves to explore the reefs, but swims out farther than she should because she wants to see what’s out there, and goes too close to the shore because she wants to see the humans. 

cancer: the mermaid with soft, smooth skin and a pale pink tail. her eyes are always expressive—sometimes they are alight with happiness, and sometimes they burn with anger. she loves all creatures, but it’s the humans that catch her eye. she can’t help falling in love with them from afar. 

leo: the mermaid with a tail of cobalt blue, her body adorned with gold jewelry, precious stones and pearls. she is the fastest swimmer, and loves to glide across the waves, letting the current pull her, laughter bubbling at her lips and a smile in her eyes. 

virgo: a more reserved mermaid, with a tail of sparkling silver. she has spiky black hair, and skin that is paler than usual, for she spends her time exploring the caves deep below rather than the beaches above. 

libra: a regal mermaid with beauty unmatched, long, luxurious hair, and a tail of magenta and red. she is sassy and charming, sometimes sultry, but also very sweet, and always kind to those in need. 

scorpio: the mermaid with a tail of deep purple and ebony, she has piercing violet eyes and hair of midnight black. she is quiet, sultry, and intuitive, and her nails and teeth are sharp, always ready for a hunt. she is the one to brave to the storms and the rocky, wild ocean while others go off and hide. 

sagittarius: an exotic mermaid, with a tail the color of sunsets and eyes that shine like one. she has travelled far and wide, collecting artifacts and jewelry from across the world. she never stays in one place too long, but she is kind to those she meets and always has wonderful stories to tell. 

capricorn: the mermaid with a tail of deep blue, high cheekbones and a jawline like a knife. there’s always a glint in her eye, like she knows something you don’t. she is regal and independent, and doesn’t worry herself with such frivolous things as humans, but rather such frivolous things as emeralds and pearls. 

aquarius: the mermaid with flowing hair and tail of teal green and aquamarine blue. her eyes are piercing, sparkling, so intense you have to look away. she swims about the reefs, splashing in the waves and basking in the sun. she is the only one who dares to go against the currents. 

pisces: the mermaid with a tail of pale purple that sparkles silver in the moonlight. she is sweet and dreamy, letting the current pull her to and fro, making friends with all the sea creatures she meets. she loves to stay up and stargaze late at night, unafraid of the dark and wild ocean that surrounds her.

The Signs As Monsters

Aries: Fast and deadly. They blend into the forest. Will kill you without making a sound. You won't see them until it's too late.

Taurus: Eyes like steel. Spikes stick out from their shoulders. They have a growl that makes your bones vibrate. You hear it before you see it.

Gemini: Red eyes and black feathers. They come come down from the sky in flocks and carry victims away in their claws. They hunt at twilight.

Cancer: They look like beautiful people, but their nails are too sharp and their hair is long and wild. They lure people to their deaths with their attractiveness and sweet voices.

Leo: Giant beasts that tower over the trees. Bright scales and rows of teeth. They have a ferocious roar that shakes the ground. They enjoy stepping on people but are careful to not hurt other monsters.

Virgo: Small but clever. With large violet eyes and grey fur. They will snuggle into your arms and then scratch and slice you with their claws. They always win.

Libra: Slithers in trees with glistening scales. They strangle passing humans and eat them whole.

Scorpio: Very very fast. You only see a passing shadow. If you feel a sharp pinch then you're already doomed. It only takes a few moments for the poison to set in.

Sagittarius: Bright eyes and gorgeous teeth. They float behind you and sing lullabies in a strange language until you fall asleep. You'll never wake up.

Capricorn: They decorate the forest with exotic flowers and grow vines from their tail. It will come at you from behind as you admire their work.

Aquarius: They look like humans with extra limbs. Too many arms and legs. Five eyes and no nose. Yet they move beautifully and aren't actually dangerous. People just fear them because they do not understand them.

Pisces: They move in packs and hiss at the moon. They have bright blue eyes and silver fur. They come at you from all directions.